My sister mentioned the idea of me planning a bridal shower for her a couple weeks ago. Now that I've gotten her guest list and seen how many people are on the invite (50+!) I'm concerned about finding a reasonable place to host this many people (she guesses 30 might show) and more importantly, paying for this. Between paying for the invitations and catering, it could be over 600-ish or even up to 1000.
Top it off, she has had her BFF, FSIL, and another close friend text me offering to help plan. However, I get the impression that she's told them that I'm planning this and that they should get in touch if they want to help. So, I don't feel right asking them to chip in on the cost.
What's the right way to broach this subject w/ her??
Post by cricketwife on Nov 29, 2015 6:17:14 GMT -5
Definietly host in a home. My home is only 1100 sq ft and I throw xmas parties with 50 people, so don't worry about it being too small. In addition to bringing food, I'd also ask to one of the people who offered to help to handle the invitations. $25 in postage and the cost of the invitations themselves isn't a lot to ask of somebody and would take a bit of the cost off your plate. If you divy up the food, and delegate invitations, it's really just the booze you'll have to pay for. I'd get cheap champagne and call it a day.
If you can't afford to host 50 people, then tell her that. Seriously. This is your $$$. And really, a shower is something offered to her. Not something she should have asked for.
You can tell her "I can afford to host 20 people" and put it to her to cut down.
Don't rely on her guess of 30 people. Invite 50? Plan on 50.
Or, you could offer to throw a family shower. If her friends offered, they could do a friend shower.
In the end, the MOG decided to split off her guest list and host her own shower since her guest list more than doubled the number and then I couldn't host in my own home. There were no othe bridesmaids to help so the rest was on me.
If you are looking for cheap space rentals see if your local grocery stores have party rooms or classrooms for teaching cooking classes upstairs. They can be very cheap to rent and they have the advantage of having sinks, fridges, etc.
I would ask those who have asked to help to bring or buy foods. Assign someone the cake, another veggie and fruit platters, another a cheese plate, etc.
Most of the showers I've gone to are not at meal time. We usually have them at 2 or so and do snacks- that will keep the costs down a lot. There are usually fruit and vege trays and a few various snacks plus punch and drinks. Cupcakes or a cake for dessert. You definitely don't need to spend $600-1000.
If I asked to help, I would assume I would be paying for something or bringing something to eat/drink. Libraries also have cheap rental spaces!
In my experience "help" with a shower does absolutely mean money. I would never expect otherwise. I know you said you think she told them differently, but I would assume that they were planning to cohost (share planning and COST!) so I would text them all back with upfront expectations.
"Thank you so much for wanting to shower Bride with me! She mentioned a 50 person guest list, so I'm estimating a total of $x but open to budget suggestions depending on how many of us can host."
I would assign them options and expect them to pay. Say jenny - you bring the cake and desserts. Patty - invites and decor Me - food and location
Done. Or you can list off the things to cover. Also mention to them how they feel about covering all that for 50 and if they agree - tell the bride it's too many
I don't know what you have near you, but for my shower they rented out a building at at local park. It overlooks a lake and was only 80 dollars for four hours. Park locations are cheap and can host a lot of people. I had about 40 people at my shower.
I don't like big showers, so that kind of colors my thinking. I'm old school that it should be a more intimate group. In this situation I think it would be nice for you to do your family and family friends and let the FSIL do hers and the BFF do her circle of friends.
Otherwise your option is to be honest with your sister about your budget and go from there.
I have only done showers outside my home twice. I co-hosted my BFF's shower at her aunt/godmother's restaurant. She provided the food/venue (Sunday lunch when they were closed) and I did everything else. I co-hosted my niece at her FMIL's nursing home party room. FMIL is a geriatric PA at a very high end continuing care community that often rents out their party room and offers strangely good catering- we did a tea and I brought a couple cases of cheap champagne.
Is anyone annoyed with her sister asked her to plan a shower. What is wrong with people these days.
With that being said, I've learned it's not worth getting too upset of other people's rudeness. I'd do it at your house as well or if one of the bridesmaids lives in apartment that has a nice room you can use. I agree with what all others have said. With that many people keep it simple.
We've kept big showers reasonable by finding some sort of community room--church, apartment building rec room, community center, etc. I'm not sure where you are but in suburban Kansas City, I've found lots of options under $100.
From there ask people to bring food. And have the shower from 2-4. People will not eat that much then. Ask them to help with decorations
I agree it wouldn't be rude to ask for money or assistance with specific things in this case. Do it at your house. I had a friend's bridal shower at my house and it was lovely.
First off I think it's completely tacky that she came to you and asked you to throw her a shower. I may have a stick up my ass but I feel like that is something people offer to throw for you not something you should expect or go out putting people in awkward positions by asking them to do it.
At this point you need to be upfront with her and honest otherwise I have a feeling this won't go well. If it were me I'd contact her and let her know "I appreciate you sending me your guest list but at this point it's not a financially viable option for me to throw you this shower for 50 people. At most I can comfortably afford 20 people. If the 50 guests is a requirement then someone else will have to take on this big responsibility. While I want this to be a very special day for you I don't feel it's responsible of me to go broke hosting it. I'm open to any ideas you may have but I feel it's best for me to be open and honest at this point about what's possible for me to handle right now and what isn't."
Post by shamrockshake on Nov 29, 2015 9:49:17 GMT -5
If I offer to help I assume I'm paying for whatever I'm helping with. Also- if your house isn't large enough, is one of the people's who offered help? We host a lot of things for family at our house because we can fit a lot of people- I don't do anything but make sure the house is clean, maybe one of them would be willing to offer up their house
Thanks everyone, there are some good suggestions and ideas in here.
The groom's mom may be open to hosting at her house and she lives in a large place. Unfortunately I live 3000 miles away, FSIL lives in Europe and the other two that have offered to help live in apartments (that don't have class houses, unfortunately!).
Keeping it to cake, veggie/fruit tray and some prosecco is a good idea. Don't have to go overboard!
I recently hosted my sister's bridal shower. She gave me an invite list and then later, after I had selected a location, mentioned she might like to add a few people.
I told her that I had made a location selection and could not accommodate additional guests within my budget. She understood and backed off immediately.
In your situation, I would go to sister and say: - a bridal shower for 50 people would look like this - a bridal shower for 20 people would look like this
And see what she thinks.
If MOG can have it at her house, I see no reason a 2-4 shower cannot work within that budget. You really 'need' only light snacks and cake at that time of day.
Other things: - take people up on offers to help. Assign someone to flowers, cake, etc. - do digital invites
Yeah, you could ask for a co-host. I just co hosted with my mom one for my sister. My mom planned the whole thing & the amount she quoted me $600 total ended up being less than just my half ($635). I'm pretty annoyed it was that much over. Definitely take control if you have a specific budget in mind & limit the guest list if you can't keep it reasonably priced otherwise.