Merritt Smith found herself in the middle of every mother's worst nightmare when her 4-year-old needed to go to the hospital after being hit at school. But not only is she furious with the boy who bullied her daughter, she's equally upset with a hospital employee for sending the message that what the boy did was OK.
In a Facebook post that has gone viral, Smith wrote an open letter to the man at the registration desk at Nationwide Children's Hospital to let him know that his words are powerful. "At that desk, you are in a position of influence, whether you realize it or not. You thought you were making the moment lighter. It is time to take responsibility for the messages we as a society give our children," Smith wrote.
"Do not tell my 4-year-old who needs stitches from a boy at school hitting her 'I bet he likes you.'"
She goes on to tell him that sick or injured children are vulnerable and look for support. He needs to choose his words wisely and not rationalize violence against women. "In that moment, hurt and in a new place, worried about perhaps getting a shot or stitches, you were a person we needed to help us and your words of comfort conveyed a message that someone who likes you might hurt you."
Post by downtoearth on Oct 9, 2015 12:29:12 GMT -5
Eh, why is this viral news? I mean some non-medical registration guy said some stupid myth to a little girl when checking her in for a non-life threatening medical issue.
Andplusalso, hitting at 4 years old is probably not liking someone or bullying - it's bad communication and likely an age appropriate action, unluckily. Everyone is wrong here.
I had to share this the other day on my FB page because this message needs to be heard. I remember being teased endlessly by a boy in grade school and my mom telling me it's okay because he "probably just likes me." We're teaching young girls to allow boys to treat them badly and excusing the behavior. It needs to stop as we've been raising generations of women who put up with men abusing them.
I had to share this the other day on my FB page because this message needs to be heard. I remember being teased endlessly by a boy in grade school and my mom telling me it's okay because he "probably just likes me." We're teaching young girls to allow boys to treat them badly and excusing the behavior. It needs to stop as we've been raising generations of women who put up with men abusing them.
I'm glad this is going viral.
I don't agree that this particular mom's story in the OP illustrates this. The mom is overreacting to this action - she should have, in front of her child, said, "I'm sorry, sir, but that sort of myth is inaccurate and I am teaching my daughter than hitting and hurting someone are NOT a sign of affection and she shouldn't settle for that." Having your mom stick up for you to a stranger is enough. Calling another 4 year old a bully in a viral story is too much.
I would be very surprised if there are many parents our age, not a generation or two before, who have let their boys grow up to think that hurting for attention is an appropriate way to get affection.
ETA: And I'm a little miffed at your mom for telling you that. My parents never said that and I remember my dad teaching me the opposite (and both were teachers, so they probably followed the same at school).
I have heard in the past from people saying "Oh he probably likes you" when a boy is pestering a girl classmate. Apparently these people believe boys can't figure out their emotions and think pestering is a term of endearment. I never really got that theory, it always struck me as an odd thing to say to a girl when she's being bothered by a boy.
I think both parties are probably wrong in their assessment. A 4 year old hitting sounds like a kid who has trouble regulating their emotions. It is something to work on, but doesn't make the kid a bully. And I don't think he has a secret crush either.
I think for an older child I think you could have a discussion about how sometimes people try to hide their true feelings. Kids might be bullies because they are really insecure. They might be mean because they are jealous. And some people believe they might be mean to hide a secret crush. Bottom line is there are sometimes complicated reasons people behave the way they do. But they are still responsible for their actions and it doesn't make their behavior okay. Don't let anyone tell you differently.
In the situation I think I would have responded "Perhaps, but regardless of the reason it is never okay to hit someone."
I had to share this the other day on my FB page because this message needs to be heard. I remember being teased endlessly by a boy in grade school and my mom telling me it's okay because he "probably just likes me." We're teaching young girls to allow boys to treat them badly and excusing the behavior. It needs to stop as we've been raising generations of women who put up with men abusing them.
I'm glad this is going viral.
I don't agree that this particular mom's story in the OP illustrates this. The mom is overreacting to this action - she should have, in front of her child, said, "I'm sorry, sir, but that sort of myth is inaccurate and I am teaching my daughter than hitting and hurting someone are NOT a sign of affection and she shouldn't settle for that." Having your mom stick up for you to a stranger is enough. Calling another 4 year old a bully in a viral story is too much.
I would be very surprised if there are many parents our age, not a generation or two before, who have let their boys grow up to think that hurting for attention is an appropriate way to get affection.
ETA: And I'm a little miffed at your mom for telling you that. My parents never said that and I remember my dad teaching me the opposite (and both were teachers, so they probably followed the same at school).
I posted it the other day, and 2 of my friends with daughters thanked me--they had never thought of it in that way. They are both around my age (38 and 40). So, yeah, I think it's worth sharing.
I don't agree that this particular mom's story in the OP illustrates this. The mom is overreacting to this action - she should have, in front of her child, said, "I'm sorry, sir, but that sort of myth is inaccurate and I am teaching my daughter than hitting and hurting someone are NOT a sign of affection and she shouldn't settle for that." Having your mom stick up for you to a stranger is enough. Calling another 4 year old a bully in a viral story is too much.
I would be very surprised if there are many parents our age, not a generation or two before, who have let their boys grow up to think that hurting for attention is an appropriate way to get affection.
ETA: And I'm a little miffed at your mom for telling you that. My parents never said that and I remember my dad teaching me the opposite (and both were teachers, so they probably followed the same at school).
I posted it the other day, and 2 of my friends with daughters thanked me--they had never thought of it in that way. They are both around my age (38 and 40). So, yeah, I think it's worth sharing.
