Post by cattledogkisses on Nov 25, 2015 12:35:13 GMT -5
I know people say that you can't predict how you'd react to a situation that you've never been in, but I cannot fathom remaining married to a sex offender. Like, if that's not a dealbreaker I don't know what is.
We heard about it second hand when one of their birth month regs came over to warn us. I think someone actually did some googling when the go fund me page was set up (since that involves real names and such).
We heard about it second hand when one of their birth month regs came over to warn us. I think someone actually did some googling when the go fund me page was set up (since that involves real names and such).
I know people say that you can't predict how you'd react to a situation that you've never been in, but I cannot fathom remaining married to a sex offender. Like, if that's not a dealbreaker I don't know what is.
Right? Someone I went to school with (and am fb friends with) married a SO. His offense happened while they were "on a break" and she is convinced he is innocent. He was in the military and I'm pretty sure it is part of why he was discharged. They have two kids. He is involved in their church and runs the local Veterans affairs group. She always wants sympathy because they can't afford to move out of her parents house since he can't get a decent job. I always want to tell her that maybe she should have considered that before she had kids with a SO.
Eta- I am not friends with these people in real life and would not put my Children in that situation.
That's about all I can remember too. It was a mess. The best (worst) part was that the Mod didn't see any reason why she shouldn't let her own daughter be around the SO. She was so damn dumb.
Then there was the random newbie who was asking us questions about opening a daycare to bring in some income. When we started talking about being licensed she said she wouldn't be doing that because her SO was a sex offender but it shouldn't be a problem because he wouldn't be home while her daycare was open and he would hardly ever interact with the other kids. She didn't see the big deal since he was "a good guy" and his offense didn't have anything to do with minors.
Then there was the random newbie who was asking us questions about opening a daycare to bring in some income. When we started talking about being licensed she said she wouldn't be doing that because her SO was a sex offender but it shouldn't be a problem because he wouldn't be home while her daycare was open and he would hardly ever interact with the other kids. She didn't see the big deal since he was "a good guy" and his offense didn't have anything to do with minors.
That's about all I can remember too. It was a mess. The best (worst) part was that the Mod didn't see any reason why she shouldn't let her own daughter be around the SO. She was so damn dumb.
Then there was the random newbie who was asking us questions about opening a daycare to bring in some income. When we started talking about being licensed she said she wouldn't be doing that because her SO was a sex offender but it shouldn't be a problem because he wouldn't be home while her daycare was open and he would hardly ever interact with the other kids. She didn't see the big deal since he was "a good guy" and his offense didn't have anything to do with minors.
I think it was her FIL, who they lived with. And if I remember correctly she changed under her covers in bed and nursed under a blanket because she felt uncomfortable there. his crime involved videotaping young women. But not kids, so a daycare was totes no biggie
Then there was the random newbie who was asking us questions about opening a daycare to bring in some income. When we started talking about being licensed she said she wouldn't be doing that because her SO was a sex offender but it shouldn't be a problem because he wouldn't be home while her daycare was open and he would hardly ever interact with the other kids. She didn't see the big deal since he was "a good guy" and his offense didn't have anything to do with minors.
I think it was her FIL, who they lived with. And if I remember correctly she changed under her covers in bed and nursed under a blanket because she felt uncomfortable there. his crime involved videotaping young women. But not kids, so a daycare was totes no biggie
Thanks! I knew someone would remember more details.
I know people say that you can't predict how you'd react to a situation that you've never been in, but I cannot fathom remaining married to a sex offender. Like, if that's not a dealbreaker I don't know what is.
Very true, and it's so strange when people don't feel this way.
A long time ago, I worked with a woman who was engaged. We asked to see his picture (can't remember why) and she pulled it up ON THE SEX OFFENDER REGISTRY for us to see.
Like, "hey, I know the best place to get a good picture of my fiance! It's right here!"
She claimed it was statutory rape with a girl who lived with her fiance's family so it wasn't a big deal. ::side eye::
Then there was the random newbie who was asking us questions about opening a daycare to bring in some income. When we started talking about being licensed she said she wouldn't be doing that because her SO was a sex offender but it shouldn't be a problem because he wouldn't be home while her daycare was open and he would hardly ever interact with the other kids. She didn't see the big deal since he was "a good guy" and his offense didn't have anything to do with minors.
