MM advice needed (college student)

[tacom]

Ok, so my sister is a 20 y/o sophomore in college. Parents are broke so she is self-supporting. She took out loans to cover tuition. no credit card debt but she has an income problem and possibly a small spending problem (?). she really does her best but is repeatedly coming up short. this year we've given her maybe 1-2k? she is super embarrassed about it and doesn't take us for granted. I give her all my gently used clothing and accessories, fly her out to NYC, buy family gifts from all the kids etc.

she's applied to every job on campus and within walking distance but rarely gets called back for interviews. we worked on her resume and cover letter together and polished her interviewing skills and now she actually has 3 jobs(!)
Front desk: 10 hours/week * $7.25/hr
Bookstore: 10 hours/week * $7.25/hr
Nursing home 20 hours/week * $8.60/hr 

all semester, she really only had job 1. just started working job 2 and is waiting to start job 3. 

she has to work for her grades. now @ 10-20 hours/week she has mostly As an Bs but a C in chemistry. I don't know if she could handle working FT and school FT. she says she does better with structure, but that's a lot to handle. 

plan for the summer (she has to take a full course load due to switching majors) was to work 30 hours/week which would give her basically $830 take home monthly. we revamped her budget (previously spending $1,500/mo) and cut it to $1,138/mo... so she's short $300/mo.

she's survived this long but secretly donating plasma weekly for $80/pop and it's seriously destroying her health. she's had strep throat for two weeks I knew she had done this in the past but she told me she would stop. this really shows me she is trying her best.

so we set her up on mint (I have full access to all accounts), I sent her money to cover April rent and the check bouncing fee, and I'm going to send her a sample meal plan for cheap meals (would really appreciate any recs).... but how else should we help?

We can afford to send her $300/mo while she's in school (so ~$7,200) and wouldn't notice a difference. I'd actually figure out how to pay rent directly or send grocery gift cards to get the CC points. if she is completely transparent w/ her finances and keeping up her grades, this is not enabling, right? my husband will support whatever decision I make - they have a wonderful relationship and he respects her.

I'm torn because I don't want to enable but she needs a hand here. grades are so important and I would not forgive myself if I watched her struggle trying to work 40 hours/week and go to school FT to f*ck up her GPA and potentially ruin her chances of getting a good internship and later job (she's studying to become a dietician). so do I float her the extra (heavily leaning towards this)? give her a smaller portion and have her put some on a CC and pay that off like plenty of other 20-somethings? something else?

thanks in advance!

[ssmjlm]

I'm going to assume you've cut what you can from her budget.

It's probably too late now for her to try and do RA or something to have free housing? Most schools are almost done for the spring around here.

Personally I would have her take out additional loans to cover the gap the next 2 years. I would rather have $20k in SL than a crappy GPA and be worked to death. I know that's not the popular "boot straps" MM approach, but it seems to be the best option (assuming she can even get the loans).

[tacom]

Apr 29, 2016 7:27:33 GMT -5 ssmjlm said:

I'm going to assume you've cut what you can from her budget.

It's probably too late now for her to try and do RA or something to have free housing? Most schools are almost done for the spring around here.

Personally I would have her take out additional loans to cover the gap the next 2 years. I would rather have $20k in SL than a crappy GPA and be worked to death. I know that's not the popular "boot straps" MM approach, but it seems to be the best option (assuming she can even get the loans).

she cannot qualify for more loans unless we cosign them (dad is ineligible because of credit, mom ineligible because of income), and I'd rather just pay outright than put my neck on an unsubsidized loan that's accumulating interest monthly

[smock]

She sounds like a really great kid, and I'd have no reservations financially supporting her under the conditions you laid out.

Is she planning to drop one of the 10 hr/week jobs? Can she do homework at the front desk job? I think it's great that you're helping her avoid taking out more loans.

[fireplace]

She's working hard and really trying while in college.
I think since she is being so transparent, I would def help her. I would maybe pay her rent or something, directly like you mentioned. If you can afford it. You mentioned you could do 300/mo without feeling it.

I was on my own at that age and the people who helped me helped keep me in school and on track.

[raangoli]

My first though, though not MM, was loans to cover but since that's not so feasible, I'd be ok floating her the money.

But I'd make it known that in no way did I expect her to pay me back. However, she'd need to be transparent about her grades and spending (as she has been).

[lucky3]

I had help in college and am forever grateful. She's working very hard and doing everything possible. I would pay rent or something similar without hesitation

[tacom]

Apr 29, 2016 7:27:05 GMT -5 milsaroo said:

Can you post her budget? Does she have a roommate? Any other expenses she can cut?

I also worked 3 jobs at once while going to school FT but I was working 60 hours total, and it was stressful but I made it work. Yeah, you're don't want her to be burnt out but I know I would be even more stressed thinking of how I would repay my sibling for giving me that money (even if you said not to pay you back, I would feel guilty).

