Who here is a SAHM with an advanced degree?

[nowa]

I mean beyond a BA or BS. Can we chat? I don't know anyone in real life in my position -- well, not well enough anyway. I have thoughts. Lots of them. 

[Deleted]

Present! JD here. PM me

ETA I am back ft now but took off 9 months after ds was born an then worked pt for 1.5 years.

[auroraloo]

I am back at work now, but I have a master's. i was a SAHM with it for a bit.

[maloney]

I have an MA

[usm]

I have my MSW. I haven't worked since getting it but I keep my license current.

[mamaalysson]

I have my Master's in teaching, and have been at home full time for 4 years.

ETA: Happy to chat!

[gastro]

I have a masters in food policy. Started my PhD in food policy but an international move and baby put that on hold a long while back.

[Deleted]

I have a Masters and worked in my field for 5 years before having kids.

[aggiecyd]

I have a masters, but went back to work earlier this year. I worked for 7 years post-masters and stayed home for 3 years. I'm not around here much since I can't get on at work.

[dizzycooks]

I have a masters and we are considering me staying home after baby #3. Without my masters I couldn't afford to work with 2 kids so I'm glad I got it.

[chatterbox]

I have a masters in education (Ed leadership) that I don't use. Hopefully I will one day

[NandaB]

I have a MS in special ed. I finished it right when we got married and taught for 3 more years before staying home when I had G. I've kept my credential current, but um not sure if/when I go back. I guess it depends on things like Hs salary and Ws needs as far as therapies/appts/etc

[lovebeingmama]

I have a masters in education. I chose to SAH for 2 years, chose to go back for a year, and now I am a SAHM again (though not exactly by choice - husband was transferred overseas.)

[nicolewi]

What are your thoughts? I am curious. No advanced degree, but I did leave a very professional position to stay home. Not sure if that relates.

[nowa]

Sorry to leave you hanging. I have a JD. I worked for two years before having kids and SAH. So not enough time to really establish myself in my field. When I quit my job all I knew was 1) I wanted to be home with my baby, 2) we could afford it, and 3)I didn't love my current job anyway. Here' a mind dump of how I feel now. You don't have to read it, but here it is.

tl;dr -- I guess I'm just curious what your thought process was for becoming/staying/not being a SAHM.

I have now been home for 4.5 years. I go back and forth between really wanting to go back and really wanting to SAH forever.

Go back to work column: realize my childhood dreams, make a difference in the world, make some more money for our family which we could really use, set a strong example for my DDs, make use of the degree (which I'll be paying for for the next 10-20 years).

Stay home: on good days I love it, I really feel like I could get into a really good groove once the kids are at school and fill my days with unpaid work that I feel passionate about. The same work I'd probably be doing for money, but only the parts of it that I love. I could take care of errands, etc. during the week, be with the kids when they get home from school, and have weekends be dedicated to family time instead of errands.

It is possible that I won't have to go back depending on what the future holds. But realistically, I probably have to go back within the next 5 years for financial reasons. I'm cool with it. But the wrinkle is that DH and I are having discussions about having a third kid and I'm so conflicted. I really want another child. If we have a third, I know I'll want to be home with him/her for at least the first 2 or 3 years. That pushes back my entering the work force. that means I'll be at least 7 years out by the time I want to go back. That's a long time. Who the hell is going to hire me? And do I even want to go back to what I was doing, given the long hours? Regarding "staying current," I feel like it's nearly impossible to really stay current with skills and contacts because we do not have enough $$ for a regular baby sitter and it's hard to get that kind of stuff done on nights and weekends. But maybe it's possible -- it's just that we're still in unpacking and setting up house mode. We don't have a couch currently, no coffee table, no art on the walls, a million little things like that around the house. So all the free time is taken up by that. Shouldn't be forever though, right? Gah. Of course, DH doesn't want a third kid really, but hasn't ruled it out. I hate so much that we're being pulled in two different directions about that.



@itsbritt I think I need to pick your brain regarding work/life balance.

[fancefpp]

I'm a lurker but pretty much in your exact position. I have a JD, practiced for 7 years then had DS1. I just had my third kid and I'm starting to panic a little. I hated my job and it wasn't the type of work that is really in demand. I've been doing some contract real estate work but just the bare bones, so nothing really keeping me current or giving me the confidence to re-enter the workforce in that field. I'm thinking about switching completely but that's terrifying too. I'll be 38 in March so no spring chicken.

[nowa]

fancefpp it is scary! It's awesome that you've been doing some contract work. It's definitely something! I would love to be able to do some contract work right now, but I have no idea how to find it. Like I said, I was only in the workforce for 2 years, and in another city, so I feel like I don't have the connections necessary to get good contract work. I'd also love to be able to do some pro bono, but I just don't have the time/childcare to do it right now.

