What is the best thing about being single/unmarried again?

[doriswe]

Starfishing the bed
Not walking around on egg shells
Painting any room, any color I want
Doing what I want without having to run it by someone
Fixing things that I never knew I could fix
Finding ME all over again and discovering new hobbies/passions/etc.
Being true to who I really am
Not settling
Learning to be cool with dating me
Flirting with new guys

I could go on....

[Deleted]

Doing what I want all the fucking time.

[bobthebuilder]

Breadcrumbless butter? 

[jellymankelly]

Nov 10, 2015 22:07:44 GMT -5 @pdx18 said:

Doing what I want all the fucking time.

This. I have kids so it's hard to literally do what I want all the time, but the biggest thing I will miss when I get remarried is making decisions and doing whatever the hell I want without having to discuss it with another adult. It's the best part, without a doubt.

[Deleted]

jellymankelly I honestly don't think I could ever give it up again. I like dating someone but I like having my autonomy at the same time

[Deleted]

Oh the best things were star fishing the bed, my apartment remaining clean, cereal for dinner, watch what you want on tv, pjs all day on the weekend etc.  Relish in the things your H hated. 

[alleinesein]

Not having to share the bed!

[pinkdutchtulips]

not having to walk on eggshells 24/7
having my anxiety level PLUMMENT
cook what i want to cook
not have to grocery shop for 3 diets (xh's lapband, dd who was a toddler at the time, and myself)
not to have account for every minute of every day - it was SO liberating to just stop at the park on the way home from work so dd can play instead of SPRINTING home so i'm home 'on time' or else his insecurities will wreck havoc on him and he'll take it out on me :/
not being responsible for quelling his insecurities
rejoining my book club
becoming SUPER involved in Girl Scouts w/ dd (i'm her troop leader AND a member of the local service unit exec board)
being able to live like a normal person

i could go on and on ... i'd love to get married again but marriage to xh was a frigging NIGHTMARE

[verycontrary247]

Getting to do things for myself without constantly feeling guilty about it is my #1.

[whatnext]

Planning without someone bitching it doesn't meet their schedule or expectations
I am finally moving interstate with work which I could never do
I do things, I'm out and about, I make lists. Because that's me and it brings me joy.

Actually that's the best thing. Finding what brings you joy and just doing it (when I first moved out I made a things that made me happy list it was amazing how many small things I had stopped enjoying, just doing those things again makes me realize I will be ok - or 90% of the time it does!)

[daisyn]

Naps
My ex-husband would never let me nap

[Eureka1984]

Re-discovering who I am and what I like and dislike.

My divorce was hard on me but looking back I am glad for it.

[cuddlyevil]

Being able to do the things I want without having to justify, negotiate, or defend why I want to do them.
Rediscovering the things I love and finding new things.
Making friends and reconnecting with the old ones.
My stress levels dropped significantly.
Going out to dinner or to a bar by myself is one of my favorite things.

[greysgirl]

Having my own room and bed
Not having to go two different places for holidays
Raising ds the way I want to raise him (I have full legal and physical custody)
Not having to worry about what ex was going to pull next
Not having to lock stuff in my car so he won't steal it
Figuring out what makes me happy
Not always waiting for the other shoe to drop

[bl]

I am in the minority and actually sleep on the couch 90% of the time because I hate having a bed to myself, but that is honestly the only drawback for me.

Things I enjoy:
Not cooking 2 different meals every night or even not having to cook at all sometimes
Being able to do what I want with no notice
Being able to flirt with cute guys
Rediscovering myself and new hobbies
Making new friends
Not having to wake someone up on the weekends
Watching what I want on tv
Moving to FL (exh would have never been on board)

[GilliC]

Staying out late with whoever I want.
Sleeping in on weekends.
Watching whatever I want on TV. Or spending the whole day reading.
Never cleaning. (Until five minutes before I have friends over.)
Being able to move wherever it's best for my career.
Getting to fill the whole friggin' closet!




But really, the best thing by far is not being suicidally depressed anymore. I look at the scars and the other evidence of our fights, and I can't believe that I could possibly be the same person I was back then.

[Deleted]

I live with a partner now, but these were my favorite and most of them are still true even with a new partner, because he's a better fit for me.

Being able to rule my own bank account without having someone else spending too much money in a way I disagree with.
Making whatever I want for dinner without having to consider his preferences (my XH hated spaghetti, now I eat it at least once a week!)
Being able to decide what I want for my own life without being held back.
I liked being able to watch whatever I wanted on TV, or not watch TV at all and do something else I wanted to do, without having to compromise on the evening.

But most of all - when I got divorced, I felt like the hope that had been gone was back. I had hope that my life could be what I wanted and what I thought I'd lost the chance for it to be. I had hope that I'd actually meet someone that I would be happy with. I went on a vacation I'd always wanted to go on but couldn't while married. Basically, it made me feel like I could do anything where before I felt so stuck.

[bl]

Nov 11, 2015 10:22:05 GMT -5 GilliC said:

Getting to fill the whole friggin' closet!

OMG this! That is one of the best perks
I will also add to my list not having someone around who is in a shitty mood because his football team loses every Sunday

[clw]

long time lurker...now remarried

having control over my own life and being financially free from the ex
coming home to a safe environment and not walking on egg shells to his erratic behavior
having my confidence back after many years of emotional abuse
being off anti-depressants
and most importantly getting a dog!!!

