Kids and Depression

[dd1204]

PDQ,
sorry for the novel.

I think my oldest dd is depressed. I'm not sure if is just regular teen stuff or should I be seeking professional help for her. Today she cry for over and hour. She feels really lonely with no friends, she feels that no matter how much she tries her grades are not good, that no one takes her serious, and much more.

Some examples she gave me for feeling like that. Her bff at that school now has a boyfriend and a new bff and hardly hangs out with her during lunch period. The boys she usually hanging with are doing things to annoy her and when she said stop they don't. She doesn't want to stop hanging with them because then she'll just be lonely, she also doesn't think they are being malicious but she's just feels like everything gets on her nerve. Some girls she's social with would say things that she doesn't like. She feels that nothing is going right for her.

I've notice since this new semester started that she's been very moody and short temper. She's taking new classes which are more challenging and seems she's not adapting well. Last school year she had problems with her grades and we switch school this year thinking this was a better fit. I had her tested for add/adhd last year but it came back negative. I've notice that she's easily distracted, can't really concentrate, and is very irritable. She's also has some symptoms of anxiety. About a month ago she got so anxious thinking she couldn't pass a test that she started hysterically crying and had stomach pain. She gets a lot of stomach pain when she's nervous.

Short version, I think my dd might have some depression, add, and anxiety. Not sure if is regular teenage years or should I seek professional help.

[speckledfrog]

I would seek help. I think the majority of teenagers would benefit from having a counselor to talk to.

[sonrisa]

Give her the option of seeing a therapist. Even if it's "regular teenage years" it might be good for her to have someone sympathetic and outside to talk to about it.

[flex]

In hindsight I realized I was in the throes of actual depression beginning at age 12. I suggest seeking professional help for her.  At least an evaluation.

[lilac05]

Have you mentioned the idea of a counselor to her? It sounds like you have a good relationship with her. If she's willing to share all of this with you, hopefully she would be open to seeing a counselor (who may decide to refer her to a psychologist/PCP/psychiatrist).

It may just be teenage angst, but it may be more than that. I'd try to let a professional make that judgement call.

[5thofjuly]

In my view, the diagnosis doesn't matter- the fact that she needs some extra support right now does. I'd definitely get her some counseling regardless of whether she meets the official criteria for depression/anxiety or not.

She's lucky that you're being an observant mom and willing to get her some help to develop additional coping skills!

[dd1204]

Feb 5, 2016 22:43:16 GMT -5 speckledfrog said:

I would seek help. I think the majority of teenagers would benefit from having a counselor to talk to.

Thank you. Which type of counselor would you seek?

[pugz]

Get professional help for sure. Depression/anxiety are so common for teens and meds/counseling can help

[dd1204]

Feb 5, 2016 22:50:57 GMT -5 luckydog said:

Regardless of "regular teenage years," if she needs help coping, then help her find it. Everyone processes situations differently. I'd open up the door to talking with a doctor and/or therapist, and telling her what the school has to offer.

Fwiw, I never thought I was depressed but recently my mom said she wishes she took me in. I have nothing to compare it to. But there is nothing to lose going in.

She also would probably qualify under you or your so's EAP if available.

Eta, also show her the resources available to her without your help. Or let her know that since she's a minor, you might have to sign off on treatment and monitor treatment, but that you won't pry if you do have to be involved. Or if she does want you to know, you'll be there.

I'll call my EAP and see what they recommend. When you say show her the resources available, do you mean look for a counselor with her help?

[dd1204]

Feb 5, 2016 22:52:50 GMT -5 lilac05 said:

Have you mentioned the idea of a counselor to her? It sounds like you have a good relationship with her. If she's willing to share all of this with you, hopefully she would be open to seeing a counselor (who may decide to refer her to a psychologist/PCP/psychiatrist).

It may just be teenage angst, but it may be more than that. I'd try to let a professional make that judgement call.

I haven't mention the idea of a counselor but I'll have a talk with her tomorrow. We really do have a good relationship and she talks to me a lot.

[dd1204]

luckydog

Thank you. She's 14 so I'm not sure how much she'll understand but I'll try to include her as much as possible.

[mrsukyankee]

A CBT therapist might be a good one for her, but only if they've worked with teenagers and can also do more than just CBT (you wouldn't want a strict CBT follower but someone who uses CBT along with possibly acceptance therapy).

[auntie]

I'd talk to her pedi/PCP. First a check up to rule out a physical cause like PMDD or hypothyroid and a mental health screening. From there a therapist of some kind suggested by them. Depending on the severity of the situation, medication might be suggested as well as talk therapy. DS did well with CBT. I have a friend whose DD did really well with DBT.

What was she like last year when you decided to switch schools. IMHO, when you have a kid who isn't thriving or has some sort of challenges- the "fresh start" of a new school is pointless if the problems the child brings to school aren't addressed.

