Rehearsing for death: A pre-K teacher on lockdown drills

[darnkatz]

I know it's a year old, but I don't recall reading or discussing this when it was published. It is by far the best thing I've read so far. I'll be over here crying.


Rehearsing for death: A pre-K teacher on the trouble with lockdown drills

By Launa Hall October 28, 2014
Launa Hall is a teacher in Arlington, Va., and is working on a collection of essays about teaching.

‘Remember that activity when we all get in the closet and pretend we’re not even there, so our principal can’t find us?” I choose my words carefully as I prep my pre-kindergarten students for the lockdown drill scheduled for that afternoon. These drills have become routine at Arlington elementary schools, and at schools across the country. After the latest school shooting, on Oct. 24 in Washington state, schools will no doubt be running through drills yet again. What can we do about all these shootings?, teachers ask each other. Lock the doors, we’re told, and assume the worst is coming.

When you’re guiding 4- and 5-year-olds through a drill, your choice of words can mean everything. “Activity,” not “game,” because we laugh during games, and I can’t risk introducing laughter. I don’t say “police,” because some little kids find police officers scary, and I can’t risk introducing tears. Instead, even though our principal isn’t there this day, I want them to picture his kind but purposeful face when they hear the police officers and administrators hustling down the hallway, testing the doorknob of each room. I don’t say “quiet,” because I can’t risk them shushing one another while they are crammed together, practically sitting in each other’s laps. And because it’s not quiet that’s required for this drill, but rather complete silence. As silent as children who aren’t there at all.

After lunch we hear a fiddling with the loudspeaker. Our well-meaning assistant principal is nearing retirement, and certain technologies, such as the many buttons on the intercom, are a strain on her. There is a low mumbling, which may be coaching from the office staff. More fumbling — perhaps a drop. Then, flustered, at last, the assistant principal says, “Lockdown, everyone, thank you.”

My eyes meet my assistant’s over the heads of our students. Usually, we get the announcement: “We are in a lockdown. This is a drill.” The assistant principal didn’t say the word “drill.” But of course it has to be. We were told about it in an all-staff e-mail hours ago. This is totally routine, I tell myself. I’m annoyed that I took even a split second to consider an alternative.

I stand, make purposeful eye contact with my preschoolers and gesture with my hands that we are going to the closet, right now. My body language here must be just so. Too much smile, and they’ll ask questions and laugh. Too much severity, and they’ll balk, rebel or be fearful. Make a sound with my hands or feet, and they will, too. Tip-toe too slowly, and they will, too. All is well, I must convey, but I am not kidding.

We get the children into the closet. My assistant lowers the window blinds, submerging our bright classroom in an odd, midday twilight, while I go to the classroom door. I quickly check for any children in the hallway, anyone I could pull to safety in my room. That’s part of the protocol. But who do I think would be there? The whole school is doing this drill. It is, in fact, just a drill, I reassure myself. I lock the door, pull a paper shade over the glass and, silently, step back to the closet.

We don’t quite fit, 16 tiny bodies sitting crisscross applesauce, hands in laps, plus two adults. But I nudge my way in, and I begin to work the room, pulling out every teacher trick I know to maintain the silence while we wait.

And wait.

We hear the echoing footsteps, then the sharp, metallic rattle of the doorknob. I absolutely know that I locked that door not three minutes before, and yet I’m flooded with an absurd relief when our lock holds. The footsteps fall away down the hallway, and we hear the next door rattle, and the next. It won’t be long now.

But it is. Usually these drills last somewhere between three and four minutes. The doorknob rattles, there’s a pause, and then the principal’s voice on the loudspeaker thanks us for our cooperation and excellent readiness, and invites us to enjoy the rest of our afternoon.

This time, another minute passes, and then another. No announcement. I press my finger to my lips with a look that says: Don’t even wonder for a second if I’m serious because I am. I step from the close air of the closet into the cool, still classroom. I listen. Not a sound.

And even though I know better, even though I could reason my way around this drill, I fall headfirst into the scenario that this whole theatrical production has invited me to play out. Okay, this is it. So, who am I? Am I the one who dies valiantly tackling the shooter? Am I the quick-thinking teacher who saves several hidden children, telling the shooter they’re in the auditorium, before I am shot? Am I the teacher who sprawls into a body shield with all my best intentions but succeeds only in dying along with my charges? My inner voice, as clear as an actual voice in that silence, reminds me: You’re a mom. Hide. You have children of your own. I turn back to the closet.

