I started working at a grocery store when I was in high school, and one of my coworker's was the mother of a childhood friend. I couldn't get out of he habit of calling her mrs. Last name, even when she told me to call her brenda. It was akward. Now, one of my friends kids calls me my first name, doesn't bother me in he slighted, but of her father had insisted on calling me Ms. Last name, I'd have been fine with that too.
In my experience, people who insist on formal titles have never been on my list of most respected individuals. Teachers excepted.
This is me as well. There is a strange way here of being all suck up and use the title or the word Doctor (or licenciado in Mexico) to make the other person feel important. Usually when you have done well people who see themselves as being "below" you will use that. I'm all noooo, I am not a medical professional or have a PhD, so please stop it.
This is VERY common and I just cringe every single time. I did enjoy it for a brief moment right after I graduated when people in the construction sites would call me engineer xxx. I was just immature and had an issue because I looked way too young to audit a lot of old folk.
Post by Dumbledork on Sept 18, 2015 16:43:46 GMT -5
I go by Ms. FirstName in class. I also go by various twists on my first name and Teacher. This goes for students and parents because despite all newsletters and signage saying Ms. FirstName, my four year old students tell their parents about "Ms. MadeUpName" etc and parents think that's my name. Most anything is better than Teacher and Hey You.
I tried to use Ms. LastName but a few of their little four year mouths twisted it into Ms. Cock and I decided the first name twists weren't that bad.
We teach our daughter to address adults as Mr/Ms First Name, with the exception of our neighbors, who she has always called 'Neighbor First Name.' As in, "I went to see what Neighbor Matt was doing, and he was fixing his car!" I don't like her calling an adult just Matt, but Mr. LastName seems too formal for me. So we stick to Mr. FirstName. We don't force her to address adults as sir or ma'am though, but plenty of other parents here do.
Do what you're comfortable with. As long as it's not bothering anyone, I don't care.
"This prick is asking for someone here to bring him to task Somebody give me some dirt on this vacuous mass so we can at last unmask him I'll pull the trigger on it, someone load the gun and cock it While we were all watching, he got Washington in his pocket."
Post by msmerymac on Sept 18, 2015 17:01:49 GMT -5
I thought using the pronoun Ms/Mr in front of a first name WAS being respectful.
Also, this? No:
To this day (even at the age of 33) I address my friends’ parents by their last names, as do most of my friends. Because they are not our peers but our elders – and we were taught to show respect to our elders. So what changed? Why are children today taught differently?
I am now an adult and in many ways on par with other adults. This is similar to the fact that my parents, while always my literal parents, no longer have to parent me, as we are all adults. Therefore, I have developed an adult friendship with my mother, even though she was one of those people who told me time after time, 20 years ago, "I'm not your friend, I'm your mother." Relationships change as you mature.
That's not to say that some habits stay with you and it's easier to just keep with it. Like when I was a kid (10 or so), the 90 year old woman who lived down the street from my grandparents was always addressed as "Mrs. Thompson" by my dad. The house where my grandparents lived was where my dad had grown up, so she had ALWAYS been Mrs. Thompson.
I'm sure there are multiple instances of things like that. But I wouldn't feel like it was rude or awkward to address someone in my parents' generation by their first name. Heck, my neighbors are in their 70s and we use their first names, which is how they introduced themselves.
And on that note, what happened to introducing yourself? Then you can control how you're addressed. "Hi Lily! I'm Mrs. Larkins, Sophia's mom."
Post by downtoearth on Sept 18, 2015 17:18:47 GMT -5
I grew up calling friends of the family and my friends' parents by their first name - no Mr/Ms/Mrs. My parents were teachers and so I also called the teachers by their first name when not in class. I agree with several pps that calling someone without a title doesn't mean less respect for that person.
In elementary school we called our teachers by their first name. And I have always called my parents by their first name. I was raised by hippies (I really was, my mom went to Woodstock). My husband does not like to be called doctor (he is one) and always asks them to call him by his first name. Then I am like but you can call me Mrs. Doctor H first name/H last name. Hell I read his thesis and listened to his defense 4 times! I deserve the recognition (I am of course just joking).