[glitzyglow]

Doing whatever I want whenever I want.
Cooking/eating without worrying about anyone else's preference.
Spending my money on whatever I want without concern.
Getting to go out or stay in every weekend...totally my choice.
Trying new things that my exH didn't want to do.
Making new friends without them having any idea who exH was and rebuilding my own identity as me.
Laundry for 1!

[katieido]

when your marriage is bad, the improvements are many.

I barely ever feel paranoid, hopeless, or filled with rage. 
I don't worry that i'm being lied to all the time
I'm not consumed with worry 
my home is my domain and responsibility-i can make it my own space and feel comfortable, and if it's a mess i have no one to blame but me (and my kindergardener, but unlike with a spouse, i don't resent her for not doing her part)
the quality of my social life is better, and i never have to have terrible restaurant episodes

overall, a major reduction in strong negative emotions/situations, and as a result i'm happier and getting in tune with what i need out of life. the relationship was so volatile, removing that influence had a profound effect on my well being.

i also love being the master of my own netflix, refrigerator, closet, bed, and schedule

[redredwine]

Nov 10, 2015 21:52:53 GMT -5 doriswe said:

Starfishing the bed
Not walking around on egg shells
Painting any room, any color I want
Doing what I want without having to run it by someone
Fixing things that I never knew I could fix
Finding ME all over again and discovering new hobbies/passions/etc.
Being true to who I really am
Not settling
Learning to be cool with dating me
Flirting with new guys

I could go on....

All of these things. 

also, only cleaning up after yourself (or deciding not to clean up after yourself and not caring about it cause who's going to care?!) 

[glynn]

No H junk cluttering up the house
Sleeping by myself
Going out
Finding new friends
Doing what I want when want
My own money
So much more I am not thinking of right now.

[winecat]

Not having to feign interest in video games or woodworking or lest he get butthurt.
Being able try new recipes without the anxiety that he wouldn't like them. We rotated through 5 different dinners- so boring.
Not having absolutely every detail of life having to be a negotiation. Well, if I wanted any input it was a negotiation or I could just do whatever he wanted.

[acr]

There were a lot of great things -
* cooking what I wanted & having all the vegetables he didn't like in my regular rotation
* ability to reduce DS's screen time at home with me b/c his dad would watch so much with him
* I slept sooo much better once I had the person who tossed and turned, took up a ton of the bed, and snored gone
* My money was my money. I know where it all goes

ETA: I see you have kids. 
 * honestly, having the time off when DS is with his dad is awesome. I have the opportunity to go and do things that I probably wouldn't make time for otherwise

[Linie]

Nov 10, 2015 23:21:44 GMT -5 @pdx18 said:

jellymankelly I honestly don't think I could ever give it up again. I like dating someone but I like having my autonomy at the same time

I totally agree with this, but I would like to date or at least FWB.

I would like to propose FWB to my last boyfriend (we hang out all the time and nobody really knows that we are not a real couple anymore), but I'm a little afraid that he will refuse.

But making my own decisions and not walking on egg shells is really wonderful!

[Deleted]

Nov 12, 2015 10:10:40 GMT -5 Linie said:

Nov 10, 2015 23:21:44 GMT -5 @pdx18 said:

jellymankelly I honestly don't think I could ever give it up again. I like dating someone but I like having my autonomy at the same time

I totally agree with this, but I would like to date or at least FWB.

I would like to propose FWB to my last boyfriend (we hang out all the time and nobody really knows that we are not a real couple anymore), but I'm a little afraid that he will refuse.

But making my own decisions and not walking on egg shells is really wonderful!

Totally. I am dating someone. And I like dating him, but I'm glad I only see him two or so times a week. So it's all fun and none of the day to day stuff. I like not checking in with someone about my plans, grocery list, bills, etc. 

[wampuscat]

BEING HAPPY.
Not having to answer to anyone. I don't need to check in with anyone about ANYTHING.
Being able to raise my son the way I think he should be raised.
Being able to talk to strangers/meet new people without worrying about it starting a fight.
I do have a young son, so I can't do whatever I want whenever I want, but I still enjoy the freedom I have.
Not having to check in with someone about finances. If I want to go shopping, I go shopping. If I want to travel, I travel.

Even with having a boyfriend now, I can still do all of those things, which I now realize is how a "normal" relationship should be.

[somersault72]

Doing whatever I want (*whilst having a kid that I have 80% of the time).
Eating whatever I want.
Not having to share the tv after DS goes to bed or was not there.
Spending tons of time with my friends.
Making new friends.
Trying new things. I wouldn't have bothered had I still been married.
Learning how to live on my own, and realizing I'm pretty self sufficient if I need to be (I went straight from my parents house to living with my ex h--then bf--in college).

I love my bf, very much--we're talking marriage, but there were certainly upsides to being single.

[tiffany81]

Everything everyone already said. But some little things like:

Turning on the bedroom lights in the morning and not worrying about waking him up.
Listening to my music when I make dinner.
Inviting people over whenever I feel like it.
Just feeling so free to do stuff on a moments notice - like spontaneous afternoons in the park with DS, or icecream before dinner as a surprise, or messy art projects and cereal for dinner because we feel like it.