Do you think sucide is selfish or do you think

[karmasabiotch]

that the person just couldn't help themselves from doing it because they were sick.

I keep going back and forth.   In the past I always thought it was because they were sick but now I just don't know. 

[bugandbibs]

Both. I'm sorry you are hurting.

[Mrs. ChanandlerBong]

Honestly, I don't know. I just wanted to give you a big virtual hug.

[frkls]

I don't know. Maybe motivation is different from case to case? Whatever it is, it's horrible. So much love, karma

[mrsd2006]

Both. {{{hugs}}}

[anlo]

I think it appears selfish to a person's loved ones because they are the ones left who have to pick up the pieces and carry on with life. I do not think that the person's intent is necessarily selfish.

For what it's worth, I do think it's normal to feel confused about it and have mixed, changing emotions and reactions to it.

((((Karma)))))

[snipsnsnails]

It's everything you've said, K. xoxo

[EloiseWeenie]

I don't know. It's just so sad. I can't imagine being in a place where that seems like the best/only option. I'm so sorry, and know I'm praying for you and J. Lots of hugs & love.

[gummybear]

I think it's selfish insomuch as it offers release for the suicidal party while totally destroying the survivors' lives. But at the same time, to get to that point, and to not be able to process the repercussions, or to think that killing yourself is the best thing, you have to be so very sick. So like you, I go back and forth.

It's so sad, and I am so sorry this happened to you.

[Dezi]

I've thought about this a lot as my husband suffers from depression and I worry about him. I think that the suffering that a depressed person experiences is so unbearable that the they think it's the only way to rid themselves of their demons. I also think that they convince themselves that it will be better for all involved if they aren't around. Mental illness is so hard to understand. I'm so sorry that you are going through this, I hope that you can eventually find peace.

[clseale]

No, I don't. I don't think it's even in the ballpark of selfish, because that seems to indicate that the person has way more control of their situation than they feel they actually have. I can certainly see why someone, especially someone in the depths of their grief can have conflicting feelings, though.

It's been 15 yrs since my dad's death, but when I read this article last year, it really hit home. I could have written it myself. Word for word. I'm so sorry you are going through this. m.huffpost.com/us/entry/5672519

[pantsparty]

I think I can't possibly understand the pain someone is in when they decide to take his or her own life.

[isabel]

Oct 8, 2015 21:28:33 GMT -5 anlo said:

I think it appears selfish to a person's loved ones because they are the ones left who have to pick up the pieces and carry on with life. I do not think that the person's intent is necessarily selfish.

Perfectly said.

[wesleycrusher4ever]

In college I attempted suicide with pills but was unsuccessful. I was in horrible emotional pain and even though I KNEW there was a lot of great things in my life, I couldn't go on anymore.

I am so sorry for your loss. And I obviously don't know you, your family, or knew your husband. I can just say from my experience I wasn't being selfish, I was really really sick.

[isabel]

Oct 8, 2015 21:31:40 GMT -5 puddleofgrace said:

I honest to god that people would be better off without me.

I would guess that most people in that state think this. One can't possibly be at that point and consider that their actions might be viewed as selfish by those around them.

Puddle, I'll delete the quote if you want.

[lilac05]

I don't think there's a right answer here, especially not for every situation. I think there are some situations that fall on each end of the spectrum, but most are somewhere in between.

Big hugs and many prayers for you & J.

[kellykapowski]

The majority of me thinks it's very much the result of a sick person who cannot be rational about the repercussions of their act. Logically a person that's mentally healthy wouldn't kill themselves, right?

But a small part of me finds it to be selfish. I can't help but feel it's the easy way out sometimes. But then my mind gets mad at itself for thinking that about a sick person.

It's extremely hard to make sense of it. I've had two close family members commit suicide and I struggle with my thoughts about it so much.

I'm so sorry this happened to you and I send a lot of Internet hugs.

[dove]

At one point in my recovery, I became suicidal. I don't think it's selfish. We just run out of ways to cope with life that ending it is a viable option.

I just felt like such a burden to my family and at the time I thought my quality of life was not worth the effort.

I'm so sorry you are hurting. May you find a few moments of peace

[cbwm1]

A coworker/friend of mine committed suicide at work a couple years ago, in a very public area of our building.

