Balancing your evenings

[bananapancakes]

How do you balance chores, you time, couple time, and sleep? 

How many hours does your kid sleep and what do you do during those hours?

I'm struggling with this. I'm so damn tired all the time. I'm starting to finally accept that L is never going to be a 12 hour a night sleeper. I'm lucky to get 10 hours out of him (7-5ish). If I used that time well, I could get a decent sleep but I never do. Right now my 10 hours look something like this: 1/2 hour on chores, 3 hours on mindless vegging, then 6.5 hours sleep. It's not enough sleep for me and I always say I'm going to bed earlier but then I don't and then regret it the next day.

[VillainV]

C has an early bedtime -- 6pm. We get home around 4:30, play some, feed him, play a little more, then put him to bed. Once he's down, we make and eat our dinner, then have the rest of the evening to do whatever. We usually go to bed between 9 and 9:30, so there's plenty of time for small chores, tv, talking, etc.

[glitzy07]

Until C was about 16+ months, my nights were incredibly unproductive. I'd basically get C fed, put to bed, and bottles/his stuff ready for the next day before lounging on the couch. Only in the last few months have I managed to get more done before I sit down at the end of the night.

I try to do things in little chunks. I've started doing one load of laundry, start to finish, every few days. Or making a plan to do one task before being done for the night, like clean the bathroom or scrub the kitchen sink.

[lmb5109]

This is why I will always try to work from home. I get my chores done during the week (cleaning, laundry, shopping, cooking dinner) so when I get DD from daycare, I can spend those few hours with her before her 8pm bedtime. I then watch TV w/DH for an hour, get ready for bed at 9, sleeping by 9:30. I'm up at 6:30, DD is up at 6:30-7am

[Jalapeñomel]

I stopped cleaning.


And I send my laundry out.

[wavepool]

I pretty much don't feel like my evenings are balanced lately. Work, after school stuff with O, games and other activities, and graduate homework. No balance right now:(

[dcn]

Ds doesn't go to bed until 8 now which kind of stinks for down time. But, after we eat around 6 we clean up and then that's all the chores we do. We try to go for a walk or hang out all together until Ds' bedtime. Ds is in bed at 8, I veg until 10 then go to bed. Sometimes DH joins me but he usually works on schoolwork.

[stretchad]

Yeah pretty much my house is a mess at all times.
I manage to get the kitchen cleaned up in the evening after I cook on most nights, on the rare occasion I might fold a load of clothes and might pick up all the toys. But most nights I let it all slide, and then do the bare minimum on the weekend.

DH works from home and I make him vaccum and put away dishes (or do dishes if we didn't get to them) a couple times a week.

ETA: DS goes to bed at 8. But we're not home until 6:30 most nights. Means that I'm cooking, eating done by 7:30/7:45 then he's pretty much straight off to bath/bed. DH does night time routine while I clean up the kitchen and then 90% of the time it's on to the couch to veg after that. 

[steph2008]

We have no balance currently.We have a newborn so she isn't in bed early yet, so there's no real down time. I'm on maternity leave so I try to do as much as I can during the day... but that's not always much. My H comes home at 7:30, my son's bedtime is 8, my baby is around 9, and I pass out around 9:30. I can't wait until she goes to bed earlier. There's no couple time and no relaxing currently.

[SallySparrow]

At this point we alternate who loads/unloads the dishwasher and who scoops the litter box. Everything else gets done on the weekend. A goes to bed at 7p. I'm asleep by 8, 9 at the latest. I have to be, or I'm a raging bitch the next day, and usually have morning sickness. On days I work, I'm up at 530. She sleeps until 6ish usually.

At this point it's just about survival and I just tell myself that it won't always be this way. And I don't invite people over who will judge my messy house. lol

[SallySparrow]

And H doesn't know it, but I plan to look into house cleaners while I'm on maternity leave, to start when I go back to work.

[brady2012]

We each get home with our respective kid around 6:00. One of us goes in and preps dinner. We do 2-3 crock meals during the week so a lot is just sides. The other parent supervises the kids playing outside.

We eat at 6:20 or 6:30. Then joint bath at 7:00. Kids play or watch a show it 7:30. Book then bed at 7:45 or so. We spend 10-15 min on clean up. Couple/Veg time til we fall asleep on couch around 11:00 or so.