Does she like kids? I would consider looking into nannying gigs because they pay more. Maybe you could pay for her to be CPR certified but she can sell herself based on her major that healthy choices are important to herz

she has roommates. the big thing to cut in her budget is her sorority, IMO. she told me she'd rather not eat, which I believe. the sorority also seems to be good for her resume. she's the fundraising chairman/woman whatever and repeatedly exceeds fundraising goals for women's charities. she's really good. it's the one extracurricular she's involved in.

budget: 6 month averages
Rent                     $365
Utilities                 $70
Food                     $240 (was $299)
sorority                 $85
cash                     $20 (was $120)
entertainment        $25 (was $40)
medical                 $40
bus                        $12
school fees/books: $145
misc                     $31 (she has some random checks we couldn't figure out)
clothes/household/etc shopping. $70 (was $215... but some of this was reimbursable as she would buy things for the charity drives. mint is kind of a mess right now)
incidentals and late fees: $75 (I'm hoping this turns into savings now that we have a better hold on her finances - she also had a drinking ticket and lawyer fee but she has sworn off college parties now). 

[lurknomore]

Apr 29, 2016 7:30:43 GMT -5 smock said:

She sounds like a really great kid, and I'd have no reservations financially supporting her under the conditions you laid out.

Is she planning to drop one of the 10 hr/week jobs? Can she do homework at the front desk job? I think it's great that you're helping her avoid taking out more loans.

I'm here too. It's awesome that you can do this for her and that DH is supportive. She sounds hardworking and like she just needs a break.

You could also look into one of the meal services...Blue Apron or whatnot to help send her some healthy food options of stuff she otherwise may not be able to splurge on right now.  Could you also pick up her books at the start of the semester, or just deposit money directly to her college account to ease her burden?

[tacom]

Apr 29, 2016 7:30:43 GMT -5 smock said:

She sounds like a really great kid, and I'd have no reservations financially supporting her under the conditions you laid out.

Is she planning to drop one of the 10 hr/week jobs? Can she do homework at the front desk job? I think it's great that you're helping her avoid taking out more loans.

her original plan was to drop one of the 10/hr week jobs for a more manageable 30 hours/week workload. I'll have to check about front desk job... that's a great point. 

after we went over the budget, she agreed to go hounding the restaurants again to see if she can get a higher paying serving job which would help bridge the gap and keep her work/class balance manageable. if that doesn't work, she'd go up to 40 hours/week... and I'm afraid her grades would suffer. sI didn't mention potentially giving her $300/mo because I want to think this through first. 

[Deleted]

I would help her. I know it's probably not a popular decision. She sounds like she is doing all the right things and coming up short. Her budget isn't allowing her very much spending money. Her sorority is probably a big part of her entertainment so I wouldn't want her to cut it. To me grades are super important but so is the college experience. My parents weren't able to help me too much financially and I worked a full time job in college and was an RA. But they did help with small things and it was so amazing. I vote you either pay a bill for her like rent or if she can be trusted just give her the money.

[munkii]

When she completed her FAFSA, did she mark that she'd be willing to do work-study? I ask because if she's in the school system I'm guessing she's in, the minimum pay is $10/hr. I know that means more interviews and leaving, at least, one of the jobs she's already landed, but the little bump in pay can add up. Also, I'm going to PM you.

[keweenawlove]

She sounds like she's really doing her best and in your situation, I wouldn't hesitate to help her at all. I'm all work working through school but I think 40 hours a week is too much. Like you said, there's a big possibility of her grades suffering.

What's her major? Has she looked into internships and/or co-ops? I knew a ton of people that would co-op a semester and many enough money to support themselves for the next year. It's a great resume builder too.

[tacom]

Apr 29, 2016 7:47:08 GMT -5 munkii said:

When she completed her FAFSA, did she mark that she'd be willing to do work-study? I ask because if she's in the school system I'm guessing she's in, the minimum pay is $10/hr. I know that means more interviews and leaving, at least, one of the jobs she's already landed, but the little bump in pay can add up. Also, I'm going to PM you.

I believe the desk job is work study but she gets minimum wage.  

[tacom]

Apr 29, 2016 7:47:11 GMT -5 keweenawlove said:

She sounds like she's really doing her best and in your situation, I wouldn't hesitate to help her at all. I'm all work working through school but I think 40 hours a week is too much. Like you said, there's a big possibility of her grades suffering.

What's her major? Has she looked into internships and/or co-ops? I knew a ton of people that would co-op a semester and many enough money to support themselves for the next year. It's a great resume builder too.

she's studying to be an RD (and is super excited... this seems to be a really good fit for her and I don't anticipate another change)

her first 1.5 years she wanted to do nursing and she's apparently behind

I don't know that she could take time to do a co-op because she already has to take full classes this summer and possibly next to graduate on time. but tbh I know very little about co-ops  


her new job is actually in the food service dept at the nursing home so it's related to her major and she'll make a little more hourly ($8.60)

[munkii]

OK, she's not where I thought. :/ I'm not sure what opportunities that particular school offers.

[keweenawlove]

Apr 29, 2016 7:54:34 GMT -5 tacom said:

Apr 29, 2016 7:47:11 GMT -5 keweenawlove said:

She sounds like she's really doing her best and in your situation, I wouldn't hesitate to help her at all. I'm all work working through school but I think 40 hours a week is too much. Like you said, there's a big possibility of her grades suffering.