Near my hand is a stuffed animal we call Puppy Dog, our class mascot. He’s a special friend to my students, who live in apartments and don’t have pets. We sing to Puppy Dog each morning and say goodbye to him every afternoon. I pick him up now with only a vague idea of what trick I’ll pull out next. Maybe we’ll each give him a squeeze, then pass him to the next friend. I don’t know how much more miracle silence I can produce. The children have already far exceeded my expectations. I crouch with them again, aware that I am shaking.

That drill last spring, the one without the word “drill,” lasted 13 minutes. No full explanation was offered about why it went on so long — a mix-up regarding the checking of hallways, it seems, and possibly some missing keys. It doesn’t really matter. Minor mistakes that result in the addition of mere minutes shouldn’t be any big deal.

But this was a big deal. It was the lockdown drill that spilled over its edges into Lockdown. I made the mental shift, if only for a moment, from the routine to a pure, clear terror.

Which of those states of mind makes more sense? I teach in a country awash in weaponry. Maybe that moment I stood alone in my classroom was when I was closest to the truth. In 13 minutes, according to my gruesome and involuntary mental calculus, a single gunman with his effortlessly obtained XM15-E2S rifle and 26 rounds in each of two additional magazines could potentially kill 78 of us. Even considering the time it takes to calmly reload.

Instead of controlling guns and inconveniencing those who would use them, we are rounding up and silencing a generation of schoolchildren, and terrifying those who care for them. We are giving away precious time to teach and learn while we cower in fear.

It’s time to stop rehearsing our deaths and start screaming.

[lexus]

We had an hour long lock down already this drill as a precaution to a threat that was called in. Someone speculated that it might something on the local military base and several of my sophomore students started to cry, fearing for their parents. I've never been more thankful that so many students had cellphones and earbuds. Listening to music calmed them down and helped them stay silent while the teacher in the classroom next to me ignored the instructions and continued teaching. So I walked around the group of students huddled in the corner of the room away from the door and handed out fruit snacks from Costco. Thank god it was so early in the school year and I had leftovers from our ice breaker. For an hour I tried to look and stay calm while emailing my dh and parents to tell them I was in lock down, I loved them and I would
Let them know when it was over. All while frantically searching the Internet for information, since none was given to us by admin.

[starlily]

At our daycare, the activity was titled "Bunny in the Hole". The kids were taught how to group together quietly in the bathroom with door closed and lights off, in case someone came into the building who wasn't supposed to be there.

On the one hand, I'm glad they broke it down in a way that nade sense to the kids. But on the other hand, I'm sad they had to be prepped for this. All I had to worry about as a kid was getting under my desk in case of an earthquake.

[Deleted]

"Instead of controlling guns and inconveniencing those who would use them, we are rounding up and silencing a generation of school children, and terrifying those who care for them. We are giving away precious time to teach and learn while we cower in fear."

When are we going to start paying attention to these facts?

[katfco]

Our new policy is to teach them, in addition to sit and be quiet, if a gunman does come in, they are to "go wild," scream and fight, doing whatever they can to get out of the room. It was bad enough having to explain that to wide-eyed 6th graders. I can't imagine having to do it for littler kids.

[NewOrleans]

Oct 4, 2015 7:46:22 GMT -5 katfco said:

Our new policy is to teach them, in addition to sit and be quiet, if a gunman does come in, they are to "go wild," scream and fight, doing whatever they can to get out of the room. It was bad enough having to explain that to wide-eyed 6th graders. I can't imagine having to do it for littler kids.

What. The. Fuck.

What research demonstrates this is a good idea?

[lexus]

Oct 4, 2015 7:58:21 GMT -5 NewOrleans said:

Oct 4, 2015 7:46:22 GMT -5 katfco said:

Our new policy is to teach them, in addition to sit and be quiet, if a gunman does come in, they are to "go wild," scream and fight, doing whatever they can to get out of the room. It was bad enough having to explain that to wide-eyed 6th graders. I can't imagine having to do it for littler kids.

What. The. Fuck.

What research demonstrates this is a good idea?

There's a whole training around it. I think it's called active shooter training. In the video they show different ways to barricade in a classroom in preparation for a fight and what to use to fight back. It's fucking crazy to watch.

[earlgreyhot]

My kid is in K and a classmate of his (a girl with long established anger management problem) threatened she was going to bring in a real gun and shoot the class.

The chances of her doing this are basically zero, but the fact that she knew to make this threat at such a young age is really troubling.

