I'm done (LONG!)

[spk926]

I am done nursing. I nursed DD for 3 days shy of 2 years and 9 months. I don’t think it’s hit me that I’m done. I always said I would only wean when she was ready. I never wanted to force weaning on her or just cut her off. That didn’t get to happen though because my milk finally dried up. I feel incredibly guilty about it. I didn’t want my milk to dry up and she didn’t want it either. But it happened. I think part of me feels guilty that my milk dried up because I’m pregnant. It’s as if DD is already feeling the impact of no longer being an only child. And that makes me sad.

The beginning was hard because I needed a nipple shield and I hated that damn thing with a passion. But then I weaned her off of that and honestly I had such an easy time nursing. I never once had a clogged duct, mastitis or anything else that I see mentioned here. I only pumped 2 times a day (after waking up and at lunch) once I went back to work and I got more daily than she ever took in and had a great supply. I know not everyone’s nursing experience is like mine so I feel fortunate it was how it was. I let DD nurse whenever and wherever she wanted until about 17 months (nothing like walking around Home Depot carrying a 16 month toddler that is nursing!). At that point I limited her to just nursing at home and after a couple more months it naturally transitioned to only when she woke in the morning, before and after naps and before bed. By the time my milk dried up she was down to only nursing before naps and bedtime.

The only times it was ever painful was from weeks 4-7 of my pregnancy and the few days leading up to me drying up. When I was newly pregnant it was very painful. More painful than when I first started after she was born. I didn’t stop because all along my goal was to make sure our nursing relationship ended when SHE was ready. So I continued through the pain because I knew how much it meant to her and that was worth it to me.

I never got a last nursing session I could treasure and remember. One day it was just.........gone.


DD latched on for a couple seconds and then pulled off and said,
“It’s not working!”
She latched again and then,
“All gone!”
Again she latched,
“It’s broken!”
She kept latching and trying to get something,
“Oh no milkies!”
She latched again,
“Mommy, you try milkies. All gone!”
“Oh no!”
Then I said through my tears, (because I had realized what was happening)
“Let’s cuddle instead.”
So we cuddled for a few seconds before she saw the books we had picked out to read and she wanted to read those. When we finished reading she looked at me and still talking about there not being any milk said,
“Daddy fix it?”
Me- “No, Daddy can’t fix it.”
“Daddy’s hammer can!”

And that’s how it ended. I felt so bad for her every time she latched back on and realized nothing was coming out. She kept trying and trying. I'll see what happens tonight. If she wants to try again to check I'll let her but I know nothing will be there.

If in a few months when her sibling is born if she wants to try again I will let her but at that point I don’t know if she’ll even remember how to latch on. We’ll have to see what happens.

Oh and add this to the list of crap that happens when DH goes away for 10 days!

[zarapipe]

"Daddy fix it?"  I am in tears!! You did such a great job and I am so sorry you didn't get a last session and that neither of you were ready, that must be hard.

[anna7602]

Oh, I'm so sorry. I get pretty worked up about nursing and weaning stuff and you have all of my sympathy and hugs and anything else you need!

[Deleted]

Awww, how bittersweet. It's biology. It happens sometimes. You're an amazing mom to nurse this long, and you'll be shocked how quickly she's over it. She will have no interest in a few months - even my boy who I swear would have nursed until college was over it by a few days later.

((hugs))

Be kind to both of you. I didn't get a planned "last time" with DD - it just kind of happened.

[bcarp30]

You did such a great job!! I hope she is okay with it as time goes on. The realization that the new baby is already changing her life is hard. Big hugs, you did good work!

[biogirl21]

I'm so sorry it didn't end how you planned, but you did an amazing job!

[lilac05]

I'm sorry that your Breastfeeding relationship didn't end the way you had hoped. Weaning is so bittersweet. I hope in the coming days you will find some of the sweet parts of weaning. You had a great run! Congrats!

I had similar fears of the impact of not being an only child. That changed drastically when DS1 (2 years, 8 months at the time) came to visit us in the hospital. The way he looked at his brother when we let him hold the baby made that fear almost completely vanish. I knew I had given him the gift of a brother, and that (to me) was bigger than anything he "lost" by no longer being an only child. So far, we've found that to be true, and I hope you do, too.

[Ashley&Scott]

Awe, I know it's not how you imagined it but it's a very sweet story. Great job spk926, 2y9m is awesome! And even though it was unexpected you're both handling it beautifully. Hugs mama!

[momin2013]

I'm so sorry, I totally teared up reading that. Try to remember the many, many, GREAT memories you have of nursing her - 2y9m is a nice, long nursing relationship, and one to be proud of!

[VillainV]

I'm sorry it didn't end the way you wanted it to, but WOW -- two years and nine months -- GREAT JOB MAMA!

My nursing relationship with C didn't end like I wanted it to either...he started biting me and thought it was hilarious, then had no interest in nursing anymore. I think we were both just about ready for it to be done anyway. It is what it is.

