thank you ... its been 2 years since i left and i still have to be hyperaware of my surroundings and be wary of strange #s on my cell phone. the RO and the criminal protective order help. i could live my life perfectly happy never having to see or speak to him again. the one i truly feel for is dd bc she lost her dad in all of this. i would love nothing more for them to have a relationship but not in his current state. nope !
I can't believe it's already two years. I didn't know the entire backstory until now -- I recall the part about the drugs, but not the rest. I'm so, so sorry. You are so strong and I can't believe everything you've been though. Your daughter will thank you one day for the sacrifices you made,
thank you and its been a FAST 2 years ! thx to slow as molasses CA courts, the divorce is STILL pending
DV strikes a very RAW nerve w/ me for what i've been through. 12 years of emotional, verbal and financial abuse and the last couple of months there was a physical component to it. i hope miss r realizes the sacrifices and takes a VERY different path than what her mom did ... best thing i could do for her was take her AWAY from him and that environment :/
Tell me how jailing her prevents this from happening. Or if she had appeared, how would that prevent him from reoffending.
He had prior DV convictions. He'd have gone away for a long, long time with a third felony assault. Without her testimony, they could not get a felony conviction, and only got a simple assault charge pinned on him, which is why he only got 16 days' time.
You don't know that. In my state, DV 3rd offense would not score you to prison. Also as a former prosecutor you should know that DV victims do not leave their abusers on the first, second, third assault. One thing is for sure, this victim will never call the police or trust the court system again I would hate to be a prosecutor or advocate in this jurisdiction because this judge has just made their jobs impossible.
Hugs to Dig Ophelia and pinkdutchtulips. I can't even imagine the total mindfuck you have been/are going through.
As for the OP, what a horrible system we've set up where an abused woman feels she has to choose between her physical safety and having enough $ to feed and shelter her baby.
Hugs to Dig Ophelia and pinkdutchtulips. I can't even imagine the total mindfuck you have been/are going through.
As for the OP, what a horrible system we've set up where an abused woman feels she has to choose between her physical safety and having enough $ to feed and shelter her baby.
mindfuck is the best way to describe it ... it's just horrible. After I left xh I took a good year to put myself back together and to establish the new normal with DD and I. Even when I was ready to start dating again, I wasn't looking for anything serious and taken aback by how 'picky' I had come about guys in the wake of the split. I'm still not entirely comfortable w the idea of dating of dating again. Ironically, I'm a hopeless romantic who hasn't sworn off marriage entirely but at this time it scares the hell out of me bc I'm terrified of making the same mistake twice :/
I agree the legal system does DV victims absolutley no favors I was able to navigate the waters bc I'm a paralegal by trade so I knew what forms to include and what kind of info to provide (names, dates, report #s) to make a strong case for what I wanted. Not all women are this lucky and why I've gotten in touch w a local DV shelter to assist women in putting together TRO/DVROs . Call it my version of paying it forward ...
if he had priors, especially DV priors, the DA's office dropped the ball. i'm sure they could have gotten the conviction they desired based soley on police reports and testimony alone. that's what happened in my case, they had enough to NOT need my testimony (they ended up settling but from what i gather, my FULL cooperation was enough and an appearance was not needed).
DV violators don't go away for long unless they do something REALLY heinous, like fire gunshots at you and have BAD aim (violation of court order, attempted murder and yes she DID cooperate and he got 2 1/2 years). mine was sentenced to 90 days in jail for 3 violations of order (30 days for each violation) (originally 5 violations + possession of a controlled substance + grand theft) he was out in 45 days, roughly 3 wks after he was sentenced bc they had been holding him in jail sabout a month before.
Your full cooperation was necessary and was provided. That was not the case here.
I was sble to fully cooperate bc I had a DVRO against him and confidence in the execution of that order that if he did ANYTHING the PD would be at my door tasers drawn in under 5 mins to take him away in the back of a squad car. I also was living completely independent of him as in my own place ... so I had absolutley no dependence on him whatsoever. I didn't have anything to lose by cooperating.
Dig Ophelia I hope you can get out of the situation and be happy. It took me many years and many tries but I was finally able to do it. There was a lot of guilt for me because of his disability, plus we had four kids (yay for being young and stupid and kids being almost free to birth when you're young and stupid and military.) I couldn't afford childcare, he wouldn't help if I left and I couldn't attach his disability even though part of it was for wife and kids. I left when he got physical but I came back because...kids and family and financial support. Huge hugs to you. My heart breaks for you for the situation you are in right now. I'll keep thinking of you and hoping for you to break free. (((Dig Ophelia)))