Post by jeaniebueller on Nov 30, 2015 11:18:37 GMT -5
I would just tell her that you are busy and maybe another time. Maybe even suggest next month (or not at all if you aren't comfortable). Sounds like they are using you for free babysitting.
I am appalled that this women expects you to stay. I could get it if your kids were 2 and 4 but 6 and 8? Isn't there a universal unspoken agreement that playdates are drop offs at that age?
Post by cabbagecabbage on Nov 30, 2015 11:32:59 GMT -5
I'd flat out decline the sleepover.
For the rest, why don't you tell her this stuff? "I'd love to accept the playdate if I can drop them off. I have errands I have to do." Then, "Would you want to drop off your kids on Saturday for two hours?" Don't leave things open ended and for goodness sake, next time she is pushing hour three in your home, mention you have plans in an hour so maybe it's time to start cleaning up and saying goodbye.
It sounds like she's not at all considering that you have a lot more on your plate than she does. Do you feel like you can level with her a little bit? "I love getting together, but I work full time, and as you know, it's just me with the girls. Weeknights are dinner, homework, and bed, so weekends are the only real chunk of time we have together. And it's also when I have to do EVERYthing - errands, cleaning, lessons, etc. I don't want you to be offended when we can't accept plans all the time. It's not personal at all. I just don't have that much time available for socializing, with anyone. And at the holidays, I'm probably going to have even less than normal."
If that's too much, maybe try something like: "I'd be glad to drop them off for the afternoon on Saturday, but I can't stay; I have a ton of errands to do and weekends are the only time I have to do them. Would that be ok? Maybe we can all meet up for pizza afterward and I'll take the girls home from there."
for goodness sake, next time she is pushing hour three in your home, mention you have plans in an hour so maybe it's time to start cleaning up and saying goodbye.
And yes, this. Mention from the outset that you have to wrap things up by whatever time, then stick to it.
For the rest, why don't you tell her this stuff? "I'd love to accept the playdate if I can drop them off. I have errands I have to do." Then, "Would you want to drop off your kids on Saturday for two hours?" Don't leave things open ended and for goodness sake, next time she is pushing hour three in your home, mention you have plans in an hour so maybe it's time to start cleaning up and saying goodbye.
Yup. I feel like you are asking for permission to say no to her requests. The fact of the matter is, even if these weren't ridiculous expectations on her part, there is never anything wrong with just saying no. I get that your kids probably have fun and you maybe want to make sacrifices for their benefit, but there has to be a line. And that line doesn't have to be "rules" for length of playdate or frequency of sleepovers -- if it's stretching you too thin, then it's too much, and you say no.
dexteroni I have mentioned that to her. She just kind of shakes her head and moves on. I had dental surgery on a friday. I told her about it. That saturday she texted me about coming over. I mentioned I was really sore and swollen from the surgery. She asked what time was good. I had to say twice that it wasn't a good day.
I really need to grow a set.
omg. Ok, she's beyond pushy then, and yeah, you need to be more clear in saying "no" and not feeling bad about it. She's the rude one here, not you.
So I told her no to the sleepover, but said we will be home Saturday afternoon so if you would like you are welcome to drop the kids off around 3 for 2 hours.
She texted back-no problem with the sleepover, maybe between Christmas and New years? and sure we can come over on saturday. would you like to get pizza for dinner?
OMG. I may just have to really limit my time with them.
"We already have dinner plans for 5:30, so that won't work this time. And I hope you don't mind, but I'll be doing laundry and other stuff around the house while they play, so I really won't be able to spend time visiting with you. You should get some Santa shopping done!"
Post by lavender444 on Nov 30, 2015 12:03:23 GMT -5
Sounds to me like she wants to be your friend. It's an extra perk for her that your kids are friends, too. If you're not interested in hanging out with her as often, just set boundaries.
Dude. I'm at my limit with her and I'm not you!! Wow.
To add to what's already been said- you can't control her feelings. She feels insulted? Ohwell - you have to just let her feel that way. Doesn't mean you have to give in to her. She clearly doesn't have boundaries.
Hell- you had dental surgery and she's STILL pushing getting together. She sounds like someone that the more you dance around the "no", the less she hears you. You're going to have to start being more blunt.
