struggling so much

[lemons]

End of Sept, I was supposed to find out what was retrieved. When I followed up, I was told still ongoing.

Discovered mail had been taken as well as my black trouser socks and white athletic socks (I wore sandals and blue hospital socks all summer). Who freakin steals used socks?!

Still discovering items missing and still so angry that we were targeted. Still working with insurance to get his truck rekeyed because spare set was also taken. It's been parked at a friend's house all summer so nothing happens to it.

I at least found one of the two "First Christmas" ornaments on the floor. We liked the other one better, so of course that one had to be stolen. It must have been accidentally dropped because all of the other sentimental ornaments are gone.

I turned in his scripts for proper disposal, donated unused medical supplies, and continued with closing/updating financial accounts this past week.

This weekend we had planned a cabin getaway and we loved hiking in the fall. I put out the fall decor yesterday and went for a walk in the rain.

I miss H so much. Losing him has been so hard. I knew it was coming because stats for his cancer sucked.

It's been so much harder to also deal with the theft. My family actually started joking about it when they were here. I know they once had 5 potato peelers and now they only have 1. I know they had a cookie scoop but the theif must have needed it more.

I called my brother because I have been struggling so much with the theft and losing H. He actually told me to not worry because I'd be happy and remarried in a couple years. Seriously. Thanks, bro!

[pagas]

Hugs.

[textbookcase]

I am so sorry, it must be so hard Hugs.

[Monica Geller]

((Hugs)) I have no words that would be sufficient. So just hugs or hair pats or whatever you're comfortable with. It all sucks and is completely unfair.

[tripleshot]

I'm so sorry. Sending big hugs. ❤️

[Muddled]

Huge hugs

[louie]

I am so sorry. Hugs.

[MrsAxilla]

I'm so sorry. How shitty to have to deal with a theft on top of everything else. {{{hugs}}}

[whitemerlot]

I must have missed a post about this, but I'm gathering that your house was robbed. I'm so sorry. What horrible people.

Many hugs.

[1confused1]

I'm so sorry. Many hugs.

[lilac05]

Big hugs. I am so sorry you have to deal with ANY of this. Dealing with ALL of it at once is too much for one person to do alone. Please reach out for any and all help that is available to you.

[frkls]

i'm so sorry....huge hugs. i hope your brother hit himself in the head with the receiver when he hung up

[lemons]

Thanks for letting me vent. I'm wearing H's socks until I go to the Clark and Jockey outlet to replace mine. At least he has socks left.

I guess I was hoping for closure to the theft this week, but I hope the delay means a better chance for prison time. I feel bad for the other families that were also targeted.

[lookforstars]

Huge hugs, lemons. I'm so sorry that you're having to deal with all of that, on top of your loss.

[renna]

Oh my goodness! You were robbed?? Oh my word, lemons, I am so sorry. What a terrible thing any time of life but right now for you? I am so sorry.

Will you be able to take a fall getaway another weekend, or is that no longer something you wish to do at this time? It must hit you so often during the days how much your H being gone has changed things. I'm sorry for the pain you must be in, and for him being gone and missing out on time with you.

((((lemons))))

[isabel]

I hope those assholes get what's coming to them. So many hugs, lemons.

[MixedBerryJam]

Aw, I'm so sorry, lemons. I know your brother was just trying to lighted your mood/break the tension/whatever, and he's probably a perfectly nice man, but I kind of want to kick him in the nuts for you. I don't think it's proper etiquette for a sister to kick her own brother in the nuts. I'm glad you found the one ornament. And I hope his socks are warm and comfy. (((hugs)))

[lemons]

H made me promise to not go to our favorite lands alone because it's wilderness with no cell service. Had planned to go for the day last weekend but friends backed out at the last minute. I can't afford to take a getaway because I'm short on leave and still have to pay for the funeral. I may go next spring.

[flex]

I'm so sorry that you've had to go through all this on top of your DH's passing. (((hugs)))

[cville]

I'm sorry you're struggling. This is all too much for one person.

[underwaterrhymes]

I'm so sorry you're going through all of this.

