Post by lurknomore on Nov 19, 2015 11:12:11 GMT -5
We always contribute to thanksgiving with my ILs. It is never expected that SIL foots the entire bill. Everyone brigs stuff. I would have no trouble accepting any offers of people bringing stuff. I prob wouldn't take moms money.
My sister and I take turns hosting Christmas Eve dinner for our extended family - we have it set up that whoever hosts supplies the meat, wine, beer & pop and other family members bring everything else (there are 25 of us). It seems to work well and one person isn't left spending a lot of money.
For big meals where it's always the same people who host, I see absolutely no issue w/ asking people to bring stuff. It IS expensive and I really don't feel that the cost should entirely fall on one person eery year.
We host at our house always. Niece #1 brings ham, Niece #2 brings tamales and stuff for a breakfast of migas. My sister brings stuff to snack on, meat and cheese. They like to contribute and it makes it more fun.
As far as cash, we would NEVER take cash from my nieces or sister but my mom will just leave cash hidden in the house. My mom and stepdad were just here and I found money after they left. They can also afford it but so can we. Our family is generous that way and there are no strings.
We are going away this weekend with the nieces and sister and we are paying for the rental house at the coast and they are paying for food. It's simply never a big deal with us.
I think if this is going to be a new tradition where someone hosts, you set a precedent by having different people bring things so the financial burden isn't on one person
We host Xmas eve. It is expensive to host, but we generally supply everything. Other people host every other holiday and supply everything on their turn, so it seems fair enough. Some people host nothing, but contribute to the family in other ways during the year (assisting older relatives, etc).
We host at our house always. Niece #1 brings ham, Niece #2 brings tamales and stuff for a breakfast of migas. My sister brings stuff to snack on, meat and cheese. They like to contribute and it makes it more fun.
As far as cash, we would NEVER take cash from my nieces or sister but my mom will just leave cash hidden in the house. My mom and stepdad were just here and I found money after they left. They can also afford it but so can we. Our family is generous that way and there are no strings.
We are going away this weekend with the nieces and sister and we are paying for the rental house at the coast and they are paying for food. It's simply never a big deal with us.
OMG, same. In some random spot, of course. And when I inevitably don't find it and my mom can't stand it anymore, she'll text me like "look in the bandaid box on the third shelf in your bathroom cabinet." OK mom...you f-ing weirdo.
In my family, big holiday meals are always potluck. The host provides a lot, but other members always bring a side or two to pass around and often a bottle of wine.
Post by IrishBelle on Nov 19, 2015 13:22:06 GMT -5
With that many people attending, I'm surprised that one person is expected to provide all the food and drink. I wouldn't have an issue with asking people to bring things.
In my family, if my mom hosts, she will provide most of the meal and we will contribute some sides, apps or wine. Once in a while one of my siblings or I will host and then it is potluck. With my inlaws, everyone is assigned something to bring.
My parents help subsidize the big family Christmas Eve party that is at our house because they no longer feel up to hosting.
We accept happily since, while each family brings something, it is still an expensive endeavor so Mom and Dad provide the booze, beer and wine. Each family brings a dish but the reality is that we still need to provide a shitton of food since there are between 30-40 people and the 5 dishes they bring don't go that far.
We always bring food and/or beverages to contribute at Thanksgiving, even if it's hosted by my parents (who can easily afford the meal). It's as much an effort thing as cost.
I probably wouldn't accept cash but more because I'd rather people bring food so I wasn't responsible for 100% of the cooking.
Post by imojoebunny on Nov 19, 2015 14:02:52 GMT -5
I would from my parents. DH would not from his father. When my parents give me money like that, I have a special account I put it in, and when it gets to be a decent amount, I invest it. I plan to use it to help pay for the kids to travel abroad in college, if they are so inclined. They give me money when they do things for my brother that cost money, so it is equal, since we do not do very much with them, so it adds up over time.
Post by bostonmichelle on Nov 19, 2015 14:13:32 GMT -5
Most meals are potluck in my family and DH's family. We hosted Christmas twice and we made some main parts and everyone else brought something. And whenever we go elsewhere we bring something at least a dessert. If my dad didn't enjoy cooking so much I could see him giving us money instead of food. I think he gave me money towards the luncheon I hosted after my mom's funeral. So I would have no issue food from guests and if your parents don't like to cook and want to give you money instead I would take it as long as it was no strings attached.
I can't even imagine a meal costing $600, so I'm guessing your family is about 5x bigger than mine. And even with our small family, everyone brings something. I provide turkey, dressing and probably 3 sides, 2 bottles of wine and everything else is brought by others. No one has ever offered me money, but if they did I'd take it.
I have has my families functions at my house since 2007. Mom is a bit of a packrat and stresses about cleaning up for everyone to come over 25+. So we have it at my house up the road. She provided most of the food and drinks. I provide dishes and other stuff. Since we are divorcing that is probably over. We are having Thanksgiving Sunday at the house but it might be entertaining. Over half of the stuff is no longer in the house. I hope it sells by Christmas then I am not sure what we will do.
I would if she wants to contribute or you could ask her to make some things at her house so you would have so much work to do at your own. I appreciate when I have the opportunity to contribute to something like this so I don't feel like I am a mooch. I always offer to bring something or contribute and feel bad if I can't. Not bad enough to not come, just bad that I am not giving my fair share.
My mom loves to demand grocery shopping receipts when they visit so she can write me a check. A check to the penny. Because apparently rounding up that last $.97 was too much?
My sister and I take turns hosting Christmas Eve dinner for our extended family - we have it set up that whoever hosts supplies the meat, wine, beer & pop and other family members bring everything else (there are 25 of us). It seems to work well and one person isn't left spending a lot of money.
This is exactly what we do for Thanksgiving and Christmas. Host provides meat and drinks and everyone else brings the rest.
From my parents? Sure. They are doing better financially than us and I have no problem accepting help. I probably would not accept it from my IL's though. They tend to bring food which I greatly appreciate.
We host a lot of the parties throughout the year and spend a lot of $$ (I would estimate $250 - $350 each time, and probably 6 -7x a year). I wouldn't take $ straight out, but if people ask, I do offer ideas to chip in. Sometimes it's just the little things that add up - ice, plastic cups, napkins, chips, appetizers, side dishes, etc. We usually do provide wine/beer/spirits which adds up as well.
Post by hockeywife on Nov 21, 2015 14:08:44 GMT -5
Whenever my parents don't host, they typically "donate" the rib roast for Christmas dinner.
My brother is hosting thanksgiving and asked that people bring booze and wine for the weekend, which was smart bc that's probably the most expensive part in our family!
We never expect the host family to pay for it all. They provide the house, ice, and main dish. We split up everything else and everyone brings (dollar-wise) about the same thing. For people that can't or don't cook, they bring all the drink stuff, paper products, bread/rolls. Those of us who cook and/or bake bring deserts, side-dishes, appetizers.
Post by orangeblossom on Nov 21, 2015 15:28:55 GMT -5
I would accept your mom's money and have people bring things.
My family/extended family puts on huge gatherings, and I would say at a minimum it costs $600, and that could just be for the host, not to mention what other people may spend or bring. Lately, we've given the host's $25 and/or brought something. They're not at flush as they used to be, and it's just darn expensive to host the type of events that we do. Nobody minds contributing.