Am I wrong to be annoyed by this?

[julez]

Put me in my place if need be. 

Today a group of friends got together with our kids at one friend's house. The kids played in their play room in the basement while we hung out upstairs and chatted. At one point we heard a noise and discovered that one of the kids had knocked over a floorlamp. The lamp cracked on the inside near the bulb, but upon further inspection the crack wasn't visible while the lamp was upright and it was still functional. 

My kid was standing nearest to the lamp when we got downstairs, so I apologized profusely and offered to pay for the lamp. Friend said, "oh, it's a Target lamp." I said that I was so sorry and that I would replace it or send a gift card so that she could replace the lamp. At this point it was discovered the the damage was minimal and she said, "oh... well, the lamp still works. It's just cracked. Maybe you could give me $20? I'll talk to my husband tonight and see if he thinks that we should have you replace it. But probably not, probably you could just give us $20 or $25." 

Um, what? I'm so fucking annoyed by this. I mean, it's probable that my kid knocked over the lamp. It's damaged, and I feel terrible. No matter what, I intended to send a note of apology with a gift card to replace the lamp. But I just feel gross about this "oh, um, $20?"

[thinkofthesoldiers]

Yeah that's weird.

[Elsa]

Wtf? No. She's crazy. And who keeps a breakable lamp in the play room?!

[sarahbear]

Don't ask her again. Let her bring up the $20 weirdness. Perhaps she felt equally as awkward and it just came out in a weird request for $20. Maybe?

Eta- or send that note of apology and say "send me the link for the lamp and I'll order another." No mention of 20 or 25 dollars.

[shopgirl07]

What? That's really weird. The lamp probably only cost $20-$25 in the first place.

[elleblue]

That is weird. I'd be annoyed too. If she wants to replace the lamp, she can ask for some money from you. If not, no money.

[shamrockshake]

Weird. Her, not you

[bugandbibs]

No, that's insane. I think it would be fine if you replaced the lamp, But totally unnecessary. Letting kids play unsupervised in your house as risks and you just have to except that. This person would not be my friend much longer. Epic side eye.

[thinkofthesoldiers]

Nov 25, 2015 19:13:07 GMT -5 sarahbear said:

Don't ask her again. Let her bring up the $20 weirdness. Perhaps she felt equally as awkward and it just came out in a weird request for $20. Maybe?

Huh. I'm doing awkward wrong. Mine doesnt come out, "Give me your money, bitch."

[ECB]

The way you lay it out, she comes across as not knowing what to do. And/or concerned that her DH will be pissed. So she's trying to say "sure - I'll take something" but doesn't really know what to accept.

Is it weird to ask for $20?  Sure.  But at the same time, you're offering to give her a Target gift card.  In the end, what's the difference?  

[sarahbear]

Nov 25, 2015 19:15:36 GMT -5 ECB said:

The way you lay it out, she comes across as not knowing what to do. And/or concerned that her DH will be pissed. So she's trying to say "sure - I'll take something" but doesn't really know what to accept.

Is it weird to ask for $20?  Sure.  But at the same time, you're offering to give her a Target gift card.  In the end, what's the difference?  

This is where I'm at. Situations like that are awkward. Perhaps she just didn't know how to react.

[sarahswim]

Why should her husband get to decide if YOU should replace it? That's weird! And just because your kid was nearest to it doesn't mean he's guilty*. Maybe he's just the responsible one who wanted to check for damage!

*And by guilty, I mean acting like a kid in a playroom-where there shouldn't be a breakable lamp.

[ECB]

Nov 25, 2015 19:16:58 GMT -5 mofongo said:

Nov 25, 2015 19:15:36 GMT -5 ECB said:

The way you lay it out, she comes across as not knowing what to do. And/or concerned that her DH will be pissed. So she's trying to say "sure - I'll take something" but doesn't really know what to accept.

Is it weird to ask for $20?  Sure.  But at the same time, you're offering to give her a Target gift card.  In the end, what's the difference?  

Say 'oh, don't worry about it, it's fine'. /FIN

Personally I agree with  you and it's what I would do (and have done).  But like I said, for the fact she mentioned her DH, I get the sense she may be worried about HIS reaction.

 

[sarahswim]

Also, did any of your other friends jump in? Did anyone else offer to pay up or split the 'bill', or wonder if their kid could have been responsible??

[Aquatica]

That is weird and would be annoying. If the lamp works and there is no noticeable damage, I would offer an apology card but not pay up.

Like others have said, no one knows whose kid knocked it over. It does sound like she was feeling awkward as well.

