Athiests and Agnostics with kids

[JamaicanPineapple]

How do you explain Jesus, etc. to your kids? My DDs are at an age where they might start picking up on the word God in Christmas songs and noticing manger scenes and what not. They're 4 and 5 years old so I want to be prepared for any questions that might come up.

I've thought about something like "it's a story that some people believe to be true". But I want to make sure I'm being respectful of religion and the people in our lives who believe.

This is brought to you by a neighbor of my aunt (we're visiting) talking to them about the manger scene that is on display in their front yard.

[laceylaplante]

Nov 28, 2015 20:18:10 GMT -5 @dixiedarling said:

I don't have kids but I grew up with agnostic parents.

My parents always told me that some people believe in this (whatever religious thing), other people believe this (whatever other religions believe about that thing), I/we believe we can't really know whether those things are true or not.

This is almost exactly what I told my DS last year when he was asking.

[Jalapeñomel]

Some people believe in Jesus, some people don't.

[Deleted]

C is in parochial school for K, so he's going to church and learning Catholicism there (DHs background, he's now almost-athiest; I believe there is some kind of higher power and like the idea of reincarnation, but don't feel any one man-made religion/prophet holds the key). When C has questions, I just answer as honestly as I can. While I don't agree with Catholicism/Christianity myself, C has to take his own journey, so I am fine if he gets info from many sources, and will take him to church if he asks.

[jaycee]

I am an atheist, but my son attended a religious preschool for one year. When he would talk about Jesus at home (which happened only a few times), I said he was a man that lived a long time ago and he helped people and was a kind, good man.

My son mentioned some things like he rose from the dead and his teacher said he was nailed to the cross (omg. my son was three). I said what the above posters said - some people believe that and others do not.

[cookies]

Nov 28, 2015 20:28:59 GMT -5 Queen Dick, Hibernating Bear said:

Can I throw this in here: how does the atheist explain death? Do you tell the child that we cease to exist and how does the child take that?

I don't know but it came up the other day and I fucked up the explanation. My son was worried I would die and that he wouldn't have a mom. I felt bad leaving him mom-less so I said I'm not dying, but if I did i'd always be with him. He was like, where. I said, floating around in space. He seemed incredulous and I felt like a fraud because I don't even believe that.

[fuckyourcouch]

Nov 28, 2015 20:28:59 GMT -5 Queen Dick, Hibernating Bear said:

Can I throw this in here: how does the atheist explain death? Do you tell the child that we cease to exist and how does the child take that?

My mom is agnostic but when I was really young she told me that pets or relatives would go wait on a specific star to either watch over me or wait for me to join. So I guess kind of similar to a heaven but without any religion or god included.

Once I got old enough to understand what death was, it was just explained as they were no longer in pain or suffering and that was it. My mom kind of subscribed to a recycling type thing, where their matter would be reincorporated into the grass, trees, etc. So they were still around us.

[JamaicanPineapple]

Nov 28, 2015 20:20:55 GMT -5 Jalapeñomel said:

Some people believe in Jesus, some people don't.

I don't know why I want to make this more complicated than I need to. I'm overthinking.

[sweetteavodka]

Nov 28, 2015 20:28:59 GMT -5 Queen Dick, Hibernating Bear said:

Can I throw this in here: how does the atheist explain death? Do you tell the child that we cease to exist and how does the child take that?

My son is 6 and we had this discussion recently. I explained it, pretty much as I believe it. It's like going to sleep and not waking up. We talked about how there were pictures of Mommy and Daddy before he was born but yet he wasn't there and didn't know what was going on...it's like that. He was fine with it.

[fuckyourcouch]

Oh also, when I was in elementary school I asked a lot of questions about church because most of my friends went. My parents explained that it wasn't something they believed in, but some people believe in different things. I asked to go to church to try it and they took me to I think 4 denominations (and let me go a couple of other times with friends to different ones). I was like, "I don't really get it." Lol. And they were like yeah, we don't really get it either which is why we don't participate, but there's nothing wrong with it if you want to. So they didn't encourage our discourage it.