What sort of activities does she do? Does she have a core group and home within the school? A sport? Band? Theater? A service club? These would keep her busy, provide social connectedness and distract her from ruminating on her problems.

[dd1204]

Feb 6, 2016 6:05:46 GMT -5 auntie said:

I'd talk to her pedi/PCP. First a check up to rule out a physical cause like PMDD or hypothyroid and a mental health screening. From there a therapist of some kind suggested by them. Depending on the severity of the situation, medication might be suggested as well as talk therapy. DS did well with CBT. I have a friend whose DD did really well with DBT.

What was she like last year when you decided to switch schools. IMHO, when you have a kid who isn't thriving or has some sort of challenges- the "fresh start" of a new school is pointless if the problems the child brings to school aren't addressed.

What sort of activities does she do? Does she have a core group and home within the school? A sport? Band? Theater? A service club? These would keep her busy, provide social connectedness and distract her from ruminating on her problems.

I'll definitely take her to her PCP to rule out those thing, thank you for that idea.

Last year she was having academic problems, she went from a straight A student to B and C. The school has a really rigorous teaching method. She did not show any depression but did show sign of add and anxiety. I took her to her PCP which refer me to the Children's Hospital to get her evaluate. The evaluation came back negative.

She wanted to switched school because she felt that her old school was hard for her and she couldn't keep up. But now her grades are coming back down, which makes me believe is not the school is her.

She had a core group of friends but this semester it seems that they are not as close. She did cross country las quarter and is doing track this quarter. She doesn't want to join any clubs. I'm trying to find an activity outside the school where she can connect with different kids.

[dd1204]

Feb 6, 2016 3:02:28 GMT -5 mrsukyankee said:

A CBT therapist might be a good one for her, but only if they've worked with teenagers and can also do more than just CBT (you wouldn't want a strict CBT follower but someone who uses CBT along with possibly acceptance therapy).

Thank you. Monday I'm calling my EAP to see who they can referal us to.

[MixedBerryJam]

Feb 5, 2016 22:50:10 GMT -5 flex said:

In hindsight I realized I was in the throes of actual depression beginning at age 12. I suggest seeking professional help for her.  At least an evaluation.

So much this. Looking back now I am sure I was depressed most of my life, but I didn't have the ability to articulate it. I cannot blame my mother for not being proactive, but it would have been a very different path for me if I had not waited until I was 40 to realize not everyone felt this way, and I could do something about it!

[auntie]

Maybe it's not the schools, maybe it's her.

Untreated anxiety could be interfering with her ability to focus and stay on top of her assignments. It can look like ADHD (Inattentive). Or maybe she's a bright kid with some sort of learning disability/difference that is impacting her success as a student. Sometimes bright kids develop strategies to work around differences for a while until they hit a wall in high school or even college. A processing glitch, executive function deficits, even mild dyslexia can go undx'd in a bright well behaved child for a long time.

I hope you're able to make a plan to help her.

[cleo29]

Definitely get her help. I would seek someone who works with teens, I loved my therapist and that made a huge difference. I had friends in high school who also did art therapy, in addition to talk, and really liked it.

[imimahoney]

Just want to add that if she is diagnosed with something make sure to tell the school. They may be able to provide her accommodations through a 504. Even if there isn't a diagnosis, I would mention it to her guidance counselor.

I teacher HS and unfortunately have 3 different students suffering from depression this year. Each student is receiving assistance re:deadlines, course work, etc.

[dd1204]

Feb 6, 2016 16:20:07 GMT -5 imimahoney said:

Just want to add that if she is diagnosed with something make sure to tell the school. They may be able to provide her accommodations through a 504. Even if there isn't a diagnosis, I would mention it to her guidance counselor.

I teacher HS and unfortunately have 3 different students suffering from depression this year. Each student is receiving assistance re:deadlines, course work, etc.

I just looked through her paperwork from the last evaluation and I did get a paper that state Assess for 504 plan, could i bring this to the school? It is from last june.

[imimahoney]

Feb 7, 2016 15:59:49 GMT -5 dd1204 said:

Feb 6, 2016 16:20:07 GMT -5 imimahoney said:

Just want to add that if she is diagnosed with something make sure to tell the school. They may be able to provide her accommodations through a 504. Even if there isn't a diagnosis, I would mention it to her guidance counselor.

I teacher HS and unfortunately have 3 different students suffering from depression this year. Each student is receiving assistance re:deadlines, course work, etc.

I just looked through her paperwork from the last evaluation and I did get a paper that state Assess for 504 plan, could i bring this to the school? It is from last june.

Is the plan written up? I would most definitely let her new school know of the 504, as I thought they followed the student like an IEP would.

If she is entitled to accommodations her new school must follow them.