One more WWMLD question for tonight

[karmasabiotch]

A lot of neighbors helped me last week. I don't remember who was here.

I do know my one neighbor from across the street did CPR with me. I can't talk to him. I don't have it in me right now. I don't know if he's ok. It's not a situation the average person deals with and leaves behind.

Should I just put a thank you card in his mailbox and let him and his family know if they ever need anything at all, I'm here for them?

What do I do about the others I can't remember? I think my next door neighbor sat with me until my sister came but I can't swear it was her. I know a neighbor at the end of my street took Jacob to play with her kids and gave him dinner, She even offered to let him spend the night which of course I didn't do.

Would it be weird to just write a thank you note to everyone on my street And say that I don't remember much about the day but I know so many of them came to offer help and how much I appreciate it and it's nice being part of such a caring street? We are just a single street randomly built in the late 90's and not part of a sub.

Also a neighbor stopped by on Fri with pizza and told me he was going to do my lawn and leaves for the season. How nice is that? He's very quiet and keeps to himself since his 20 something son died last spring.

Am I overthinking this?

[meggers5]

I don't think people are expecting thanks. No one will be expecting you to have a clear idea of what happened and it's just something people do without ever expecting a thank you.

I know that doesn't answer your question really, but if thinking about this is any added stress, know that nothing like this is expected of you.

[ErinExpat]

I agree that writing thank you notes does not need to be on your must-do list, but if you really want to, a note that covers all neighbors makes sense the way you described it.

[joenali]

I think those people would not be expecting thank you notes or even any kind of thank you at all. They were just being wonderful, helpful human beings and maybe when you are ready you can say thanks. Don't add this to your list of things to do. I'm sure they would understand.

[MrsAxilla]

No one expects anything from you. If you want to write a thank you, or post a general message on your neighborhood FB/next door, that would be nice. It's wonderful that they stepped in to help.

[redheadk]

None of your neighbors are expecting a note. For me, the process of writing can be cathartic and allow me to release those thoughts from my head so if you find it's really weighing on you and you wish to do it, either now or at some point in the future, writing what you said about not remembering but being so glad to live on a street with such caring neighbors would be perfectly nice. But, again, not at all necessary or expected by your neighbors.

[1confused1]

You don't need to do a thing. Those people helped you selflessly and don't expect anything from you.

[lilac05]

No one is expecting any kind of thank you.

It speaks SO much about you that you are worried about your neighbor from across the street. You do not need to be "here for them" right now. Someone who would do that for you expects NOTHING from you right now. Simply putting a note in their mailbox that just says "Thank you. Sincerely, Karma" is going above and beyond. Sometimes simpler is better. It says you aren't ready to talk about it yet, but want to acknowledge the help.

When you feel up to it, I think a general street-wide thank you would be wonderful. Again, no one expects you to remember who did what tiny gesture that meant the world to you that day. A general "I love being a part of this caring community" is more than enough.

[karmasabiotch]

I think I'll let this one go for a while and decide when I'm thinking more clearly.

Thank you.

[insominac]

I'm glad you have so much support from your neighbors.

[fairygodmother]

You don't need to do anything but it sounds like you want to...to acknowledge the kindness of your neighbors on a horrific day. If writing those notes would help you heal, I say do it.

[ginger]

Agreed. Only write the notes of it's therapeutic for you. You have some stamps coming if you want to write notes so you don't have to mess with the post office.

((Hugs))

[MixedBerryJam]

I swear no one is "expecting" a thank you, and no one will sideeye not getting a specific thank you for this thing they did or provided or that action they took to help you and J. This is not like getting (or not getting) a preprinted thank you from the bride for your wedding gift. If you want to write thank yous, what you said about not remembering who did what but greatly appreciating it all is just fine.

With all that said, can I just tell you for me the thank you note writing was immensely healing. I had in my hands, right before my eyes, all this tangible evidence of people who loved me and loved my husband, and the thank you notes felt like I was give each person one last hug, and I was getting one back.

[eddy]

People are just grateful to help. I swear this is true.

If it feels good to you to thank them, then your idea of cards in the mail is fine. But no one is expecting you to thank them. And it is okay to wait on this issue.

[ECB]

No one is expecting a thank you. And if they are, well, screw 'em. As far as sending a "generic" thank you, that's fine too. I'll even share what a woman I knew did - she was in a similar situation and a few months later, she sent out pre-printed thank yous. Now- the message was one SHE wrote, but she had it printed into cards and then just signed them.

For the situation she was in, I was shocked to even get a thank you and the fact that she had them pre-printed... didn't blink an eye. She was doing what she needed to do to make it through the day.

I can't stress it enough - do what works for YOU. Don't worry about what other people think. If you just don't have the energy to do cards, then don't. If you want to wait a few months, then wait. If it will help you process your feelings to do them, then do them. This is entirely about YOU right now.

[auntie]

No one is expecting anything of you. If the process of writing the notes would help you, fine. If not, that's fine too.

I would expect the pizza man/lawn care volunteer is paying forward some of the kindness he received after his son died.

The neighbor who did CPR may be in a place where he's processing the experience as well.

[Deleted]

Thinking of you SO much.

I think any sort of thank you note would be very nice of you. You don't need to worry about writing them now though.

Are you friendly with any of the neighbors? Maybe take a walk to their house and explain that you are so very appreciative and are just trying to put together the pieces right now? I'm sure they are all concerned for you and want to help you

[flex]

No need to add any more stress to your life right now. None of the wonderful people who helped expect any kind of card, etc. So when you're feeling up to it, and if you see them in their yard or on the street, go up to them and thank them for their help.

There's no timeline on thanking your neighbors. One of my neighbors came over after my mom and I had come back from shopping for a dress for me to wear to the service. She asked how I was doing and hugged me. That was 8 years ago and I never forgot it. This past summer I had a garage sale to get ready to move out of my house, she came over to check out my merchandise. I took that opportunity to thank her in person for her kindness on that awful day. I hugged her and told her I'd never forget what she did for me that day. I have no recollection of what she said, but I remember the kindness and the human contact.