Both kids sleep 12 or so hours now at 2 and 4. It was a long time in the making for the 4 yo.

H works from home and does our laundry during the day. I fold it that night. Kids laundry goes in Sun night by whoever is not doing bath. We have a cleaning person every other week. H vacuums on off week I tidy the bathrooms. We order our groceries online and pick them up. We eat out as a family every Friday night bc we are sick of cooking and to teach them how to behave in restaurants.

[turtlegirl]

Sept 26, 2015 14:50:06 GMT -5 steph2008 said:

We have no balance currently.We have a newborn so she isn't in bed early yet, so there's no real down time. I'm on maternity leave so I try to do as much as I can during the day... but that's not always much. My H comes home at 7:30, my son's bedtime is 8, my baby is around 9, and I pass out around 9:30. I can't wait until she goes to bed earlier. There's no couple time and no relaxing currently.

We are in the same boat. I go to bed between 9 and 10 with the newborn. DH is on newborn duty once the big kids are in bed around 730 or 8 so I can shower and get the boys school stuff ready for the next day.

Not expecting any balance to return until 2016.

[anna7602]

I'm more productive doing things in the morning. Both kids sleep until 7 am. I put in a load of laundry early (all laundry is in the basement of our building) or unload the dishwasher then or prep food for the slow cooker. The only chores I typically do at night are dinner-related- prepping and/or cleaning up.

DS goes to sleep around 7pm, then I hang out with DD until she goes to bed around 8:30/9. From 9 to 11 or so, I catch up on my own work at my computer or relax. If DH happens to come home, I'll stay up a little later to hang out, otherwise, I'm in bed and asleep by 11:30ish. I usually set my alarm for 5:30 or 6 to get an hour to myself before the kids are awake.

We have a cleaning person who tackles bigger cleaning chores every other week.

I usually try to do any grocery shopping before starting my work day at 9 (the grocery store is blissfully empty then) or pick up things during a lunch break or just before/after picking up DD from school at 4:15.

[thebreakfastclub]

My son doesn't go to bed until closer to 9. I hope to get him back to 8 at daylight savings.

I have cleaners every 3 weeks, we eat simple dinners that clean up easy. I might run the dishwasher overnight and unload in the morning. I try to do laundry through the week. DS helps or runs around, or if it's critical he stays out, he gets tv.

I do keep bedtime to 10p at the latest.

[AlpineSlide]

My kid (22 months) keeps going to bed later and later and it is driving me crazy. BUT he will sleep in late in the AM so that's a nice trade off and keeps me from making any changes.

So, he goes to sleep at 9 or 9:30 and sleeps 11 hours. waking at 8 or 8:30 which is heavenly.

to be honest, I sleep most of that time myself. Being pregnant really makes me tired, so i go to bed at 10/10:30 and wake up anywhere from 7:30-when ds wakes up.

after i get him in bed, i pretty much just get myself ready for bed, maybe scroll here or FB. In the morning if I'm up before him, I'll get ready or just eat my breakfast. I SAH so chores are supposed to be done during the day, but my house is always messy, meals are kept really simple, etc. I manage to stay on top of the laundry buy that's about it.

[Teachermama]

We get home from work/daycare at 630-645 i feed L at work. We get home make dinner for us and play til 730 which is bed time

[boiler717]

Even without kids yet, we try to outsource everything. Cleaning lady and grocery delivery. Amazon over Target.
Laundry I aim for one load every other day. Goes into the washer at bedtime on delay start, so it's done first thing in the morning and can be put in the dryer. Then folded quickly in the evening when the next load goes in.
2 min clean ups when leaving a room, wipe down the counters after eating and dishes straight into the washer. Dinners are simple with minimal dishes. Often we do Dream Dinners during the week so they are all prepped.

[rugbywife]

Right now we are kid free around 6:30. By the time we have had dinner it is 7. 7-10 is adult time. This is generally TV and chores. I dislike the chores part. I try to be asleep by 10 but DS has been waking at 11 so it seemed pointless to go to sleep at 10. Doc wants me to dream feed him at 10 so I will aim to be asleep by 10:30. Usually the kids sleep til 6:30 but the last week or so DS's sleep from 5-6:30 has ranged from crap to non existent.

If I get time when they are both napping, I don't do chores. I usually try to eat (yay!) and relax. I am usually getting 30 minutes.

