Post by chatterbox on Jan 13, 2016 15:12:06 GMT -5
DD turns two in June. My in-laws live out of state and it takes a whole day to get to them because there are no direct flights. For the past few months they have been mentioning that they want to take her for a week over the summer. (Well, they haven't officially brought it up to us, but they keep talking about it with her in front of us.) My gut reaction is to say no. She's way too young! But I don't want to disappoint them or discourage them from having a relationship with her as they are really her only grandparents. And I could see them pulling away from her if we say no. Am I overreacting? Would you be comfortable with this? Other background info...she sleeps in bed with us and we are having a second baby in March. Thanks if you made it this far!
I would not have left DS at 2, especially not for a whole week - yikes! In fact, we haven't left him overnight yet and he's almost 3. Just now I think he'd be ok overnight with my parents, but I still wouldn't leave him for more than a night or two.
Post by dizzycooks on Jan 13, 2016 15:30:16 GMT -5
@chatterbox not be ok with that. If my ils were capable id consider a week around age five (no idea why then) maybe because they are more independent or able to speak up for their needs? Not at 2. Besides is she suppose to make a whole day flight solo? Nope, nope, nope.
It really depends on why you are reluctant. If it's because they maybe aren't up for it or you're worried your dd might not be ready, that's understandable.
Idk, if I had capable and enthusiastic grandparents asking, I would jump on it but then again, I have gotten this far with little help due to family issues so I'm a little biased.
With a baby coming, it would be a nice chance for you and your h to have some alone time and/or plan a kid free vacay. Or rest. Or whatever is hard to do with kids
DD turns two in June. My in-laws live out of state and it takes a whole day to get to them because there are no direct flights. For the past few months they have been mentioning that they want to take her for a week over the summer. (Well, they haven't officially brought it up to us, but they keep talking about it with her in front of us.) My gut reaction is to say no. She's way too young! But I don't want to disappoint them or discourage them from having a relationship with her as they are really her only grandparents. And I could see them pulling away from her if we say no. Am I overreacting? Would you be comfortable with this? Other background info...she sleeps in bed with us and we are having a second baby in March. Thanks if you made it this far!
I wouldn't -- a week at the age just isn't something I would be at all psyched about, and my best guess is they have zero clue about what they are getting into.
Not to mention with a second on the way this spring, I would have concerns about shipping out the older one for an extended time and how that might make her feel, even under the guise of fun with the grandparents.
But most importantly -- the fact you could see them pulling away if you say no. Nope. My kids, you see them on my terms. If you can't be bothered otherwise, then you don't need to see them.
Post by lattelady5 on Jan 13, 2016 16:02:12 GMT -5
At 2? Nope.
I might feel differently if grandparents spent a lot of time with them or were partial caregivers. My friend just left her newly 2 year old with her parents for a week BUT grandma keeps her dd at least 4 days a week and spends the night often. But after a flight, in a new place with someone she's not around often...no.
DD (4) has stayed with my aunt before and did fine. She would probably be fine for a long weekend. DS (2) would scream until he puked and I'd get called to pick him up.
Eta:I would just tell them she's still a little young for that and leave the door open for when she's a bit older.
My inlaws would like to do the same. I'm open to it provided we figure out how to get the kids there and back. How are they planning to get her there?
What is your apprehension? Will you miss her? Is she too young? Do you not trust them? I had a hard time imagining my DD going away for a week when she was 2, but after nearly 5 years of parenting with only 2 overnights alone I would send my kids to just about anyone that will take them
My hesitation is her not being ready. It would be a long day of traveling to somewhere she's only been a few times. And it's far away. I'm afraid she would get there and be upset and then I couldn't just go pick her up if it wasn't working. I think Might be okay with it if it were a couple hours away and only for a night or two. Plus I don't want her to think she is being sent away because of the new baby.
I do trust them, but I'm not sure they realize how much work it will be for them though. They would have to pick her up and return with her. But other than her probably ending up on the iPad more than I would like, I know that they would take good care of her.
I guess I wanted to make sure I wasn't being unreasonable because I am very attached to her and would miss her! And I was wondering if I was crazy not to take the help since I've never had two kids before.
Post by CrazyLucky on Jan 13, 2016 16:39:17 GMT -5
They want to take her before the baby is born or after? I don't think I would have let my first kid spend a whole week away soon after my second was born. But I did go away for a week for my 10th anniversary when they were 16 months and 3.5 years. So I guess I eased up with the second kid
I think if the in-laws are willing to take her when the baby is a newborn, like in April, it might be a godsend. Play it up a lot like DD is such a big girl, she gets to go visit Grandma on an AIRPLANE and they'll have so much fun. And then you'll be able to actually take the advice of "sleep when the baby sleeps."
I wouldn't do a week at age 2, but my kids are/were both really needy at that age. My DD is almost 2 and will barely let me out of her sight for a few minutes, let alone a week. It would also be challenging for your LO to go from not seeing the grandparents very often to spending 24hrs a day with them for 7 days, know what I mean?