I think it was her FIL, who they lived with. And if I remember correctly she changed under her covers in bed and nursed under a blanket because she felt uncomfortable there. his crime involved videotaping young women. But not kids, so a daycare was totes no biggie
And that is hour I got kicked off of my birth month board.
? How are you connected to Alicia (wasn't that her name)?
The daycare provider SO, not Alicia!
When the woman from my BMB posted about opening an in home daycare, I said that maybe it wasn't a great idea, due to her FIL, who she lived with, was a SO. I got flamed like crazy by my BMB because apparently I should have been discreet and PMed her rather than saying, "bad idea, lady!" I was told not to post on my BMB after that.
I HAD NOT HEARD THIS ONE. Enlighten us, young paduan.
The details are fuzzy. Maybe @tooshort and penguingrrl can help fill in the details.
We had a lively board with some strong opinions and a mod that was rarely around because she was busy crafting, volunteering, and blogging about her awesome life as a Pixar wife. The bump decided we needed a second mod so without any input they assigned some random person from another board as a co-mod. Turns out that new mod had been involved in some SO drama on her birth month board. Her bump BFF was married to a SO and when times got tough she organized a go fund me (or something similar) to help their family. Except no one told the rest of the board that their issues were because he was a SO. When we found out the new mod and BFF tried to rationalize everything.
What am I missing?
Yup! You remember as much as I do, but it was absolutely insane. Between her and the woman with the SO FIL wanting to start an in home daycare I don't know WTF is going on in the world. It was madness.
There aren't many things I think are a universal deal breaker in a marriage, but if your partner being a SO doesn't send you running you're fucked up.
Post by WanderingWinoZ on Nov 25, 2015 13:21:10 GMT -5
This thread has certainly taken an entertaining turn...
My only comment is lets be careful with the "I'd never date/marry a SO" I think part of my uneasiness with the SO registry is that it includes so many people (now days) that are doing things like kids sending naked pictures of each other on text or of a 18 YO sleeping with a 16 YO. There may be reasons why we have laws against these sorts of things, but I don't think these are anywhere near the same category as other offenses that will land you in the SO registry. Maybe the SO registry should be reserved for felony sexual convictions? I Have no idea how they even work...are they only state by state? Or is their a national registry?
I know people say that you can't predict how you'd react to a situation that you've never been in, but I cannot fathom remaining married to a sex offender. Like, if that's not a dealbreaker I don't know what is.
Very true, and it's so strange when people don't feel this way.
A long time ago, I worked with a woman who was engaged. We asked to see his picture (can't remember why) and she pulled it up ON THE SEX OFFENDER REGISTRY for us to see.
Like, "hey, I know the best place to get a good picture of my fiance! It's right here!"
She claimed it was statutory rape with a girl who lived with her fiance's family so it wasn't a big deal. ::side eye::
This thread has certainly taken an entertaining turn...
My only comment is lets be careful with the "I'd never date/marry a SO" I think part of my uneasiness with the SO registry is that it includes so many people (now days) that are doing things like kids sending naked pictures of each other on text or of a 18 YO sleeping with a 16 YO. There may be reasons why we have laws against these sorts of things, but I don't think these are anywhere near the same category as other offenses that will land you in the SO registry. Maybe the SO registry should be reserved for felony sexual convictions? I Have no idea how they even work...are they only state by state? Or is their a national registry?
It's national. That's what the N in NSOR stands for.
This thread has certainly taken an entertaining turn...
My only comment is lets be careful with the "I'd never date/marry a SO" I think part of my uneasiness with the SO registry is that it includes so many people (now days) that are doing things like kids sending naked pictures of each other on text or of a 18 YO sleeping with a 16 YO. There may be reasons why we have laws against these sorts of things, but I don't think these are anywhere near the same category as other offenses that will land you in the SO registry. Maybe the SO registry should be reserved for felony sexual convictions? I Have no idea how they even work...are they only state by state? Or is their a national registry?
I'm don't want to see it go away, for sure! But I don't want a 16 year old streaker at a FB game to go on the registry. That just isn't accurate AT ALL.
Post by penguingrrl on Nov 25, 2015 13:53:29 GMT -5
I don't like the registry in general. I think that either you served time and you're rehabilitated or you aren't safe to return to society and should remain in prison (hey, I have thoughts on how we can make room for violent rapists there....). It's not cool to put the onus on everyone else to know who to avoid and it makes it nearly impossible to support yourself.
