Yes in our home and under our supervision. Something like wine which we normally have a glass of at dinner. Me not right now obviously .
I don't see an issue with it and a big reason why is I was born and raised in Canada where I could legally start drinking at 19 so I don't see it as big of a deal over 18. Even slightly under (16 and 17) I wouldn't oppose the odd small glass of wine.
Going to college was a huge eye opener for me with regards to underage drinking though. Especially with a lot of the students who never had alcohol before and little to no knowledge on how to drink responsibly. All they knew is that mom and dad weren't there to get them into trouble so they'd go a bit wild and overboard. I went to a US college where the drinking age was/is 21 a lot of students had no clue how to drink responsibly. The attitude about drinking was much different then with many people I knew my age back in Ontario. In where I lived it wasn't a big deal, drinking etc. Many had fun but never to a point of hurting themselves or others. It's hard to explain but there was more of a 'rebel' feel to drinking on my campus. So many times you'd see an ambulance outside freshman dorms because of alcohol poisoning. One girl on my flat not only started puking what looked like tar from being so violently ill but was also a victim of rape while she was passed out at a fraternity. We didn't know until later because she was so sick and so weak. (Please note I did not attend the frat party, she was just a girl on my flat).
I think teaching kids at a reasonable age about drinking responsibly helps. I'm not saying I'm going to get my kids kegs either. But a little glass at dinner I'm okay with. I want to teach them about moderation and yes I can do that without introducing alcohol but again I don't see the harm in allowing it every once in a while under parental supervision. I want both of my children to know when they go to a bar/party they don't drive. That if I'm nearby I will always pick them up. If they are somewhere else call a taxi, but never drive or get in a vehicle with a person who is intoxicated behind the wheel.
I will likely on a visit to see my family in Canada take my daughter out for her 'first' legal drink in Canada when she turns 19. She's and her brother are Canadian citizens after all. For DD, it'll likely be myself, dd, my niece who is 4 months younger than DD and my SIL. I really want her to take in the drinking culture where I'm from and what it's like for kids her age there. I won't mind her going to the bar and me dropping her off and her learning to call for a ride after her night is done. Maybe that makes me a bad parent but I'd hate for my daughter or son to be completely blindsided when going to school.
Also on the other hand my daughter and son may choose to go to a Canadian College so all of this comes into play as well.
I'm okay with a small glass of wine or beer with dinner from 16 or so on. Little sips of stuff if they ask when younger. I'd like to teach moderation so it's not this huge rebellion thing while they're in high school, or freedom thing when they leave for college. When I was an exchange student in France, it impressed me that alcohol was freely shared at the table as just another one of life's many pleasures.
I have about 3 years before DD1 is 18 and right now I don't see letting her drink at home until 18 or older. I am sure she will drink at parties or has already. This reminded me to talk to her about it again and if she chooses to drink while out that she needs to be responsible and all that. I was drinking at 14 when I ditched school so I know she has the options out there.
My dad gave me a beer when I graduated bootcamp at 18. That was it.
No. I have let me 20 yr DD taste a drink here or there. She had a glass of champagne Christmas Eve and the other week when my DH announced his new job. I know she drinks occasionally with friends, and she knows I would come get her in a heart beat if she needed a sober ride home.
Post by thebreakfastclub on Feb 5, 2016 15:51:31 GMT -5
My CW has a 16yo son, and she let him and his friends drink in her home at a sleepover over the summer.
She told them they could have the beer only, but she has a fantastic bar with a ton of alcohol. She woke up at 2am to one of the boys puking up banana schnapps all over her bathroom. Of all the things he could pick from!
Anyway, I see how she tried to control it by limiting to beer, and they still got out of control. I don't know what I'll do then.
Post by Velvetshady on Feb 5, 2016 16:06:22 GMT -5
Don't have kids, but I'd do what my parents did (and what my brother is doing with my nieces). The first time I remember drinking was in 1st grade. My parents had a huge New Years Eve party and I got a glass with a large swallow of champagne. After that, if we went out for a nice dinner or had a nice weekend dinner at home and my parents had wine, my brother and I got a glass of wine (living overseas so not a legal issue where we were). It was never a forbidden thing or a "special" thing, we were taught responsible drinking from the beginning. And in High School in the US, when I had lots of friends drinking to rebel or because it was "grown up", I was the sober one driving people home. Same, for most of college (not saying I didn't drink in college, just not really much before I was 21).
I would not let other people's kids drink in my home (unless their parents were also around and were okay with it as well).
Post by mrsukyankee on Feb 5, 2016 16:21:59 GMT -5
Once I started working in my first job at 16, my next door neighbour (with my parent's consent) allowed me to have wine by their poolside. I was considered an 'adult' because I was working. I didn't love it, so didn't have more than 1/2 a glass every time, but it allowed me to learn how to enjoy alcohol as a social thing w/o it being about getting drunk, which was a good message.