[NewOrleans]

Oct 4, 2015 8:51:15 GMT -5 lexus said:

Oct 4, 2015 7:58:21 GMT -5 NewOrleans said:

What. The. Fuck.

What research demonstrates this is a good idea?

There's a whole training around it. I think it's called active shooter training. In the video they show different ways to barricade in a classroom in preparation for a fight and what to use to fight back. It's fucking crazy to watch.

I understand that it's training.  My question is what research supports this training as an appropriate intervention in an active shooter situation.

(My other question is why America passionately, resoundingly feels that it is acceptable to require training of children for combat.  America is little better than the rebels of Sierra Leone recruiting children into war.  But I know the answer to that question).  

[taratru]

Our police officers are teaching us, which is so helpful. It's Run, Hide, Fight. If hiding, Locks, Lights, Out of Sight.

I hate that we have to do it. Hate.

[lexus]

Oct 4, 2015 9:09:06 GMT -5 NewOrleans said:

Oct 4, 2015 8:51:15 GMT -5 lexus said:

There's a whole training around it. I think it's called active shooter training. In the video they show different ways to barricade in a classroom in preparation for a fight and what to use to fight back. It's fucking crazy to watch.

I understand that it's training.  My question is what research supports this training as an appropriate intervention in an active shooter situation.

(My other question is why America passionately, resoundingly feels that it is acceptable to require training of children for combat.  America is little better than the rebels of Sierra Leone recruiting children into war.  But I know the answer to that question).  

I don't understand how they would research that. In this situation only X people died because someone fought back but what would they compare that to? There are so many other variables that influence how many people are shot- the layout of the school, the amount of ammunition, the experience of the gunman, etc. Don't get me wrong, I wish there were stricter gun laws and I don't understand anyone's need for multiple guns (ok outside of maybe hunting and protection but why more than two or three tops). But what are those of us "on the front lines" in classrooms supposed to do while we wait for that to happen, just ignore threats and hope it doesn't happen to us? The reality is, no one is going to think every classroom is empty in a school in the middle of a school day. You have to have plan b.

[ttt]

I'm not being hyperbolic or dramatic when I say this is a factor in why we were seriously considering moving abroad. I don't know how anyone can be proud of a country that finds this an acceptable status quo.

[W.T.Faulkner]

We just did our first drills this week.

I was still in school myself when this started, so it's always been normal to me, but for some reason, teaching my kids to hide has been emotional and strange. I don't like what I have to tell them, and I'm angry that they're already so (rightly) cynical about the government's willingness to do something about it.

ETA: So many of them have lost a parent, brother or close friend to gun violence, too. 

[vanillacourage]

DS1's district switched over the summer to a new protocol, where they do not hide but instead exit the school as quickly as is orderly possible. Too much fear that gunmen are now counting on there being whole classrooms of kids, sitting ducks in closets and interior bathrooms. 

What. The. Fuck. 

[Deleted]

A family friend of ours is a high school principal in Idaho. She's had to takes weapons training, has to spend 2 hours at the gun range each month to keep her skills up. She has a gun safe in her office and in case of an active shooter her job is to shoot him.

I find this to be insane. Fucking insane. It makes homeschooling look appealing.

[RoxMonster]

This is constantly a fear of mine as a teacher. I would say it's gotten much worse in the last few years.

There are times, quiet times when my kids are feverishly typing an essay draft or taking a test, that I sit at my podium or wander the aisles of desks and think about what I would do if someone walked into my room with a gun and started shooting. Or if one of my own students did that. I shouldn't have to be thinking about those things, but I do. I never felt or thought this way when I was in high school as a student, but I would not say I feel safe as a teacher.

Our classroom doors are total glass. We do make people buzz in, but once in, they are in the building. Plus, how many times is it someone from inside committing the crime?

I agree with the teacher who wrote this article that there is a much larger problem behind all of this in our society. I know that schools are being required to do this, so I don't lay blame with my administration--they are doing what they are told. But it is absolutely terrifying.

My AP was chatting with me in the hallway one day right after we had our last lockdown drill and said that in a real scenario, each student should look around for a weapon to use if the active shooter came in--scissors, desks, etc. Telling this to my seniors would terrify them; I can't imagine telling it to kindergarteners.

[rupertpenny]

Oct 4, 2015 9:36:01 GMT -5 ttt said:

I'm not being hyperbolic or dramatic when I say this is a factor in why we were seriously considering moving abroad. I don't know how anyone can be proud of a country that finds this an acceptable status quo.

