S/O maternity leave - #meternity

[elleblue]

I want all the perks of maternity leave - without having any kids. link

(disclaimer after the last article I posted caused confusion - this was not written by me, lol)

Meghann Foye, 38, was jealous of co-workers clocking out for maternity leave, and decided she needed a break of her own. Here, the author of the novel “Meternity” (Mira, out now), tells The Post’s Anna Davies why she believes every woman deserves mandated “me time.”

I was 31 years old in 2009, and I loved my career. As an editor at a popular magazine, I got to work on big stories, attend cool events, and meet famous celebs all the time.

And yet, after 10 years of working in a job where I was always on deadline, I couldn’t help but feel envious when parents on staff left the office at 6 p.m. to tend to their children, while it was assumed co-workers without kids would stay behind to pick up the slack.

“You know, I need a maternity leave!” I told one of my pregnant friends. She laughed, and we spent the afternoon plotting my escape from my 10-hour days, fake baby bump and all.

Of course, that didn’t happen. But the more I thought about it, the more I came to believe in the value of a “meternity” leave — which is, to me, a sabbatical-like break that allows women and, to a lesser degree, men to shift their focus to the part of their lives that doesn’t revolve around their jobs.

For women who follow a “traditional” path, this pause often naturally comes in your late 20s or early 30s, when a wedding, pregnancy and babies means that your personal life takes center stage. But for those who end up on the “other” path, that socially mandated time and space for self-reflection may never come.

When I graduated from college in the early 2000s, I enjoyed the same unspoken expectation shared among my fellow Gen-Xers: If you poured your heart and soul into your career, you would eventually get to a director level and have the flexibility, paycheck and assistants beneath you to begin to create a work-life balance. Then the 2008 recession hit, and people were lucky to have jobs at all. Assistants and perks disappeared across industries, and I felt like the cultural expectation was that we should now be tethered to our desks and our smartphones.

It seemed that parenthood was the only path that provided a modicum of flexibility. There’s something about saying “I need to go pick up my child” as a reason to leave the office on time that has far more gravitas than, say, “My best friend just got ghosted by her OkCupid date and needs a margarita” — but both sides are valid.

And as I watched my friends take their real maternity leaves, I saw that spending three months detached from their desks made them much more sure of themselves. One friend made the decision to leave her corporate career to create her own business; another decided to switch industries. From the outside, it seemed like those few weeks of them shifting their focus to something other than their jobs gave them a whole new lens through which to see their lives.

While both men and women would benefit from a “meternity” leave after a decade or so in the workforce, the concept is one that would be especially advantageous for women. Burnout syndrome is well-documented in both sexes, but recent research suggests that women may experience it at greater rates; researchers postulate that it’s because women (moms and non-moms alike) feel overloaded by the roles they have to take on at work and at home.

Bottom line: Women are bad at putting ourselves first. But when you have a child, you learn how to self-advocate to put the needs of your family first. A well-crafted “meternity” can give you the same skills — and taking one shouldn’t disqualify you from taking maternity leave later.

As for me, I did eventually give notice at my job and take a “meternity” of my own. I may not have been changing diapers, but I grappled with self-doubt for the year and a half that I spent away from the corporate world. And I grieved the loss of my dad, who had just died after a long illness. But a “meternity” done right should be challenging. It should be about digging into your whole life and emerging from it more confident in who you are.

It also gave me the opportunity to help someone achieve their “meternity” dreams — even if that person was a fictional character. My first novel, “Meternity,” was just released, and is about a woman who fakes a pregnancy and discovers some hard truths about what it’s really like to “have it all.”

Ultimately, what I learned from my own “meternity” leave is that any pressure I felt to stay late at the office wasn’t coming from the parents on staff. It was coming from myself. Coming back to a new position, I realized I didn’t need an “excuse” to leave on time. And that’s what I would love the take-away for my book to be: Work-life balance is tough for everyone, and it happens most when parents and nonparents support and don’t judge each other.

I want kids in the future, and I might still take a traditional maternity leave. I might not. But either way, I’m happy my “meternity” taught me to live on my own terms and advocate what works for me.

[StrawberryBlondie]

Yes, leaving work promptly to tend to my child is exactly like a break and something to be jealous of.

Was maternity leave supposed to be a time for self reflection? If so, I did that wrong.

[froggy76]

I can't roll my eyes hard enough at this.

[isabel]

I hate that she is basing this on maternity leave. We all fucking need work-life balance. Don't pin this on maternity leave.

[elleblue]

I knew you guys would love it, lol.

[One Girl In All The World]

Jesus. you know what this needs? Some more "words" in random "quotation" marks.

[elleblue]

Apr 28, 2016 16:48:42 GMT -5 isabel said:

I hate that she is basing this on maternity leave. We all fucking need work-life balance. Don't pin this on maternity leave.

And maternity leave is exactly like taking a break. Every new mother gets so much time for rest and self reflection! 

[StrawberryBlondie]

Ah, yes. Nothing says flexibility like taking care of a small child.

[isabel]

Apr 28, 2016 16:49:37 GMT -5 elleblue said:

Apr 28, 2016 16:48:42 GMT -5 isabel said:

I hate that she is basing this on maternity leave. We all fucking need work-life balance. Don't pin this on maternity leave.

And maternity leave is exactly like taking a break. Every new mother gets so much time for rest and self reflection! 