Yes. My parents started giving me wine spritzers when I was about 12 at major family dinners out of crystal glasses. I felt so fancy. By the time I was 16 I would have a glass or two of wine with dinner if we were staying in on a weekend evening.
I live in Canada though and grew up 20 minutes outside of Quebec where the legal drinking age is 18. My parents wanted to expose me to alcohol themselves in a controlled environment where I could learn proper respect for alcohol. We also drank beer and cocktails at the cottage and I can remember my first drink of whiskey with my Grandpa.
I have no issues with introducing alcohol to DD in a similar fashion. Also I was probably one of the few of my classmates at university who had no interest is binge drinking and who also had unfortunately expensive tastes in wine.
This is my feeling as well. I'm fine with a glass of wine with dinner around 13, DH is less sure. Oddly enough he and his brothers (who weren't allowed to drink before 18) were always drunk at teen parties while I couldn't be bothered because I saw no point in drinking that much. I thought he'd be more open to it.
See, and I would be REALLY pist if I knew their aunts and uncles gave them alcohol "behind my back" before they were of age, especially if I was adamantly opposed to them having anything underage.
H and I plan to make alcohol not a big deal for them before they go to college. We regularly open a bottle of wine, and each have a glass, and that's it for the evening. It's really normal for our kids to see us drinking in moderation. The current plan is to let the try a half glass when they're 16 or 17, on special occasions, with the very clear understanding that that means they're in for the rest of the night, and are going nowhere.
What really scares me is my girls going off to college with no idea, AT ALL of what alcohol feels like. I talk to them all the time that they are in charge of their bodies, and what they put in them, and I want them to know how much 1 drink really can affect you (especially with zero tolerance). I may even open the bar to them completely after they're over 18, the summer before they go to college, and let them drink whatever they want one night (ok, I'd probably cut them off at like 3-4 drinks), just so they know how quickly it can affect you, and how extremely shitty you can feel afterwards. Get that out of the way here, in the safety of their home, instead of finding out for the first time at a frat party or bar with people you barely know, and may or may not be able to trust.
I don't know why, but the logic that if a kid doesn't have anything to drink, he or she will absolutely go wild when they go to college, is irritating me. It's like the whole Catholic schoolgirl thing. And I'm not even opposed to a teenager having a little something to drink under supervision. I just don't think this is absolutely the case.
I don't know why, but the logic that if a kid doesn't have anything to drink, he or she will absolutely go wild when they go to college, is irritating me. It's like the whole Catholic schoolgirl thing. And I'm not even opposed to a teenager having a little something to drink under supervision. I just don't think this is absolutely the case.
You're right, it's not absolutely the case, but it was the case for a lot of my peers. Then again, I went to a big school known for partying it up a bit so that may have had an influence.
I don't know why, but the logic that if a kid doesn't have anything to drink, he or she will absolutely go wild when they go to college, is irritating me. It's like the whole Catholic schoolgirl thing. And I'm not even opposed to a teenager having a little something to drink under supervision. I just don't think this is absolutely the case.
I didn't mean to imply that. I never drank before college, didn't even drink until I was 21 (I was always designated voluntary sober sister at our sorority parties), never got crazy/wild, whatever.
I don't think that one necessarily leads to the other, but I also want my kids to know what they're getting into if they so choose. I have one rule follower that is highly susceptible to peer pressure, and one wild card. I'd just personally prefer they find out what alcohol is all about when it's still "safe" at home, instead of be surprised by how it impacts them in a potentially more vulnerable situation.
oh, and I'm absolutely certain that at some point, they'll be completely drunk in college, at a party, or whatever. I don't think that giving them wine at home when they're 17 will prevent that. I do hope, however, that them knowing they can drink at home takes away some level of mystique/forbidden fruit - that it can be fun, but it's ultimately not a big deal to do it.
Post by speckledfrog on Feb 5, 2016 17:42:50 GMT -5
I wonder if drinking at home as a teenager actually leads to more responsible drinking in college.
My dad is a recovering alcoholic and had no alcohol in the house after he got sober. I didn't drink at all until I was 21 and never to excess. I hung out with a group of people who also never/rarely drank. MH's parents only drink wine with dinner and he has never had alcohol. I have no frame of reference for this.
Post by underwaterrhymes on Feb 5, 2016 17:49:57 GMT -5
Yes.
Not excessively, but a glass of wine or beer with dinner on special occasions, sure.
I want them to have a healthy respect and appreciation for alcohol given the many addictions we have in our family. They will be totally informed about their loved ones' struggles with alcohol and drugs from an early age, as well.
I'm not having kids, so I will answer for what my parents did with me.
They let me start having alcohol at family functions, at home on NYE, etc. at 20 I think. They probably would have been OK with it at 19 or 18 in those situations but I just never really asked.
Honestly, I didn't have any alcohol until I was 20. And when I did at 20 it was at my boyfriend's (now H) college or at home. If we got caught underage drinking at school or at a party or something and got a drinking ticket, they said we could get thrown out of my program (teaching), so it scared me into not drinking at all until I was of legal age at my school.
