Probably not, but only because of the history of alcoholism in the family.
This is where I am at the moment. My kids are 8 years and 8 months. A lot can change in 10 years. My ILs are addicts. My FIL is recovering and my MIL is still abusing. My H's aunts and uncles are also addicts. I drink on rare occasions. Ask me again in 8 years when Allie is 16 and Myles is 8
This is one of those situations where I'm a little glad for Will's black and white autistic world.
We've told him that only people 21 or over can drink. He has taken that to heart and won't dream of doing it until he's 21. LOL
Now, would I be willing to let him drink at home in a safe environment when he's over 18? Probably, if he wants to. I want to foster a healthy relationship with alcohol.
HOWEVER - unless it's milk, water, or very specific kinds of juice, he won't drink it. Especially if it has bubbles in it. Haha
Probably? But I'm not sure. My dad is alcoholic and goes back and forth drinking vs. not drinking. Growing up he didn't drink around us (that we knew of) and alcohol was taboo. Like someone else said, we couldn't even have a Shirley Temple because it "looked like drinking". I would like to encourage DD to have a healthy relationship with alcohol and maybe introducing it in a controlled environment will help.
When we were teenagers, we'd split a wine cooler (ha!) when our folks had one. My parents didn't drink much, so it was never a big thing for us and their letting us have one now again on a weekend made it NBD. We never felt like it was some forbidden thing, as long as we were smart about it, they had no problems with it.
DD1 has a sip at a wedding of a few things several years ago. She had been in collage for a year already. DS who is now 23 had a wreck and is lucky to be alive on his 18th birthday after drinking with friends..... I will not supply my adult kids with alcohol nor will they drink it in my house around DD2. DD2 comes from a long line of alcoholics and that is not something I will expose her to if it is in my control. DD1 does not drink and DS drinks a lot but not around me. I have drank with probably will again sometime but it is not something my kids have ever seen me do.
Post by amberlyrose on Feb 5, 2016 14:14:10 GMT -5
Ya know, I don't remember even having the discussion with my parents. When H and I were dating, I was 19 and he was 22. Whenever we hung out with my parents, he'd just buy the beer and we'd have 1-2 at their house.
When I lived under their roof though, alcohol was 100% forbidden.
Over 18? Absolutely. And I'd probably give special occasion sips/etc before that.
I grew up living abroad, and was exposed to a healthy relationship with responsible drinking from an early age. At 11 or 12 I was allowed (heavily) spritzed wine when we were out at wine gardens (which was part of the culture). Into high school I could have sips of wine or a small glass of champagne for special occasions. And from time to time a frozen blender drink at summer family parties.
I'd anticipate taking the same approach with DS.
As far as him drinking in high school/etc socially? I'd condone it. But he will also know he will always have a safe ride home with me, consequence free, should he find himself in a situation where neither he nor his friends are safe to drive even if they're underage.
This is where I'm at as well. I'm not sure where H stands on the issue... we should probably have that discussion before baby boy makes his appearance in early May.
My parents aren't drinkers and we never had alcohol in our house growing up. Also, I've never drank as I have epilepsy and don't really want to have a seizure/throw my life into a tailspin.
H and I have discussed this. We both feel that we'd like to introduce alcohol in a controlled environment, i.e., our home, before the age 21. Part of our reasoning is that we want to take away the "forbidden fruit" aspect of it.
Post by game blouses on Feb 5, 2016 14:37:53 GMT -5
I have mixed feelings about it. On one hand, I don't want to make alcohol such an attractive thing by banning it completely, but on the other hand I don't want to create a slippery slope with fuzzy boundaries. We didn't grow up with alcohol in the house and I had six months of binge drinking in college, but that was much less about actual drinking and more about me and my self-esteem.
DH and I don't drink (he doesn't like it, I get migraines) and we'll probably just be honest about it with our kids and encourage them to make safe decisions with their bodies. But since we don't have alcohol in the house, it would be kind of strange to have them drink here anyway.
After HS I wouldn't have a problem with a glass of wine with dinner, or a beer on a summer afternoon grilling out or the like. I wouldn't encourage it but if they asked I'd be ok with it.
My parents did not do this at all. However, my brothers were definitely hanging out with the wrong crowd and smoking pot, so I can't say I blame them.
