Does your child call the other woman...

[tiffany81]

Does your kid call the other woman "mom"? Apparently XH asked DS(5) to call his serious GF mom. According to DS, it was something about how they will be married and when that happens, she will be his mom. DS seems excited to have 2 moms and isn't phased. As far as I know XH hasn't proposed and they are not married.

TBH, I don't ever want him to call her mom. But is this rational? I want to call XH and establish some boundaries, but I don't want to cause issues if this is normal.

This part blows.

[cuddlyevil]

Unfortunately you can't really control what he calls her. But your xh can't really force it with ds either.

My kids call stbx's GF by her first name.

It's hard

[1confused1]

That would make me ragey, but I probably couldn't do anything about it.

[Deleted]

I think that's really weird. I mean if your kid just started to call her mom on his own, fine. But to be forced is weird.

However, I don't think there is anything you can or should do about it.

[tiffany81]

Okay. Thanks. I am happy DS likes her, and I don't want to make him unhappy. And he seems to like the idea of having a second mom. But she's not his mom!! Lol. I won't say anything.

[sweetchix]

Sept 12, 2015 20:25:17 GMT -5 whattheheck said:

My divorce decree prohibits us from allowing the kids to call anyone else mom or dad (or any other similar term).

I just checked, and mine does as well. It says "The parents shall see to it that the designations "mother" or "father", or their equivalents, shall always be used by the children to refer to the parents, and to no other persons". Although, what if DDs decided on their own to use those terms? It's not like I would whip out the papers and say "No, no DD1, calling her Mom is not allowed. See?". But I would probably try to encourage them to call him/her by their name instead.

[formerlyak]

My ds calls my husband and his dad's finance by their first names. We agreed early on that no one else would be "mom" or "dad".

[pinkdutchtulips]

i would be recoiling internally in horror !  imo its up to the kid what they want to call THAT person w/ some gentle guidance from the parent. if they (the kid) wants to call them mom/dad .. eh it would break my heart for the other parent but i'd figure out a way to deal. a parent telling a kid that you're going to call x woman 'mom' ... Nope ! that doesn't set well w/ me at all !

i've never called my stepmom 'mom' ... i was 20 when she married my dad, so i've always called her by her first name. same goes for my stepdad, i don't call him 'dad' either.

[tevagirl]

DD calls x's gf by get first name. It's not in my decree, but I made it clear to xh that I would not tolerate that and that I would not let her call anyone I date dad.

Xh recently moved to another state to be with the gf, so dd's time with them will be limited.

[Mrs.Rad888]

DD has never called anyone but XH and I Mom or Dad. She lives with XH and his STBXW, and has for 7 years. DD's stepmom has been a very good mom to her, and I would not be upset if she were to call her Mom, but neither of them want that. Even after XH and stepmom's divorce goes through, stepmom will still be stepmom, and I'm glad that DD has someone she can depend on.

[katieido]

This isn't a factor quite yet, but i would not be comfortable with it at all. This will be something that is brought up when I go to mediation this month. and in turn I would never ever dream of asking my daughter to call my new spouse "dad" either.

[brooke77]

I think you're rational and normal. FWIW, I knew my Stepmom since birth (dad cheated on mom when she was pregnant with me) and I always referred to her by first name or dad's wife. Never as "Mom". She tells people she's my mom and I HATE it.

Even if they do get married, couldn't there be another name?

[prettyinpearls]

DS was 8 months old when he moved out, and he immediately started dating his (now) wife. When I started dating my (now) husband, he called him by his first name. The same goes for XH's wife.

Shortly after H and I were married, DS started calling him dad on his own accord. There was a rough patch where XH flew off the handle about this, but I was following DS's lead. Fast forward to when XH got remarried and he would refer to his wife as "mom" to DS on the phone. I was NOT ok with that. If DS had started that on his own, NBD, but it felt like XH was forcing it on him since he never referred to her as mom when talking to us. The first time XH referred to me as "Amanda-mom" (my first name) to DS to clarify who he was talking about, I immediately let him know that's ok. Call us both mom or a version of mom, fine, but do NOT use my first name. Nope.

Anyway...DS is now almost 6 years old and calls both his step-dad and XH dad/daddy interchangeably and that's just how it is. He calls his step-mom by her first name, but I wonder if that'll change as his little sisters (6 month old twins) get older and are calling her mom.

Either way, I don't care. DS is old enough to know who his "real" mom and dad are and who his step-parents are, and all of our names. We're simply following his lead.

Sorry for the ramble!

[jojoandleo]

They aren't even married. What if they break up? How many women will your child end up calling mom? Is that healthy for your kid? If it's the kid's choice, well, unless married, I still feel like the GF/BF should be given a different name.

I think I would talk to my ex just to be on the same page, but it can't be accusatory. Just like "hey I heard you told (kid) to call GF mom. Are you all engaged? I'd prefer we give GF a nickname for now as I prefer a feeling of more permanence before (kid) assigns such a meaningful name to someone." If he gets mad, tell him it's his choice, but you prefer XYZ.

I don't have kids, but I am a child of divorce. Having so many people in and out of your life who want to be "mom" or "dad" is tough on a kid.

[tiffany81]

Sept 17, 2015 9:12:08 GMT -5 jojoandleo said:

They aren't even married. What if they break up? How many women will your child end up calling mom? Is that healthy for your kid? If it's the kid's choice, well, unless married, I still feel like the GF/BF should be given a different name.

I think I would talk to my ex just to be on the same page, but it can't be accusatory. Just like "hey I heard you told (kid) to call GF mom. Are you all engaged? I'd prefer we give GF a nickname for now as I prefer a feeling of more permanence before (kid) assigns such a meaningful name to someone." If he gets mad, tell him it's his choice, but you prefer XYZ.

I don't have kids, but I am a child of divorce. Having so many people in and out of your life who want to be "mom" or "dad" is tough on a kid.

I wasn't going to say anything, but the last time I saw XH (2 days ago), I basically did what you said. I told him that DS mentioned it, and that while I'm happy he likes her, I don't think the title is appropriate. XH said he understood. And then I dropped it completely and moved on with the conversation. So hopefully he did truly understand and will encourage something else.

And I totally agree with everything you said. Who knows if he will even marry this woman. He's rushing things as far as our child is concerned. But I keep repeating that I can't do much about it, so I can keep my sanity.