s/o marriage: division of labor

[wambam]

Our division of labor is along traditional gender lines, but it totally works for us. My H does all paperwork, bills, adulty things. He does all home repair, car maintenance, and outdoor work. I do 95% of the shopping, cooking, cleaning, and laundry.

We both feel like we got the better end of the deal.

[redheadbaker]

I do almost all the cooking. FI will wash the dishes (no dishwasher), I dry and put away.

We split walking the dogs -- he does a.m., I do p.m.

He does most of the laundry, I do most of the folding of clean laundry. We split dusting and sweeping. He cleans the bathroom.

[heyjude]

He pretty much does all the nightly meal stuff and kitchen cleaning. He does all outdoor stuff, house maintenance stuff, and car things. He's in charge of any deep cleaning projects (though we have a housekeeper who does most of this so....). He does stories at night with DD and sometimes bath and PJ stuff. He's in charge of mentally planning house repair work and the like, and all that jazz that I don't spend two seconds thinking about. ETA: he also does all cat things and garbage.

I do all surface cleaning and household org and laundry. I put DD to bed each night (and mostly in charge of things like brushing, flossing, bathing, DD). I'm also doing all the "mental work" described below that comes with running the inside of a house and having a child, like planning doc apts, checking in with preschool on stuff, getting the bday presents for all the parties we go to, planning our own parities, making grocery lists, researching things DD needs or we need, etc.

I feel like I carry the weight but it could be worse.

[5thofjuly]

I do 99% of the shopping, cooking, and dishes. DH does 70% of the other cleaning and 70% of the yard work.

[Aquatica]

H works, takes care of the vehicle, and assists when asked (eg. carrying the laundry up and down the stairs because it's difficult at the moment).

I stay at home managing the household (meal planning, finances, grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc.).

Before when both of us were working, we'd split up chores like doing laundry together, cleaning up the kitchen, and preparing crock pot meals for the week because of time constraints.

[meshaliuknits]

H does the vast majority of the cooking, cleaning and errand running (groceries, etc.) He also does all the school related biz (parent teacher, PTA emails, stuff like that). He washes all of our whites, but we split who washes the kid's stuff. H pays the mortgage and cable.

I do very little of the above, but will step up when needed. I wash the dark clothes and put away the kids clothes (H says they're too small to fold lol). I buy the kid's clothes & rotate them out when they don't fit. I help with homework and do all the crafts. I put kids in timeout. I get up at night when someone calls. I decorate for holidays, make costumes, plan parties and invite guests. I take care of the cats in all ways. I set up play dates. I find activities to do. I pay most of the bills.

The cats kill spiders and other insects that don't have the wisdom to run.

[ijack]

When H isn't traveling he pays all the bills, does the majority of the laundry and puts it all away, gets both girls ready for school in the morning and drops them both off, cleans up after dinner, mows the lawn.
I do all the "mental work," 95% of the cooking and grocery shopping, the rest of the yard work, any house repairs/work. When H is OOT then I do it all.

[tacosforlife]

He:
Cleans the litter box daily or every other day
Knows when we need to buy more cat litter
Buys the special prescription cat food
Does dishes when I cook
Cooks or reheats dinner several times per week
Does assorted household cleaning (mostly vacuuming, but sometimes other stuff)
Sorts the mail that piles up
Puts gas in the car

I:
Cook breakfast daily
Prepare lunches daily
Plan dinners
Make grocery list
Cook at least half the dinners most weeks
Do almost all laundry
Manage all finances and pay all bills
Determine what needs to be cleaned
Organize closets and shelves and other places where things go to die
Deep clean the bathrooms and kitchen more frequently
Keep track of our social calendar

It sounds even when I type it out, and I think physically it mostly is. But I still think the mental work I do takes more time. And I don't feel bad saying that because H offered up the same thought this weekend, completely unsolicited.

[sushi]

Division of labor? That exists?

I was so excited h cleaned up while I was visiting family. Then I realized he just put stuff on my side

[Queen Mamadala]

I do the cooking, and the majority of the tidying up and housework. He doesn't cook (can, but doesn't like to). He does contribute to housework with no fuss. I'd say he does the majority of quick grocery store trips, typically on his way home from work, and kid stuff is probably split 50/50. I typically manage bills and finances. He does house projects and repairs.

