I've gotten better, but still constantly think about how far along I'd be. I think about it pretty much every day. And it doesn't help that there are 2 girls at work who are due a week ahead of what I would've been, so seeing them go through what I should be going through right along with them... It's tough. There are way too many pregnant girls at work... 5 of them. It's so so hard to see and constantly hear everyone talk about it. I don't know what I'm going to do when my EDD rolls around and I'm not pregnant again.
We had genetic screening done prior to starting IVF, and chromosomal results from the miscarriage were trisomy 7. Both my OB and RE assured us that it was a fluke. But I'm scared that the rest of our embryos are abnormal (we have 4 more) - the first one never implanted and the second one I miscarried.
I just had a hysteroscopy/d&c a week and a half ago. Hopefully at my post-op follow up on 2/12 we'll get the green light to move ahead with our next transfer. This whole thing has been a 4 month long ordeal and I'm so ready to move on.
DH has been great. So, so supportive. At first I felt like he wasn't as upset or grieving as much as I was, but we talked it out and he just wants to be strong for me since I was/am such a mess over it. He's still very positive about us having a baby of our own, which is good because I am so hopeless about it.
Hugs to all. I hate it that anyone has to be in this space.
I'm doing ok, but feel like I'll be better once I return to a normal cycle. The unknown of 'will my period ever come back' is tough.
I meet my OB on the 4th for a post-op appointment. I'll ask her about next steps then.
DH is amazing. He's the compassionate one in our relationship. He checks in with me to see how I'm doing and gives all the hugs, which is what I need.
It's funny: because of my age and medical history, when we started ttc I was in a pretty good headspace. I knew I'd be thrilled if we got pregnant, but also genuinely ok if we didn't. I honestly didn't think a pregnancy would happen, and I was ok with that. Now, having been pregnant, I've somehow lost that feeling that it will be ok if we never become parents. I'm working on getting back to where I was. Anyone have any advice?
kellikans I'm so sorry. That's tough, dealing with others on the path that you were on. The girl who sits next to me just went out to have her first baby, and there are three more girls I work with who are due soon. I'm mentally preparing for to start hearing about others with due dates similar to mine.
Also, I can't edit my OP, but I should have said SO instead of H.
FishChicks, H and I were similar in that we were going to be okay not having kids, but now that I have been pregnant I want them more certainly than ever. So no advice, just commiseration.
I was doing okay once I passed my EDD, like you suzv, but then it hit that it has been TWO YEARS. And I was pregnant or unable to try for a year of those two years (7 months pregnant, plus a few cycles to skip after losses and then India).
My mom keeps telling me how flexible I will want my work to be for when I am a mom (I have been keeping my eyes open for opportunities), and I finally told her she needs to knock it off because I am no longer convinced that it will happen for us.
I need to call my doctor to schedule HSG and SA. I keep thinking that THIS month will be the month so I don't really need it. H and I need to have another talk about how far we are willing to take things. It all just makes me so sad.
Thanks for starting this thread konapoppy I hate to see so many people with losses but it is helpful to have a space to vent and commiserate.
I was doing well and then yesterday sucked. Long story short I had a work meeting yesterday with someone I don't paricularly like and she has my due date and complained about all her pregnancy ailments during most of the meeting. It was awful.
I'm still trying to get my head around having two losses back to back. They did thyroid and diabetes tests for fun and everything came back negative so I'm really hoping that their bad luck diagnosis sticks.
H has been awesome and very supportive. He lets me vent when I need to and helps me find silver linings when I ask him to. I couldn't ask for a better partner through all of this.
The one thing I'm debating as I wait for my period to return is if I want to actively try next month or just leave it up to chance for a few months. I just don't know what to do.
I went to the Loss clinic in January and they have a plan for moving forward. (Aspirin and heparin combo) I am happy that we at least have a plan moving forward.
My relationship with H has been better then it ever was but also worse then ever before. (Basically it's either very good, meh, or very bad.)
H and I had a big conversation last week about whether or not we really want to be TTC right now. Since our loss last fall, our son has had a series of health issues, our finances haven't been as solid as we would like, my H has had mild depression and a major reconstructive knee surgery....so now just might not be the time.
It's hard because it kind of feels like it's "now or never" as I'm not getting any younger, and it's only going to get harder and harder to conceive and probability of a loss goes up. But it's really NOT "now or never." The three options, as we see them are A) KOKO. We basically stopped birth control, but haven't been "trying" very hard (no charting or temping), B) Step up TTC to include charting (which we both find kind of stressful), or C) go back on BC and try again later. We decided to KOKO.
Basically we'd LIKE to be in a position where we are happy no matter the outcome (we are happy with our current family, or are happily pregnant), but right now we feel like we're in a position where we are sad if we don't get pregnant but scared if we do.
((VillainV)) continuing to TTC by just KOKO can be a good way to go about it and relieve some of the stress for you and your H. I hope things improve with your son and Hs health.