I need to complain about my brother's wedding

[Deleted]

It's your brothers wedding. You can't miss it. Let the children stay with a sitter or with your IL's, you and your H drive, stop at a B&B in the way there and back, and make it romantic. Or fly with your H into the main hub and rent a car so it's only one flight. If there are money issues then ask your parents for help; they want you there, they can pay.

The fact they are honeymooning elsewhere is TOTALLY irrelevant because it's not like Puerto Rico is more convenient, and CDC issued travel warnings trump hurricane season IMO (hope she's not planning on getting KU during the honeymoon, BTW). The fact they may not be having a reception IS very relevant and, IMO, may be cause to skip the wedding. Perhaps the only good cause- to me, that's far more releavant than the location since most people have to travel to a siblings' wedding. But, it's a basic rule of etiquette that, if people travel from out of state, you have to host both a rehearsal dinner and a reception for them. So in that circumstance, they breached the social convonent first, so you can skip it if there really is no chance for you to spend time with the happy couple before they contract Zika.

All that said, I am sympathetic. Not about the wedding location, because you wanted to get married in the same state and wanted to put people through a similar effort. But because it sucks to have to deal with a phobia and it really sounds like the timing could not have been more inconsiderate.

[circa1978]

May 4, 2016 8:13:00 GMT -5 elle said:

All that said, I am sympathetic. Not about the wedding location, because you wanted to get married in the same state and wanted to put people through a similar effort. But because it sucks to have to deal with a phobia and it really sounds like the timing could not have been more inconsiderate.

Fair. Though I actually lived in Florida at the time, as did my husband's family and most of my friends. And, although it's what I wanted, it's not what I did, KWIM?

ETA: That said, I think what we've decided is that I'm going to go and my son will stay home with my H. I'll probably drive. Thank you guys for letting me bitch. I'll try to post a glowing review about Destin.

[Deleted]

May 4, 2016 8:37:34 GMT -5 circa1978 said:

May 4, 2016 8:13:00 GMT -5 elle said:

All that said, I am sympathetic. Not about the wedding location, because you wanted to get married in the same state and wanted to put people through a similar effort. But because it sucks to have to deal with a phobia and it really sounds like the timing could not have been more inconsiderate.

Fair. Though I actually lived in Florida at the time, as did my husband's family and most of my friends. And, although it's what I wanted, it's not what I did, KWIM?

Yeah, but if it was really only a maternal guilt trip that did it, you get no points for that. Look, if you just want to complain i will back you all day long. But as long as you will get to spend time with them, IMO you should go. Take the train!

Is there anyone who can watch the kids? You won't miss their first day at kindergarten, right? (that actually would change my opinion because a mom should get to see that). If so, then I think you can still have a really nice time with your husband. 11 hours is not that far. It really isn't.

[WOUNDTIGHT]

May 4, 2016 8:13:00 GMT -5 elle said:

It's your brothers wedding. You can't miss it.

This is inaccurate.

Especially considering the fact it's a destination wedding in a somewhat hard-to-reach location in the middle of hurricane season and the bride & groom can't even be bothered to host a reception. For their out of town guests.

The groom clearly doesn't GAF about his guests or their needs, which is totally allowed as it's his wedding, but that also means he forfeits his right to be hurt if so-and-so can't make it.

Again, I'd take a HARD PASS on this one.

[thinkofthesoldiers]

LOL that anyone HAS to go to a sibling's wedding. No. You aren't obligated to do it. And what you would do for YOUR SIBLING has no relevance here. I'd go to the ends of the earth for my mom, and there are people on this board that have no relationship with their mothers (their choice, no judgement). Would it be nice if they could drop $1500 and get there and have a wonderful time for a 15 min ceremony? Sure. Is she obligated? No. This isn't a small feat to get to this place, spend the money, pull her kid from school, etc.

What happened with OP's wedding has no relevance either, but I get the frustration about it.

And for the record, if my family tried to guilt me into attending an event like this, I'd be less likely to make it happen. I give no fucks if they are upset. I do a lot for my family and put up with a lot of nonsense that I otherwise wouldn't. The moment someone starts telling me I *have* to do those things is the moment I stop putting forth the effort. And basically demanding my kids miss school or that I *have* to spend money? Yet another way to make sure I won't.

[frlcb]

May 4, 2016 9:02:31 GMT -5 WOUNDTIGHT said:

May 4, 2016 8:13:00 GMT -5 elle said:

It's your brothers wedding. You can't miss it.

This is inaccurate.

Especially considering the fact it's a destination wedding in a somewhat hard-to-reach location in the middle of hurricane season and the bride & groom can't even be bothered to host a reception. For their out of town guests.

The groom clearly doesn't GAF about his guests or their needs, which is totally allowed as it's his wedding, but that also means he forfeits his right to be hurt if so-and-so can't make it.

Again, I'd take a HARD PASS on this one.

How is it a hard to reach destination? They have an airport. You may have to fly through a city to get there but that is often the case with most non hub cities or large cities.

[chchchia]

I never heard of Destin until Tardy for the Party. Somehow I am not ashamed.

[calmcosmo]

I think you should take a few days and let things sink in before making any decisions. The wedding is in 4 months and you don't need to purchase anything right.this.second. Most hotels have 24 hour cancellation policies, so if you want to go ahead and book a room *just in case*, you likely can do that without worrying about losing out. Give yourself some breathing room to decide the logistics of everything else.

I have a tendency to get very fired up about things, especially when it requires long distances and lots of $$, and then after a few days things seem less crazy and dramatic and impossible.

Nobody can tell you what is right. I think that at the end of the day, you probably have a gut feeling about what the right thing is for your specific situation. And it may not be the easy thing or the cheapest thing. That's how relationships go - sometimes you make a big effort, and hopefully one day when you ask for it they make the effort for you.

One of my BIL's got married in Dominican Republic. One got married in Lake Tahoe. One got married in Atlanta. H and I are from the DC area (currently we live in CA). We jumped through hoops and made it to all of the weddings. We also had a blast at all three weddings. It wasn't easy for all, and in some cases my husband barely made it (he's military, so getting time off in advance is really not possible). My kids missed a few days of school for the Tahoe wedding (they weren't alive for the other two), but I can promise you that they remember that wedding and those memories with their aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents more than anything they would have learned in Kindergarten those days.

If your child starts school mid-August, a few days in September won't really matter. I get that it isn't something you ordinarily would do, but it isn't an ordinary circumstance either. The way people are so breezy about kids missing school for travel and Disney and that sort of thing, I'm surprised at everyone's reaction to missing a few days for a wedding. My kids missed a week of school this past October to go on a vacation right before my husband deployed. We needed the family time - period. So we got a packet of work and did lessons on the road. It was easy.

Do what you want to do. But don't overstate the impossibility of a beach wedding in late summer. Destin isn't Mars. Hurricane season is long. School will always be there. Money comes and goes. If your relationship with your brother doesn't support the effort - then it doesn't support the effort. But if you've always been there for one another, it seems as though you have the lead time to make this happen.