Ripple Effects of Parents Not Using Their Vacation Time

[WanderingWinoZ]

hbr.org/2015/10/the-ripple-effects-of-parents-not-using-their-vacation-time


A few years ago, I was struck by a study of Disney parks: the company had hired a team of analysts to figure out what kids found most absorbing about their theme park. Was it Mickey and Minnie? Cinderella’s castle? Space Mountain?



No. It was their parents’ mobile phones. Because the parents were always staring at them, the kids wanted to as well – even surrounded by spinning teacups, growling pirates, and giant mice. There was a noisy, colorful world going on around them – but both parents and children were mainly interested in the tiny, quiet world unfolding inside the glowing glass rectangle.



Today, more of us are more tethered to these devices, which in turn keep us tethered to work. The Economist has dubbed them “the fastest-selling gadgets in history.” The iPhone was only introduced in 2007, the BlackBerry in 1999, and yet today, half the adult population owns a smartphone. That’s even higher in America, where nearly two-thirds of adults own one – roughly double the 2011 number. And we use them constantly – the average American spends over two hours on his or her smartphone every day. We check them first thing in the morning, last thing at night, on the toilet. One in ten of us even admits to using them while having sex.



These soaring rates of phone-usage coincide with a sharp decline in taking time off from work. Americans today take almost a week less of vacation, on average, than they did in 2000 – but prior to that year, American vacation time had been relatively stable.




By 2014, 42% of Americans were telling pollsters they had not taken a single day off in the past year. So while America has long been the only developed nation to not guarantee workers any paid time off, our elective status as No-Vacation Nation has been a relatively recent phenomenon.



And, just as at Disney World, our kids are noticing.



According to a new report from Project: Time Off, which surveyed a representative sample of over 700 kids between 8 and 14 years of age, and their parents, our always-on habits are reshaping our children’s lives. Three quarters of children surveyed said their parents don’t fully disconnect from work when at home, and over 80% of kids have noticed their parents bringing work stress home with them. (Project: Time Off is an initiative funded in large part by the U.S. Travel Association, which is naturally concerned about what all this overwork is doing to the travel industry.)



I spoke with Katie Denis, who wrote the report and is Senior Program Director at PTO, and she gave me some additional data from the survey that wasn’t in the final report. As she relayed via email, “Kids with parents who check in with work most days are more than twice as likely to say their parent comes home from work in a bad or very bad mood (20%) compared to kids with parents who never check in after hours (8%).” Parents who regularly check in with work after hours are also more likely to have stressed-out kids, by about 20 percentage points. About one in five kids say their parents do after-hours work from home almost every night.



And yet American parents are hardly neglecting their children: in fact, they’re spending more time with their kids today than they did in the 1960s. So what’s the problem?



Well, there’s longtitudinal, peer-reviewed research showing that the amount of time you spend with your kids doesn’t really matter. The old saw is true: it’s what you do with that time that counts. If you’re spending lots of time with your kids — but that time is spent parallel-playing in front of screens — it’s not going to have the same impact as a relaxed camping trip or casual board game.



But note: anxiously hovering around children as a sort of super-parent appears to be just as destructive as having bad work-life boundaries. It’s the stress that hurts children, not the cause of that stress, according to the same peer-reviewed study. This something the PTO report also noticed. “Kids notice their parents’ moods quite a bit,” Denis told me over the phone.





One particular thing kids also notice: when their parents miss important events. Nearly six in ten children said their parents had missed events like school plays, soccer games, and awards ceremonies – even major holidays – for work. A majority of the children (59%) were upset by their parents’ lack of presence in their lives and 58% “can detail the last activity their parents missed.”



On the one hand, a busy parent might point out that kids today seem to have an endless number of awards ceremonies and many schools don’t seem to make even a token effort to accommodate working parents’ schedules. But on the other, remember, it’s hardly like Americans are using all of their vacation time – or even close to all of it. In the PTO study, 39% of parents had unused time available, and 22% of all parents admitted it had been over a year since their last family vacation. In a different survey, 85% of people admitted they could easily take another day of vacation time to spend with their families.



Of course, it’s true that America has a more threadbare social safety net than many other developed, wealthy nations. There are parents in the U.S. who don’t have paid time off because they’re paid as contractors, working multiple part time jobs, or could be fired at will for staying home to take care of a sick kid. And there’s plenty of evidence that growing up in an economically insecure household is stressful for children and hurts their development.



