teaching kids to be charitable?

[Deleted]

I think she should come up with the things to do. Or, maybe have her come up with 12 and you guys do 12? If she has more say in the charitable acts she'll be more willing to help I think. Nobody wants to be forced to give up their things. I can't even get my parents to donate stuff

[eb777888]

I just put it on David. People are in need, we have plenty, wouldn't you like to give this blanket to a person who needs it? And put it on her. "what do you feel the right thing to do it? Maybe you should think about that for a bit." I'd also ask her to put herself in the other person's shoes.

[eb777888]

Nov 29, 2015 19:50:03 GMT -5 RexManningDay said:

I'm talking out of my ass here but she is still at an age when sharing stuff is hard, right? Maybe focus on acts that aren't as "stuff" oriented, especially the giving of her stuff. Maybe a few of those, and build up to that in the next years. Like ... I'm blanking on ideas. Lol. Like help an elderly neighbor shovel snow. Or volunteer at a shelter. Or make cookies for a friend who is sad. I don't know.

Really?? I think 8 is the perfect age for these lessons. 

[katfco]

I think maybe approaching it from a broader perspective would help. No one wants to give up their stuff, but feeling a sense of compassion for others can motivate and teach self-sacrifice. Maybe read a book like one of these: www.the-best-childrens-books.org/teaching-compassion.html

That could spark a discussion on how there are others less fortunate without making it come from a place of requirement or guilt. I agree that having her help think of some ideas is good.

[jinkies]

Our minister gave each kid at church last week $5, with the instructions to do something good with it. The exact use was up to each kid.

We talk about different possibilities with our kids, but ultimately let them choose.

Both really really love animals, so it went to the SPCA (we've adopted 2 cats from them in the past year). Since we were going there anyway, I checked their website for things they needed, and also brought towels.

My H felt strongly that the $5 should have gone to people, but animals are important to my kids right now. It's something that made sense to them in a way that buying food to donate to a food pantry didn't.

THIS IS A REALLY LONG WAY OF SAYING: Put it on her to think of something that is meaningful to her.

Also, thinking up 24 things at once seems like A LOT. My son is her age; he would be able to come up with a few things, but not 24. Maybe her mind's not in it right now, but she would be more open to it later?

[RoxMonster]

I might be talking out of my ass because I don't have kids.

But I do agree with some of the other advice here. 24 things seem like a lot. Is it 24 things during the Christmas season alone, so all this month? Or would it last over the course of a whole year? If it's the latter, I think that's doable. But if it's specifically during the holiday season, I think even as an adult, I'd have a hard time coming up with and executing 24 different charitable "events" in a month's time.

I also agree with putting it on her. "Here are some things we could do to give back in our community. Which three (or whatever) would you like to do?" Maybe have her choose a few that are giving time and a few that are giving away things. Let her pick the charities/causes off a list you come up with. That might give her more ownership over it.

Even as an adult, I do not give to every charitable organization that asks me to donate or that I have the opportunity to donate to. I have a few that I give time and money to. I think it could be the same for a kid.

[dale]

My son is 7 now and it clicked for him last year when he saw the impact he made. Our priest asked us to drive some food from the church to the food pantry once a month. On our first trip my DS saw the line outside the door and how bare the shelves were. I'm not even exaggerating when I tell you that he brought us to his principal to organize a food drive at the school for the following month. He also looks for food on sale every week now to add to my grocery shopping so he has food to bring.

So maybe the trick is to find something that makes them click. Would she feel bad seeing animals in a shelter who need some TLC? Would bringing books to a nursing home make her want to spend time with the elderly? Maybe a single mom in the neighborhood could use some help entertaining a toddler while she gets laundry folded or dinner made a couple of times a week?

[RoxMonster]

OK, seeing the list, I think 24 is a lot more doable. I was thinking it would be 24 bigger things, like donating a lot of items and volunteering at a wide variety of organizations. Some of the things like holding open the door for someone coming through behind her are things all kids can learn are just nice things we do for people as we get older. So I think this could be manageable.

[eb777888]

I also think your list is fine and totally doable. I might steal it, actually.