Be proud of yourself for nursing as long as you did :-) You did an awesome job.

[jene]

You did great! I'm sorry it didn't end the way you wanted it to

[namasteak]

Aww you did a great job

[humpforfree]

I'm ready bYou are awesome. I had a similar story, hoped to nurse until he wanted to stop and dried up before that. You did awesome- 2 years plus!! L has watched me nurse E now and is interested, but not in nursing I don't think. He hasn't asked tinted or anything & it's been about 6 months. He is only 1.5 though, so I don't know if that will make a difference.

[Deleted]

You did a wonderful job! I'm sorry it didn't end exactly the way you wanted. But it sounds like you had a great experience overall. I hope you remember that, rather than just the way it ended. Great work!

[cincodemayo]

Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry that it wasn't the ending you two were hoping for. You were great! Hopefully all the cuddles will help.

[spk926]

Sept 30, 2015 14:42:08 GMT -5 zarapipe said:

"Daddy fix it?"  I am in tears!!

Yeah around my house anything that needs fixing, no matter how big or small, is a daddy job. I don't have the patience for that sort of stuff like he does plus he has an engineer's brain and I definitely don't. I thought it was cute that her mind put my milk being "broken" and daddy being able to fix anything together though!

[undecidedowl]

Huge hugs. I had a VERY similar story with DS1. I did let him continue to nurse as he slowly adjusted to weaning. I have no idea if he was getting anything at all. I would say he nursed every other night or so for a few weeks. I don't even know when his last time was, but I knew it was coming. He patted my chest and told me he would save the milk for the baby. It was the sweetest thing he had ever said and it broke my heart.

When DS2 was born, DS1 did have some interest in nursing. I let him latch on but he was mostly just curious and silly about it. It happened several times. The last time, I asked him if he would like to just taste the milk in a cup so we did that. I think he was just testing things to figure out the new family dynamics.

Congratulations. You did great, mama.

[tulips]

I'm so sorry it didn't end how you had hoped.

You did an amazing job!

[Deleted]

Awww, I know how you feel. J also weaned when I was pregnant and it made me feel bad. If I hadn't been pregnant I know he wouldn't have weaned. We had several sessions where he latched, pulled off, asked for the other side, etc. And then we were just done.

Awesome job making it so long!

[starburst]

I'm sorry it didn't end the way you had hoped, but you did awesome!

[water*drop]

Hugs! You've done a great job.

FWIW, my milk dried up when I was pregnant, and DD and I had a similar exchange (multiple times, actually). She continued to try for a few days before accepting that milk wasn't going to come. She then ended up just sort of comfort latching for a few weeks before finally weaning when we traveled and shook up her schedule. I sobbed and sobbed when my milk dried up because I had similar feelings about feeling guilty about being pregnant. I was seriously an emotional wreck over it. I just followed her lead and let her try if she asked while trying to hold it together when she'd say heartbreaking things like "no milk, mama, but it's okay" and then relatch. I think maybe she would have nursed longer if I hadn't dried up, but in the end, I do feel like if she hadn't been ready to give up the comfort of latching, she wouldn't have. And the first time she saw DS try to nurse, she coached him through it, and it was the most adorable thing ever.

[justjen]

Aw

Congrats on an amazing job.

[pinotgrig]

That's a super cute story and so sweet of her.

Congrats on going so long - what an achievement!

[glitzy07]

Aww, hugs to you and A. I'm sorry things didn't end the way you had been hoping, but you did such a great job! Soak up the cuddles while you can. That's what I've missed most since weaning C.

[londoncalling]

I'm sorry that it wasn't on your terms, but congrats on nursing so long. Your DD's reaction was so sweet.

[mannah]

This is making me realize that I think my milk is dwindling a lot more than I have been willing to accept. I am also pregnant and my DD only nurses once a day and sometimes for less than a couple minutes. She will always at least latch on and then she usually pops off when she's interested in something else. She's only 16 months so can't tell me that nothing's coming out but I bet it's not much if anything. Thanks for posting your story and thoughts, it super helpful to read. Also, amazing job going for so long!

[Blue Moon]

Aw, what an accomplishment. I'm sorry it didn't end the way you had hoped, but try to remember all of the fond memories. You did amazing!

[greycat]

((Hugs)) bFing has always been very emotional for me and I can only imagine how this feels. I weaned DS at 2ys 3mo and the good news is he has only asked a few times for milk and it hasn't been a big deal at all. Now that some time has passed I feel very happy with my decision to wean him and confident that I didn't cause him distress.

[bananapancakes]

Awww, I'm so sorry that it didn't end the way you hoped but huge congrats on making it so far. You did a great job!

[aspentosh]

What an impressive run you had! I'm sorry it didn't end the way you wanted, and that commentary killed me, but you did a great thing.