[rugbywife]

Oh, also. We do a lot of chores on the weekend. Most of them. Which means weekends suck too. But I am so tired on weekdays that it just doesn't happen.

[cricketwife]

i don't clean, I mean, nothing major.
Pick up DS at 4:30 and home by 4:45. He eats dinner almost immediately, which is generally leftovers of what DH and I ate the night before (ie 20 sec in microwave)
5:15-6:15 ish we play.
(Bath if needed.)
6:15-6:30 DH comes home and spends 30 minutes with DS while I unpack DS's bag, pack his lunch for next day, prep dinner.
7pm -DS goes to bed.
I veg/finish dinner if needed.
8 pm we eat. dH does cleanup afterwards.
Bed somewhere between 9:30 and 10.

I can live in filth but I need to be well rested, lol. we are all up at 6 am and out the door by 6:50.

I don't workout ( I've resigned myself to being fat for a while) . And pretty much all chores are on the weekend. So we are not very balanced but we've prioritized time together/veg time and sleep as what works for us. I find that nobody is barking
About what wasn't done when we both had time to veg and to sleep. It works for us.

[Deleted]

All 3 kids are finally, finally sleeping from about 8 to 7 every night. We try to get any picking up and dishes done before we head upstairs at 7/715. This doesn't always happen though. So if it didnt, we will spend from 8 to 830 doing some picking up.

Then we have from about 830 to 10 or 11 for other stuff. It varies by night. Once or twice a week H and I do our own thing. I read or watch my shoes while H does the same. The other nights we watch something together or talk etc.

[mlvmd]

I cut out couple time. I kid. But seriously, we work opposite schedules so we really just don't see eachother by ourselves. His nights off are not during the weekend so I go to sleep shortly after the boys on those nights.

I do some chores every night. I always leave the downstairs clean before going to sleep then deep clean everything once a week. I clean things while the kids are eating or playing. The house is smaller so it's not too hard. I do laundry on the weekends and empty the dishwasher. DH does the laundry and dishwasher during the week. DH does mowing, trash and cats as well.

I take the boys grocery shopping on the weekends, I treat it like a fun outing. (Hah!)

I have very little down time myself. I tell myself this is temporary, my kids will age and I will sleep again some day and veg on the couch. Someday.

[patbutcher]

I make dinner at 5.30 so we all eat together 6-7pm. She is normally in bed by 8, most of the time by 7.30pm. I clean the kitchen while h baths hers then I go up to help with pjs etc.

H and I then watch telly and go to sleep around 9.30 or 10pm. H gets up at 5 to work out and I get up around 6am. Dd gets up at 7am.

We don't really have much evening because we go to bed so early but we normally watch one show from 8-10.

[badtzmaru22]

DH and the kids get home around 5-5:15, maybe a little later if he ran an errand before pickup. They barely have time to get settled at feed the dogs before I get home at 5:45. Sometimes DH can pay bills or something, but it's not really even enough time to start dinner by the time they get unpacked, go to the bathroom, etc.

We usually eat around 6:15-6:30. Try to have some family time, like walk to the park, unless it's a bath night. DS goes down by 7:30 and cuddles with DH before being transferred to the crib.

Neato vacuums, DD stalls. I read a million stories.

If DD is in her bed by 8:30, it's a total win. It's 8:06 right now, and she's playing in the tub while I GBCN and drink wine and tell her "one more minute!!" a million more times.

Usually by 9 I am back downstairs packing lunches and playing with the dogs. Maybe DH will join me and help make coffee, etc. On weeknights, he usually falls asleep with DS and I just let him sleep. We don't get much couple time, and I prioritize "me time" over chores. When DS was still on bottles and BM, I would do that and lunches, and stop whatever I was doing at 10pm to have an hour of time to myself. Now that he is off that, I'm trying to make 9:30 the start of Me Time, but too often DD is still getting out of bed then. I really need to try that hall pass idea people here have talked about.

[Pilsy]

Sept 26, 2015 14:02:43 GMT -5 bananapancakes said:

How do you balance chores, you time, couple time, and sleep? 

How many hours does your kid sleep and what do you do during those hours?