[eddy]

Me: cooking, groceries, laundry (excluding his), schedule keeping, and light pick up during week

H: litter boxes, garbage, outside stuff, bills, handy man stuff

I am more of a doer during the week. H does more stuff during weekends. It works out well for our personalities.

[iammalcolmx]

I cook, clean( or arrange cleaning), and other domestic stuff

He fixes thing, mows, the lawn, and makes sure I don't have to fly coach on flights over 4 hours.

[katietornado]

I feel like we've got it divided pretty well. The main thing is that I take the dogs and he takes the cats. This is unspoken, but works perfectly.


Me: more of a planner and organizer
all dog things (exercise, cleaning up the yard, nail trims, teeth brushing, feeding)
all appointments (house cleaning, house maintenance, etc)
most bills (this is new)
all cooking
all grocery shopping
98% of clothing shopping
some laundry
most everyday home purchases (like groceries, Amazon subscribe & save, toothpaste, body wash, TP, cleaning supplies)
tidying (picking up stuff around the house, but not cleaning)


H: more of a doer and constantly busy
most cat things (scooping litter, feeding, buying special cat food)
all home maintenance / repairs
most research for large purchases (appliances, electronics, cars, insurance)
cleaning (vacuuming, mopping, wiping down...the man is meticulous)
some laundry

[msmerymac]

I almost always cook, and H almost always does dishes. He chooses to do them when he wakes up in the morning, which is fine, because I'd rather that than do them myself. He also feeds the cats in the morning and I do it at night.

I dust mop and regular mop. I do almost all of the laundry.

H normally scoops the litter, takes out the garbage, and does yard work. I'd say that stuff is 85% him.

We pretty much trade off cleaning the bathroom.

I think I do more of the little things that are less noticeable, but keep the house clean. Like picking up and putting away things, re-organizing to better use space, and doing routine wipe-downs. H is better with the big, obvious stuff.

Aside from our normal week-to-week things, or things with a deadline (like... trash day is Wednesday), we usually put aside some time on a weekend morning to get the house in order. If we do it together, we can each point out what needs to be done and we each spend time doing it, so neither of us is shouldered with most of the work.

[fortnightlily]

We share grocery shopping, laundry, cooking, post-meal clean up, and childcare (except lately while DH has been renovating our basement I've done more childcare).

I primarily do the dusting, vacuuming, mopping, cleaning bathrooms, deep clean kitchen, etc. (though he has helped from time to time)

He primarily does all the gardening, mowing and other yard work, taking out the trash, and bigger house projects like replacing ceiling fans or painting, etc.

I definitely have more of the mental burden of planning weekends, appointments, shopping lists, social calendar, to-do lists, keeping us organized, etc.

[waffletime]

Right now H does almost all the household stuff as I'm in school full time (with a full course load this semester too) and I work two days during the week and all day Sat/Sun.

H exclusively does laundry, dishes (although I tend to unload the dishwasher, he just hates how I load it so he does it), taking the garbage out, and cleaning the bathroom. We share shopping, and cleaning out the litter box; I do most of the general cleaning (vacuuming, tidying, etc.) when it actually happens, and I'd say H does most of the cooking, but I do some on the days I'm home early-ish. H pays all the bills, except for rent, which I do. We each deal with maintenance on our own cars.

When I'm not in school, I do most of the shopping/cooking.


I'm obviously okay with this arrangement, fuck dishes and laundry. He gets annoyed sometimes, but only if I'm dicking around instead of studying because the whole reason he does it all is so that I have time to focus on school stuff. 

[ECB]

DH works a non-conventional schedule and that plays a huge role in our division. He works 2 weeks on/ 2 off. When he's on, almost everything falls to me. If he gets home, he'll do what he can to help and it's truly greatly appreciated. But I have to PLAN on doing everything.

When he's off, he REALLY steps up and does as much as he can. Including cooking most dinners! It's wonderfuld.

[sporky]

I do the vast majority of indoor household chores, including cooking and cleaning, but I'm a SAHW so I have no problem with that. DH works a lot of hours and travels quite a bit, so he mostly just does yard work and maintenance around the house as needed. Given our schedules and various strengths, we're both happy with our current "roles." I will say that neither of us ever has a problem with pitching in and helping the other when asked.

