Update from me re addict boyfriend

[coda]

I posted a while ago but I deleted the thread because I was embarrassed. Anyway I had the boyfriend who was a crack addict and an alcoholic and I was pregnant. I was leaving him but I didn't practice no contact and I ended up going back a few days later.

Well all sorts of promises were made. And it was good for a couple weeks. Then I had the baby. We were at the casino when I started having contractions. I didn't even want to be there but him and his brother pressured me into going. And then I had to beg him to leave like an hour later. He was drinking too. And then we went back to his brothers where he continued to drink while I walked through contractions. And he wouldn't even walk with me. I finally made him leave at 9:00. So we get home and he passes out. We ended up going to the hospital at 4am. I ended up having the baby 20 hours after getting to the hospital.

After I got back to my room he went home and said he was going to sleep and he would come back in the morning. Well he ended up getting drunk with his brother and coming to visit me drunk. I got mad and kicked him out of the hospital. And he tried to get me to give him all the money and I refused.

Then when baby was 2 weeks old he disappeared all night and came back at 8am just as I was going out to look for him. He didn't have his phone. Turns out he was smoking crack all night and he gave his phone to a dealer.

It eventually escalated to him assaulting me last Sunday. He choked me after I refused to give him more money for dope. He was arrested and he's still in jail. His parents refused to bail him out because I told them what happened right away. Now he's trying to get bail again tomorrow. I don't think he is going to get it though. Nobody trusts him now because I've all told them what he did.

I'm with my mom now and I'm dealing with all the legal stuff now. I'm going to start counselling too. As I look back I can see how much I was being abused and it is sickening. And I'm so lucky that he didn't kill me or his son when he was in that rage.

I wish that I had taken all your advice before. I guess I wasn't ready and I needed to hit my rock bottom. I just wanted to update you all. I'm not embarrassed now. I just hope that he doesn't have the opportunity to hurt any other women. Because I wasn't the first. He was already on probation for a previous assault charge.

I just feel so fucked up right now. ?

[awick14]

((Hugs)) I am so sorry you had to go through all that.

It's not easy to leave someone like that. Please don't beat yourself up over this.

You are doing to the right thing now. You can stay strong, your son needs you to be strong.

[coda]

Thanks. It's getting easier each day. I'm just dreading if he gets out soon. I don't want him trying to contact me but I've blocked him and changed my number so at least that will make it more difficult.

[awick14]

Will/do you have a restraining order in effect?

[coda]

Yes I have a no contact order from the court already. And I'm filling for full custody too.

[malibu]

Don't be embarrassed. We all, as partners of addicts, hang on to the hope that it'll get better, that things will change. In reality, sometimes it just doesn't. The addict has to want to change.

I am glad you're in a safe place, and that he's likely going to still be in jail and away from you and your baby for now.

Definitely get into counseling as soon as possible, see if you can find someone who specializes in domestic abuse. And always remember - it is NOT YOUR FAULT. He made his choices on his own. No matter what he tries to tell you, it's not your fault.

[SwimDeep]

OMG, I can't imagine going through all of that on the night I gave birth

Hold on to the fact that you have a new title now. You're not just a girlfriend now. You're a mother. You're first priority is to your baby, so do whatever you have to do to keep that baby safe and out of the life that your ex is trapped in. Your ex's decisions are absolutely not your fault, and it's up to him to get himself out of his own pit.

Love that baby with everything you have. And love yourself too. You're worth it!

[coda]

Thanks. I had my first counselling appointment today and it went well. And my baby puts a smile on my face every time I look at him. I'd be lost without him that's for sure.

[Deleted]

I'm grateful you got out of there with your life and your baby wasn't harmed. Please don't feel embarrassed. I'm just glad you're back, receiving counseling, and living in a safe place.

[Deleted]

Oct 19, 2015 7:03:11 GMT -5 coda said:

Thanks. It's getting easier each day. I'm just dreading if he gets out soon. I don't want him trying to contact me but I've blocked him and changed my number so at least that will make it more difficult.

Does your police department notify the victim when the perpetrator is released?

[coda]

Oct 19, 2015 18:11:25 GMT -5 @courtneyloves said:

Oct 19, 2015 7:03:11 GMT -5 coda said:

Thanks. It's getting easier each day. I'm just dreading if he gets out soon. I don't want him trying to contact me but I've blocked him and changed my number so at least that will make it more difficult.

Does your police department notify the victim when the perpetrator is released?

Yes they do. The services here are really great and it has made going through this process a lot easier.

[lovelovelove]

I missed responding to this before, but wanted to see how you're doing op.

[coda]

Oct 28, 2015 17:52:56 GMT -5 lovelovelove said:

I missed responding to this before, but wanted to see how you're doing op.

Hi, I'm doing good. He's still in jail and trying for bail a third time next week. He can't get anyone to bail him out but he keeps trying. I have not spoken to him at all and as each day goes by I don't even miss talking to him.

I've had two counselling sessions so far and I think it is really helping me. I also am still at my mom's but I am getting my own place by the middle of December so I'm pumped about that. I'm going out furniture shopping today and I'm looking forward to getting brand new stuff that has no bad memories associated with it. 

In a way, I am glad that this had to happen because otherwise I think I would have stayed for too long and just been so miserable or something worse might have happened. I know that being away is for the best and I think jail is the best place for him at this time too. Now I am starting to rebuild my life with my baby and I'm excited for the future. I know it is still not going to be easy but it's going to be a hell of a lot better than would it would have been if we had stayed.

I've also noticed that since the days have been going by and I've had time to think about everything I've realized that I was being abused for such a long time before this final event happened. So much verbal and emotional abuse was happening and I did not even realize it as it was happening. Sadly I know he was sexually abusing me too during all of this and I also didn't see it as it was happening (he would pressure me to have sex when I told him I didn't want to until I finally gave in just so he would stop asking and things like that). It is not a nice feeling to know that he was doing this but he is such a good manipulator that it is quite scary. I just hope that he doesn't get a chance to do this to any other women because I know I am not the first. 

Thanks again for the kind words and encouragement.

[awick14]

((Hugs)) I'm glad you are doing better, I remember my sister coming the the reality that she was being abused longer then she thought. It was really hard realization for her.

[coda]

Yeah it's kinda messed up because it really makes you question everything. Like I know I'm smart and I know that it wasn't my fault but it is tough to come to grips with. And if you haven't been through it then it is hard to understand.