It's a big part of the reason I want to stay abroad. In addition to the cost of health care, childcare, higher education, women's rights, the maternity/family leave issues, etc. I'm in the process of applying for a European citizenship so I have that many more options.

[cherryvalance]

We were also told that "if we feel comfortable," we can fight an intruder to the classroom. Personally, I wondered if families were trying to hold the district responsible in some way because the training requires you to just wait and stay still. Our staff was in utter disbelief. We were also shown a dramatization in which (IIRC) a classroom is killed during an active shooter situation.

We had a drill and a real lockdown this week, already.

I cannot believe that anyone truly thinks it's a better idea to arm teachers, ask us to risk our lives to protect children, and have children die in school instead of just implementing better regulation and mental health services.

[WOT?*]

Oct 4, 2015 9:46:01 GMT -5 @idaholakelady said:

A family friend of ours is a high school principal in Idaho. She's had to takes weapons training, has to spend 2 hours at the gun range each month to keep her skills up. She has a gun safe in her office and in case of an active shooter her job is to shoot him.

I find this to be insane. Fucking insane. It makes homeschooling look appealing.

Along with the others...Holy crap. That should not be in a principal's job description anywhere. This is just beyond belief.

[NewOrleans]

Oct 4, 2015 9:27:19 GMT -5 lexus said:

Oct 4, 2015 9:09:06 GMT -5 NewOrleans said:

I understand that it's training.  My question is what research supports this training as an appropriate intervention in an active shooter situation.

(My other question is why America passionately, resoundingly feels that it is acceptable to require training of children for combat.  America is little better than the rebels of Sierra Leone recruiting children into war.  But I know the answer to that question).  

I don't understand how they would research that. In this situation only X people died because someone fought back but what would they compare that to?  But what are those of us "on the front lines" in classrooms supposed to do while we wait for that to happen, just ignore threats and hope it doesn't happen to us?  You have to have plan b.

You do what you feel you have to do.  Your school can train you, and you will do what you feel you have to do if, Mother of God forbid, you find yourself in a crisis.

But I draw the fucking line at recruiting and training children to fight intruders.  This is not acceptable to me, and I must be misreading or misunderstanding that your position is that it is acceptable to you.

[lexus]

Oct 4, 2015 10:03:44 GMT -5 NewOrleans said:

Oct 4, 2015 9:27:19 GMT -5 lexus said:

I don't understand how they would research that. In this situation only X people died because someone fought back but what would they compare that to?  But what are those of us "on the front lines" in classrooms supposed to do while we wait for that to happen, just ignore threats and hope it doesn't happen to us?  You have to have plan b.

You do what you feel you have to do.  Your school can train you, and you will do what you feel you have to do if, Mother of God forbid, you find yourself in a crisis.

But I draw the fucking line at recruiting and training children to fight intruders.  This is not acceptable to me, and I must be misreading or misunderstanding that your position is that it is acceptable to you.

I would never train my students to do that but I think that by this age (high school) some would come to that conclusion on their own.

[cherryvalance]

Sadly, the idea of kids (also high school) fighting off an intruder comes up after every drill. For whatever reason--bravado, watching the same thing unspool on tv--there are always students who are convinced they would attempt to fight the shooter. Despite hammering the protocol home every time, someone mentions attacking the shooter.

This makes me angry for so many reasons. First, it's despicable to me that the burden is placed on the victims to defend themselves, rather than upon society to protect its schools. Because if the narrative is "fight if you feel comfortable," I have no doubt people will ask, "Well, did she/he even fight to help those kids?"

Second, it angers me that we would even put students and staff in a position where they are dependent upon each other's ability to follow protocol, a protocol that sucks any way you slice it. One kid's idea that he can save the class could result in our deaths. Our failure to defend ourselves could result in our deaths. It's awful.

Finally, it angers me that I have to take away time from teaching to have these discussions, when my students should be dreaming of their futures rather than hypothesizing about not surviving high school.

[lolo]

Oct 4, 2015 9:36:01 GMT -5 ttt said:

I'm not being hyperbolic or dramatic when I say this is a factor in why we were seriously considering moving abroad. I don't know how anyone can be proud of a country that finds this an acceptable status quo.

It is a factor for us as well.

[Deleted]

rugbywife - do we have this in Canada? I am not sure if I wish we did or am glad we don't.