[downtoearth]

My routine chores:
Meals - about 90% of the time
Food shopping - about 100% of the time (often with kids in tow)
Walking dog - majority
Figure out childcare/sitters/afterschool care - about 90% of the time (other 10% is when I ask him to do it)
Kid/dog doctor appts
Gift buying/planning - mostly, but DH is good about buying for me and his dad, just not the rest
Mowing/watering lawn - 75% of the time
Putting up holiday decorations all year - always me
Packing me and kids for trips - always me - oh and I do all the food packing
Majority cleaning/organizing - putting away, throwing away junk mail, pick-up after kids, "help" kids clean basement play room, bathrooms, floors (wood and kitchen mostly)
Plans social activities

Majority of bills and carries major purchases in my name

DH's routine chores:
Raking
Cleans up after I make meals - but I usually have to ask or be patient and wait about 2 hours after dinner for it to get done.
Cooks about 1 meal/week (out of 11 meals at home - 7 dinners, 2 breakfasts, 2 lunches)
Makes coffee every day
Majority dog poop pick-up in yard
Majority of packing gear for camping, skiing, vacations. Oh and boat maintenance and coordination
Buys the hobby gear for whole family
His own laundry (and does kid laundry when I ask)
Is spontaneous in having social activities

Oh and he does these items that he values and I, admittedly, value less than he does:
Car maintenance (I would pay if he wasn't around, he is reluctant to pay anyone, so he does it himself - fixes brakes, small engine maintenance, shocks, etc. on all 3 cars)
Hunts for meat (again, I wouldn't do that if he weren't around)
Chops wood (I would buy it split and he insists on doing ourselves)

We both work.  Not that it matters IMO.

I'm not sure we're really doing it right but it works until it doesn't. Usually about every 4 months we have a blow-out, readjust to more equitable chores or working together and then it slowly gets lopsided again. I admit to being annoyed that I have to ask him to help with meals, kids, and house stuff. It seems that he should just know what to do by now... like every weekend, we have to clean the bathrooms because that is what you do when you have 5 people in the house.

[2curlydogs]

There's no real division in a "he does this, I do that" sort of way. We both do everything - cooking, cleaning, kids, outdoor stuff, etc. and who does what on any given day largely depends on who got home first, who has the time to do X, etc.

Example:

I handle scheduling kids appointments. I also generally handle taking them, but lately it's been more whomever's work schedule fits best.
He handles scheduling the dogs' appointments and taking them in. Except sometimes not.
I tend to have a better idea of what we have at home in terms of supplies/groceries, except for his toiletries. So I tend to handle that shopping. Except grocery shopping has lately been him.
Cooking dinner is totally up for grabs.
Baths are exclusively him though (unless he's at soccer and it's a bath night).




So, yeah. It's a bit ad hoc. 


For housework, especially big projects, we definitely have different priorities and focuses in those things though. I have my LISTS on "paper" with priorities and dependencies (aprojectmanagersayswhat?) and he's a bit more... unfocused. Or he keeps separate lists in his head and just does what he wants when he thinks of it. And then I get pissed cause it's NOT ON MY LIST and is not a priority (in my opinion).

[omgzombies]

A lot of it is along gender lines, but not all, and I stay at home

H:
Most yardwork (raking, mowing, trimming the hedges that fence in our backyard, shoveling snow)
Car maintenance
Bathing kids
Bedtime kids (50/50 split)
Gets up with the kids on weekends
Dishes (40% of the time)
His laundry (40% of the time)
Financial planning and managing investments
Cleaning- on his own undirected is a small amount, but I ask him to do things regularly and he does them efficiently and without complaint


Me:
Laundry
Cleaning
Changing linens/towels
Grocery shopping/meal planning
Packing lunches/snacks
Cooking
Dishes (60%)
Bills
School/Extracurricular Pick up/drop off
Clothes buying/rotation for kids
bedtime kids (50/50 split)
Social Calendar
Gift Buying/wrapping
Weed the garden beds
anything requiring power tools, assembling, building

[BeagleMama]

Nov 30, 2015 14:46:46 GMT -5 ECB said:

DH works a non-conventional schedule and that plays a huge role in our division. He works 2 weeks on/ 2 off. When he's on, almost everything falls to me. If he gets home, he'll do what he can to help and it's truly greatly appreciated. But I have to PLAN on doing everything.

Same but DH works 14 hour days 2 nights a week and on all day Saturday while I work a low stress job, 4 minutes from home. I'm also slightly neurotic so I can't just leave stuff for him to do later and I enjoy cooking/shopping. It's pretty much the only thing we bicker about.