I'm struggling with this. I'm so damn tired all the time. I'm starting to finally accept that L is never going to be a 12 hour a night sleeper. I'm lucky to get 10 hours out of him (7-5ish). If I used that time well, I could get a decent sleep but I never do. Right now my 10 hours look something like this: 1/2 hour on chores, 3 hours on mindless vegging, then 6.5 hours sleep. It's not enough sleep for me and I always say I'm going to bed earlier but then I don't and then regret it the next day.

I'm going to tell you what I've been telling myself lately: you're better off figuring our what will be best for you/make you happier and taking baby steps to get there than comparing yourself to others.  

Like you, I mindlessly veg "too much" and would like to use my time better, if not to actually accomplish more, at least to feel more satisfied.  But when I ask other people how they spend their nights, I find their circumstances differ too much (e.g., they're home from work earlier, their husbands are around to help with dinner and bedtime, etc.) or they have different needs (e.g., amount of down time, alone time, time with spouse, sleep, etc.), so whatever they're doing won't work for me.  I have to figure out what's realistic for me and do it, and that may be very different from what's working for others.  

Anyway, to really answer your questions, I find the balance very difficult and don't do a great job of it yet.  We took the plunge and hired cleaners to come twice/month, so my daily cleaning is limited to dishes, some laundry, and keeping the place picked up.   We save whatever else we do for the weekends, and really, we leave most real cleaning for the cleaners and focus on limiting clutter.  My H and I really don't have much couple time.  We try to chat while we eat, but our quality time really comes on the weekends, and a lot of it is really more "family time" now.  

E goes down between 7:15 and 7:45 and sleeps until sometime between 5:30 and 6:30.  I try to go to bed at 10 and, unless she's up earlier, I get up at 6.  

My new plan is to try limiting my time online so I can read or walk on the treadmill at night.  I'm also toying with the idea of going to bed even earlier so I can get up earlier and exercise then.  I've never been an early riser, but I'm out of energy at night and figure I might as well give the alternate schedule a shot.  I would give a lot to have my free/me time at a point in the day when I have the energy to make better use of it!  

Good luck!  If you commit to going to bed even a half hour earlier for a few days in a row to see how you feel, that might make a difference and turn into a new habit or show you that you really need the veg time after all.  

ETA: Wow, that got long!

[carolinagirl831]

I don't and am so struggling with this right now. But I have a 5 month old and a 2.5 yr old. Before the baby was born.... Life was easy. E was down by 8, we took turns having workout nights, had plenty of time to get things done. Now the baby will not go down early and insists on going down around 9. After working all day I'm ready for bed with no time to clean, decompress, watch tv , workout or couple time. I'm dying here! I'm trying to move her to her crib , bought the Merlin sleep suit in hopes of this improving. It's killing me!

[bananapancakes]

Thanks Pilsy. That's good advice. I imagine things would be different if my H was home more and my kid actually slept decently. It's a vicious cycle though. I'm staring at boxes that need to be unpacked but I have no energy to do it but instead of going to bed, here I sit. Every night I think that maybe tonight will be the night that he "sleeps in" until 6:00 or whenever so going to bed at 10 or 10:30 will be fine. I can count on one hand the number of days he's slept until 6:00. I need to accept that this is my life and just start going to bed super early.

[karinothing]

I do stuff in the mornings most of the time. I am more of a morning person.

[Blue Moon]

I am home from work with DD by 315, and my H is home by 4:15 so that helps a lot. When I get home with DD, I empty our lunch bags and wash the dishes from our lunches/breakfast. DD either plays with her toys in the kitchen or cries on my leg, lol. We have a snack together and I read with her until H gets home. When he gets home, he plays with DD for a few. Two days a week he goes to the gym from 4:30-6 and I take DD to the park, walk around the block, etc. The other days we go to the park or play as a family at home. Around 5:15, I usually start dinner. I save the more complicated meals for when H is there to wrangle DD. 6pm is dinner for everyone, and then one parents plays with DD and one parents cleans up the kitchen. H puts DD in the bath and puts her PJs on while I pack lunches. I nurse DD and she is in bed by 7-7:30 usually. I shower and usually veg from 8-9. Sometimes I'll do laundry or sweep the floor but all other chores are done on the weekend. Bed for me is around 9:15, and H, DD, and I are all up by 5:30 the next morning. DD usually sleeps 10 hours most often, but plenty of times she's up at 4:30 and once in a while she'll sleep past 6. I always expect a 5am wakeup though, so I go to bed earlier than most. I need the sleep more than I need the me time right now,.