Oops! Crap, now what do I say?!

[spk926]

I posted this on Facebook earlier:





Some coworkers commented.



My coworker on my team commented and is R. The second comment is by another teacher on my first grade team. In the past 4 years we've had 6 babies between the 3 of us (I'm counting DS since he's coming soon!). We've all gotten comments on our size while pregnant. I've shared some of the ridiculous stuff said to me this last pregnancy on here. K is one of those that makes the comments, BUT, R wasn't referring to her when she wrote what she did. She was actually referring to the secretary that pointed and laughed at me and when I called her out she said she can't believe how the coat makes me look even biggER. ^o)

I work with K often and closely. She is a SPED teacher and I have a few of her students. Crap. Now I don't know what to say back.

[hermione]

I'd just say, "Ha! Nope, it wasn't you!"

[cjeanette]

Say nothing on FB. Talk to her at school next week

[bcarp30]

Will you see K soon? I would comment "don't worry, definitely not you! You're always very nice!" Or something like that and then elaborate when you see her next in person? Or send her a FB message with the story?

[spk926]

Feb 13, 2016 22:45:23 GMT -5 bcarp30 said:

Will you see K soon? I would comment "don't worry, definitely not you! You're always very nice!" Or something like that and then elaborate when you see her next in person? Or send her a FB message with the story?

We have no school Monday so I'll see her on Tuesday.

The thing is, it very often IS her. While she is nice, she's just clueless and doesn't always think before she speaks.

[lilac05]

No, K, R is not referring to you.

Do her comments bother you? If so, send a PM saying you know she means well, and some women may not be bothered by comments on their size, but that's not you. EVERYONE feels the need to talk to pregnant women, and it can be exhausting. When you don't feel the greatest and 25 people have commented on the size of your belly that day, it can be too much.

If HER comments don't bother you, then you can tell her not to worry about it.

[VillainV]

Honestly, if she does make comments like that, I'd just leave it be and not do anything, even if she isn't specifically the person referenced by your other friend. Let her think it's her. If R wants to correct her, then that's up to her.

[nomad]

Are you good enough friends with R to ask her to comment telling K it isn't her desk? Id hate to say nothing and have it be awkward but I also get not wanting to say oh you never say anything offending! Especially when she is an offender.

[spk926]

Feb 13, 2016 23:14:09 GMT -5 nomad said:

Are you good enough friends with R to ask her to comment telling K it isn't her desk? Id hate to say nothing and have it be awkward but I also get not wanting to say oh you never say anything offending! Especially when she is an offender.

Yeah I am, we are close. I've texted her but she isn't responding. She's probably out for Valentine's Day and will get back to me in the morning.

[bcarp30]

Feb 13, 2016 22:48:00 GMT -5 spk926 said:

Feb 13, 2016 22:45:23 GMT -5 bcarp30 said:

Will you see K soon? I would comment "don't worry, definitely not you! You're always very nice!" Or something like that and then elaborate when you see her next in person? Or send her a FB message with the story?

We have no school Monday so I'll see her on Tuesday.

The thing is, it very often IS her. While she is nice, she's just clueless and doesn't always think before she speaks.

That's hard. The only reason I would try to make her feel better is your working relationship and having some of her students.

[speckledfrog]

"Lol, not you! But I'm glad you'll stop calling people huge."

Because, really, what a dumb thing to say after you posted that.

[cjeanette]

Feb 13, 2016 22:48:00 GMT -5 spk926 said:

Feb 13, 2016 22:45:23 GMT -5 bcarp30 said:

Will you see K soon? I would comment "don't worry, definitely not you! You're always very nice!" Or something like that and then elaborate when you see her next in person? Or send her a FB message with the story?

We have no school Monday so I'll see her on Tuesday.

The thing is, it very often IS her. While she is nice, she's just clueless and doesn't always think before she speaks.

That is not relevant. She didn't deserve to see posts an social media with others mocking her.

[AmyRI]

I wouldn't say anything, but I have pregnancy rage currently and would like to hang this on a coworker's desk.

speckledfrog's reply is the most polite thing I could bring myself to type.

[spk926]

Feb 14, 2016 1:40:21 GMT -5 cjeanette said:

Feb 13, 2016 22:48:00 GMT -5 spk926 said:

We have no school Monday so I'll see her on Tuesday.

