NY Times Article - The New Tug of War Over Baby Names

[sent]

I'm surprised no one has posted this given how much names are discussed on here.  I'd never heard of it until I read this.  And naming consultants, what is that?    

Your Choice or Theirs: The New Tug of War Over Baby Names

When Frank Hudock, 35, a restaurant manager in the Chicago area, first told his wife, Jennifer Hudock, 30, an executive assistant, that his grandparents wanted them to name their son Frank, per generations of family tradition, her response was, “That’s never going to happen.”

They had just decided on a name they both agreed on — Max — after arguing about dozens of others, and that had been a big relief.

But then the grandparents threw in a sweetener: an offer of $10,000 in exchange for choosing Frank.

Ms. Hudock’s company didn’t have a maternity leave policy, and she wasn’t going to get paid for several months. She agreed to think it over.

This may seem like an unusual proposal, but several professional baby-name watchers report seeing others along those lines. Maryanna Korwitts, a naming consultant also based near Chicago, said one client’s grandfather offered a family business if a baby could be named for him. Another’s in-laws, she said, suggested a dream wedding the mother never had and could not afford on her own — the price being the right to name the firstborn.

Linda Murray, the editor in chief of the website BabyCenter, which maintains a database of 40,000 possible names, believes such offers are a salvo from the old guard fired against a general millennial disregard for tradition when christening their children.

“For thousands of years, choosing a family name was really how it was done,” Ms. Murray said. “Now parents are really trying to choose a name that is unique, that suits their child and that says something about their personality.”

They are paying consultants such as Ms. Korwitts to choose a name, testing ideas as if they were marketing slogans with college admissions officers, and creating new monikers just because they like the sound.

But older relatives have some leverage against such flights of fancy — in part because now, living longer, they can actually see themselves memorialized with the next generation. One of Ms. Korwitts’s clients faced pressure to give her son her grandfather’s name, she said, because they wanted him to die in peace.

And “this generation of young parents are more likely to live with their parents or take financial support,” Ms. Murray said. “So if you are living in their house or they are helping with your rent or a down payment on a house, you may feel beholden to their wishes.”

A 35-year-old graphic designer in Great Neck, N.Y., who didn’t want to be named for fear of ruffling relatives’ feathers, said she was conflicted when her mother-in-law asked how much money it would take to name her daughter after her side of the family.

“If I really believed I could have gotten her to pay for college, it really seems foolish of me not to put my discomfort aside,” she said. “I would probably always resent that person, but to be able to take care of that anxiety, that would be nice.”

The graphic designer ultimately said no — “you only get to do this once,” she said — but other parents are coming up with creative solutions.

Julia Wang, site director of another baby website, The Bump, said she sees parents using part of a name of family members and combining it with something else to make it unique. Others let family members choose middle names, Chinese names or Hebrew names. Still others give their child one official name and then call him or her something else. “You might be able to have your cake and eat it too,” Ms. Murray said.

The Hudocks, though, stuck with Max. In their case, they chose to honor another grandparent: Jennifer Hudock’s father, also named Max, who died when she was 7.

“It was a decision we made together as husband and wife,” she said.

[stretchad]

If one of my relatives were trying to give me money in exchange for naming MY CHILD, I'd probably scoff and assume they were joking.
Come on!

[bcarp30]

There are baby name consultants?!! What exactly are the qualifications for that? I like babies! I like picking out names!

[krystee]

I am so relieved that there were no naming traditions on either side of our family.

And who on earth uses a naming consultant?!

[lilac05]

Naming Consultant: A marriage counselor with no degree but charges oodles of money to listen to a couple argue about names. Oh, and hangs out on the bump to see new name trends.

[mcfelix]

That is crazy! I can't imagine having a family member offer to buy the naming rights to my child.

[hermione]

My thought as I was reading this: gross. So many levels of gross.

Seriously, if someone said they'd give me 10K to name my kid my response would be, "No thanks. But I'll only charge 1k anytime you want spend any time with my child."

[curbsideprophet]

This is crazy.

