Intro: made appointment for consultation

[melloyello]

Long time lurker of GBCN checking in. I just got off the phone to schedule a consultation for a divorce.

I've talked about divorce with H quite a few times and it never goes well. I'm scared shitless of what is going to happen as he's said some things. But I know I need to get out.

Things have been bad for quite some time and they just keep getting worse despite my efforts to try fix things. H is rarely around. He goes out after DS in bed just about every night. On the weekends, he doesn't get home until about 3am. Then he spends the rest of his time with our neighbors. So we get to see him for maybe a couple hours total a week.

I have my doubts that he's been faithful to me. But I have no actual proof. He once upon a time had an account on AM. And a secret app for hiding texts and phone calls (to where they wouldn't show up on the phone bill either). Since I discovered these, I don't trust him and I've told him that and his response is that he's sorry to hear that. He has no interest in trying to gain my trust back.

I don't really know what I'm looking for. I haven't really talked about this with anyone.

[1confused1]

I'm very sorry you are here.

Are you in therapy? Have you tried it together?

[melloyello]

H will not go to counseling with me. He's hinted that he basically is still only with me so he can see our son daily.

I am in therapy and have been seeing her for over a year now, I think.

[1confused1]

That's good.

Not going to therapy with me was one of the last ultimatums I made, he told me to make an appointment and then didn't show up. I met with an attorney the next week.

If you are serious about separating, I would start separating checking accounts, get your financial stuff in order, start thinking about a visitation plan, etc.

Again, sorry you're here. These ladies are awesome and we are all in different parts of this journey.

[melloyello]

Thank you

I'm going to start on the financial stuff this week. That's a good idea. Luckily we don't have a mortgage, but I know trying to divide assets and even custody is going to be very contentious. He's made veiled threats if he were to be unable to see his son every morning and every night.

[1confused1]

My divorce was highly, highly contested. Feel free to ask me anything!

FYI, my xh's "veiled threats" got him supervised visitation. The court didn't appreciate his attitude.

[doglove]

Hugs. I'm sorry you're here.

[calle28]

I'm really sorry OP.

[LoveBug]

Welcome, but sorry you are here. It's a bumpy road for sure, but you will learn that you feel less lonely when it's just you and your DS, versus when your H was around.

[itsalllies]

Hi I'm fairly new here too. Everyone has been very supportive and friendly. I'm sorry that you find yourself here. My husband won't go to therapy and doesn't seem to want to work things out either. Their loss, right? It's nice to have a group that understands the roller coaster of emotions that comes with separation and starting over.

[redshoejune]

Nov 19, 2015 17:50:59 GMT -5 LoveBug said:

Welcome, but sorry you are here. It's a bumpy road for sure, but you will learn that you feel less lonely when it's just you and your DS, versus when your H was around.

yes! I much prefer now feeling lonely because I'm alone than before when I was lonely because my XH let me know I wasn't worth spending time with.

[melloyello]

Nov 19, 2015 23:06:36 GMT -5 redshoejune said:

Nov 19, 2015 17:50:59 GMT -5 LoveBug said:

Welcome, but sorry you are here. It's a bumpy road for sure, but you will learn that you feel less lonely when it's just you and your DS, versus when your H was around.

yes! I much prefer now feeling lonely because I'm alone than before when I was lonely because my XH let me know I wasn't worth spending time with.

This is exactly how I feel! I'd rather be actually on my own being alone than being lonely because he doesn't care to spend time with me.

[kanga1]

Nov 20, 2015 8:17:27 GMT -5 melloyello said:

Nov 19, 2015 23:06:36 GMT -5 redshoejune said:

yes! I much prefer now feeling lonely because I'm alone than before when I was lonely because my XH let me know I wasn't worth spending time with.

This is exactly how I feel! I'd rather be actually on my own being alone than being lonely because he doesn't care to spend time with me.

3rd Indian. I am SO much less lonely even on my time without DD than I was in my old house with XH and DD

[pinkdutchtulips]

Nov 20, 2015 10:55:02 GMT -5 kanga1 said:

Nov 20, 2015 8:17:27 GMT -5 melloyello said:

This is exactly how I feel! I'd rather be actually on my own being alone than being lonely because he doesn't care to spend time with me.

3rd Indian. I am SO much less lonely even on my time without DD than I was in my old house with XH and DD

got room on the bench for me the loneliest I've ever been in my life was when I was with xh who didn't want to spend time w me yet basically forbade me from doing anything on my own

[kanga1]

Nov 20, 2015 11:13:46 GMT -5 pinkdutchtulips said:

Nov 20, 2015 10:55:02 GMT -5 kanga1 said:

3rd Indian. I am SO much less lonely even on my time without DD than I was in my old house with XH and DD

got room on the bench for me the loneliest I've ever been in my life was when I was with xh who didn't want to spend time w me yet basically forbade me from doing anything on my own

Plenty of room for you! :drink: :beer: :drink: :beer:

[MyName]

Welcome! I'm sorry you're going through this, and I wish you all the best.