[sonrisa]

It's okay if she hasn't yet learned the lesson of 24 days of kindness. She has 24 days to learn. You are doing this to teach your child something. Learning means something changes. Just because she doesn't want to give something up today doesn't mean she won't get there as the lesson continues.

I'd start with the easier things - kindness that doesn't take much on her part. The flowers for a stranger, or coffee for a teacher, or sidewalk chalk. Then move up to something that requires more of her time and energy but no real sacrifice: doing the dishes, soup kitchen, etc. Then, when she is starting to understand the lesson, talk to her about something that means giving her own possession so that someone without any can have some.

[scarletbandit]

A couple years ago we received the book Three Cups written by Mark St. Germain and three coffee mugs from a friend. I wrote on the bottoms of each mug give, save and spend. Any time DS (7) earns money, he splits it between the three cups. At the end of the year we take the money from the give cup and use it for a child we picked off the angel tree at a local store. He does everything all on his own from picking the tag, choosing the presents, putting them on the conveyor belt and finally paying for them.

I do like your idea of 24 acts of kindness. We should definitely do this. I also agree with having her think of some things she could do.

[ginap]

11d that's a great list.  I have decided that I am going to use the EOTS as a way to teach about the spirit of the season and giving rather than the naughty and nice list.  I am going to have the Elf present her with a little note and a task for the day.  Some ideas I have come up with are compliment someone today, tell someone you love them and why, draw a picture to send to each family member (I'm going to divide these over the days), and will for sure be stealing some other ideas.  Our YMCA is also doing a drive for the elderly and so we are going to go on a special shopping trip to fill that bag and we have a military family we are adopting at my office so that will be another trip.  

[eb777888]

Nov 29, 2015 21:54:37 GMT -5 RexManningDay said:

Nov 29, 2015 20:40:40 GMT -5 eb777888 said:

I also think your list is fine and totally doable. I might steal it, actually.

I do like it a lot, too. 

I wonder though - would it be easier if it wasn't, like, "Wednesday December 13 - I have to hold the door open for someone." It might be easier and setting BOTH of you up for more success if you can just make an effort but know you can do these things as they come up? 

Then it would never get done! lol

I do admit I'd change a couple to fit our life but the basic sentiment is great. But I'm fine with it being structured in a way to remind us to try and do it that day.

I also think it's a great thing to do any time of the year. I want to do this more, just not during the holidays. 

[macmars45]

Starting when I was young my parents were very on my sisters & me about donating our things we no longer played with, buying toys for angel tree kids and donating food at Thanksgiving. Also, "adopting a child" through compassion international. They made it fun by making the donating food into a game (how much can you get for $10 and who can get the closest to that without going over), writing letters to the kids, and making it real for us by showing us what having nothing actually means via books, movies and taking us to the homeless shelters.

My sister has 3 kids and on their birthdays they give back. My oldest nephew loved firefighters so they would take donuts to the fire station (for example).

[auntie]

I think your intentions are good, but maybe you're going about this in a manner that is too intense for her to process. For some empathetic kids, the mere notion of animals of people without homes is terrifying. Maybe start with a charity in which she is interested or in one which has less emotional impact if the concept of doing for others is new to your home.

When DS was that age, we did a lot of activities for the community through scouting. Clean ups in the park, shoveling snow for shut-ins, hygiene bags for the homeless, meals for the elderly, gifts for service personnel are great options for younger kids. At home we participate in Aid for Friends where we set aside a meal or two for elderly shut-ins. It's something we do year round whenever we have a suitable meal rather than a "holiday themed" activity. Maybe something like that would help you light the spark for her.

TBH, the homeless population can be a challenging group for even well trained adults to process emotionally. Often there are outbursts that can get pretty ugly. I sometimes help my BFF who volunteers weekly with 2 different homeless groups in Philly. Not a place I would bring any eight including DS. He's helped out a few times over the summer when they need people to help out, but not until he was about 16.

[Deleted]

This is timely and I like some of the responses.
My older DD wanted to share the purchase of an angel tree gift with my 8 yo. My 8 yo refuses to spend her money on it. She kicked up a fuss when we suggested she donate a duplicate toy she just got for her birthday too. I hope she becomes more empathetic.

She's happy to be charitable when it's on my dime but not hers.