[anna7602]

Oct 4, 2015 22:16:03 GMT -5 sent said:

And “this generation of young parents are more likely to live with their parents or take financial support,” Ms. Murray said. “So if you are living in their house or they are helping with your rent or a down payment on a house, you may feel beholden to their wishes.”

Is this really more true of this generation than previous ones? I feel like it was much more common for people in my parents' generation (at least in their home country) to live with their parents when they first got married. 

Also, the phrase "general millenial disregard for tradition" really bothers me. Refusing to name your kid Horace Oswald V does not mean that you could give a crap about your family. Maybe it means that Horace Oswald I isn't a person you feel particularly attached to or maybe Horace Oswald IV has hated his name his whole life and dreamt of giving his son a fresh start or maybe your grandfather Ignacio Reymundo III (okay, not actually the third, because it doesn't work that way in the Spanish-speaking world) would have had a fit if you named your son after one great-grandfather instead of the other? Or maybe you just think it's stupid that only one person in your marriage gets a say in the name???

Oh, I guess this last one is a disregard for tradition, wives needing to be subservient to their husbands and all...

[Deleted]

Oct 4, 2015 22:22:01 GMT -5 @this said:

$10k? No.

But I would name my kid Frank for like $100k, sure.

your daughter frank is so adorable

[brooklyn]

It would take far more than $10k for me to ever entertain someone else naming my kid. I'd need at least a million.

[cjeanette]

Rich people have too much time and money on their hands

[sent]

Oct 4, 2015 22:36:35 GMT -5 @natariru said:

Can you imagine what kind of MIL would even have the balls to offer $10K?! Omg hell no.

One of them offered to pay for a dream wedding in exchange for naming rights to the firstborn.  WTF!!!

[Brie]

Nothing says "touching family tribute" like bribery and lingering resentment.

[Deleted]

Oct 4, 2015 22:42:21 GMT -5 sent said:

Oct 4, 2015 22:36:35 GMT -5 @natariru said:

Can you imagine what kind of MIL would even have the balls to offer $10K?! Omg hell no.

One of them offered to pay for a dream wedding in exchange for naming rights to the firstborn.  WTF!!!

I'm assuming this offer was made while they were engaged, and would have me running for the hills instead of marrying a family like that.

Before we knew DD was a girl, my ILs were asking us what boy names we were thinking. We said Carter was our front runner, and DHs dad went off about Jimmy Carter, and how we needed to continue the family tradition and make him James David III and I was like nope. You already named your kids. You don't get a say in this. I totally shot him down. I know not the same, but the expectation was there and nothing would sway us.

[niq]

Oct 4, 2015 22:23:30 GMT -5 bcarp30 said:

There are baby name consultants?!! What exactly are the qualifications for that?

Step 1: convince a few not quite rich enough people living in NYC that they need to pay you to help them name your baby to keep up with the Joneses
Step 2: make sure the New York Times is ON IT
Step 3: ...
Step 4: PROFIT!

Don't ever change, NYT, don't ever change.

[fashionx]

DH is a Jr, doesn't particularly like his name, and his family is full of narcissistic names. His one set of grandparents both had a boy and girl named after themselves (so yes a girl Jr too). Every uncle has a Jr child. The grandparent-namesake aunt and uncle each also named one of their kids after themselves (so boy and girl cousins. The III).

His dad asked if we were going to name our baby, if it was a boy, __ III, and we said no. He was happy though, and said good!

Sent from my Moto X using Proboards.

[bcarp30]

Oct 5, 2015 0:06:05 GMT -5 niq said:

Oct 4, 2015 22:23:30 GMT -5 bcarp30 said:

There are baby name consultants?!! What exactly are the qualifications for that?

Step 1: convince a few not quite rich enough people living in NYC that they need to pay you to help them name your baby
Step 2: make sure the New York Times is ON IT
Step 3: ...
Step 4: PROFIT!

Don't ever change, NYT, don't ever change.

See, I'm in CO which is blissfully backward with stuff like this so I could convince people it's the trendy thing to do! Or just serve 'special brownies' and tell people they need this service. Either way? I feel like it's a great plan!

