Guy Ghosted - WWYD - small update in OP

[pantsoffdanceoff]

So about a month ago I was texting with this guy who lives like 10 minutes away from me. We never met up because our schedules just never worked out. Communication just got less and less until there was none. No worries from me and my heart wasn't broken. I kind of just assumed that he was also talking to someone else and that it might have gotten serious.

TODAY I get a text from him saying he had to go to Europe for a funeral (he's actually from Australia) and that's he's sorry he hasn't contacted me and understands if I'm not interested but that he would still like to meet up with me.

What would you guys do? I'm still kind of interested in him but also I really wanted to take the rest of the year and focus on me.

Update - I decided to text him. He responded with "We have to meet up this week!" Whatever dude, you put forth the effort to plan and I will show up. But there will be no effort from me to meet.

[jojoandleo]

I don't think I would believe him. Conversation was ALREADY dwindling. Why did it dwindle? Why wouldn't he just SAY he had to go to Europe? Why did go to Europe prevent him from texting? This whole thing confuses me.

[Deleted]

Yea he met someone else and that didn't work out so he's coming back to you. I think the likely clear lie is weird. I wish people would just be more honest. The dropping off and coming back wouldn't really bother me. It's sort of the norm in online dating and seeing as you never met, whatever. It's the pretty likely lie that would bother me.

[achase123]

Meh I'd say do whatever you feel like. Totally up to you but I wouldn't put a ton of thought into it one way or the other. Generally situations like that haven't worked out in my case.

[pantsoffdanceoff]

Oct 7, 2015 10:41:02 GMT -5 jojoandleo said:

I don't think I would believe him. Conversation was ALREADY dwindling. Why did it dwindle? Why wouldn't he just SAY he had to go to Europe? Why did go to Europe prevent him from texting? This whole thing confuses me.

The conversation was dwindling because he works a lot (I believe that because I know the industry that he works in). Also, I'm not the most responsive texter (bl can validate this). He said he had to go to Europe for a funeral. I don't think I believe him about the funeral, I think he is just trying to think of an appropriate excuse. Like I said, I just assumed that he started getting a little serious with someone else and that was fine with me, but maybe he thinks he sounds like a dick if he actually says it.

I don't know. It's just weird. I'm not leaning one way or another on texting him back yet.

[1confused1]

I would set up a time to meet, you never know.

Set up a date, no more texting.

[katieido]

Since you have never met, I honestly don't think this is that big a deal. Texting is different from making in person contact. Online dating can be so unwieldy to manage, i know for me I do not have much capacity to focus on multiple people at once meaningfully. At this early a stage I think everyone has to triage their prospective dates to some extent, and timing factors in.
Decide if you want to meet. have a conversation about honesty/bring up front being important to you.

[formerlyak]

I'd set up a date if you are interested. The funeral could be true. If it was unexpected and someone he was close enough to fly to Europe for a funeral for, his initial thought might not have been, "Ok, let me text this girl I have never met but sometimes text with to tell her where I am going." Also, having a mother in law who travels to Europe annually to visit family, I know unless you have international text set up it can be costly to send texts internationally.

[Serenity9]

I think I would still give it a chance, but I'd keep my feelers up for flakiness. If he cancels or drops communication again, I'd write him off as flaky.

He probably thinks he's telling a white lie so as not to talk about another girl with a girl he likes but doesn't know well. I can see how that would seem like a good move to him. Not all women would react well to saying the reason he dropped off is someone else. When he knows you better he will know that that wouldn't bother you.

[brooke77]

I'd also be inclined to text back and ask him to catch up over coffee at X date at Y time.

[jojoandleo]

LOL-apparently I would be terrible in the dating world because I just can't get it up for someone that fell off the radar once already. And I just don't believe people. I think I've been lied to by clients too many times that I just head tilt at any story like, "Really?"

I do think if you actually liked this guy, go for it. I just am ADHD and a pessimist. I wouldn't believe his story, and after his drop off from communication, I would have lost interest and found something shiny to focus on. LOL.

[Deleted]

Oct 7, 2015 13:35:19 GMT -5 jojoandleo said:

LOL-apparently I would be terrible in the dating world because I just can't get it up for someone that fell off the radar once already. And I just don't believe people. I think I've been lied to by clients too many times that I just head tilt at any story like, "Really?"

I do think if you actually liked this guy, go for it. I just am ADHD and a pessimist. I wouldn't believe his story, and after his drop off from communication, I would have lost interest and found something shiny to focus on. LOL.

yea I'm in this camp. I just can't waste my time on flakey people. And I to NEVER believe people's stories like this.