I wasn't even going to touch that part of it. Maternity leave was not a vacation, but I enjoy going home and seeing my kid. He's annoying as hell some nights, but I leave work on time and go home and that is valuable to me. She should get to leave work at a set time, too. But for the love of God, don't give any more ammunition to the people who will look at this and point out how petty and useless women are, especially those who want a "free vacation" after having a baby.

[saz]

Every fucking minute of your life is "me time" jackass!

[ttt]

Oh yeah, because employers just LOVE mothers! Those lucky moms at work who get SO many advantages!

GTFO with this bullshit.

msmagazine.com/blog/2013/11/18/why-is-it-still-legal-to-profile-working-moms/

www.jstor.org/stable/10.1086/511799#fndtn-references_tab_contents

www.psychologytoday.com/blog/media-spotlight/201404/mothers-in-the-workplace

[magpie]

I would love to lock this woman in a room to tend to a colicky newborn for a few weeks. See if that helps her find herself and become more empowered.

[cville]

What the FUCK. This is a woman hurting women with her utterly senseless bullshit.

Screw her and her misogyny. Leave without kids (and pay) is called a sabbatical, dipshit. Sorry you were too blinded by your jealousy about my sweet sweet gig of running home, always late, to care for my kids after a full 10+ hours in the office (p.s. the parents are often arriving before you since they know they have to leave at a set time) and couldn't remember what it was called.

[smock]

Huh, I'm on maternity leave, and it sure doesn't feel like "a socially mandated time and space for self-reflection."

I must be doing it wrong.

[emilyj]

JFC. This already exists. It's called a sabbatical and it is possible in some industries if you be a fucking adult and plan for it.

"It seemed that parenthood was the only path that provided a modicum of flexibility."

Oh yes. I'm sure parents, moms in particular, are just sitting at home every night laughing at how flexible their lives are, while drinking wine and eating bon bons. I don't have kids, and even I know this is a fucking ridiculous thing to say.

[sparkythelawyer]

This bitch right here.

[mrsdewinter]

LOL forever that she thinks that parenting gives you more flexibility and personal time.

Also that her evidence for this being a good idea is the personal growth of a fictional character she created.

[CheeringCharm]

Does she have any real friends with kids who she spends actual time with? Because it doesn't sound like it if she's comparing leaving work early to pick up your kid to leaving early in order to go out with a friend for a margarita. Yeah they're exactly the same. Lol

[auntie]

Oh dear God. What a shithead.

Is this like getting extra time off because your coworker needs to go for chemotherapy or tend to parents with dementia who don't even recognize you? Because, you know, that's all fun stuff, too.

[lovelovelove]

What? You guys don't glide out of work on a fluffy cloud of bliss to get your special angels and bring them with you to the spa where they are well taken care of by child care specialists with masters degrees while you self reflect and get quality "me" time? No? Or you didn't enjoy your "meternity" sleeping all day, waking only to stare at above mentioned special angel and think about how you've nailed it at life since you're not working and those childless suckers are? Just me? *Legally Blonde "what like it's hard" look*

I hope this person has gotten an ear full from everyone ever. She sounds redic.

[katfco]

"a sabbatical-like break that allows women and, to a lesser degree, men to shift their focus to the part of their lives that doesn’t revolve around their jobs.
"


Isn't that called a vacation? What she's really saying is she wants more vacation time. 

[bowies]

Apr 28, 2016 17:37:00 GMT -5 smock said:

Huh, I'm on maternity leave, and it sure doesn't feel like "a socially mandated time and space for self-reflection."

I must be doing it wrong.

Thats not sleep deprivation that's self-actualization. HTH YWIA.

[earlgreyhot]

This mindset is why here's no federal mandated maternity/parental leave. People equate it with a vacation not a chance to recover, bond, and care for brand new human beings.

[bronxgirl]

My co-worker was off for 6 months when she had cancer. Why can't I take six months off just b/c I don't have cancer?

Fuck this bitch and her bullshit.

[gpw]

Apr 28, 2016 16:54:32 GMT -5 saz said:

Every fucking minute of your life is "me time" jackass!

I can't get behind this writer's idea but I do bristle at the notion that every moment of my life is just endless amounts of me time because I haven't had children.

[katfco]

Apr 28, 2016 18:44:12 GMT -5 earlgreyhot said:

This mindset is why here's no federal mandated maternity/parental leave. People equate it with a vacation not a chance to recover, bond, and care for brand new human beings.

Meanwhile, some people in the UK are getting leave for when they bring a new pet home. thebark.com/content/pawternity-leave 

[claudiajean]

Maybe the reason those friends ended up switching careers had nothing to do with self-reflection and everything to do with changing needs due to a non-parent-friendly environment.

And not the usual crap about the childless staying late to conger for all the slacker parents.

[darnkatz]

[josieposy]

Apr 28, 2016 16:49:31 GMT -5 One Girl In All The World said:

Jesus. you know what this needs? Some more "words" in random "quotation" marks.

[mouse]

Apr 28, 2016 18:52:44 GMT -5 gpw said:

Apr 28, 2016 16:54:32 GMT -5 saz said:

Every fucking minute of your life is "me time" jackass!

I can't get behind this writer's idea but I do bristle at the notion that every moment of my life is just endless amounts of me time because I haven't had children.

I can't speak for saz, but I think it's quite possible that the writer of this piece, specifically, has devoted her every waking moment to herself.

Not a reflection on those who don't have kids.