Also, I was always super embarrassed when my friends or teachers would call my mom "Mrs. Smock's-Last-Name" because we didn't share a last name. I worried as a kid that she would be mad, because she told me stories about her MIL refusing to accept that she kept her maiden name. For some reason I thought it was my fault that people called her the wrong name.
Calling her Ms. First Name would have solved all my childhood anxieties!
I'm looking forward to the first time H is called Mr Liu because BabyLiu has my last name. I will have much amusement.
My husband already gets this, but it's because the cats are under my last name at the vet.
DD's bday was on Wednesday and I brought in treats and at the end the teacher said "what do we all say to Mrs. Lastname?"
I've been married 9 years and that's only the 2nd time I've been called Mrs Lastname. All of DD's friends call me by my first name and I've never been bothered by it. Mrs. Lastname is my MIL.
Post by decemberwedding07 on Sept 18, 2015 18:25:38 GMT -5
I would feel SO old if someone called me Mrs. Last name. Mrs. First Name is the most I can handle! And I prefer Ms. over Mrs.. Mrs. technically is used to mean "Mrs. Husband's Full Name." I never want to be called that.
"Not gonna lie; I kind of keep expecting you to post one day that you threw down on someone who clearly had no idea that today was NOT THEIR DAY." ~dontcallmeshirley
I work in schools so I prefer to be called Ms. Lastname. I actually get annoyed when teachers introduce me as Ms. Firstname but only because the others adults are addressed by their last name and I feel I should be too. In my personal life, I prefer to be called by my first name by my friends kids. This is fine for my white friends but it's not ok with my black friends so I end up being Aunt firstname. I'm cool with that.
Mosr black people i know aren't ok with kids calling them by their first name. Well black women. The guys I know don't seem to care. I think I'm comfortable with it because I'm the youngest grandchild and most of my first cousins are my mom's age. I grew up calling adults by their first names so I'm comfortable with the concept.
I've asked my friends what they want dd to call them. So far it's been aunt or Ms. Firstname. Works for me.
A lot of kids call me Miss Beth, but even more call me Jacksons mom. Or Scarlett's mom.
I don't really care. My kids call other adults what the other adults ask to be called. Since I never officially changed my name I tend to be more aware that others may have different preferences too.
Jackson's football coaches are all Coach firstname.
I don't think I have been called by my first name more than once or twice in 17 years of teaching, and those times it was said jokingly. Now with Google Drive and sending documents via email, they know our first names for sure because they pop up when kids are sharing documents.
I still have a hard time calling my high school teachers by their first names, even ones who were invited to our wedding. With my husband I commonly refer to our Spanish teacher as "Senor." Elementary teachers are almost always Mr. or Mrs. Lastname.
My kids are way more likely to just refer to us in conversation to others as our last name, like "I have Fadaddle for English." "Oh, I have Hadaddle." (my last name starts with an F, my colleague's starts with an H)
We just hired a new technology teacher who changed her display on our Google email name to Mrs. Lastname. First time I saw it I thought it was a email from a parent.
I moved up to the big school this year, but at the small school teachers refer to each other by only last name, like a baseball team. Some of the kids who get 1:1 support, who are around more adults than kids in a day, started doing it too.
I'm working on getting the neighbor kids to call me Firstname. I taught them both, so mom pushed Mrs. Lastname. But they call H Firstname and Mr. Firstname. So when we are together it's Hi John! Hi Mrs. Smith!
I'm 34 ans I called adults by their first name when I was a kid except teachers and certain adults my parents called Mr/Mrs like our elderly neighbor. I often tried to avoid calling adults anything.
In the Midwest, I feel like most people use first names. My NC coworkers sometimes call me "Ms Lastname". That's weird.
My friends' kids call my by my first name or Ms Firstname. My nieces call me Aunt Nickname.
Post by anastasia517 on Sept 18, 2015 20:31:37 GMT -5
Pretty much all adults told me to call them by their first names. In some cases it took time to get used to (ex. my former teacher whose kids went to my mother's daycare when I was older was Ms. Smith for a while even though she wanted to be Jane) but I don't know many who wanted to be Mr./Ms./Mrs. X.
I prefer being called by my first name since I don't feel old enough to be Mrs. M. It's not that I even think of it as my MIL since I've always called her by her first name, even though I was 16 when I met her. I answer to it because to students I was Mrs./Ms. M. but sometimes it takes me a second to realize that it's me.