[julez]

ECB, I hope that it was just an awkward moment gone even more wrong and not her trying to collect for emotional damages.

[mariafromnj]

That is strange. One you really don't know whose kid did it (how old are they? can you ask?) and if she wanted it replaced than fine but to not replace it but ask for $20 or $25 is just wrong.

I also don't get that she has to ask her husband how much to get from you.

[julez]

Nov 25, 2015 19:21:26 GMT -5 sarahswim said:

Also, did any of your other friends jump in? Did anyone else offer to pay up or split the 'bill', or wonder if their kid could have been responsible??    

No, and this irritated me almost as much. I mean, there were TEN kids there, and four moms. My twins were the youngest there by a few years, so it's possible that my son knocked it over, but it's also just as possible that the 5, 6, or 10 year olds were responsible and no one else even suggested that their kid could have done it. Even the hostess, whose own four kids were there. 

Bleh. It's all just awkward. 

[marylennox]

This reminds me of that episode where Carrie loses her $500 shoes at a party and her friend is like, well, I can give you $200, and Carrie's all, ok this is awkward now.

Except not really like that at all. But same awkward friend money feeling. Nevermind.

[ECB]

Nov 25, 2015 19:29:39 GMT -5 julez said:

Nov 25, 2015 19:21:26 GMT -5 sarahswim said:

Also, did any of your other friends jump in? Did anyone else offer to pay up or split the 'bill', or wonder if their kid could have been responsible??    

No, and this irritated me almost as much. I mean, there were TEN kids there, and four moms. My twins were the youngest there by a few years, so it's possible that my son knocked it over, but it's also just as possible that the 5, 6, or 10 year olds were responsible and no one else even suggested that their kid could have done it. Even the hostess, whose own four kids were there. 

Bleh. It's all just awkward. 

Well, this is where I give you a lot more credit than myself- I would never have offered anything!   I've been in a situation twice now (once at my house, once at a friends) that a gaggle of kids were running down the stairs and a picture frame got knocked off the wall, crashed, and broke all over.  And we, the parents were RIGHT THERE.  And even with that, we couldn't tell who "did" it.

We don't even try to figure it out.  We all just chalk it up to "kids" and the craziness it brings.

At a minimum, if this is the first time this has happened at this woman's house, hopefully she'll learn to let it go in the future. 

[readyin07]

I think it's weird, but I think she was just awkward and didn't know what to say. I would doubt she brings it up again.

A friend of mine had bought one of those coupon fundraising books for her kid's school. We live in different counties and it has a total of $20 in coupons for a store that is only in my county and is like 30 minutes away from where she lives and where she does not ever shop. I was talking about the store and how I'd gotten some coupons and how cool was that (no idea she even had these coupons). And she said "Oh I have some of those in this coupon book I bought for DD's school. I should give them to you b/c I will never go there." I was noncommittal b/c I didn't want to feel beholden to her. And then in the next breath she was like "oh maybe you could take me out to lunch in trade or something." Uhhhh...no thanks. I will just pay the $20 in the grocery store.

[MadamePresident]

Why didn't anyone ask the older kid what happened?

[thedutchgirl]

This is weird. It is a lamp from Target. Shit happens. The appropriate response here was "We have no idea what happened! Of course you can't give me a Target gift card!"

So ridiculous.

[livinitup]

Drop off a big bag of pennies.

[Deleted]

Why would you put anything that important, that you'd want money to replace it, in a room filled with 10 kids!?

[WOUNDTIGHT]

I'm so glad I'm not friends with assholes.

[balletofangels]

I'm just thinking of a comparable floor lamp I have, per the description, and I think it was maybe $8. I would give her a Target gift card or nothing, but to me a broken, but functional, lamp is perfect for a playroom.

[missmaddie]

So bizarre.

You may have actually found a unity horse here.

[julez]

Nov 25, 2015 19:49:04 GMT -5 MadamePresident said:

Why didn't anyone ask the older kid what happened?

I didn't think of it in the moment. Maybe it would have looked accusatory? I don't know. I probably jumped to apologies too quicky, but it's what I do. I felt bad, especially if my kid was involved. But the fact that no one else even offered that her kid could have been party to the destruction is weird. 

@dutchgirl, that's precisely the way I would have handled it in her shoes. 

[cabbagecabbage]

Is her husband a professional Target lamp appraiser? Let me ask my husband. That's fucked up.

Let's hope her weird and greedy ways were momentary and she's embarrassed enough to never mention it again.

If she asks, offer to send your kid with tape to repair it. Natural consequences and good parenting and all that.