But oddly, it seems like the parents who would theoretically have a measure of control over their work are the very ones struggling the most with overwork. Joan C. Williams and Heather Boushey found in a comprehensive 2010 report that Americans worked an average of 11 more hours per week in 2006 than they did in 1979 – which adds up to the equivalent of roughly three extra weeks of work per year. Moreover, they found a divergence in how those hours are allocated – the hours of the highest earners went up, while the hours of low-income Americans dropped. “What our data analysis shows is what scholars call the ‘time divide,’” they write. “In the United States today, many higher earners fervently want fewer hours, while many low-wage workers can find only part-time work, or none at all.”



A different PTO study found, similarly, that while most employees have little trouble taking time off, senior managers struggle much more to stay away from work when they take on vacation:




There are many reasons professionals struggle with this, some more psychological than economic, but the impact is clear: it’s causing stress and burnout, both at work and at home, and moving up the ladder doesn’t solve the problem. I’m not sure we know, yet, what will happen when leaders think it’s normal to work all the time, but we may be in the process of finding out. That’s a problem for organizations – and for parents.



“What worries me the most,” Denis told me, “Is we’re not only telling kids that working all the time is acceptable behavior, we’re creating a new norm. And if that’s the case, our kids are going to think it’s OK — and it’s only going to get worse.”



Here’s the rub. Kids don’t want an all-expenses paid trip to Belize. In fact, the most popular activity the kids in the PTO survey mentioned was a parent simply joining their school field trip. As one 11-year old girl put, it, “It doesn’t matter what we’re doing, it only matters that we’re having fun.” Simple gestures had a huge impact on children’s wellbeing. While only 19% of the kids in the survey said that they’re typically in a good mood on an average day, on days their parents took time off to spend with them that number shot up to 60%.



So don’t let the dark numbers in these studies stress you out even more. Just put down your phone and make something happen. It doesn’t have to be amazing. It just has to be something. “If you don’t carve out that time,” says Denis, herself a parent, “You don’t get it back.”

[WanderingWinoZ]

nobody wants to talk about this?? lol...

I'm glad we're spending more time with kids, sad we're generally distracted with an electronic device while doing so, fascinated that the "working at home/outside of 9-5 hours" impacts and stresses parents & kids out.

[jeaniebueller]

This article is kind of all over the place. I agree that people probably spend too much time tethered to their devices.
But I call BS on his anecdote at the top about Disney.
And the mom guilt is really getting to me that I had to miss my DS's daytime preschool program a few years ago due to a court hearing I couldn't miss. I rarely take a planned vacation other than a 3 or 4 day weekend because I generally have to hoard my vacation time to watch sick kids or cover school breaks. And we do plenty of fun things on the weekend, I guess I am not going to feel bad that I am not taking time off to go on a field trip, KWIM?

[eclaires]

Parents are probably on their phones at Disney trying to check wait times, look at the map and grab fast passes for Anna and Elsa.

[simpsongal]

Vacation? What vacation? I've been hoarding my leave in anticipation of having another baby.

[noodleoo]

I don't know. I think this is a pretty obvious and well-documented problem. But employers just don't care. As a society, nobody seems to want to do anything about it. Jobs continue to require 50 to 60 or more hours per week and just call that regular full-time. And even after you work you're supposed to check your email from home. I personally hate it but it seems to be the only way to succeed in the corporate environment. Which is why I failed.

[WanderingWinoZ]

Oct 13, 2015 10:22:59 GMT -5 eclaires said:

Parents are probably on their phones at Disney trying to check wait times, look at the map and grab fast passes for Anna and Elsa.

Maybe some times, but I"m sure they are still checking email, facebook, and posting ot instagram

[eclaires]

Oct 13, 2015 10:40:27 GMT -5 WanderingWinoZ said:

Oct 13, 2015 10:22:59 GMT -5 eclaires said:

Parents are probably on their phones at Disney trying to check wait times, look at the map and grab fast passes for Anna and Elsa.

Maybe some times, but I"m sure they are still checking email, facebook, and posting ot instagram

Lol. I found using the MDE app to take any phone time I had while at Disney, but even once we came home I found myself looking at wait times - it was oddly fascinating. I saved my instagramming for our planned breaks.

[Black Lavender]

Oct 13, 2015 10:33:36 GMT -5 noodleoo said:

I don't know. I think this is a pretty obvious and well-documented problem. But employers just don't care. As a society, nobody seems to want to do anything about it. Jobs continue to require 50 to 60 or more hours per week and just call that regular full-time. And even after you work you're supposed to check your email from home. I personally hate it but it seems to be the only way to succeed in the corporate environment. Which is why I failed.