I guess I'm around mostly mom's of boys, so we talk a lot about teaching our boys empathy and how to be good feminists as boys. We had a whole book wine club on it one evening. Maybe we're anomalies and I'll have to eat my words.
I had to share this the other day on my FB page because this message needs to be heard. I remember being teased endlessly by a boy in grade school and my mom telling me it's okay because he "probably just likes me." We're teaching young girls to allow boys to treat them badly and excusing the behavior. It needs to stop as we've been raising generations of women who put up with men abusing them.
I'm glad this is going viral.
I don't agree that this particular mom's story in the OP illustrates this. The mom is overreacting to this action - she should have, in front of her child, said, "I'm sorry, sir, but that sort of myth is inaccurate and I am teaching my daughter than hitting and hurting someone are NOT a sign of affection and she shouldn't settle for that." Having your mom stick up for you to a stranger is enough. Calling another 4 year old a bully in a viral story is too much.
I would be very surprised if there are many parents our age, not a generation or two before, who have let their boys grow up to think that hurting for attention is an appropriate way to get affection.
ETA: And I'm a little miffed at your mom for telling you that. My parents never said that and I remember my dad teaching me the opposite (and both were teachers, so they probably followed the same at school).
The point isn't that the boy is a bully. At 4 years old that's pretty unlikely. The point is that we shouldn't be teaching girls to excuse boys' negative behaviors as a sign of affection or admiration. Girls grow up thinking that's okay and then excuse men's negative behaviors.
I posted it the other day, and 2 of my friends with daughters thanked me--they had never thought of it in that way. They are both around my age (38 and 40). So, yeah, I think it's worth sharing.
I guess I'm around mostly mom's of boys, so we talk a lot about teaching our boys empathy and how to be good feminists as boys. We had a whole book wine club on it one evening. Maybe we're anomalies and I'll have to eat my words.
My friends are progressive, but in general our area is not so boys being raised as feminists is certainly not the norm here. There's a whole lot of "boys have to be tough" around here. I see it with kids at my son's preschool, already at the ages of 3 and 4.
I don't agree that this particular mom's story in the OP illustrates this. The mom is overreacting to this action - she should have, in front of her child, said, "I'm sorry, sir, but that sort of myth is inaccurate and I am teaching my daughter than hitting and hurting someone are NOT a sign of affection and she shouldn't settle for that." Having your mom stick up for you to a stranger is enough. Calling another 4 year old a bully in a viral story is too much.
I would be very surprised if there are many parents our age, not a generation or two before, who have let their boys grow up to think that hurting for attention is an appropriate way to get affection.
ETA: And I'm a little miffed at your mom for telling you that. My parents never said that and I remember my dad teaching me the opposite (and both were teachers, so they probably followed the same at school).
The point isn't that the boy is a bully. At 4 years old that's pretty unlikely. The point is that we shouldn't be teaching girls to excuse boys' negative behaviors as a sign of affection or admiration. Girls grow up thinking that's okay and then excuse men's negative behaviors.
I agree that girls shouldn't be accepting of hostility as attention from boys and that boys should be taught that hostility is not a sign of affection. I concede that the article insinuates that the boy was a "bully," not the mom. Then I guess the article is poorly worded. I'll have to assume that the mom didn't say that in her viral posts. I hope people have been sharing the mom's words directly and not badly written articles.
The point isn't that the boy is a bully. At 4 years old that's pretty unlikely. The point is that we shouldn't be teaching girls to excuse boys' negative behaviors as a sign of affection or admiration. Girls grow up thinking that's okay and then excuse men's negative behaviors.
I agree that girls shouldn't be accepting of hostility as attention from boys and that boys should be taught that hostility is not a sign of affection. I concede that the article insinuates that the boy was a "bully," not the mom. Then I guess the article is poorly worded. I'll have to assume that the mom didn't say that in her viral posts. I hope people have been sharing the mom's words directly and not badly written articles.
And this is what she says in the comments: "Pulling hair is not affection either. Respecting each others' bodies. Like me that way. Tell me you like me. Draw me a picture. Write me a letter, a poem...but Do Not confuse aggression with affection. I want to be clear that my intensity on this is directed at Adults. We will make the difference. It's time to be conscious Adults leading the way"
The mom didn't insinuate that he was a bully, I think that was just poor reporting by reporters that picked up the story.
Eh, why is this viral news? I mean some non-medical registration guy said some stupid myth to a little girl when checking her in for a non-life threatening medical issue.
Andplusalso, hitting at 4 years old is probably not liking someone or bullying - it's bad communication and likely an age appropriate action, unluckily. Everyone is wrong here.
She is not calling the boy a bully at all. She has even responded to several comments on FB defending the boy and his parents. This is only about the message that society sends to women from the time they are little.
ETA: I see now that the article says she is furious with the boy who bullied her daughter. She is not and has made that very clear on FB.
I mentally file everything like this into the "I need to see the receipts" portion of my brain. Sad to say.
Ditto.
At this point when I see "open letter" I immediately think, fake. Why does eveything have to be an open letter anyway? If you legit had an issue with this person why don't you take it up with their supervisor?
I had had an issue with a lab recently and rather than "open letter it" I took it up the food chain with the lab team.
I mentally file everything like this into the "I need to see the receipts" portion of my brain. Sad to say.
Ditto.
At this point when I see "open letter" I immediately think, fake. Why does eveything have to be an open letter anyway? If you legit had an issue with this person why don't you take it up with their supervisor?
I had had an issue with a lab recently and rather than "open letter it" I took it up the food chain with the lab team.