I'm trying to put aside my bias because we live far from my ILs and I wouldn't trust them alone with my kids at all, but I think even if I trusted them, I wouldn't do it at age 2. And whatever you decide, do it because it's what you think is best, not because you're scared they'll pull away if they don't like the answer. If they decided to be pissy just because you didn't want to leave your LO for a week, that would be pretty crappy of them.
Trust your gut. Start with baby steps, maybe start with one night and see how that goes, or have your DH take her there for a few nights prior to. A week right off the bat seems like a long time. I would make sure DH and I are on the same page, then encourage him to have the conversation with his parents.
Post by expectantsteelerfan on Jan 13, 2016 19:03:40 GMT -5
I understand your hesitation, but for the sake of the relationship I would try to find a compromise. Could you all take a trip there, and then leave her with them for a few days while you and dh have a 'staycation' at a local hotel or fun area? That way it's not a whole week, you are with her when traveling, but they get to watch her without you there for a few days.
Post by Kcthepouchh8r on Jan 13, 2016 19:57:03 GMT -5
Nope nope nope. We left my kids for 3 nights/four days at 4 and 3 and it was a shitshow. Dh had a death in the family and a super small family to boot so it was on him to deal with a lot of the arrangements, pack up his house, etc. I didn't want him to go through that alone and my parents agreed to watch the kids so I joined him. The first few days the kids were great; they were excited to get spoiled with lots of junk food and new toys. The day we were coming back they cried to go home all.day.long. I would definitely send a child at two for a weekend but definitely not a whole week.
Post by cabbagecabbage on Jan 13, 2016 20:36:38 GMT -5
For me, no way. At her second birthday, my kid still nursed twice a day and slept in my bed. Now that she's close to 4, I think she would have a wonderful time with her grandma for a few days.
H and I went to Orlando for a week when DD was 7 months old. My mom took both kids for a week (1.5 and 7 months old). Everyone was fine. *shrug*
I don't think it's just about everyone being "fine." I would not be fine and that's okay. I nursed all 4 past those ages, so that alone wouldn't work for me - leaving feelings aside. Obviously OP wouldn't be either. You guys were, which is great for you all. Different strokes and all.
H and I went to Orlando for a week when DD was 7 months old. My mom took both kids for a week (1.5 and 7 months old). Everyone was fine. *shrug*
I don't think it's just about everyone being "fine." I would not be fine and that's okay. I nursed all 4 past those ages, so that alone wouldn't work for me - leaving feelings aside. Obviously OP wouldn't be either. You guys were, which is great for you all. Different strokes and all.
Well, OP asked "how would you handle this?" That's what we would do. I merely thought I would offer another view. Almost everyone was on the opposite side from me, so I thought I'd throw out there that it could be ok, if she wanted to try it.
OP also asked "Would you be comfortable with this?" And I would.
I think it's b/c in similar conversations I've encountered the "the kids will be fine," and the "if you trust them what are you worried about," kid of thing - which downplays maternal feelings. It's okay as a parent to not be okay with it for no particular reason. It doesn't matter if you trust the people or if you know the kids will be fine. Hope that makes sense. Again, cocktails.
The distance and the fact that she hasn't been to their house or with them very often would make nervous about it. DS spent 5 nights with my parents at 17 months but my mom kept him 4 days a week from 8weeks-11months while I worked so he was very comfortable with her and at her house. It was also somewhat necessary...we had moved 2 months before and I was 38 weeks pregnant with DD and having contractions. My mom was at our house to be there witn DS when I went into labor. She needed to go home for a few days and took DS with her. We didn't know anyone well enough to trust with DS in our new town/state. I went Into labor the day my mom was coming back so it was good she had DS already. We probably would have waited until he older to start that but that time worked out okay.
I think it's b/c in similar conversations I've encountered the "the kids will be fine," and the "if you trust them what are you worried about," kid of thing - which downplays maternal feelings. It's okay as a parent to not be okay with it for no particular reason. It doesn't matter if you trust the people or if you know the kids will be fine. Hope that makes sense. Again, cocktails.
I think I'm on the same page as you. I don't generally participate in the subject because I feel like my position gets flamed.
It's hard enough to get MIL to baby sit for more than 2 hours so a week would never happen. My parents can't baby sit much less overnight. Couple lack of family to keep the kids overnight with my own feelings about leaving them and it's just not something that I even want to try.
When we went OOT overnight (2 hours south) for a wedding my sister came from another state 4 hours away to keep the kids.
No. One or two nights is my limit, and frankly my young and healthy parents are exhausted at that point anyway. could they come stay with you and Benin primary kid duty? Or some other compromise? A hotel for a couple nights?
Post by chatterbox on Jan 14, 2016 12:38:28 GMT -5
The more I think about it the more I don't think she (or I) will be ready. We have a few months before I think they will bring it up so I just need to find a delicate way to tell them no. DH seems to be on the same page as me, but he is a people pleaser when it comes to his parents so I think it will be tough for him to tell them no. I don't think they will pull back out of spite, but I think it might hurt their feelings a bit and cause them to keep their distance. But maybe I'm not giving them enough credit.