[jigsy]

I probably wouldn't write him off totally, but I would also leave it up to him to make things happen. If I was bored by the text conversation, I wouldn't respond, but if I felt like it, I would. I wouldn't suggest a meetup, but would be agreeable if he asked.

Basically, on my end, not much would change until he has proven to be worth some effort on my part.

[doriswe]

This has happened in my world a few times...and it always starts back up all "heyyyyyyyyy" and for whatever reason, the date never really materializes. Flaky people stay flaky, man!

[cuddlyevil]

I'd be inclined to let this one go. If conversation was dwindling already, then him coming back around would be suspect. If he was interested, he'd have said "hey if I'm out of touch for a bit this is why...". This just makes me think he pursued someone else and it didn't work out, so he's feeling out former options.

[doglove]

You deserve better. If it was me, I'd let this one go. If he knows he can treat you like this right off the bat, what's in store for any potential dating/relationship?

[Deleted]

He was at the funeral for a month? sounds fishy!

[calle28]

Oct 7, 2015 11:14:42 GMT -5 1confused1 said:

I would set up a time to meet, you never know.

Set up a date, no more texting.

Yup, this. If you guys can't find time in the next week to meet up for an hour or two, then just move on.

[achase123]

I hate that, so non committal. I'd move on. I hate guys like that!

[starburst604]

Whatever the reason is, I don't really think it's a big deal since you were only texting and had never met. There's really no commitment there that needs to be honored. Maybe he was juggling more than one ball, maybe it was the funeral thing, who knows. If he puts forth the effort to make plans and you're interested, I don't see the harm in meeting him since he lives nearby and it's not out of the way for you.

[jigsy]

I think you made the right move. Sometimes you meet someone/start talking to someone and it is just not the right time...at least he put the effort in to open that line of communication again, and if he continues to do so, I don't think I would write it off.

I also wouldn't call what happened ghosting, but that is just me.

[pantsoffdanceoff]

Oct 8, 2015 11:42:55 GMT -5 jigsy said:

I think you made the right move. Sometimes you meet someone/start talking to someone and it is just not the right time...at least he put the effort in to open that line of communication again, and if he continues to do so, I don't think I would write it off.

I also wouldn't call what happened ghosting, but that is just me.

I agree that it wasn't ghosting, I was trying to be succinct in my title. What would you call it; because you are right that it isn't ghosting.

[jigsy]

I dunno...you got faded?
But that reminds me of the hit Soul Decision song...kind of faded but I'm feeling alright, thinking about making my move tonight.

[calle28]

His update is annoying! Why do people find it so difficult to make concrete plans?

[jojoandleo]

The update is annoying. It will lead to that circular "what do YOU want to do?" "I don't know, what do YOU want to do?" BS. Ugh.

Nah, he should say, "Great, how does dinner at X place at 7 on Friday sound?"

[pantsoffdanceoff]

Oct 8, 2015 13:46:24 GMT -5 calle28 said:

His update is annoying! Why do people find it so difficult to make concrete plans?

Seriously?!? And he's been super-responsive today, but still not making the effort to make actual plans! I'm going to keep texting with him because he only lives 10 minutes away from me and I'd be fine with a FWB situation out of him.

[formerlyak]

What was your response to "We have to meet up this week!"?

Was it, "Pick a time and a place." and he didn't?

Or, did you not acknowledge the comment and move to a different topic hoping he'd just offer up a suggestion of where to go?

If it was the former, his bad.

If you didn't acknowledge his comment with something to indicate you would be interested in meeting up, I think you probably should have so he knew you were open to the idea after the period of non-communication.

[moolarkey]

Dude... you have to meet up this week because his wife's out of town.

[glitzyglow]

What did he say after he mentioned meeting up?

[pantsoffdanceoff]

Oct 8, 2015 15:24:32 GMT -5 formerlyak said:

What was your response to "We have to meet up this week!"?

Was it, "Pick a time and a place." and he didn't?

Or, did you not acknowledge the comment and move to a different topic hoping he'd just offer up a suggestion of where to go?

If it was the former, his bad.

If you didn't acknowledge his comment with something to indicate you would be interested in meeting up, I think you probably should have so he knew you were open to the idea after the period of non-communication.

My response to him saying we needed to meet up was "Yes, definitely!"

I'm not writing him off yet, but it's not hurting me to keep texting him a little.