And that's probably why my easter interpretation is so wrong lol

[Deleted]

Nov 28, 2015 20:28:59 GMT -5 Queen Dick, Hibernating Bear said:

Can I throw this in here: how does the atheist explain death? Do you tell the child that we cease to exist and how does the child take that?

It was hard when my cat died, because L wanted to know where she went. I kind of deflected.

[Deleted]

Nov 28, 2015 20:28:59 GMT -5 Queen Dick, Hibernating Bear said:

Can I throw this in here: how does the atheist explain death? Do you tell the child that we cease to exist and how does the child take that?

C hasn't asked yet. I would give an honest answer and say I don't know, and review some of the happier ideas people have (heaven, reincarnation, etc). At 5yrs old, I want him to get to feel comfortable talking about death; plenty of years left for darker ideas.

[meshaliuknits]

Nov 28, 2015 20:28:59 GMT -5 Queen Dick, Hibernating Bear said:

Can I throw this in here: how does the atheist explain death? Do you tell the child that we cease to exist and how does the child take that?

My girl says it's when you go to sleep & never wake up. She came up with it on her own & I figured its pretty close so I rolled with it.

As to Jesus, if they ask about a statue (manger or whatever) I say Jesus. Never had a follow up in that case. When asked about god I say some people think he made the world & everyone/thing in it.

[revolution]

I'm agnostic. I try to just answer her questions with what I believe but without putting down others beliefs. She is curious about religion. She did go to bible release last year for a while. I am not against her exploring and going to experience different religions. And if I have to take her to every denomination as she grows and is curious, I guess I will.

Religion was pushed on me. I don't want to do that to my kids.

[circa1978]

I've also been wondering about how to deal with this. Both H and I are atheists but my mother is devoutly Catholic and we live in a heavily Catholic area. We do celebrate secular Christmas and Easter, and I think there is a benefit to our 4YO knowing the stories of the bible /understanding multiple religious traditions but I feel really awkward bringing it up. Like, we haven't even really talked about death, much less resurrection.

My mom said she was going to read him some sort of religious Golden Books she had from when I was a kid and we'll see where that goes.

[sequins]

I love the recycling thing. I don't want to lie to my child but I don't see the harm in telling her that we'll be around in some form after our passing. There is no proof that we don't.

[newboardnewme]

We used a book with a title "Lifetimes" to explain death in a very simple, matter of fact, biologically meaningful way. Our D has dealt with 3 significant deaths in her life and this has helped.

We have also read several kids books on world mythologies with her. And so when she brings up God we sometimes ask her which one and use that as a conversation starter about different people believing different things. Everyone is an athiest, we just take it one God further.

[meshaliuknits]

Nov 28, 2015 20:55:46 GMT -5 sequins said:

I love the recycling thing. I don't want to lie to my child but I don't see the harm in telling her that we'll be around in some form after our passing. There is no proof that we don't.

We're all made of star dust.

[Deleted]

dd is super into books, so we talk about Jesus/god as a book character. Like Clifford the Dog or Fancy Nancy or Scooby Doo.

Eta: we explain some people think the book story is real, some don't.

[sessy]

I'm not an atheist but I would think it's the same way I explain other faiths to my children. We talk about Islam, Sikhism, Judaism etc all the time. We simply talk about the various belief systems. There's no need to over complicate things.

For Christmas, I would just say. There are a group of people called Christians and for them Christmas is a time when they remember the birth of a dude named Jesus and leave it at that unless there are more questions.

[eb777888]

We're agnostic and it has definitely been interesting! We talk about religion so much in our house lately because David has so many damn questions. I'm just honest with him and it's made for interesting conversations! I do tell him that we do think there is a god but that our personal belief is that you don't have to go through a particular religion to get to him/her/it. He has a lot of questions about Jesus and specifically Christianity and even though I do keep in mind that I'm talking to a barely 7 year old, I am fairly honest with him and my view of it.

Starting Monday, David's class is spending the next several weeks discussing religion in his history class; specifically Islam, Judaism and Christianity. I am thrilled about this and think it will help put some pieces together for him w/r/t several of the conversations we've been having.