Before forums I didn't even realize that Ms./Mr. first name was a thing.
My students call me Erin. They call the head of school Rich. It's all good. If someone called me Mrs. Last Name, I would be confused...
My kids (who go to my school) call adults by their first names, since they call their teachers first name at school. My friends are fine with this, though if someone asked me to have them call them something else, I would.
"Hello babies. Welcome to Earth. It's hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It's round and wet and crowded. On the outside, babies, you've got a hundred years here. There's only one rule that I know of, babies-"God damn it, you've got to be kind.”
Post by StrawberryBlondie on Sept 18, 2015 21:11:31 GMT -5
I've never called adults Mr. or Mrs. Unless they're in positions of authority, like teachers, etc. I don't think any of my friends really did growing up either.
I don't want to be called Mrs. Strawberry. It makes me feel old.
Post by 5thofjuly on Sept 18, 2015 21:42:55 GMT -5
I try not to refer to my friend's parents by their names. I do the same thing with my aunts and uncles, though in both instances, when I HAVE to use their names, I just go first name now. At this point in my life, all of those people are MY friends in addition to our original relationships.
That said, I'd predict the new "first name" thing is a mostly middle-class trend. We're raising our children to interact more with adults than people did in the past rather than the parents doing the interaction. Some research shows, for example, that when the middle class take their kids to the doctor, the doctor says, "What's happening with Johnny today?" and middle class parents most often say, "Johnny, tell the doctor how you're feeling." Low income and working class parents still most often answer for the child.
Post by LoveTrains on Sept 18, 2015 21:43:41 GMT -5
So maybe it's because I work at a school but sometimes we will call each other in the office by mr or ms last name. And I'm talking about ppl I work closely with.
I remember calling my friends' parents by their first name (except one girl's dad. He was a doctor. I always called him Dr. LastName.)
In MDO and preschool, my kids called their teachers Ms.FirstName and that's kind of stuck with other adults in an informal roll. I get called "Miss FirstName" by my kids' friends all the time. I think it's a southern thing. There are a few people who call me that in a customer service setting, like the pharmacy tech I see most often at my local pharmacy. I don't really mind it but I'm not a stickler for children to address me with a title.
I do prefer Mrs. if you're going to use my last name, though. I'm not a Ms. or a Miss in that case. If you're going to address me by my married name then use my married title.
Post by MrsAxilla on Sept 18, 2015 22:00:41 GMT -5
You know, I seriously can't remember my parents teaching me anything about addressing adults. I called close family friends by their first name, but if it was a new adult or parent I didn't know well, I awkwardly just addressed them as "Excuse me" until I had their attention.
I do feel a little bad when my friends kids address me as Ms. First Name and my kids call them Kristina or Danielle. Or worse of all, "James' Mom.
I remember calling my friends' parents by their first name (except one girl's dad. He was a doctor. I always called him Dr. LastName.)
In MDO and preschool, my kids called their teachers Ms.FirstName and that's kind of stuck with other adults in an informal roll. I get called "Miss FirstName" by my kids' friends all the time. I think it's a southern thing. There are a few people who call me that in a customer service setting, like the pharmacy tech I see most often at my local pharmacy. I don't really mind it but I'm not a stickler for children to address me with a title.
I do prefer Mrs. if you're going to use my last name, though. I'm not a Ms. or a Miss in that case. If you're going to address me by my married name then use my married title.
So maybe it's because I work at a school but sometimes we will call each other in the office by mr or ms last name. And I'm talking about ppl I work closely with.
I work in several buildings. Some buildings are very formal and everyone is called mr. Ms. Or mrs. Last name. I kind of prefer this because you don't have to do the mental switch when you're talking to kids. Some of my other buildings are very laid back so adults call eachother firstnames. I sometimes default to last names anyway because I can't remember who's Amy and Who's Amanda.
I grew up in the midwest. I never addressed someone as title last name unless it was my teacher or the doctor. I would be like, whut, if a child called me Ms. Eddy.
Even at Leo's daycare he just calls the director by their first name. I have never taught my kids to address someone as a title. I guess I am part of the problem!! sorrynotsorry