I don't know why, but the logic that if a kid doesn't have anything to drink, he or she will absolutely go wild when they go to college, is irritating me. It's like the whole Catholic schoolgirl thing. And I'm not even opposed to a teenager having a little something to drink under supervision. I just don't think this is absolutely the case.
I didn't have my first drink until I was 23. I was raised southern baptist where drinking was a big no. I went to parties that were a parents worst nightmare. Drugs and booze running rampant.
And I had friends who drank underage, and I did too, and we went to crazy parties too. I don't necessarily think there is a correlation.
I don't know why, but the logic that if a kid doesn't have anything to drink, he or she will absolutely go wild when they go to college, is irritating me. It's like the whole Catholic schoolgirl thing. And I'm not even opposed to a teenager having a little something to drink under supervision. I just don't think this is absolutely the case.
Yep.
And I remember previously (maybe back on the nest) someone brought up europeans drinking and how they binge drink less because they have a younger legal drinking age. I looked it up at the time and research said the exact opposite that young people in Europe binge drink more.
Anecdotally the people that were throwing parties in high school and binge drank a lot were the people who had parents who allowed drinking to happen in their presence.
Alcohol wasn't made a big deal in my family, they never served it to me, but I never saw it as "forbidden" and didn't really see it as a big deal to drink in high school or college. They told me I could call them if I were ever in a dangerous situation and to never drink and drive. I drank in college, and still occasionally binge drink now, but nothing to excess. My cousins who were raised similarly to me, didn't drink at all until they were 21 and still now drink less than me.
Like miso said, I think it comes down to trying to raise a responsible young person in general.
Post by anastasia517 on Feb 5, 2016 19:53:07 GMT -5
The drinking age is 19 here so I wouldn't bat an eye at 18. Even if we're talking 3 years below drinking age at 16, DH & I would allow our hypothetical kids a drink here or there. Both of our families allowed us to try things in high school. Both sets of parents always had a policy where we could call, no questions asked, no matter what time, if we needed a DD or a safe ride home.
My parents both even offered to buy me alcohol for after prom a few months before I turned 18. They knew the friends I was spending time with, trusted them, and we had a safe location where nobody would be driving.
I remember having sips of my dad's beers when I was as young as 5, and being allowed to split beers with my older brother when I was middle schoolish so I personally don't have a problem with letting future 18 year old DS have a drink at a family meal. Shoot, my grandmother gave me my first Irish cream in middle school (or younger? ) lol. DH and I haven't talked about it so I'm not sure what he thinks about it.
I guess when he's at college he'll probably drink but I'm not going to supply it for him. I also am not understanding the allowing them to drink=a healthy relationship with alcohol. I think that comes from modeling a healthy relationship with alcohol and being a good example of responsible drinking, not letting them drink when they're teenagers. And I really don't feel passionately about this topic and I'm not judging at all. That's just my perspective.
Anyway, when he's older I do want him to understand that if he's ever in a situation where he doesn't feel safe and/or needs a ride and he's been drinking, we will not be pissed off about it.
I can't speak for others, but for us it has a lot to do with the dependencies that are in our family.
I'm hoping to take away a lot of the allure of drinking by not prohibiting it because genetically our kids our predisposed to dependency.
I mean, I'm not going to get them a keg for their birthday or anything, but I am hoping that letting them have a half a glass of wine or a beer every now then will make it less exciting.
I think there is good support on both sides, obviously, and I don't mean to suggest that not allowing alcohol means your kids will go on a drinking rampage when they hit college.
It's just, for us, alcohol has to be a part of the conversation very early on and I want them to know that they have a safe place to try it and enjoy it but that they also need to take it seriously.
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Alcoholics everywhere in my family and I can tell you drinking at a young age didn't temper my drinking it made me a hard drinker by a much earlier age. If your kids have dependency genes, they will just drink a little at home with you and a lot away from home. Personally I will not serve my kids booze until they are legal drinking age and long before that we will talk about the dangers of alcohol and how important it is to be responsible.
I can't speak for others, but for us it has a lot to do with the dependencies that are in our family.
I'm hoping to take away a lot of the allure of drinking by not prohibiting it because genetically our kids our predisposed to dependency.
I mean, I'm not going to get them a keg for their birthday or anything, but I am hoping that letting them have a half a glass of wine or a beer every now then will make it less exciting.
I think there is good support on both sides, obviously, and I don't mean to suggest that not allowing alcohol means your kids will go on a drinking rampage when they hit college.
It's just, for us, alcohol has to be a part of the conversation very early on and I want them to know that they have a safe place to try it and enjoy it but that they also need to take it seriously.
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Alcoholics everywhere in my family and I can tell you drinking at a young age didn't temper my drinking it made me a hard drinker by a much earlier age. If your kids have dependency genes, they will just drink a little at home with you and a lot away from home. Personally I will not serve my kids booze until they are legal drinking age and long before that we will talk about the dangers of alcohol and how important it is to be responsible.
I see your point, but both my sister and I had access to alcohol relatively early and neither of us are hard or heavy drinkers.
People are going to be all over the map here and have tons of anecdotes to support their personal perspective.
No. I have let me 20 yr DD taste a drink here or there. She had a glass of champagne Christmas Eve and the other week when my DH announced his new job. I know she drinks occasionally with friends, and she knows I would come get her in a heart beat if she needed a sober ride home.