[penguingrrl]

As questions come up we generally say "some people believe" X,y,z. My ILs are religious and my kids have gone to mass at Christmas and Easter periodically when FIL requests it (he has been a volunteer director for the folk choir for 40+ years and loves showing off his grandchildren to his choir members, some of whom remember the night at practice MIl went into labor with DH).

As far as death, we just told them it's like going to sleep and never waking up. The first time we had a loss when they were old enough to understand was a very close friend who passed in her bed at 26 and the autopsy did not reveal a reason, which made it difficult to explain.

H pointed out this week that our kids don't know the Christmas story despite us celebrating the secular parts. At some point i guess I should tell them the origin of the holiday.

[Jalapeñomel]

Nov 28, 2015 20:28:59 GMT -5 Queen Dick, Hibernating Bear said:

Can I throw this in here: how does the atheist explain death? Do you tell the child that we cease to exist and how does the child take that?

I see this question a lot, and it doesn't seem strange to me to say all things eventually die, the circle of life and all that.

It does seem strange to me to say that there is something that happens after death like heaven or reincarnation or what have you. Like, why would everything else be subjected to the circle of life except humans?

[Jalapeñomel]

Nov 28, 2015 21:43:50 GMT -5 Queen Dick, Hibernating Bear said:

Nov 28, 2015 21:39:36 GMT -5 Jalapeñomel said:

I see this question a lot, and it doesn't seem strange to me to say all things eventually die, the circle of life and all that.

It does seem strange to me to say that there is something that happens after death like heaven or reincarnation or what have you. Like, why would everything else be subjected to the circle of life except humans?

I definitely don't want to argue in here because I respect everyone's beliefs but humans are sentient beings as opposed to a turnip plant or something. All dogs go to heaven too.

I totally understand why people believe this, but it just seems strange to me? Maybe because it was forced down my throat for 18 years, and I hated every moment of it?

All I do know is that I am much more comfortable believing in nothing than believing in something.

[Moe]

Nov 28, 2015 20:55:46 GMT -5 sequins said:

I love the recycling thing. I don't want to lie to my child but I don't see the harm in telling her that we'll be around in some form after our passing. There is no proof that we don't.

This is proven - first law of thermodynamics.

matter is not created nor destroyed (ok, we're not going to get into relativity or anything)

but I kinda love the idea that where all my atoms came from may have been magical 10000s of years ago.

Your daughter's atoms might be a new planet, or another star, or distributed between a few magnificent mountains somewhere in another millennia or five.

[sequins]

Nov 28, 2015 22:04:18 GMT -5 Moe said:

Nov 28, 2015 20:55:46 GMT -5 sequins said:

I love the recycling thing. I don't want to lie to my child but I don't see the harm in telling her that we'll be around in some form after our passing. There is no proof that we don't.

This is proven - first law of thermodynamics.

matter is not created nor destroyed (ok, we're not going to get into relativity or anything)

but I kinda love the idea that where all my atoms came from may have been magical 10000s of years ago.

Your daughter's atoms might be a new planet, or another star, or distributed between a few magnificent mountains somewhere in another millennia or five.

I love this thought. 

<3

[erbear]

Everything for us seems to be "some people believe...". It's worked so far.

[mcatmay]

There's a great article that explains death for atheists. I thought it truly lovely. www.iflscience.com/physics/ask-physicist-speak-your-funeral-0

Also I've had to explain death to my four year old because a friend of ours recently passed away (and was the father of her BFF) and we just talked about how people live on in our hearts and minds and that's why it's important to talk about them and remember them. It totally seemed to satisfy her.

[nikki25]

I actually appreciate that my children go to a daycare /kindergarten in a church setting. They have religion weekly and learn about Jesus /God and though we do not attend church or are really religious I like that she bypasses all these questions because she learns it in school. Parenting laziness I presume.

[JamaicanPineapple]

Nov 28, 2015 21:32:26 GMT -5 Queen Dick, Hibernating Bear said:

Sorry JamaicanPineapple for the hijack

No worries! This is a difficult topic for a lot of us.