Work relationships

[cats]

Would you be okay if your boss began dating one of your coworkers?

Are there industries or situations where this isn't, at all, an issue?

Pretend your handbook does not directly discuss this situation.

...and SO the age difference thread, would it make a difference in your feelings if there were a significant age gap?

[VillainV]

It would make me feel
uncomfortable. Like my coworker would get benefits and privileges from dating the boss that weren't available to those of us NOT dating the boss.

I realize that just because people are dating doesn't necessarily mean there is anything unfair going on, but just the perception that there COULD be would make me feel uncomfortable enough that it would probably affect my attitude and probably the quality of my work.

[ECB]

Age gap wouldn't matter here - I wouldn't be happy about it.

[specialk]

If my boss were her boss as well, it would be a problem. If it were a different reporting structure, I wouldn't care. Don't care about age gap.

[Bernadine]

Apr 29, 2016 5:15:34 GMT -5 ECB said:

Age gap wouldn't matter here - I wouldn't be happy about it.

Yes, exactly.

[bears]

I would have a huge problem with that, of the boss was dating a subordinate. I would expect the reporting structure to change immediately if that happened.

[ECB]

When I worked in HR years ago, we conducted training on various types of harassment and this scenario was actually included. It could be considered a hostile work environment on the side of those who are NOT receiving the benefits of the relationship.

That's why it's just NOT a good idea. Plus, if the relationship ends, the subordinate could then claim they were coerced into the relationship.

Not saying either is easy to prove or what have you, but regardless, it's just not a good idea. If nothing else, for the perceptions of the other employees adn what they think and how it affects morale.

[W.T.Faulkner]

I'd definitely feel weird about it.

[cinnamoncox0]

There's an inter office relationship in my work place. One is always in my office but the other half is there on a semi reg basis, she works in a diff location most of the time.

It is somewhat of an issue because one does the scheduling so she manipulates it to make her with him even when it makes more sense to have one of us who works there full time be scheduled for the shift.

There's a shortage on at least one day per week and I've offered multiple times to switch my schedule to cover that shortage; but she puts herself there, at the detriment of her other location, to be with him.
She cries when there are work things they are having a tiff over, like if something happens with a coworker you just sort it out; she cries and spends the next few hours calling and texting him from the other location.
They're young like mid to late 20's. Could account for some of the behavior and not have it specific to a workplace relationship.

Sometimes makes me feel uncomfortable when interacting with him if she's there like where does the work relationship end and the personal relationship begin?

Hope I'm explaining it right.
I typically don't have a problem with it, I guess this is a long way of saying it depends on the people in the relationship.

[cabbagecabbage]

A lot of factors at play but I would not like it.

[charley]

My boss was dating our receptionist (12 years his younger and he was still married). They kept it under wraps (haha) for a while but once she got pregnant, they told the higher ups. They said one of them had to quit so she did then they fired him.
We all had a huge problem with it, for several reasons.

[dancelnow]

I started dating my ex shortly before he got the promotion to being my boss. He disclosed the relationship immediately when offered the job (we hadn't told anyone at work yet) and since the policy only addressed family and married couples, he was still given the job. We were too small of a place to shuffle me around.

You would never have known we were dating. There was a very firm line between work and home. Even when he did my annual review. No one had a problem with it because he was overtly fair about it. We've worked other jobs since then together, but never one over the other and kept it just as professional (even now going through the divorce).

I know our experience is an anomaly thought like the story above with manipulating the schedule and drama over work issues. I wouldn't immediately be up in arms, but wary.

[isabel]

My former boss started dating a coworker, but they didn't let anyone know until she had left. I was working in the restaurant industry at the time and I think it's not nearly as big a deal there as it can be in other industries. In any case, they got married last year. They also happen to be some of our best friends, so that may color my view on how appropriate it was at the time.

[sapphireblue]

In the abstract, I agree with previous posters. It just isn't a good idea.

I can think of at least two situations where it has happened in places I worked. In both cases, one of the people in the couple quit their job when the relationship got serious. Also in both cases the couple eventually got married.

I can think of examples where it wouldn't be a big deal so I think it really matters on the specific workplace and whether there is a boss/subordinate role between the two.

[sunshineluv]

I would not be happy, at all. But it's hard for me to really know how I would feel bc it is in our hr policy so one of them would have to change departments.

[Deleted]

I met my husband at work. We were in different departments and I didn't report to him. We were very low key and most people didn't know we were even dating. We have a few at my current employer and as long as they are not direct reports and not making out in the stairwell or at company events it's fine. If they are direct reports then there will be a conversation had and someone would be moved asked to resign.

[toepick]

At my office, someone started dating - and eventually married - a subordinate and he (the subordinate) was transferred to another supervisor, although his work didn't change. It is wrong on so many levels to permit a boss to date a subordinate. Age doesn't matter.

[papie]

I think it happens, and I'd expect that coworker would soon ask to get moved to another department or change jobs.  I think it would be weird if coworker kept working there long term.  

[friendz4eva]

I wouldn't have a problem as long as one is not reporting to the other and they are in separate departments.

[ECB]

Apr 29, 2016 8:14:30 GMT -5 tarzanswife said:

I met my husband at work. We were in different departments and I didn't report to him. We were very low key and most people didn't know we were even dating. We have a few at my current employer and as long as they are not direct reports and not making out in the stairwell or at company events it's fine. If they are direct reports then there will be a conversation had and someone would be moved asked to resign.

I have no issue with coworkers dating.  I know quite a few couples that met at my old place of employment.  Only one coworker dated a person senior to us but he was in a different department.  And they did a good job of keeping it REALLY low key. 

I had a boss who if he just LIKED you, if you were his drinking buddy, he'd treat you differently.  And it was usually women.  The ones who went out drinking with him seemed to be the ones who got the best projects, etc.  So it's not even necessarily about dating - it's even about becoming too friendly sometimes too.  But he was pretty immature at the time too.  Nice guy but not a good manager.

[sewf]

One of my coworkers (and friend) started dating our boss soon after I started there. They told our district manager pretty quickly, always left his office door open if they were in there, she would ask me periodically if anyone had said anything to me about them or a sense of unfairness. I personally never felt that she had an unfair advantage. In fact, I felt like she was under an even stronger spotlight BECAUSE she was dating him. Our district manager did her reviews, but she still reported to our boss for daily things.

He left while they were dating, but she stayed until this past September. They married about six years ago. She did feel that her relationship with her husband clouded our district manager's view of her, since DM had problems with my coworker's husband, my former boss.

So in my store, it has happened, but it definitely was not smooth sailing. There has since been an addition to the employee handbook about employee relationships.

[Balki.Bartokomous]

It depends. If they're in different departments and no one reports to each other, I don't care. If your married 52 year old manager gets your 26 year old CW pregnant? Yeah, that was uncomfortable and very awkward. In that case, it was gov't so they just transferred her to a different office.

[Deleted]

I wouldn't like it. The only time I think it may not bother me is when I worked at the golf course. if the bartender dated the club house manager I don't think that would bother me. But in my professional office setting that wouldn't go over well