Yes. My mom is very BIZARRE about alcohol. Even now I feel awkward drinking in front of her. BUT she always let me have a teeny bit of red wine with cream soda at family gatherings. She also made us champagne cocktails on Valentines Day growing up.
But if other family were around suddenly I couldn't ask for a sip & she would judge anyone else whose kids did.
I turned 21 in a country without a drinking age. Drinking was fun and socially responsible. Back home it was fake IDs and underage dive bars that served them. Stark contrast of of lying, sneaking and binge drinking.
I'd like to model and teach responsible drinking to my 19/20 year old. I got a glimpse when I was that age and I see it with family in Quebec.
Yes. My parents would let me have a drink if we were out for dinner (Texas, so it was legal). Also, all the parents of my group of friends would gather up car keys and let us drink once we hit senior year of high school. We were safe and in a controlled environment. I know I personally was less rebellious about alcohol in college because of it.
Sure, once they're in college. I would not younger than that though and one of my biggest parenting rage inducers is people who say "If you're going to drink, I'd rather it be here..."when talking high schoolers.
OMG, yes!
I guess when he's at college he'll probably drink but I'm not going to supply it for him. I also am not understanding the allowing them to drink=a healthy relationship with alcohol. I think that comes from modeling a healthy relationship with alcohol and being a good example of responsible drinking, not letting them drink when they're teenagers. And I really don't feel passionately about this topic and I'm not judging at all. That's just my perspective.
Anyway, when he's older I do want him to understand that if he's ever in a situation where he doesn't feel safe and/or needs a ride and he's been drinking, we will not be pissed off about it.
Sure, once they're in college. I would not younger than that though and one of my biggest parenting rage inducers is people who say "If you're going to drink, I'd rather it be here..."when talking high schoolers.
OMG, yes!
I guess when he's at college he'll probably drink but I'm not going to supply it for him. I also am not understanding the allowing them to drink=a healthy relationship with alcohol. I think that comes from modeling a healthy relationship with alcohol and being a good example of responsible drinking, not letting them drink when they're teenagers. And I really don't feel passionately about this topic and I'm not judging at all. That's just my perspective.
Anyway, when he's older I do want him to understand that if he's ever in a situation where he doesn't feel safe and/or needs a ride and he's been drinking, we will not be pissed off about it.
I can't speak for others, but for us it has a lot to do with the dependencies that are in our family.
I'm hoping to take away a lot of the allure of drinking by not prohibiting it because genetically our kids our predisposed to dependency.
I mean, I'm not going to get them a keg for their birthday or anything, but I am hoping that letting them have a half a glass of wine or a beer every now then will make it less exciting.
I think there is good support on both sides, obviously, and I don't mean to suggest that not allowing alcohol means your kids will go on a drinking rampage when they hit college.
It's just, for us, alcohol has to be a part of the conversation very early on and I want them to know that they have a safe place to try it and enjoy it but that they also need to take it seriously.
My parents were stationed in France for several years when my brothers were in middle school, before I came along. They brought back a love for garlic butter and the practice of offering their kids an occasional half-glass of wine with dinner once we hit high school.
Flash forward to my sophomore year of college, and Thanksgiving dinner at my brother's place. By now he was in his early 30s, and had either forgotten or disowned my parents' wine policy. Bro seated me at the kids' table with two seven year olds and a five year old, and served me a nice tall glass of milk. This while everyone at the "adult" table was enjoying wine with dinner. I am forever grateful to my former SIL (who never liked my brother that much), who came and sat next to me at the little card table, and when bro asked what she would like to drink with dinner, calmly replied "I'll have gin please". I don't think she even liked gin.
Sure, once they're in college. I would not younger than that though and one of my biggest parenting rage inducers is people who say "If you're going to drink, I'd rather it be here..."when talking high schoolers.
I almost posted the "I'm a cool mom" gif earlier. Lol
I don't know why, but the logic that if a kid doesn't have anything to drink, he or she will absolutely go wild when they go to college, is irritating me. It's like the whole Catholic schoolgirl thing. And I'm not even opposed to a teenager having a little something to drink under supervision. I just don't think this is absolutely the case.
I didn't have my first drink until I was 23. I was raised southern baptist where drinking was a big no. I went to parties that were a parents worst nightmare. Drugs and booze running rampant.
I'm not sure when. I guess it depends on what kind of teenager/young adult he is. H and I were strictly forbidden prior to 21 and it was very much frowned upon after, to the point we felt we had to hide even one drink in our late 20s. We both had problems with drinking to excess in early adulthood so I think I will likely take the opposite approach.
Post by closertofine on Feb 5, 2016 18:50:44 GMT -5
No. I do not nor do I ever plan to keep alcohol in the house because I'm in recovery. Plus I am a teacher, so it is just too risky for me. It will have to be something stbx and I discuss down the road though. I honestly don't know his stance these days. I suspect it is no, but I'm not sure.