He handles:
Cat litter boxes
Morning dog walking
Requests/paperwork from our rental property management company
Mows/weed-eats the grass

I do:
Everything else

On a good week, he'll do the laundry and run/empty the dishwasher.

[AJL]

I think we're pretty evenly split. Of course we're happy to take up the slack from the other if need be.

Things I primarily do -
- pay all the bills and manage our household finances, retirement, and investments
- buy groceries/household items
- cook
- clean the majority of the house (except the kitchen and the two bathrooms)
- primary child care provider
- wash linens and my own clothes

DH does these things -
- cleans the kitchen and two bathrooms
- washes all kid laundry, folds and puts away
- handles any home maintenance issues if needed
- handles any home/lawn maintenance vendor issues (like lawn service) if needed
- handles car repairs if needed
- washes own clothes
- morning school prep and drop off for DS (he'll handle both kids next year when DD is in Kinder)
- cleans the litter box

[sfy]

I do all the budgeting, bills, investing, paperwork, registrations, etc.
I make all travel arrangements.
I do any scheduling involved in house projects.
I do 75% of the cleaning.
I think we split grocery shopping (he likely goes more often, I likely handle the larger trips).
H does about 65% of the laundry.
H now does 70% of cooking (at my peak, I was doing about 85%).
H does 90% trash take out.
We have no pets or young children and we outsource lawn care.

Nov 30, 2015 13:50:12 GMT -5 ttt said:

it became clear that both of us think we do 90% of the work and the other doesn't appreciate it. 

I find this astounding and am curious how the labor is actually divided.

[aurora]

He does 100% of the bathroom cleaning and always has. He also does a lot more of the lawn maintenance (I do more of the other yard work).

We both grocery shop, cook, clean floors, walk the dog, do our own laundry, etc.

I do almost all of the kitchen clean up, which I consider to balance out the bathroom (less gross but far more frequent). I also do most of the finances/bills.

[LoveTrains]

H walks the dog, feeds the dog, and gives the dog his meds. He does the dishes but it make take 2-3 days. He cleans the bathrooms.

I do everything else.

[pescalita]

He:
Cooks
Grocery shops
Most meal planning
All home maintenance
Tall/heavy lifting stuff
Daycare pickup

Me:
Bills
Scheduling/Planning
Gifts
Baths
Up/dressed/out the door/drop off

Shared:
Laundry
Dishes
Straightening (house cleaner every other week)
Bedtime
Dog

[tacosforlife]

Oh, I forgot about trash. He takes out the trash 95 percent of the time. Two reasons: 1) Ever since the Great Raccoon Dumpster Incident of 2006, I do not take out the garbage after dark. 2) He drives twice a week, and the dumpster is in our parking lot while I use a different exit to go to the bus. Oh wait, third reason: 3) I do all that other shit.

[decemberwedding07]

H always does the litter boxes. I did them for years, but he took over when we started TTC. That was six years ago. He also takes the trash bins to the curb, but that's mostly because I never remember. Oh, and he changes the HVAC filters.

I do 99.9% of the vacuuming, mopping, common laundry (kitchen towels, towels, bedding), and cooking. I am the only one who changes the sheets. If anything ever happens to me, I've told my sister to have him hire a maid and to tell the maid to change the sheets. I shudder to think how often he would actually change them if I weren't around. I also clean our car (inside only, I drive through a wash for the exterior). It's a lease so I'm really anal about cleaning the leather to keep our damage charges low at the end of the lease. I also do almost all of the grocery shopping. I only ask him to go to the store if something comes up that keeps me from going.

Oh, and I never clean his office. At all. He does that. We do our own clothing laundry.

ETA: we have a housekeeper who comes twice a month. I clean the toilets and sinks on the weeks she isn't here.

ETA: I do the cooking because he just gets frustrated too easily. Whenever he does it, I hear, "God dammit!!!" every 30 seconds.

[itsme]

Me:
Cook
Shop
Bills
Daycare drop off
Scheduling/planning
Dr. appointments
Walk dogs

DH:
Dishes
Toddler duty - 80% of the time
Disciplines the kids
Daycare pick up
Yard work
We do our own laundry
Home repairs


Shared:
Toddler laundry - I do this more than he does
Bedtime - He does this way more
Cleans - I would say more him than me by far
Kid activities/pick-up