Re Intro

[doriswe]

((tillie))

You deserve so much more than this.

[partiallysunny]

He's not a nice guy. No nice guy would comment on your looks and your illness.

My friend stepdaughter has ulcerative colitis. It's this similar to what you have?

I'm sorry you're in this position.

[partiallysunny]

No honey. Just because it might be true does not mean he needs to comment on it.

Unless it's in a concerning way. Which, you seem to be very proactive in your treatment. So what would be the necessity of bringing up your weight?

What if it were opposite and you we're obese? Or you had an overweight friend telling you their SO was telling them similar things your H tells you? What would you tell your friend?

[bullygirl979]

tillie, partiallysunny is spot on. There is NO reason for him to comment on your weight unless it is in a non-judgmental "I'm worried about you" type of way. I've easily gained 25 pounds since I met my SO. He constantly tells me that I'm sexy, even though he knows I'm not happy about my weight. If I'm tempted by something, he will gently remind me that *I* said I'm not happy with how I look; he isn't making me feel like a fat cow for eating it or saying that he is not happy with my appearance.

And regarding the comment that you bring him down because of your illness? That seriously makes me want to nut punch him. He is NOT A NICE GUY. I met my SO when I was undergoing treatment for breast cancer. I had periods of intense fatigue and anxiety where I could barely take care of myself. After treatment, I'm still prone to intense hot flashes/night sweats, mood swings and fatigue. He stood by me every step of the way and STILL stands by me. He doesn't say I bring him down. He understands it is what it is and he loves me and supports me. I'm sure he wishes it wasn't like this but he never complains or makes comments. He is 100% supportive and helps me through these times. THAT is a nice guy.

[cuddlyevil]

{{{{tillie}}}}

[doglove]

You deserve more than this. I hope you can come to that realization.

[udscoobychick]

I think you know deep down that what you are describing is not a healthy relationship and that he is not a nice guy. That's why you bought the condo. You deserve better. You have the strength to make it happen, too.

[tiramisu]

tillie this makes me so sad for you. And angry at your H. He tears you down, which is the opposite of what a partner should do. I think you know that you need to leave, which is why you bought that condo and why you're here now.

To share a personal anecdote, I waited far too long for my ex-husband, thinking about who he'd been when I'd fallen in love with him and what was still good about him. The truth was that wasn't enough. Most of what I would think about and hope for wasn't who he was anymore. It turned out that I was feeling worse about myself and my life by staying with him and I'm much happier now.

You deserve to have supportive people in your life who don't tear you down when you're sick and suffering, but who support and build you up instead.

[cuddlyevil]

Sept 22, 2015 9:10:30 GMT -5 tiramisu said:

tillie this makes me so sad for you. And angry at your H. He tears you down, which is the opposite of what a partner should do. I think you know that you need to leave, which is why you bought that condo and why you're here now.

To share a personal anecdote, I waited far too long for my ex-husband, thinking about who he'd been when I'd fallen in love with him and what was still good about him. The truth was that wasn't enough. Most of what I would think about and hope for wasn't who he was anymore. It turned out that I was feeling worse about myself and my life by staying with him and I'm much happier now.

You deserve to have supportive people in your life who don't tear you down when you're sick and suffering, but who support and build you up instead.

The bolded 100% You deserve to have people in your life who will encourage you and support you with no strings. 

[doriswe]

I also worry about the stress he's putting on you causing your health to be worse.

[margarita]

Sept 22, 2015 8:28:05 GMT -5 udscoobychick said:

I think you know deep down that what you are describing is not a healthy relationship and that he is not a nice guy. That's why you bought the condo. You deserve better. You have the strength to make it happen, too.

Yes!
(((tillie)))
I hope you stick around.

[bullygirl979]

I also think it is pretty telling that when you told your family you were going to leave him, they were happy about it. That should tell you something, tillie.

[SwimDeep]

I just want to offer (((hugs)))

I've gotten so much good advice from the ladies here. It's taken me a long time to start finding my courage, but I am finding it. If you stick around long enough, I know you'll find yours too

You're worth it!

[gault]

Hugs, tillie. Keep posting - we're here.

[spindle92]

tillie - can I ask about the treatment you are doing?
My brother in law has the same thing and has tried all sorts of stuff and nothing works.

PM me if would rather not talk about it here.

[spindle92]

Sept 24, 2015 10:22:05 GMT -5 tillie said:

Oh I don't mind talking about it, but thanks for asking. I am currently undergoing Remicade. It's an IV infusion about once per month. I have tried numerous other medications (Asicol, prednisone, budesenine, etc.) an none of them worked. This seems promising! I hope it's an option for him!

Thank you!

I will pass the info onto him.

Poor guy is like 6' 2 and weighs 130 pounds right now.  Imagine what that looks like.  It is not good.