What's her major? Has she looked into internships and/or co-ops? I knew a ton of people that would co-op a semester and many enough money to support themselves for the next year. It's a great resume builder too.

she's studying to be an RD (and is super excited... this seems to be a really good fit for her and I don't anticipate another change)

her first 1.5 years she wanted to do nursing and she's apparently behind

I don't know that she could take time to do a co-op because she already has to take full classes this summer and possibly next to graduate on time. but tbh I know very little about co-ops  


her new job is actually in the food service dept at the nursing home so it's related to her major and she'll make a little more hourly ($8.60)

I'm only familiar with co-op's in science and engineering. In a lot of cases, they do push back graduation a semester but I don't think it's a bad thing. DH did two and they really helped shape his career. I don't think he would have gotten the job he did right out of school without them.

I'm not sure I'm they're common for RDs though. Does the school have a career center or career fair? 

[steph96]

I'm glad she's looking into being a server at a restaurant. That's what I did in college. Even though I was a crappy server, I still managed to make approximately $20/hr. I think that would be a great option for her because it would enable her to work less hours. Going to school full time, being a chair in a sorority, and possibly working full time is going to be really tough.

[tacom]

ok thanks everyone. we are going to pay her rent each month directly. I talked to my H again and he made me cry because he is just so nonchalant about it -- like, of course we would help her. lol. <3 <3

[1yeartogo]

I just wanted to jump in that I did work study and went to college all on loans/pell grant. My dad gave me $150 a month which was all he could afford and I used it to rent a room from my friend/roommates boyfriends house since that was the cheapest rent I could find. I sometimes skipped meals and ate a lot a plain pasta since it was cheapest.

I think she has shown she is willing to sacrifice to get this degree. She shouldn't be ruining her health simply to get an education. You are a good sister for seeing her through this time and helping her to get a leg up in her entire future.

[Pom]

Apr 29, 2016 8:29:16 GMT -5 tacom said:

ok thanks everyone. we are going to pay her rent each month directly. I talked to my H again and he made me cry because he is just so nonchalant about it -- like, of course we would help her. lol. <3 <3

Mr. P and I helped my/our niece in college and it was money very well spent. No regrets.  

[lolo]

FYI, some textbook publishers have systems for free technology access for students who need it. The instructor can arrange it with their rep.

[bittybomb]

Could you maybe order her peapod or some other grocery service? and if she still needed help, I would cover the rent she couldn't pay if I could. I think it does sound like she's really trying, and if I were in a position to help her out, I totally would. I am so grateful that my parents were able to put me through school, and if I had a sibling that needed that leg up and I could help, I totally would.

[WOUNDTIGHT]

I would not categorize paying rent for my 20 year old sister who is going to school full time and holding down 3 jobs so she doesn't have to sell her plasma as enabling. She sounds like a good kid with a life plan and it's nice that you're in the position to help support her.

[dr.girlfriend]

Apr 29, 2016 9:12:16 GMT -5 WOUNDTIGHT said:

I would not categorize paying rent for my 20 year old sister who is going to school full time and holding down 3 jobs so she doesn't have to sell her plasma as enabling. She sounds like a good kid with a life plan and it's nice that you're in the position to help support her.

This exactly. DH's sister is not good with money, but she spent 10 years living with his mother and serving as her primary caretaker when she was blind and disabled. Now she has a job, but we give her big cash infusions at Christmas and her birthday because we can spare it and she deserves it for all the years she put in with MIL, even though that was her choice at the time. 

[Poppy]

Under these circumstances, I would give my sister money.

She's lucky to have you!

[starryfish]

I would help her. Also, can she look into being a grader for her major? I was a grader and I got to work whenever I wanted and it was $10/hr. Great easy money.

[steph96]

Apr 29, 2016 9:12:16 GMT -5 WOUNDTIGHT said:

I would not categorize paying rent for my 20 year old sister who is going to school full time and holding down 3 jobs so she doesn't have to sell her plasma as enabling. She sounds like a good kid with a life plan and it's nice that you're in the position to help support her.

Exactly. If anything, you're just enabling her to do better in life. I would also may consider paying for more (if I were able to) just so she could focus on her grades more. The more she focuses on her grades, the more job opportunities she may encounter once she graduates.

[mbcdefg]

Has she Googled for local scholarships? In my town the Rotary Club and Irish/Italian/Polish clubs were always offering essay contests for scholarships. And oftentimes only 1-3 students would bother entering so there wasn't much competition. Sometimes it's just $100-500, but that's books or groceries at least.

There are also really random scholarships out there ... if you're tall, if you are left handed, if you have a specific name, etc: www.scholarships.com/financial-aid/college-scholarships/scholarships-by-type/unusual-scholarships/

And yes, ditto those who said you're not "enabling" her here! It's so nice of you to help and she sounds like a good kid.

[bexporter]

That is great that you're helping her by paying her rent.

I wouldn't consider it enabling at all, just providing a benefit that many college students receive from their parents but your parents are unable to provide.

This is a great example of paying it forward.