Longtime lurker here...I need some advice, and I'd like to ask some complete strangers to see if you can come up with more pros/cons than I have. Here goes...
My husband and I currently own a SFH, 3 bedrooms, 2 1/2 baths, 1500 square feet with garage. We're in the middle of a cul-de-sac so we have a little bit of a front yard, but it pans out in the back. We bought ten years ago, thinking that by now we'd have children and eventually grow into the space. Well, we aren't able to have children. We've paid off the mortgage. And now we/I are/am in limbo as what to do next (which may be a whole other thread).
So, we've talked over the last few years about downsizing to a condo since we don't need all this space and stuff. We're pretty particular about what we want, so when something became available, we went and looked at it last week. The major downside is that there's no garage, and we've gotten quite spoiled with one. Another idea I keep throwing around is that I would feel like we're going backwards. The condo is 2 bedroom, 2 baths, and about 1100 square feet. I feel like our lifestyle could be somewhat improved in that we wouldn't have to worry about yard upkeep, we wouldn't have to worry about our house being empty if we left for vacation, BUT, the HOA fees would bother us. I know it pays for things, but still, just not something we're used to.
I am somewhat for this move. I keep talking myself into it and then out of it. A major reason for me is that I imagined our house to be filled with children. Our office would have been the nursery; the kids would have been out in the backyard playing, etc. That can't happen now, and I don't want to be reminded of that constantly, so I think maybe the condo would be a fresh start, as much as it could be.
My DH is hesitant about this. He doesn't like the fact that there's no garage, and the way the units are, ours wouldn't be facing the parking lot, so he wouldn't be able to look out the window at every noise he hears.
There's no real reason to move, or there's not a need to move, just a lot of pros/cons for either staying or moving. So, what does MM say? Help! Tell me what to do!
Update: we've decided not to pursue this condo. We'll keep on looking for something that fits all our needs so we won't have to settle for less than best! Thanks for your help and kind encouragement!
I'd recommend keep looking and in the meantime start getting rid of stuff (read The Joy of Tidying)
You mentioned feeling like it's going backwards -- I see it as a step forwards. There may be other ways to star fresh at your current place too but I feel like I'd be overstepping to address that.
Re: stuff: this may sound like a contradiction, but we have stuff, but we don't really have clutter. We like clean lines and having everything in its proper space. (My DH is Monk, if that helps). We have a yard sale every year and we go through our house and get rid of lots.
We actually did just re-do our office to make it more of an office instead of a possible transition room. And we updated our second bath with paint and new decor. Those things have definitely helped in regards to "moving on" but anyone who's ever dealt with infertility can attest to that there's always something missing... And I understand that it may always be like that.
I would probably like a garage too, but otherwise I think your condo sounds good. I am actually 90% sure that I will buy a condo next for some of the reasons you list, including the fact that we just don't need that much space for 2 people.
Would you be able to pay cash for the condo? Or is an upgrade in cost too? That would be my main hesitation, going from a paid off house to something you had to pay each month. And no garage forever isn't my top choice, though I'll say that I currently don't have a garage and it's been totally fine. I have remote start for super cold days and otherwise it just means washing it a bit more frequently. That wouldn't probably appeal much if you have a fancy car I guess.
IDK. If you are ok with waiting a bit I'd maybe wait until you find the PERFECT thing. But it sounds like inventory is low on what you're looking for and I'm slightly doubtful that any home will be able to meet 100% of any person's needs.
We are also child free not by choice. ((Hugs)) I get wanting to move somewhere that feels a little less kid focused, but I don't think that this place sounds right for you. I would keep looking. Having lived in a condo, I am not a fan. (Shhh--don't tell anyone. I am a real estate agent and sell them all the time). They can be much noisier than a sfh. Also, you end up having a lack of control over projects and management of the building. Is there something in between where you live? Maybe a row house or a fee simple town house?
We would need to get a mortgage for the condo, and a loan to do some fixing up, kitchen and floors, but once we moved, we would sell our house which would pay off the mortgage and loan, with some hefty cash leftover (around 20,000). So, once that would be done, our only extra "spending" would be the HOA fees, which by the time you discount insurance, etc., it would be negligible.
Yes, inventory is low, and by way of talking myself out of it, it would be nice to wait for the PERFECT thing, but also knowing there are a lot of submissions when it comes to real estate.