“What worries me the most,” Denis told me, “Is we’re not only telling kids that working all the time is acceptable behavior, we’re creating a new norm. And if that’s the case, our kids are going to think it’s OK — and it’s only going to get worse.”


Ditto to noodleoo and to the above statement. Our CEO (small company, less than 70 ee's) and other management members expect people to be available during weekends, holidays or vacation. Nope, I'm not the one. They asked everyone to get corporate emails on their personal cell phones...wrong again. In my head the more I work (salaried) the less I get paid and I'm not down for that. I take every single vacation and sick day, every year.

[jeaniebueller]

I guess I don't get what the author is saying. Is he whining that we are spending too much time on our phones, or that we don't use our PTO we are entitled to? I think the solution is a little more complicated than the "seize the day!!!" vibe the author is putting down in his last paragraph. First, we could start with paid maternity leave, like other civilized countries have. We should also suggest that employers be more flexible. I mean, I doubt the parents (like me last year when we were shorthanded) really enjoy being on call all the time and not using their vacation time. Change really has to come from the top down.

[meshaliuknits]

Oct 13, 2015 10:22:59 GMT -5 eclaires said:

Parents are probably on their phones at Disney trying to check wait times, look at the map and grab fast passes for Anna and Elsa.

And using them as a camera and sending the pics to auntie.

[ESF]

10% of the population looks at their smart phone while having sex?

[meshaliuknits]

Oct 13, 2015 12:08:02 GMT -5 ESF said:

10% of the population looks at their smart phone while having sex?

Maybe they have redtube going on it? I certainly hope they aren't answering email.

[rondonalddo]

Sounds like the real point is the ripple effect of American work culture on children, non-use of vacation time and working at all hours and locations and stress being symptoms of that. Of course, the study was produced by a group that's funded by tourism, so they point more toward unused vacation time than work culture.

[lg28]

We use our phones too much. Period. Be it at work, at home, with the kids, wherever and whenever.

i am HORRIBLE at always being on my phone. Its so damn ADDICTING though. I can't help it. Its a legit problem.

[zoidberg]

Oct 13, 2015 10:21:01 GMT -5 jeaniebueller said:

This article is kind of all over the place. I agree that people probably spend too much time tethered to their devices.
But I call BS on his anecdote at the top about Disney.
And the mom guilt is really getting to me that I had to miss my DS's daytime preschool program a few years ago due to a court hearing I couldn't miss. I rarely take a planned vacation other than a 3 or 4 day weekend because I generally have to hoard my vacation time to watch sick kids or cover school breaks. And we do plenty of fun things on the weekend, I guess I am not going to feel bad that I am not taking time off to go on a field trip, KWIM?

I totally believe it. I was at the national gallery of art yesterday, where the entire point of being there is to look at art, and saw a ton of people just roaming around like zombies and staring at their phones. Not bored teenagers following their parents, adult people who looked to be there on their own.

The last we went to the zoo (which will be the LAST time) it was almost impossible to get around because so many people were just aimlessly plodding around looking at their phones or stopping in doorways to take selfies. Some woman almost pinned me against a fence with her stroller because she veered off course and drove it straight into me (looking at her phone). She looked up, corrected course, and said nothing. I almost spontaneously combusted.

[summer]

Oct 13, 2015 13:56:00 GMT -5 zoidberg said:

Oct 13, 2015 10:21:01 GMT -5 jeaniebueller said:

This article is kind of all over the place. I agree that people probably spend too much time tethered to their devices.
But I call BS on his anecdote at the top about Disney.
And the mom guilt is really getting to me that I had to miss my DS's daytime preschool program a few years ago due to a court hearing I couldn't miss. I rarely take a planned vacation other than a 3 or 4 day weekend because I generally have to hoard my vacation time to watch sick kids or cover school breaks. And we do plenty of fun things on the weekend, I guess I am not going to feel bad that I am not taking time off to go on a field trip, KWIM?

I totally believe it. I was at the national gallery of art yesterday, where the entire point of being there is to look at art, and saw a ton of people just roaming around like zombies and staring at their phones. Not bored teenagers following their parents, adult people who looked to be there on their own.

The last we went to the zoo (which will be the LAST time) it was almost impossible to get around because so many people were just aimlessly plodding around looking at their phones or stopping in doorways to take selfies. Some woman almost pinned me against a fence with her stroller because she veered off course and drove it straight into me (looking at her phone). She looked up, corrected course, and said nothing. I almost spontaneously combusted.

Despite my other post, I'm very conscious of this. My H and I were at a museum the other day and we wanted to know something about the artist. He went to pull out his phone to look it up and I was all, "Noooo! People will think you're THAT guy at the museum. Do it later."

