Um HOUSE! You will always need a place to live, can be a very good investment and well, duh! I can't imagine being so impractical that you really choose wedding over house.
Choose house and then save for the wedding on your own.
i also think people are a lot more practical with their choices for a wedding when they have to spend their own money on it.
Why not do the opposite and save for a house on your own? We weren't anywhere near knowing where we would be long-term when we got married. Buying a house was never a "we do this as soon as we're married" consideration for me, but I'm mainly playing devil's advocate here.
I also feel this way. We've been married 5 years and I would continue renting because I still don't know ultimately where to settle, but our renting options are getting slimmer the further out we get from NYC. Or we see new housing going up or a newer community with a convenient location and we're like "hey let's check that out" and it's a 55+ community. Every time.
This was not a choice for me. Big weddings and family parties in general are a huge deal to my parents. We had a guest list of 300 people (thankfully not all could make it) largely due to my parents wanting to invite every single friend and social acquaintance of theirs, in addition to far-flung relatives I only saw once every ten years. I am not kidding when I say that there were people at my wedding whom I did not recognize at all.
I am honestly not sure how they paid for it as they are not great with money. DH and I paid for all of our own guests. The amount of $ my parents' friends gifted us more or less equalled what we spent, so it was a wash.
There were also people at our wedding that my parents had to introduce us to.Â
Me, too. I met a bunch of new people at my wedding. It never really occurred to me to think of that as odd until I saw people online express the sentiment that they didn't want people they don't know well at their weddings. A good portion of the weddings we go to have 300+ guests (some are 500+). I am assuming the bride doesn't know everyone there.
I just processed the fact that our wedding cost 3x what we put down on our first house. I am kind of horrified.
Since so many people brought up COL, I am wondering what amount the parents offered their daughter. The article didn't say but it was written by their wedding planner whose business was based near Philly so I am assuming it must have been a lot if it could have covered a DP in that area!
My parents paid cash for their part of the wedding. We put our portion on credit cards (for the points!) that we quickly paid off.
(We upgraded in a few categories, like my dad thought $3k was enough for photo/video, but I'm a photo snob so we paid the difference to get the quality we wanted)
I'd like to think I wouldn't put strings on my financial gifts to our kids. H already says he isn't gifting our kids as much as my parents gift me, lol.
Also, did everyone actually pay cash for their weddings? I'm pretty sure that my parents put a lot of it on a credit card. And I can't really get too worked up about that since it was the party they wanted.
My parents paid for ours but I have no idea how. It was definitely the party they wanted, which was fine with us. I picked my dress and the cake flavors and that was about it. It was 1/3 our friends, 1/3 my in laws friends, and 1/3 my parents friends.
Post by redpenmama on Oct 10, 2015 10:01:29 GMT -5
I had this choice and chose wedding. I don't necessarily regret it but realize now in my old age that down payment would certainly have been more practical.
I just processed the fact that our wedding cost 3x what we put down on our first house. I am kind of horrified.
Since so many people brought up COL, I am wondering what amount the parents offered their daughter. The article didn't say but it was written by their wedding planner whose business was based near Philly so I am assuming it must have been a lot if it could have covered a DP in that area!Â
Are we assuming they mean that the money would have covered the full down payment and that they are putting 20% down? Or just that it could have been applied toward a down payment? (disclaimer: I have not really read the article.)
There were also people at our wedding that my parents had to introduce us to.
Me, too. I met a bunch of new people at my wedding. It never really occurred to me to think of that as odd until I saw people online express the sentiment that they didn't want people they don't know well at their weddings. A good portion of the weddings we go to have 300+ guests (some are 500+). I am assuming the bride doesn't know everyone there.
Yeah I was ok with it too. It wasn't all about us--it was a really big deal to my parents too. Basically I saw it as my parents planning a big fun party in our honor, and we got to invite all our friends and have a great time.
Me, too. I met a bunch of new people at my wedding. It never really occurred to me to think of that as odd until I saw people online express the sentiment that they didn't want people they don't know well at their weddings. A good portion of the weddings we go to have 300+ guests (some are 500+). I am assuming the bride doesn't know everyone there.
Yeah I was ok with it too. It wasn't all about us--it was a really big deal to my parents too. Basically I saw it as my parents planning a big fun party in our honor, and we got to invite all our friends and have a great time.Â
Yup, exactly. I never felt like our wedding was only about us, and didn't mind that at all. I
Since so many people brought up COL, I am wondering what amount the parents offered their daughter. The article didn't say but it was written by their wedding planner whose business was based near Philly so I am assuming it must have been a lot if it could have covered a DP in that area!
Are we assuming they mean that the money would have covered the full down payment and that they are putting 20% down? Or just that it could have been applied toward a down payment? (disclaimer: I have not really read the article.)
I don't know. It was written by their wedding planner who used it to explain why she thought she needed to get out of the business (bride tells her about this and that she chose the wedding and the wedding planner wants to urge her to go for the house, lol).
Post by cleosprite on Oct 10, 2015 10:16:11 GMT -5
We were given money for the wedding. It was a fun party. What we spent on it would come nowhere close to a DP in our area. TBH, even combined with our own down payment money for the house we ultimately bought, it still wouldn't have saved us from PMI those first couple of years. We didn't have a choice, but if I could do it again and did have a choice, I would still choose wedding with the amount we were given.