[katfco]

Oct 4, 2015 9:09:06 GMT -5 NewOrleans said:

Oct 4, 2015 8:51:15 GMT -5 lexus said:

There's a whole training around it. I think it's called active shooter training. In the video they show different ways to barricade in a classroom in preparation for a fight and what to use to fight back. It's fucking crazy to watch.

I understand that it's training.  My question is what research supports this training as an appropriate intervention in an active shooter situation.

(My other question is why America passionately, resoundingly feels that it is acceptable to require training of children for combat.  America is little better than the rebels of Sierra Leone recruiting children into war.  But I know the answer to that question).  

. The idea is that noise will distract the shooter, and there is research to back it up. The fighting back part isn't about having kids take the shooter down, but instead doing what they can to survive and get out of the room.

[rugbywife]

Oct 4, 2015 10:32:51 GMT -5 @hannymaren said:

rugbywife - do we have this in Canada? I am not sure if I wish we did or am glad we don't.

I haven't read anything other than this tag.

Each school has in my school board has to practice 6 fire drills a year and 2 lockdown drills, split half the first half of the year (so 3 and 1) and the other the other half.  We have another emergency procedure, called a hold and secure, that we do not practice. 

A lock down drill at a school here involves prepping the kids ahead of time for what why we might do a lock down drill. We do not get into many specifics with the kids, even the older ones, because they have younger siblings and often it gets 'out'. We essentially tell them that we are practicing for an emergency where we would need to hide in our classrooms. 

When a drill gets called, the teacher is to ensure that their classroom door is locked.  All windows must be covered (we have to ensure that there are adequate coverings in each room, both outdoor windows and windows in the doors to the hall) and the teacher is to direct the students into the corner of the room that is both far from the door and out of sight from the windows (as much as possible. Students and the teacher sit on the floor until directed that the drill is over. It is to be silent in the class. During the drill we walk around and check that all the doors are locked and that no children/adults open the door for anyone. 

We send out an email to all parents the week that we do this (not with a specific time). 



Edit: I presume these are provincial expectations, but I can only speak to how we do it. 

Edit2: When I taught grade 8 I did have some conversations with the kids about why, because they were very aware of the world realities. They always wanted to focus on it being a pedophile loose in the building, for whatever reason, this was a way bigger focus than an active shooter - probably speaks to the lack of school shootings here. I would explain that a robbery at a local bank could set us into lock down, as could coyotes.  Then we discussed NOT discussing all this with little kids. 

[NewOrleans]

Oct 4, 2015 11:18:30 GMT -5 katfco said:

Oct 4, 2015 9:09:06 GMT -5 NewOrleans said:

I understand that it's training.  My question is what research supports this training as an appropriate intervention in an active shooter situation.

(My other question is why America passionately, resoundingly feels that it is acceptable to require training of children for combat.  America is little better than the rebels of Sierra Leone recruiting children into war.  But I know the answer to that question).  

. The idea is that noise will distract the shooter, and there is research to back it up. The fighting back part isn't about having kids take the shooter down, but instead doing what they can to survive and get out of the room.

Can you share this research?  

[lilibet]

Oct 4, 2015 10:29:24 GMT -5 cherryvalance said:

Sadly, the idea of kids (also high school) fighting off an intruder comes up after every drill. For whatever reason--bravado, watching the same thing unspool on tv--there are always students who are convinced they would attempt to fight the shooter. Despite hammering the protocol home every time, someone mentions attacking the shooter.

I wonder how much of this goes with the heroes being mentioned on tv? The most recent thing that comes to mind for me is the train shooting in France. Those men were all over the tv, had celebrations in their honor, etc. I think if you mix that with a dose of being "young and stupid/naive" suddenly people think you can take out the bad guy.



Everything posted in this thread both horrifies me but, sadly, doesn't really surprise me. But I think this is all almost routine to me now. Columbine happened right before I went to high school, Paducah not much after that and relatively close to where I grew up, Northern Illinois happened when I was in college and just a couple hours from there. It's terrifying but damn near seems to be a part of life now and I hate that. 

[AJL]

I hate this so much.

[summer]

Oct 4, 2015 9:36:01 GMT -5 ttt said:

I'm not being hyperbolic or dramatic when I say this is a factor in why we were seriously considering moving abroad. I don't know how anyone can be proud of a country that finds this an acceptable status quo.

Some of the schools here do drills for teachers, not kids, because of terrorists.

Either way though, there is just more of a threat when it could be absolutely anyone with a grudge and opportunity.

And we've had chances to move back and as much as this country is slowly draining me, this is hands down the number one reason I always say no.