[renna]

Oct 4, 2015 11:39:36 GMT -5 lemons said:

H made me promise to not go to our favorite lands alone because it's wilderness with no cell service. Had planned to go for the day last weekend but friends backed out at the last minute. I can't afford to take a getaway because I'm short on leave and still have to pay for the funeral. I may go next spring.

Totally understandable.

What kind of spring trip might you be thinking of taking? I hope you can get some time then. (heart)

[nsl]

I'm so sorry, lemons.

[lemons]

I'm also thankful he was around when we discovered the theft. I'm not sure I would have handled it so well without him. So much random stuff was taken, and he kept reminding me that it's just stuff. While he was in the hospital the 2nd time this summer, I had to continue going thru our home to make lists. They literally went thru everything. That's a sucky feeling.

[thedude]

I am so sorry. So many hugs and good thoughts headed your way.

[lemons]

Oct 4, 2015 11:48:49 GMT -5 @cse1960 said:

((hugs)) People are so sucky sometimes. And so clueless. I can't believe your brother, omg. People just don't know what to say, so they say stupid stuff trying to 'help', and then there you are, feeling worse than ever and afraid to reach out again because omg who knows what'll be said next time.

A loss like yours terrifies people, because they know it can happen to them too. So they try to differentiate themselves from you, to sort of reassure themselves its not going to happen to them. Lung cancer? Well, did he smoke? They don't smoke so it won't happen to them. Stomach/colon cancer? Well, did they eat a lot of nitrates? They don't, so it won't happen to them. Then they get in on the belongings. Still wearing your rings? Well, you're brooding/can't let go/attention whoring; you had plenty of time to prepare; they'd never do that. Taking off your rings already? You didn't love him enough/out looking too soon/trying to pick up men; they'd never do that. Not eating? Trying to get in shape to find someone else, too soon, they would never do that. Gaining weight? She's letting her self go, she'll never find anyone else, she's stuffing her grief with food. Tch tch tch, they'd never do that. Lose your spouse so young? Won't happen to them and if it does they'll get over it better/faster/whatever. People judge, deflect, project fears, you name it, when faced with an event like what happened to you, all in an attempt to back away from what if it happened to them.

The point of this is, please don't give people a lot of power here. Your brother, god love his clumsy idiot self, was trying to make you feel better while trying to assuage his own fears about death and how hard life is. Your best bet is a therapist who can help you walk through this time; it's a minefield, which hardly seems fair but that's how it is. I hope you can find one, and the energy to go; it's hard to find the strength for one.more.thing. but it would help, when you can get to it. People should be falling over themselves to see to it you have time to grieve, and the practical matters of your life are done for you as much as possible. And yet, that's not happening so much. (((hugs)))

You forgot about how now I must be rich and not sharing the wealth because of life insurance (which we didn't get signed before he was diagnosed).

When am I moving because it must be so hard to live in the house without him.


I'm going to a weekly grief group and it's been helpful. It's just been emotional overload this week. And my funeral director friend said it's to be expected to go thru intense grief because the shock and numbness has started to wear off. He also let me put off paying for the funeral til I had a way to pay since we had to get all new accounts. I'm still waiting for the new checks to arrive.

[achi]

I'm so sorry lemons.

[flex]

Grief is such a personal thing. No one can completely understand what you're going through if they haven't experienced it themselves first hand. AND, even if they have gone through it, each case of circumstance is so different that even if they do understand, each situation is unique and they can't completely relate.

[janegold]

Huge hugs to you, lemons. ❤️

[lemons]

Thanks again for the encouragement!

Sue, I've sucked at eating the past few weeks but I will make the effort to eat better. The potato chips and soda meals are over.

Why that combo? The attempts to go to the store were too hard and there was a soda and chip display near the self checkout :-)

I'm also meeting local widows weekly for dinner and going to a grief group afterwards.

I think part of my rough weekend was being told by others all week that I need to go back to the first grief group I started with (and quit going) because the guy attending that's preparing for his wife to die (recently diagnosed with cancer) needs me to encourage him. I think it's too much for me right now. So I'm not going back to that group. Wife is stage 1. I might think differently if it was late stage.