I also think that we'll never know if we never try. I don't want to say no, and then always wonder if we should've done it. I feel like we'll sort of regret it if we don't do it, but then not knowing the future, we may wish we hadn't done it either. :? Make sense?
Our ideal would probably be a condo/townhome that has a garage, but only one story. I'm familiar with only two areas in my town that qualify that is also within our budget. And I haven't seen any of them for sale in a while...
Thanks for all your thoughts! It really does help!
I'm really sorry aboutwhat you're going through [[hugs]]
I live in an apartment, but in an area where all but the ridiculously, ridiculously wealthy live in apartments, so it is a bit different. There is no stigma here about living in a multi-family home, and it isn't seen as a step back. Also, we would never be looking at the resale issues that some people I know who have owned suburban condos/townhomes have had. So my answer ignores all that...
We live in a 1br (plus officeish loft)/2br 1100 square foot home and love it. It is just my husband, 2 cats, and me and we have way more than enough space for everyone. If we moved, it wouldn't be to find a bigger space -- the only thing that would be nice to improve upon space-wise is to have a second bedroom for the 2 nights a year when we have overnight guests.
But not all spaces are created equal. We have three friends with 2br/2ba apartments that are very close to the same square footage as ours. One has a great floorplan and the apartment feels spacious (though not as spacious as ours); the other two are laid out very differently (more hallways to get around, less openness) and they feel tiny to me compared to our apartment. Our apartment is basically all living room/kitchen, with a pretty small bedroom, pretty small office, and small bathrooms and that's great for me because the very open main room makes it feel like a really big apartment even though it isn't. And that's where we spend 90% of our at home waking hours anyway.
One thing I will say -- if you're living in a smaller space, closets are SUPER important. Make sure that there are a lot of them and that they're well laid out. Also, a condo might not be ideal if either of you ever wants to work from home on an ongoing basis (I'd feel cooped up if I spent all day every day in a 20-foot radius).
Not having to take care of a yard is HEAVENLY. If your complex will have amenities like a pool (that is maintained for you) and other open space (that is maintained for you), even better!
Not facing a parking lot sounds like a big plus to me but to each his own?
Post by wanderlustmom on Sept 3, 2015 15:02:15 GMT -5
I am also so sorry you are going through this. I agree with others, your tone sounds like a move would be great but you haven't found your ideal yet. I would look and only move when you are super excited. You've made such great financial decisions so you are in the drivers seat.
I would stay put as you really are not giving reasons to move that IMO make it worth it.
1500 is not huge --- bedroom 1 - yours, bedroom 2 - guest bedroom, bedroom 3 (office, or craft or exercise room)
You might want to think about redecorating - new paint, rearrange furniture, add a few new pieces, new draperies --- that would give it a "new" feel.
Have you considered adoption? Have you considered adding children into your life by volunteering with children in some manner in your community? (Coaching a sport, Big Brothers/Big Sisters, church - Sunday School)
I'd downsize, but I'd find a better fit. Underground parking, at a minimum. DH's grandparents live in a condo that includes underground parking and a storage locker in the basement.
It sounds like your expenses would go up to make your life easier in the condo, so I'd just spend that money on the house. I'd get a lawn person and find a good person to check on your house while you are traveling. I'd also keep looking for the place that better meets your needs.
I voted for staying in the house, but primarily in *this* case because it doesn't sound like this condo is just what you both want. If you find something that better suits your needs, then moving sounds reasonable.
Post by imojoebunny on Sept 3, 2015 19:22:55 GMT -5
If DH and I didn't have kids, we would still live in a single family home (we waited a long time to have kids, so actually lived in places we know would be great for us). We both dislike sharing walls with neighbors. Now, the single family house we would live in is in an entirely different neighborhood, smaller., less expensive, so we could travel more, and spend more going out, and enjoying life. The neighborhoods where we would likely choose to live have not great schools, so are not very family oriented, but have great restaurants, and fun amenities. I could see living in a condo in a more fun neighborhood though, if you would be comfortable with sharing walls, we just are not, and we want a yard. We own a duplex in a nice part of town we lived in in our thirties. That might be an option to look into. We rented out the other half, which made our payment low, but we still had a yard, great location, and the appreciation has been significantly better than a condo. Of course, you might not like being landlords, but we found it easy and because we had a lower payment, we could afford to hire out repairs.