The thing is, it very often IS her. While she is nice, she's just clueless and doesn't always think before she speaks.

That is not relevant. She didn't deserve to see posts an social media with others mocking her.

But it truly wasn't meant to be about her. I posted it because it was funny, not to mock K. The person R was referring to is a totally different person.

ETA she made it about her with her comment. Also, the secretary R was referring to isn't even on social media and 99% of my friend list has no idea who R was talking about.

[AlpineSlide]

I like what speckled and merida said too. I might pm her (or in person) and say it was the secretary if you have that kind of friendly relationship but it might be best not to name names.

[cricketwife]

Feb 14, 2016 8:37:25 GMT -5 spk926 said:

Feb 14, 2016 1:40:21 GMT -5 cjeanette said:

That is not relevant. She didn't deserve to see posts an social media with others mocking her.

But it truly wasn't meant to be about her. I posted it because it was funny, not to mock K. The person R was referring to is a totally different person.

ETA she made it about her with her comment. Also, the secretary R was referring to isn't even on social media and 99% of my friend list has no idea who R was talking about.

I totally agree that she made this about her. No one was mocking her on social media. I'd answer or ignore however you want because I don't think you owe her anything here. In fact, I'd be inclined to ask her to delete her comment about you being hugely pregnant. I can't even fathom posting that you are huge as a reply to a comment where you are telling people NOT to call you huge. It's beyond clueless. It's insensitive, rude and shows an utter disregard for your feelings.

[undecidedowl]

I would say "Lol I wasn't referring to anyone in particular. But it does get old to hear how huge I am all the time so I'm glad you'll rethink that!"

ETA: Also, the burden is really on R here. That wasn't a great comment for social media.

[AmyRI]

It's ok to mock pregnant women to their faces and directly on social media about their size, but not OK to point out how tasteless that is indirectly on social media, without naming names?

(Serious question - I realize I have strong feelings about this since I'm not a small person to start with and am 7 months pregnant.)

[gibbinator]

Yeah I'd go with what undecidedowl said. It makes peace, redirects it away from her, but also is a reminder that it's not really a nice thing to say.

[undecidedowl]

Feb 14, 2016 12:35:12 GMT -5 AmyRI said:

It's ok to mock pregnant women to their faces and directly on social media about their size, but not OK to point out how tasteless that is indirectly on social media, without naming names?

(Serious question - I realize I have strong feelings about this since I'm not a small person to start with and am 7 months pregnant.)

I think this is referring to my comment. I'm a little confused. I don't think any of it is okay. I was mostly saying that there is nothing wrong with what OP posted on Facebook. I'm not a fan of what R posted, partially because it leads to situations like the one OP is dealing with now. It's just the type of comment I would keep between friends only. That doesn't mean the secretary (or K's) comments are okay or that they shouldn't be called out directly for rude remarks.

ETA: just reread and maybe this isn't about my comment. Either way, people need manners!

[AmyRI]

Feb 14, 2016 19:38:34 GMT -5 undecidedowl said:

Feb 14, 2016 12:35:12 GMT -5 AmyRI said:

It's ok to mock pregnant women to their faces and directly on social media about their size, but not OK to point out how tasteless that is indirectly on social media, without naming names?

(Serious question - I realize I have strong feelings about this since I'm not a small person to start with and am 7 months pregnant.)

I think this is referring to my comment. I'm a little confused. I don't think any of it is okay. I was mostly saying that there is nothing wrong with what OP posted on Facebook. I'm not a fan of what R posted, partially because it leads to situations like the one OP is dealing with now. It's just the type of comment I would keep between friends only. That doesn't mean the secretary (or K's) comments are okay or that they shouldn't be called out directly for rude remarks.

ETA: just reread and maybe this isn't about my comment. Either way, people need manners!

Oh I did not direct that at you! It was meant more for cjeanete who was defending K. I get what you're saying

[spk926]

Feb 14, 2016 12:26:36 GMT -5 undecidedowl said:

I would say "
Lol I wasn't referring to anyone in particular. But it does get old to hear how huge I am all the time so I'm glad you'll rethink that!"
ETA: Also, the burden is really on R here. That wasn't a great comment for social media.

I love this, thank you! It's what I ended up replying with.