[starburst]

My H and FIL wanted to name DS after themselves. I put my foot down. It's not a bad name at all, but there have been so many mix-ups between just the two of them, we really didn't need to throw a third person with the same name into it. Plus no one offered us money. DS's middle name is a family name from my family though.

[bowies]

Did anyone ever watch that NYC pregnancy consultant show on Bravo a few years ago? There was a naming consultant on there who focus grouped a couple's choices. Bizarre.

In researching my family, I found reference to the fact that one branch had a list of 10 "acceptable" names to choose from. I think it was abandoned sometime around the turn of the 20th century. It made distinguishing generations really difficult.

My DS is the fourth one that follows naming tradition on my H's side. H wanted to keep it up. We call him by a nickname though. I can't imagine him as anything else.

[Deleted]

My BFF's husbands family has a naming tradition, her husband is Yadda Yadda IV. He's the oldest of four brothers, who are all married and have multiple kids. Apparently "per tradition" ONLY the oldest brother is supposed to use the family name. Joke's on them when my BFF had two daughters! And can't have any more kids (uterine rupture from a failed VBAC). So their stupid rigid naming rules means the family name dies with her DH.

[aspentosh]

This country (world?) is in a sad state when this doesn't even surprise me anymore.

[anna7602]

Oct 5, 2015 3:50:00 GMT -5 starburst said:

My H and FIL wanted to name DS after themselves. I put my foot down. It's not a bad name at all, but there have been so many mix-ups between just the two of them, we really didn't need to throw a third person with the same name into it. Plus no one offered us money. DS's middle name is a family name from my family though.

This is my main issue with recycling the same names within a given family. It's confusing! And in my family, at least, has led to people using middle names or random nicknames to distinguish them from the other person/people with the same name. My mother (named after her grandmother), SIL (also named after some ancestor) and niece are all named Maria. Guess which one of them we actually call Maria? None of them!

And then some people were baffled that I didn't even consider Maria for DD.

ETA: btw, my SIL is married to my brother who is named after my father. Which means that my brother and his wife have the same first and last name as my mother and father. Their credit reports are crossed with each other's now and there have been all kinds of annoying confusions. Why, why, why? 

[zarapipe]

This is so weird. And of course the NYT makes an article over it even though the instances of this happening is probably .01% of all babies born.

[jackie011]

What really bothers me is that, in the first example, they were already going with a family name...just not his family's desired name.

There's a family name, of sorts, in DH's family. There are already so many people with that name for either their first or middle, and after 15 years, I still can't explain the significance. DH said there was no way we were using that name for DS. Being Jewish, it is customary to name my child after a deceased relative. However, we used the same first letters and then gave him my father's Hebrew name. My sister is going to make some waves, as her DH is a III, and if they ever have kids, there's very little chance their son would be a IV.

[Willis Jackson]

Oct 5, 2015 6:00:36 GMT -5 @vicmo said:

The "entitled millennial" stereotype in the article is funny considering that it sounds like more Boomer nonsense, trying to overstep boundaries and use their vast pension funds to bribe their kids who can't get a good job because the boomers aren't retiring and the economy is crap.
#tangent

PREACH

[pattieice]

My serious college boyfriend was a IV. He made it perfectly clear that his first born son would be a V. And he did have 2 boys and continued the naming tradition...thankfully with someone else!

[imojoebunny]

I have seen parents buy a lot of things, names the least of it. In a lot of families, if you take money from your parents as an adult, you are also going to have obligations, be it naming your child, showing up every Sunday for dinner, or dropping everything when they decide they want you to do something. For an example, watch Gilmore Girls :-)

[Deleted]

I wish one of our parents would pony up some money and name this child. People just want to be able to pick the name for free.

THis entire thing is ridiculous. But in general I believe there are a ton of parents who dont allow their children to be adults. I feel like this just falls in line with that.

[pitterwoo]

My husband is named after his grandfather because the grandfather paid the hospital bill. On trend in 1971. My H has always described him as someone who had money and it only came with strings attached.