Post by Shreddingbetty on Feb 5, 2016 23:05:53 GMT -5
Yes. DD is 5 and has had sips of wine and cocktails. Mostly she thinks they're gross although she did like the margarita at the pool this summer. I grew up in Europe and I have had alcohol since I was little. Mosltly sips here and there when I was little and half glasses of wine here and ther when I was a little older (10 maybe). It's normal there. I cam here when I was 17 and it was no big deal for me to drink so I really didn't very much. Turning 21 was also not a big deal. I think it takes the mystery out of it. My kid won't be having wine with dinner every night but I see nothin gwrong with some small amount of alcohol here and there.
Alcoholics everywhere in my family and I can tell you drinking at a young age didn't temper my drinking it made me a hard drinker by a much earlier age. If your kids have dependency genes, they will just drink a little at home with you and a lot away from home. Personally I will not serve my kids booze until they are legal drinking age and long before that we will talk about the dangers of alcohol and how important it is to be responsible.
I see your point, but both my sister and I had access to alcohol relatively early and neither of us are hard or heavy drinkers.
People are going to be all over the map here and have tons of anecdotes to support their personal perspective.
Totally agree. I think it's a gamble of you have predisposition to problems. For some it probably works to introduce moderation. In my family there was no such thing.
DH says not until they're 21, but I say if they are old enough to join the military then they can have a beer or glass of wine at Christmas dinner if the "adults" are imbibing. I'm amused that we are on opposing sides of this issue, because my parents are teetotalers and don't like that I drink now, and FIL is a functioning alcoholic (which is a vast improvement over the last several years). I would think DH would be a little more lax since he was a hard partier in college before he was 21. But perhaps that's why he feels the way he does.
My husband and I have not discussed this really. Neither of us are big drinkers. I went to parties in hs, but sipped on one wine cooler or hooch while everyone got blasted. Mom allowed wine at holiday dinners after 16. I didn't go to parties in college, but spent a lot of time in bars(DH played in a band) but never drank even after I turned 21. I like a beer in the summer if we are at a friend's house or out at a restaurant. I also drink wine at holiday family parties to pass the "wine" test. Other than that, I could leave alcohol behind. DH's father had alcoholic tendencies, his one brother is a recovering alcoholic, and his other brother is a functional alcoholic with a son heading down the same path.
Since I am a teacher, my rule is you have to be 21 to drink in my house. My sister was mad at me a few years ago when her 19 year old boyfriend opened up a beer. Dude-My house, my rules, my job would be on the line. That will be the same for DS, I am nearly positive!
Post by MixedBerryJam on Feb 6, 2016 12:38:35 GMT -5
They've been told multiple times, and I have proven by my actions, that they will never be punished for calling me if they or their friends have been drinking, and I will make sure they all get home safe. That said, it's only been this Christmas, when I had one 19yo and one just shy of 18, that I actually offered them alcohol at the dinner table. I needed 2 beers for something I was cooking and had 4 left, so I offered them. Also, on the way home for Christmas break my son asked to stop at the liquor store to get some specific local thing, and at first I balked, "No, I'm not making a liquor store run for you" but immediately changed my mind when I realized he'd probably been buying underaged at this college town liquor store for 18 months now, and my driving the "getaway car" was not going to speed his eventual corruption. It felt extremely weird waiting in the store while he made his purchase, though!
I don't allow it when one of them has a gang over at my house.
Yes, we will let them start tasting a sip here and there once they ask to, then a half glass of wine or craft beer on special occasions when they become teens. My parents always let me have a small amount of wine with special dinners, and by the time I was 16 I was going on the occasional vineyard tour with my dad. I honestly think having an appreciation for good wine and beer helped me not binge drink in university. Also the drinking age in my province at the time was 18. 21 is ridiculous.
We will most definitely not allow parties or their friends to drink at our house until everyone is of age.
We'll likely let them have alcohol before 21. I know h wants to brew with them, and as pps have said, I'd like them to have a base knowledge of alcohol before they're out on their own.
We allow my 18 year old step son to have a beer here and there when w are at home and he is in for the night. It makes it less of a big deal so he doesn't feel the need to go crazy drinking out with friends or whatever. That being said, he is a responsible young adult and I'm not sure if we will do the same when my step daughter is his she.
And what's funny, me and H ARE drinkers (I know you guys know that). There's the extremes of "no drinking in my house EVER" and the people like my dad who were all "I'd rather them do it in my house than out on the streets." There's definitely a middle ground. I just don't get the rush. When David turns 21, I'll enjoy a glass of wine with him. Until then, I just won't allow it. Once again, this board makes me feel very conservative.
And what's funny, me and H ARE drinkers (I know you guys know that). There's the extremes of "no drinking in my house EVER" and the people like my dad who were all "I'd rather them do it in my house than out on the streets." There's definitely a middle ground. I just don't get the rush. When David turns 21, I'll enjoy a glass of wine with him. Until then, I just won't allow it. Once again, this board makes me feel very conservative.
I don't think you're conservative because you want to do that. Honestly, I knew a lot of parents like that.
Yes. The age is 19 here, and I am thankful my parents were pretty open about it. My parents very much believe wine is a complement to a good meal, and sips were always an option as a teen, despite me hating it until nearly 30.
I can't imagine 21. Someone is able to buy a gun, smoke, gamble, vote, marry, graduate university, raise kids, and do a miltary tour overseas before legally buying a drink with dinner.
I don't know why, but the logic that if a kid doesn't have anything to drink, he or she will absolutely go wild when they go to college, is irritating me. It's like the whole Catholic schoolgirl thing. And I'm not even opposed to a teenager having a little something to drink under supervision. I just don't think this is absolutely the case.
I just read the whole thread, and yes. I agree with this.