Post by penguingrrl on Nov 25, 2015 13:54:47 GMT -5
But my dislike of the registry is irrelevant other than how easy it is to look people up. The partner in the one story and FIL in the other we're both convicted SOs whose crimes meant they wouldn't pass the background check to be around children regardless of being registered.
A long time ago, I worked with a woman who was engaged. We asked to see his picture (can't remember why) and she pulled it up ON THE SEX OFFENDER REGISTRY for us to see.
Like, "hey, I know the best place to get a good picture of my fiance! It's right here!"
Very true, and it's so strange when people don't feel this way.
A long time ago, I worked with a woman who was engaged. We asked to see his picture (can't remember why) and she pulled it up ON THE SEX OFFENDER REGISTRY for us to see.
Like, "hey, I know the best place to get a good picture of my fiance! It's right here!"
She claimed it was statutory rape with a girl who lived with her fiance's family so it wasn't a big deal. ::side eye::
Not kidding.
And yes, I do agree that the rules to be on the so registry should be universal and should be limited to more serious offenses. (I include statutory take in my definition of serious offenses).
At the same time, even if your so if on the list for public urination, don't share this with your coworkers!
This thread has certainly taken an entertaining turn...
My only comment is lets be careful with the "I'd never date/marry a SO" I think part of my uneasiness with the SO registry is that it includes so many people (now days) that are doing things like kids sending naked pictures of each other on text or of a 18 YO sleeping with a 16 YO. There may be reasons why we have laws against these sorts of things, but I don't think these are anywhere near the same category as other offenses that will land you in the SO registry. Maybe the SO registry should be reserved for felony sexual convictions? I Have no idea how they even work...are they only state by state? Or is their a national registry?
I'm don't want to see it go away, for sure! But I don't want a 16 year old streaker at a FB game to go on the registry. That just isn't accurate AT ALL.
The SO rules are state-by-state, so some of these can also get you on the list in certain states:
1. Two teens having consensual sex (29 states require SO registry)
2. Visiting a prostitute (1 state)
3. BEING a prostitute (1 or 2 states)
4. Minors sexting or taking nude photos (most states and federal offense if you text/sext or send across state lines)
5. Streaking or peeing in public (in about 13 states and flashing boobs in CA)
I don't want these issues classified under lifetime SO registry automatically.
I have a friend whose dh is on the so registry. When they (friend and dh) were 16 and 17, friend got knocked up. Parents wanted her to have an abortion, she refused. Parents said they would pursue charges on her boyfriend (now dh) if she didn't abort. She and he still refused. He was arrested, she had baby. When she turned 18, they get married. They now have four kids, are happily married, and don't speak to her family. He is on SO registry for statutory rape.
I'm don't want to see it go away, for sure! But I don't want a 16 year old streaker at a FB game to go on the registry. That just isn't accurate AT ALL.
The SO rules are state-by-state, so some of these can also get you on the list in certain states:
1. Two teens having consensual sex (29 states require SO registry)
2. Visiting a prostitute (1 state)
3. BEING a prostitute (1 or 2 states)
4. Minors sexting or taking nude photos (most states and federal offense if you text/sext or send across state lines)
5. Streaking or peeing in public (in about 13 states and flashing boobs in CA)
I don't want these issues classified under lifetime SO registry automatically.
I have a friend whose dh is on the so registry. When they (friend and dh) were 16 and 17, friend got knocked up. Parents wanted her to have an abortion, she refused. Parents said they would pursue charges on her boyfriend (now dh) if she didn't abort. She and he still refused. He was arrested, she had baby. When she turned 18, they get married. They now have four kids, are happily married, and don't speak to her family. He is on SO registry for statutory rape.
I feel like her parents didn't think that one through very well.
This happened on the Nest. There was a lawsuit demanding the unmasking of several people slandering and stalking another user. It ultimately resulted in a settlement after the Nest gave up the names and registration info.
And if I remember correctly, his offense was sex with young teen girls- while dating his now wife. He went to prison, she waited for him, then married and had children with him, which estranged her from her family.
This is insane. Like really. She needs to be in an asylum. Or get treatment - drugs therapy anything. How? Why?