I think money to the kids will depend on the kind of person they grow up to be. I'd like to think I'd raise them so I could give them a chunk of change and know they will spend it wisely, but if my kids grow up being...less responsible I probably won't give them money without strings. That said, I would be okay with them choosing between wedding or down payment, or even honeymoon.
Yeah I was ok with it too. It wasn't all about us--it was a really big deal to my parents too. Basically I saw it as my parents planning a big fun party in our honor, and we got to invite all our friends and have a great time.Â
Yup, exactly. I never felt like our wedding was only about us, and didn't mind that at all. I
I guess this is where the choice just seems odd to me, in the context of my own family. A house IS just all about us, and has little to do with getting married. I can't see my parents being excited about forking over $ to help us buy something they had no say in. (Now, if we were buying a house down the street from them to allow them to be closer to future grandchildren, then I could see my parents' logic possibly embracing the concept of money for DP as wedding present.)
I'd probably split it, with $15K toward a wedding and the rest for downpayment savings.
This would not have left very much for the DP part in our case. I think I have a vastly different idea of what weddings cost than people on this board!
Yup, exactly. I never felt like our wedding was only about us, and didn't mind that at all. I
I guess this is where the choice just seems odd to me, in the context of my own family. A house IS just all about us, and has little to do with getting married. I can't see my parents being excited about forking over $ to help us buy something they had no say in. (Now, if we were buying a house down the street from them to allow them to be closer to future grandchildren, then I could see my parents' logic possibly embracing the concept of money for DP as wedding present.)
Yes, I think this is exactly why my parents were not willing to let us use the wedding money for anything else. They didn't see the money as a gift to us--they saw it as the paying for a party for their family and friends (and our friends, too, obviously) to honor their kids.
I'd probably split it, with $15K toward a wedding and the rest for downpayment savings.
This would not have left very much for the DP part in our case. I think I have a vastly different idea of what weddings cost than people on this board!
It's been a while since a "how much was your wedding?" poll. Do we need one?
Post by imojoebunny on Oct 10, 2015 10:55:55 GMT -5
House. I can then have a big party at my new house to celebrate. My parents (my mother) insisted on a big wedding. I let her have at it. I could only invite 6 people, outside of my family members (lots of them), after my mom got through with her guest list, and my DH invited his family and a few friends. I knew going in it was really her wedding. She even changed the flowers I had selected, so when I showed up, they were an entirely different type and color. She really enjoyed the wedding, and I got a terrific spouse out of it. I will offer my children this choice, if we can afford it and/or they decide to get married. I love going to other people's weddings, but I am not a fan of being the center of attention.
We already owned our house so the money my parents gave us toward our wedding went toward the wedding... But if we didn't already have a house, I'd vote for DP.
we had zero issue saving for our first DP in the first year of our marriage.
Lol we actually bought our house before even getting engaged but we only put down ~$15k and basically emptied our savings to do so. Bad mmers. We had to delay the engagement because of the house.
we lived in Chicago our first year of marriage and my h got paid time and a half for overtime. He worked usually 10-20 hours a week of OT if not more. So when we moved to Atlanta in 2007 we put 10% down and bought a car in cash.
Unfortunately 2007 was the exact wrong time to buy but what can you do.
And ditto @kirkette on maintenance and home ownership in LA. I miss it sometimes but I don't know if I want to deal with owning in this city. Especially since we would be most likely to buy and fix up an older home. Maintenance was enough on our 2004 construction home in Atlanta.
Post by mellimel19 on Oct 10, 2015 11:09:02 GMT -5
We paid for our own wedding, so I would use the money for a down payment. We are just now looking for our first home- we would have been able to buy a home a year or two sooner had we not had the big wedding, but I LOVED our wedding day. I wouldn't change a thing, and have no regrets about taking longer to buy our first home because of it.
Also, did everyone actually pay cash for their weddings? I'm pretty sure that my parents put a lot of it on a credit card. And I can't really get too worked up about that since it was the party they wanted.
We did. We saved for almost 2 years so that we would be able to have the wedding and honeymoon we wanted without going into debt for it.
Post by penguingrrl on Oct 10, 2015 11:15:17 GMT -5
Our parents paid for our wedding, which we were and are super grateful for. We both come from large close-knit families and not inviting everyone wouldn't have been acceptable to us or anyone else (I'm very close to my cousins). But Jersey standards we kept it as inexpensive as we could, but it was still expensive to find a room big enough for 150 people and feed everyone.
We haven't been in a position to buy a house yet, but that's partly due to finances and mostly due to HS career trajectory necessitating a ton of moves and therefore owning not making sense yet (in 9 years of marriage we've moved seven times.
Post by pinkdutchtulips on Oct 10, 2015 11:17:07 GMT -5
House please ! We had a super small wedding (65 people) that we (well I) paid for. If given the choice bt a house dp or a BIG wedding, you can kiss that big wedding bye bye and let's go house hunting !
This would not have left very much for the DP part in our case. I think I have a vastly different idea of what weddings cost than people on this board!
It's been a while since a "how much was your wedding?" poll. Do we need one?
I actually don't know. ::hides::
I don't even know how many people my mom invited. I'm pretty sure it was north of 400. Our reception site held about 275, and I reminded my mom of this frequently. She would say things like "Cousin Steve lives in South Florida, so he's not going to come. But he'll be offended if he doesn't get an invitation!"
Honestly with what we spent on our wedding day we could have bought a nice house and sold our tiny condo. I loved our wedding but now that Owen is here I wish we would have gone that route.