I started drinking around 19 or so. It was probably my unnatural responsibility at that age (balancing school/job) but I really can't remember ever getting trashed. Probably because my drink of choice was Mike's Hard Lemonade. LOL.
Post by sandyapples on Feb 5, 2016 14:40:09 GMT -5
The drinking age here is 19, I have no problem with drinking responsibly at home at 18. Special occasion glasses of wine at 16 probably.
Growing up my parents didn't drink (my dad has been in recovery since I was 4). Alcohol was very mysterious and exciting to me. I would like my kids to have a more normal relationship with alcohol so it isn't such a temping forbidden fruit.
I actually think about this sometimes - my mom in particular was a real teetotaler. At my June wedding, my mom went up to our bartenders and told them not to serve my youngest brother, who was going to turn 21 in August. Real fucking eyeroll there. However, that's the brother who's a heroin addict. I don't really think those choices have to do with my parents having a zero tolerance policy in our house. I just think my brothers hung out with a bad crowd and didn't care.
cbwm1 mine's on spectrum, too. I've shared wines with DS when we've opened something special and offered a glass at holiday dinners in our home from the time he was 10 or so. I have friends who've done this and their older kids never went through that wild child phase when they left home. Both admitted that the wines and beers on campus sucked and weren't worth drinking. Their younger one was a bit of a problem- she didn't get into Yale like her sibs and ended up at a state school know for parties.
DS rarely drinks now. He's 22. He'll drink a German or Alsatian white at Christmas or some other occasion. And he enjoys the odd NYFRB if I have it on hand but he'd rather have a Coke.
I remember being allowed to have a sip or two of champagne on NYE from teenage years onwards. So I'd probably do the same, and maybe a glass of wine with Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner after they're 18.
Yes. I was allowed and I turned out ok. Alcohol was never a no no in my parents house. We are Polish--the older generation used it for "medicinal purposes" LOL. Like warding off a cold with blackberry brandy. They would put a half shot of something in a shot glass and tell me to drink it. It tasted so so horrible. I believe this common exposure taught me to be more responsible with alcohol when I got older.
I entered college not having had a single drop of alcohol in my entire life. I didn't even know anything about alcohol other than the basics about being drunk. Having free reign in college with zero knowledge was not a good thing for me. At the end of the year I had to be hauled off to detox one night of partying because of alcohol poisoning - drinking too many shots of vodka and tequila (gag). I didn't know my limits, didn't really get that alcohol could be dangerous, and I certainly didn't know that alcohol could taste good and wasn't just there to get shit faced off of.
After that incident I educated myself. Read a freaking massive "wine bible" to start. When I studied abroad in Europe when I was 20 (and a few times since) I learned even more in my travels.
When I turned 21 I started going to all the tastings - beer, wine, whiskey. Anything and everything. I love pairing food and alcohol together nowadays.
I really wish I hadn't gone into college completely blind. I entered with an intense curiosity of what alcohol tasted like, how I would feel drinking it, etc. Combine that with strong peer pressure and it was a disaster.
If I have children they're going to be educated on alcohol. I'm going to raise wine and beer snobs - they're going to be able to recite knowledge on production, quality, terrain etc. and how best to pair with food. I want them to enter the real world respecting alcohol and also knowing how to best enjoy it. Teach them actual moderation and portioning.
With her mother's blessing, we've allowed our teenage goddaughter to experiment around us - a small glass of wine or a sip of beer.
Growing up in the DARE hey day, I never got a good healthy sense of drinking and it took a long time for me to be responsible with it and and maintain appropriate moderation. I don't want it to be a taboo subject for my kid.
When they are home from college and everyone is having a drink at Thanksgiving? Sure. I probably won't offer it, but wouldn't get upset if they had a drink.
I don't find it that big of a deal. Im going to assume they will be drinking before 21 anyway. I know very few people who didn't.
Also, my mom (when she was still not right in the head) was absolutely convinced that drinking Shirley temples or smoothies was "pretend drinking" and I was not allowed to have them. Soda was fine. Soda with grenadine would apparently lead to lifelong alcoholism. *eye roll*
i mean, i loved shirley temples when i was a kid, and now i love bourbon. it's probably all the grenadine's fault.