Post by crashgizmo on Sept 3, 2015 19:41:30 GMT -5
I'll chime in here too. DH and I are CFBC and live in a SFH, even in a HCOL area. It was important for us, for our dog, and just to have an outdoor space.
However, I fully understand the idea of not wanting the reminder of what you wanted that house to be. This isn't exactly the same, but my exH and I built a house together. A year later, we divorced and I had a hard time living in that house because of what it represented. So I think if you want to move for that reason, you definitely should.
I would not move for this condo at this time. I think you and your H need to figure out what are going to be some thigs that guide your life and then make a choice in living space that supports your goals. For example, my SIL is child free by choice, and she and her husband have a huge passion for animals. They want to have a huge farmhouse home to accommodate them. I think many people who are child free for many reasons focus on travel or house renovations and entertaining in a well cared for space. I'm sure there are many other passions to organize your life around. I don't know anything about your infertility journey, but some do devote their lives to finding a way to make adoption or other child involvement work. I'm sure yiuve thought extensively about this last one. But before you make a big step like giving up a single family home make sure you know what you're aiming for. Don't accodentally punish yourselves further for your infertility by moving to a less desireable space.
DH and I don't and won't have kids, not by choice and I can't imagine going back to a condo/apt type situation. I love my space (as I sit here in my dedicated office/craft space) and the quiet of our neighborhood. As I get older, I have so much less tolerance for other people and their crap (noise, etc.). So living in closer quarters sounds like hell. Plus I like puttering in the garden and having a decent yard for the dogs.
Post by ellipses84 on Sept 3, 2015 23:37:54 GMT -5
I would focus on the type of neighborhood that will suit the lifestyle you want to have. In the past year we went from a SFH to an apartment to a townhome due to job relocation. In the SFH with a huge yard we realized we are not the type of people who ever want to spend our weekends doing yard work. The apartment was a little cramped with no garage and dealing with shared parking sucked. I love living in our townhome. It's the best of both worlds. We have a garage and a private patio where we can barbecue, community pools, security guard who accepts package deliveries, no yard work, etc. If it was in a more walkable neighborhood with restaurants I liked I would stay here forever. It's in a residential area of the city and it's a close commute to downtown. We have very soundproof walls and rarely hear our neighbors.
Ah, yes, thanks for bringing this to my attention. Hadn't thought of this - said no infertile ever
Thanks everyone for your insights. We've got lots to think about and discuss still.
Because I've got an extra 40k in my back pocket after the 30k I've just spent on IF. (Sorry had to comment) so many ((hugs)) same boat as you. It sucks walking by the rooms that should have been filled differently. I would wait and find a condo that you both will enjoy.
First off, I'm so sorry you've had to go through the pain of infertility. We also bought our house for children and being in it during IF was incredibly hard. I don't see that you love your house so I could see a benefit to moving to another place, but I hope you find one that you love. I'm not sure where you live, but is there an area of the city with small SFH on very tiny lots?
So many hugs. I have thought a lot about what we will do with the house if we continue to have trouble conceiving a take home baby.
I would not get the condo without the garage. I would keep looking for something that is a better fit. You could just move to another house that you know won't have kids in it and maybe a different layout. I would keep your options open.
I would keep looking. I think moving is a good option for you, but this condo isn't the right one. I'm CFNBC, but divorced now, and I understand the rooms the should have been.
Fertility issues suck. I'm sorry that you have that battle.
I'd probably do one of 2 things: 1) stay where you are (congratulations on a paid off house!!!), and invest some cash in doing any awesome updates you want, and outsourcing the yard work since that seems like a PITA for you. 2) look for something that works better for you. You've got the luxury of being able to continue looking for something great. The current option doesn't seem like it fits the bill.
I love the idea of downsizing to a condo and mention it often to H who isn't willing to get on board with it. In your situation I would keep the option open and look casually. If/when something comes along that's perfect, go for it but don't rush it or feel pressure to find the perfect place now.
Also before you make any decisions have an heart to heart with H about any other options you may have. Would you be willing to adopt/foster in the future? If there the possibility of something like that happening you might want to hold off on making a decision to sell.