[justbecause]

No advanced degree but just chiming in to say that third kid stuff is pretty much us, too.
I've been out of the work force for 4 years this month. (I edited biochemistry for a science journal).
I feel like I'm soooo close to being able to go back to work, but then if we have another kid, it would set me back at least a year because I would want to stay home for a bit.
Maybe I can try freelancing again now that my brain isn't mush from being up all night with kids (usually).

[fancefpp]

nowa my contract work is through the firm I used to work for. Basically, the guy who owns it is a friend so he helped me out. It would be hard, otherwise.

[nicolewi]

FYI, the old working moms board on TB had a lot of attorneys. Not sure whether they are still there.

My mind dump follows.

I worked FT for 12 years (3 kids) before leaving to SAH and then getting pregnant and having a fourth. I relate to everything you say, other than owing money on the degree (no advanced degree). Even the house not being finished part! We did a big remodel and I feel like we are STILL trying to get organized and get furniture. Sometimes I look at magazines and just marvel at the fact that people managed to get ALL.THAT.STUFF (rugs, lamps, clocks, couches, chairs, pillows, artwork, etc) and coordinate it all!! I feel bad about not making money anymore to help cover costs of all the house stuff.

I would give the #3 question more time first, and I would personally stay home longer if you are planning on another baby, since you have enjoyed it so far. I know everyone is very different and some people don't feel this way at all, but I have LOVED being home with this baby. It was always very hard for me to go back after maternity leave, and there are many days I am up in the middle of the night and so very grateful I don't have to get up in a few hours and get dressed up and commute. Plus skipping the whole pumping at work fiasco. It has been so special to be home with her, for me. FOR ME, having been working with the first three, being home with this baby really feels "right" to me. I always walk on eggshells with this b/c I know being home doesn't work for everyone/isn't possible for everyone, but I have felt like being with her while she's tiny is wonderful. I am sorry to have missed staying home with the others when they were so small, but on the other hand, that continuing to work was the smartest choice for us at the time.

I don't think I will SAH forever, but then again, I am worried about what to do when I want to go back. I don't know that I would want to go back to the same field, and even if I did, I feel like I would be so far out of the game that it might be hard to get back in. I might want to get a masters NOW in something totally different, but on the other hand, do I want to invest that much time and money? I'm 40 now and this would be a year or two away. Baby #4 arriving gave me some more time to figure things out...or to just stall!

Working has many positives, but I personally really love being at home. Sometimes I feel guilty that I like it, when I hear so many other women loving their jobs and having no desire to stay home. I miss having the contacts I had at work, and the connection to the wider world a job provides, and the aura of ..."prestige?" "respect?" "I can handle all of this! Look at me!" that comes with being a working mom. I hear women say, "I can't do that! I work!" and I know exactly what they mean, and I also know that they have no idea how hard things can still be on the other side of the fence, SAH with small kids. I miss contributing financially and being an example for the kids. But, what I miss most of all is going out to lunch with my friends! Seriously!!

What I have loved about SAH, maybe especially b/c I was working FT for so long, is the flexibility. I love being able to do more of the fun seasonal things I never had time for while working. I love being off in the summer and being able to go out of town without worrying about vacation days or work meetings. I LOVE not having to deal with finding/keeping/managing nannies. One thing you will want to consider are the demands of school-age kids. As the kids get older, it would have been extremely hard to manage activities, doctor appts, etc with my longish commute and being home makes it more manageable. B/c DH can't help in the evenings or with sick kids for a lot of the year, I don't know how we'd possibly handle everything. The school schedules and DH's schedule together is a big part of why I left--too many things that were pulling me back home all the time, and I had great flexibility but it STILL felt like too much and was stressful. I enjoyed being able to help with parties and field trips last year for DD1 to get to know the other kids a bit, and I love being here when she DD1 gets off the bus, and I will be glad to be able to get them on and off the bus next year when DS goes to kindergarten.

I have no idea if any of this is at all helpful, but those are my thoughts. Maybe things will get more clear for you over the next year or so if you continue to be at home? Seems like you are on the fence with a couple things and maybe time will resolve some of your questions.

[sallyanne]

I don't have an advanced degree but I do have a 2 diplomas under my belt and worked in my chosen career for 5 years before leaving it to be home more. In my career in was working long hours and lots of weekend. I loved what I did bit not the company I worked for.
Now I stay home during the days and am a cashier supervisor at a grocery store in the evenings. A big step down from where I was or thought I would be doing at this point in my life. To be honest I judge myself a bit for it and worry what my kids will think of me as I get older being a cashier.
But I love being home with them and wouldn't give that part up for the world. I don't think I will be able to enter back into my career though at an older age as mostly the recent grads get hired and work their way up the ladder.

I haven't read all the previous posts. But the one above mine about not needing to be "all or nothing" is so true. I plan on volunteering in my field when the babies start school. And being able to use my education that way.