If your relationship with your parent(s) is strained...

[mary]

When are you okay with them coming to see you?

How long will they stay? Where will they stay?

Are they local to you? If they're not would this be different?

We're trying to figure out some boundaries for my mom's visit and just wanted to see if what we're going to propose is completely off.

[Aquatica]

H and I have strained relations with his parents. We do not allow his parents to know our address, and have told both they are not welcome at our home. The only way H's parents will see baby is when we go to visit GMIL and they are welcome to come to her house.

[boiler717]

Our experience did not go well. DH's family is 3 hours away. We asked that they come visit us while we were in the hospital -- I didn't want to deal with hosting them at home so soon PP, and felt like it would be a good neutral territory. I had a 4 pm scheduled c section so we asked for visitors the next day or the following, but not the day of delivery or discharge.
MIL threw a shit fit and wanted to be there the day of delivery. She tried to come up anyways and called my husband when they were close and he told them no. She was so pissed they decided not to visit at all, so they've never met him. They said they are waiting for us to drive down there (3 hours each way, no where for us to stay and an hour from a hotel). Nope.
I would not have anyone stay with you for at least a month. Maybe longer depending on your recovery. And I had a good recovery and still wouldn't have wanted ILs there.

[Deleted]

I have a good relationship with my parents but my mom and I tend to get into a tension power play thing, especially after extended time together. Both sets of parents are out of state and plan to come in for the birth and will visit at the hospital. We've told them that when we go home, the first 2 weeks are just for the 3 of us while H is on paternity leave. When he goes back to work, my mom will come stay for a week or so. We plan to have my mom visit every few weeks for a week at a time, but I think longer than that at one time would cause a lot of tension. ILs still own a home in our city, so while they are in town they will just visit here and there during the day. They're pretty hands off. My parents will be a huge help, but I did set boundaries to make sure that the experience is primarily about H and me and the baby for the first few weeks.

[bowies]

My parents didn't visit until DS was about 2 months old I think, maybe closer to 3. It upset me more than helped me. I'm so glad they didn't visit earlier. It was so nice having our little family unit and establishing our routines before other people's drama rolled into town. My mom is a picky traveler and a sensitive personality so if they encounter any little hiccup they basically just go home.

This next time around will be different out of necessity. I'm hoping they are in town already to watch DS. Our relationship has gotten better so hopefully we can stand to be under one roof for about a week. Even if timing magically works out and my parents can watch DS I expect my H to be there with them as much as he can.

My ILs aren't even really a part of the equation. They are largely disinterested.

[mskitkat]

My ILs will be staying in a hotel when they visit. We have an exceptionally strained relationship, and I am not okay with this idea that I should just pretend like everything is awesome in the name of handing over the grandbaby. MiL is the type that would try and be helpful, but she would cause me exponentially more stress. For example, her idea of washing dishes is to just rinse them off in cool water. I would have to rewash my entire kitchen after she left!

We haven't scheduled the timing for their visit, but it will be at least 2 weeks post birth. Longer if I can get away with it.

[Susie]

We have a good relationship with my parents. They came for 5 days (for Thanksgiving) when Hobbes was 10 days old. 3 or so days might have been better, but we were ok.

Our relationship with my ILs is more tense. They are local, so that alleviated the staying issue. They came to the hospital when Hobbes was 8 or so hours old. We called them (and my parents) after I was in my room in mother/baby. The only thing that pissed me off was that i asked for no pics of me that day (no shower yet since delivering, exhausted, in a hospital gown, bleeding a ton, still absorbing it all) and MIL took some of me anyway, with my hand up clearly asking her not to. Then sent to my parents. Sigh. I knew she'd do that, so I had clothes packed so I could feel ok with it, I just couldn't get into them soon enough.

[anna7602]

Neither of our sets of parents stayed at our home the second time around, not in the first month after child # 2 was born and not in the 18 months since he was born. It's better that way. The overnight grandparental guests didn't go very well the first time around.

I had originally typed out more, but deleted for fear of never escaping my own internet history. Suffice to say that if you don't want visitors at the hospital, be sure that you're not wearing a gown with the hospital's name stamped all over it in your "baby is here" picture & email message to family members.

[lms]

Neither of our parents are local so they'll be staying a hotel while they are here. It's looking like I'm going to have a rcs so depending on what time it's scheduled for will determine if we have them come to the hospital that day or the next. I guess I'm lucky that due to their work schedules they won't be visiting that long but I wish my mom could stay. After a week my MIL would start getting on my nerves.

[dellabear]

Our relationships with our parents are generally okay but my mother is difficult and the ILs are elderly and need our help (vs being able to help us). They all live a plane ride away. So with our first we said feel free to visit whenever you want but we aren't hosting anyone in our home for the first 6 weeks - we would love to see you but you'll have to stay in a hotel. They ended up coming around 7-8 weeks instead. If they were unhappy they didn't say so.

This time we are in a larger house and we will all have a little more space and privacy, plus they will have our older child to play with, so I'm thinking of saying they can come around 3-4 weeks if they want.

[mary]

Feb 4, 2016 23:12:26 GMT -5 anna7602 said:

I had originally typed out more, but deleted for fear of never escaping my own internet history. Suffice to say that if you don't want visitors at the hospital, be sure that you're not wearing a gown with the hospital's name stamped all over it in your "baby is here" picture & email message to family members.

Oh man. Luckily ours are a plane ride away and we've convinced our parents no one is allowed in the hospital due to flu protocol, so hopefully no one is this adamant.