[josieposy]

I'm somewhat hoarding my vacation time for when I'm done with exams and the kids are out of daycare next year. I'll actually be able to afford a vacation, so I'm hoping to plan something over their first spring break. Because I live in MN. And I'll definitely want to leave by spring break. It'll be cold here.

[Alyssa]

Go on Periscope and it's easy to find someone walking around one of the Disney parks.

[zoidberg]

Oct 13, 2015 14:03:36 GMT -5 summer said:

Oct 13, 2015 13:56:00 GMT -5 zoidberg said:

I totally believe it. I was at the national gallery of art yesterday, where the entire point of being there is to look at art, and saw a ton of people just roaming around like zombies and staring at their phones. Not bored teenagers following their parents, adult people who looked to be there on their own.

The last we went to the zoo (which will be the LAST time) it was almost impossible to get around because so many people were just aimlessly plodding around looking at their phones or stopping in doorways to take selfies. Some woman almost pinned me against a fence with her stroller because she veered off course and drove it straight into me (looking at her phone). She looked up, corrected course, and said nothing. I almost spontaneously combusted.

Despite my other post, I'm very conscious of this. My H and I were at a museum the other day and we wanted to know something about the artist. He went to pull out his phone to look it up and I was all, "Noooo! People will think you're THAT guy at the museum. Do it later."

I mean, it wasn't someone standing by a painting and looking something up. It was people just wandering room to room without even looking up from the screen.

[msmerymac]

Two things:

- They mentioned contractors, and contractors are a very fast growing demographic. I am one. I have no PTO. I also work from home, so being sick and taking it easy for a day or two is not a problem. This also doesn't mean I don't take time off, but I also can't guarantee that I won't have to check my phone/email and maybe spend like 30 minutes dealing with something even if I'm on vacation. This doesn't account for people who leave their PTO on the table, but it does explain why people on average take fewer vacation days.

- What counts as PTO? For hourly employees, it's usually anything outside of 8 hours, or their regular hours. But for salaried employees, it's usually an entire day. For example, if my husband does 2 hours of work in the morning from home and takes the rest of the day off, that's a work day. It does not count as a vacation day. This would allow plenty of time to spend a morning or afternoon on a field trip or at a school talent show or taking a kid to the zoo for their birthday while not technically using PTO.


Not that having email/phones on us ALL THE TIME isn't a huge issue. Although I telecommute, I do get burned out by basically being available 24/7.

[Deleted]

I assume there are a lot of people just screwing around on their phones. I have been out socially with plenty of people who just play on their phones instead of talking to each other.

[ESF]

Oct 13, 2015 12:11:04 GMT -5 meshaliuknits said:

Oct 13, 2015 12:08:02 GMT -5 ESF said:

10% of the population looks at their smart phone while having sex?

Maybe they have redtube going on it? I certainly hope they aren't answering email.

LOL.

Now I need to know if anybody here has checked CEP while gettin' busy.

[secretlyevil]

The answer is simple. Turn off your phones.

[pescalita]

We need to stop taking it personally when someone points out a cultural problem.

[meshaliuknits]

Oct 13, 2015 14:45:12 GMT -5 ESF said:

Oct 13, 2015 12:11:04 GMT -5 meshaliuknits said:

Maybe they have redtube going on it? I certainly hope they aren't answering email.

LOL.

Now I need to know if anybody here has checked CEP while gettin' busy.

Poll time?

[ESF]

Oct 13, 2015 15:54:54 GMT -5 pescalita said:

We need to stop taking it personally when someone points out a cultural problem.

If people are checking CEP while sexin', they need to take it personally.

That just is not right.

[ESF]

Seriously people. Who cares about iPhones on Space Mountain? I really need to discuss the fact that 10% of the population facebooks while fucking.

WHO DOES THIS?

[meshaliuknits]

Oct 13, 2015 16:18:08 GMT -5 ESF said:

Seriously people. Who cares about iPhones on Space Mountain? I really need to discuss the fact that 10% of the population facebooks while fucking.

WHO DOES THIS?

You know it's not me because I don't have Facebook. I think this puts sfy in the clear too.

[sfy]

Oct 13, 2015 16:24:53 GMT -5 meshaliuknits said:

Oct 13, 2015 16:18:08 GMT -5 ESF said:

Seriously people. Who cares about iPhones on Space Mountain? I really need to discuss the fact that 10% of the population facebooks while fucking.

WHO DOES THIS?

You know it's not me because I don't have Facebook. I think this puts sfy in the clear too.

Nope. I give all my attention to the task at hand .