It is perfectly reasonable to limit social outings.
You don't have to be rude. Look at your calendar. Pick to weekends you don't want to anything and then tell anyone who asks you have obligations. If your obligation is sitting on your butt time then so be it. They don't have to know it. I think particularly now you can very easily say that the holidays are limiting your schedule.
And 6 to 8 hour play dates? No thank you. I feel like play dates should be 2-3 hours less the kids watch a movie and the parents have dinner or something.
And 6 to 8 hour play dates? No thank you. I feel like play dates should be 2-3 hours less the kids watch a movie and the parents have dinner or something.
I can't even... I've found that 2-3 hours is perfect. Less than 2 hours, the kids aren't ready. by 3, they are usually perfectly content with it ending. And I feel like the fights/annoyances start to creep in by 2.5 hours. They're tired, one kid isn't in their own space, etc.
I have a couple mom friends where we'll have "mommy" playdates too. Love them, love catching up - we'd drive each other crazy too after 4 or so hours!!
The hole point of playdates is to drop off your kids, and then go home dancing all "look ma, no hands!". Next time just drop off and be all "at what time do I pick them up?".
So I told her no to the sleepover, but said we will be home Saturday afternoon so if you would like you are welcome to drop the kids off around 3 for 2 hours.
She texted back-no problem with the sleepover, maybe between Christmas and New years? and sure we can come over on saturday. would you like to get pizza for dinner?
OMG. I may just have to really limit my time with them.
Ok, she wants to be your friend. You don't. Time to start refusing the invites.
Yeah, you either need to be straight forward or start saying things like "I'm sure the girls would love someone to play with while I clean house!" And then at drop off ask what she's going to do with her free two hours. If she says she was going to stay here either insist she go out for a Starbucks and enjoy kid free time or say "well if you get bored feel free to pick up the vacuum and help! Like I said before, this is the only time I have this week to clean so I'm taking full advantage of the kids have a play date"
I agree that she wants to be your friend, but even within that - you all don't have to be together during every playdate to be friends! To what I said earlier- my DSs good friends - their moms are my friends too. We like to get together also. But not every time. We've all hosted drop off playdates to help eachother out. But other times, we'll meet up at a park. The kids play, we talk.
It doesn't have to be all or nothing.
But that being said - with THIS woman, that might be what she thinks. If you all dont hang out too, she takes that to mean you don't like her. Which unfortunately means you probably do have to draw a firmer line with her.
It is perfectly reasonable to limit social outings.
You don't have to be rude. Look at your calendar. Pick to weekends you don't want to anything and then tell anyone who asks you have obligations. If your obligation is sitting on your butt time then so be it. They don't have to know it. I think particularly now you can very easily say that the holidays are limiting your schedule.
And 6 to 8 hour play dates? No thank you. I feel like play dates should be 2-3 hours less the kids watch a movie and the parents have dinner or something.
This is so true, and the sooner we (and by we I mean really anyone, under any circumstance whatsoever) learn this, the happier we will be. Planning "downtime" still means something's planned!
DD's best friend spends hours at our place and sleeps over - it's very convenient for us. She's a delightful child it's easy entertainment for us to have DD occupied. Her dad is a single parent, so he loves the flexibility of long hours at our place. DD does not sleep at their place. He has a few roommates we have not met. This works GREAT for both families. We're really lucky the girls enjoy each other's company so much. But we share time very differently. Because our families are different.
I would tell her what you want, invite or decline to match. If she gets pissy, tough luck.
Plus, she sounds like she's planning her OWN at play dates, not her kids. And that's weird.
Post by RoxMonster on Nov 30, 2015 18:28:00 GMT -5
Yeah, she sounds like she really wants to be your friend and is kind of "using" (for lack of a better word...or maybe that IS the word) her kids to hang out with you in the process.
For this weekend, it sounds like she has invited herself over with the girls. I would say, "OK, why don't you drop off the girls at 3. I have XYZ that I have to do at home so I won't be up for socializing or hanging out. Let's plan to do that another time." Say you have dinner plans. You need them picked up at 5.
And she is the one being rude/pushy, not you. Don't feel bad about strongly saying no if she is "not getting it." You may just have to limit your time with them overall for awhile if she won't take no for an answer.