From the accounts of those who saw it happen and those who tried to talk her out of it, she wasn't in her right mind in the couple minutes leading up to it.

She had been seeing a psych and was on all kinds of meds but they weren't working. She exhibited signs of bipolar, but wasn't being treated for it.

I think that those who commit suicide are so inside their own heads, and so deep down in their depression, that they don't feel that there's any way out at all. And that's why they do what they do.

Is it a selfish decision? Maybe a bit? But I don't think they think of it as being selfish. They can't see past their own darkness.

[madamecleo]

I don't know the answer, I am just so very sad that you, or anyone, has to think about it. 

[Deleted]

No, it's not selfishness at all. The depths of their illness and hurt are unimaginable. Their families are first and foremost in their minds in that they will be much better off without them around for whatever reasons they've settled on. There is no logic when you're staring down the barrel of the abyss.

[TrickyBob]

I don't know that there is a concrete answer here.

As someone who has struggled with depression and had those thoughts before; I would think about those around me and how I felt and I thought I would be doing something good. Like the world would be a better place without me. To ME, I felt like I wasn't being selfish because to ME, I felt like a burden and that without me here, everyone else would be so much better off.

From getting past that and seeing it happen to others, I can absolutely understand how it seems so selfish. Like why didn't they think about everyone else they would leave behind? But perhaps they did and perhaps to them, their decision didn't seem selfish.

Any way you look at it, I am really sorry Karma. And I have so many hugs for you and J.

[dexteroni]

I don't think the motivation is necessarily selfish, only because I think the person must be so far beyond rational thought at that point (that's part of the illness, right? Their brain can't think rationally). They would have to be, for suicide to even seem like an option. But I do think the result is selfish, in that everyone but the deceased is left to dealt with the consequences.

[Deleted]

I think all actions are mildly selfish but in the case of suicide I think it is the illness. When someone is in that much personal pain, I don't think they can possibly comprehend how much it will hurt their loved ones, just how to ease their pain.

[sonrisa]

It can be both. And much more. I'm sorry you are having to deal with this. ((hugs))

[nursewife]

I don't think anyone really knows the answers. In my opinion, I don't think the person can see the trail of destruction that will be left behind. They seem to honestly think their family will be better off due to the enormous amount of pain they are feeling. Regardless of the reasons, from what you've said, he loved you and your son very much. Try to focus on this. If it's something you want to discuss in the future, maybe bring it up with a therapist. Thinking about it alone may just give you more pain. ((hugs) Take care of yourself.

[cville]

Intellectually I'm sure that it is not in that moment. But I would feel all of those feelings of doubt and anger even with that intellectual knowledge.

I also think that the illness that drives someone to suicide may make them act very selfishly in other ways beforehand since so many illnesses are self focused and isolating. In the aftermath, I'm sure it would be very hard to separate how I felt about that treatment from how I felt about the act of suicide itself.

[Deleted]

Honestly, I don't think there's an answer to that.  I'm sure your thoughts are all over the place and that is totally understandable. 
The most important thing is for you to speak to someone if you haven't already. This isn't your fault and you could not have done anything differently. 
I've always seen it as a way for someone to get out of their struggle (mental or physical) because they saw it as the only option (which is hard to rationalize for someone who has never had those ideas). Some people with suicidal thoughts are willing and able to receive help that allows them see a different way out, but others just can't see their way out of those thoughts even with appropriate help or they don't want help at all. 

I don't believe the people are selfish (although surviving family members may feel like that). I feel that the person must have struggled very deeply with things and been unable to see another way out for whatever reason.  
Big hugs.  

[anonymous]

I'm so so sorry.

When I was dealing with ppa I wanted to die. The hopelessness was so consuming and I didn't believe things would ever get better. After I completed therapy my psychologist said she knew I was an "easy" case from the time of our first meeting. That really struck me and has stayed with me-I know how hopeless and bleak it was and how much I wanted to die and my case was easy-I can't imagine how people feel in cases that aren't easy-that the despair could get worse is astounding.

Having been in a dark place I dont think suicide happens because people are selfish. I think most of the time people feel like it is the best and only option.

[Alex]

People with major depression are extremely sick (as you know). Like any other serious illness, you can succumb to it. Your brain is telling you that killing yourself is the kindest, best thing for everyone. It is lying to you every waking moment. I can understand wanting that to stop.
Much love to you.