I think I need to find a new job :(

[hisno1girl]

I love, love, love my job but I've always said that as soon as my daughter had a baby, I would quit or switch to part time so I could watch the baby.

I talked to my boss today and she said that I can't switch to part time because they need someone 40 hours a week.

DH and I are not in the same page about this.

Last year, before we found out DD was pregnant, I said I wanted to quit working. DH said I could quit in three years even the house was paid off. Well, about a month after that, DD told us about the baby.

Money isn't an issue. If I completely quit working, our income would only drop 20%.

I would prefer to just quit work and take care of the baby full time but I could make a compromise and work three days a week and watch the baby the other two days.

I don't even know what I'm going to do

[Deleted]

I hate to ask this, but.... does your DD want you to take care of the baby?

If any of our parents assumed without asking, well, that would've been awkward.

[Deleted]

Why does your H want you to wait 3 years?

[fluffernutter]

Can you also watch my baby? That would save us a ton of money. Lucky daughter!

[hisno1girl]

May 4, 2016 16:00:00 GMT -5 @roseyposey said:

I hate to ask this, but.... does your DD want you to take care of the baby?

If any of our parents assumed without asking, well, that would've been awkward.

Yes, absolutely this is what she wants.

[pantsparty]

Why does your H want you to keep working if it won't affect your finances? Did you have financial goals you set together you're still trying to reach? Or is he just uncomfortable with a drop in income?

[hisno1girl]

May 4, 2016 16:01:42 GMT -5 @bigtowlittletoe said:

Why does your H want you to wait 3 years?

He wanted me to work for 3 more years because that's when we would finish paying off our house.

[frkls]

What do you think you'll enjoy more? Your job or watching the baby?

[Deleted]

And are you truly prepared to do everything her way all the time and respect their boundaries?

[ijack]

I love my mother and would love her to watch my children, but I would be really sad if she gave up a job she loved for me

[Deleted]

May 4, 2016 16:14:06 GMT -5 hisno1girl said:

May 4, 2016 16:01:42 GMT -5 @bigtowlittletoe said:

Why does your H want you to wait 3 years?

He wanted me to work for 3 more years because that's when we would finish paying off our house.

Seems reasonable to me.

[cbwm1]

May 4, 2016 16:15:47 GMT -5 @bigtowlittletoe said:

And are you truly prepared to do everything her way all the time and respect their boundaries?

Very valid point.

[hisno1girl]

May 4, 2016 16:14:35 GMT -5 frkls said:

What do you think you'll enjoy more? Your job or watching the baby?

How is this even a question? lol

I would definitely prefer baby time over work time.

[8675309]

May 4, 2016 16:11:24 GMT -5 hisno1girl said:

May 4, 2016 16:00:00 GMT -5 @roseyposey said:

I hate to ask this, but.... does your DD want you to take care of the baby?

If any of our parents assumed without asking, well, that would've been awkward.

Yes, absolutely this is what she wants.

Saving $1500 a month would be absolutely what I'd want too! She's lucky to have you.

[Deleted]

May 4, 2016 16:23:51 GMT -5 hisno1girl said:

May 4, 2016 16:14:35 GMT -5 frkls said:

What do you think you'll enjoy more? Your job or watching the baby?

How is this even a question? lol

I would definitely prefer baby time over work time.

Work is easier most days.

Signed, at home with a two year old.

[sparkythelawyer]

I don't know that you have enough information here for any of us to really say go for it and quit. Here are my questions:

1. 3 years pays off your entire mortgage and frees up a substantial amount of your money per month. This is important, and he has a valid point.

2. What kind of savings do you have currently, and do you have enough squirreled way to handle another emergency or crisis? Do you have several months of living expenses tucked away just in case there's any sort of problems or hiccups? What happens if there's something that goes wrong with your house or somebody else has a new medical issue?

3. Who carries your medical insurance?

4. Taking care of your grandchild full-time creates a totally different dynamic between you and your daughter. Will she be paying you to take care of the baby? How will you handle the fact that you will not be able to just be the fun grandma, that you have to adhere to how she wants to parent her child, even if it is not how you parented her?

5. It sounds like a fair amount of your household income is from your husband. What happens to your financial picture if your husband is no longer around? What is your retirement look like if you do not have his earnings?

I have never been a fan of the I'm going to quit my job and stay home with the kids no matter what you think about it approach. And I realize that that is coloring my response to you here. I think that you need to sit down with your husband and make a plan that you both can live with that will allow you to transition into this kind of role.

[4speedy]

I really really want to be on your side but I'm just not. Working until the house is paid off is a great idea. With your DH's medical issues, it would make me nervous to have no income at all if he were unable to work.

[Deleted]

I know I don't "know" and I don't know how the relationship with your daughter is but your initial reaction of "quit my job so I can stay at home with my grandbaby" just seems alarming to me. There seems to be a lot of dynamics you have to think of. Will you parent the way your daughter wants? What if you want to go on vacation? What if she starts taking advantage of the situation?

And also the financial points that sparkythelawyer pointed out are very valid.

[hisno1girl]

May 4, 2016 16:45:00 GMT -5 @meepmeep said:

Is your H worried about the money or about the principle? A 20% drop in income is not insignificant. It would sink us within a year. If it's about the money, put together a budget of what your income and expenses would look like if you quit working or dropped to part-time. Do you carry any benefits? That might weigh into the decision, too. Seeing the numbers should make him feel better that it could work ... if it's about the money.

But, if it's not about the money, you need to find out what the real issue is and talk about that. Is he scared about being the sole provider for your family? Is he thinking that taking care of your grandchild will be a fun-filled vacation while he's stuck working? Does he hate his job and wish he could retire sooner and have some jealousy that it's an option for you and not for him? Lots of possibilities.

His biggest concern is my health insurance because I get it from my job.

My DH is already retired.

[jigsy]

I'm having a hard time responding because your response to frkls valid question was so flippant. You say you "love, love, love" your job, yet act like its crazy to wonder if you'd enjoy watching the grandbaby more.

And you have had a lot of turmoil in your life recently, I can't blame your H for being a little hesitant about you quitting, especially when you have a plan in place to pay off your home, which presumably requires your income.

[Deleted]

May 4, 2016 17:48:45 GMT -5 jigsy said:

I'm having a hard time responding because your response to frkls valid question was so flippant. You say you "love, love, love" your job, yet act like its crazy to wonder if you'd enjoy watching the grandbaby more.

And you have had a lot of turmoil in your life recently, I can't blame your H for being a little hesitant about you quitting, especially when you have a plan in place to pay off your home, which presumably requires your income.

Right? I don't "love, love, love" my job and I STILL would rather be at work then home with a baby.

[sparkythelawyer]

May 4, 2016 17:48:07 GMT -5 hisno1girl said:

May 4, 2016 16:45:00 GMT -5 @meepmeep said:

Is your H worried about the money or about the principle? A 20% drop in income is not insignificant. It would sink us within a year. If it's about the money, put together a budget of what your income and expenses would look like if you quit working or dropped to part-time. Do you carry any benefits? That might weigh into the decision, too. Seeing the numbers should make him feel better that it could work ... if it's about the money.

But, if it's not about the money, you need to find out what the real issue is and talk about that. Is he scared about being the sole provider for your family? Is he thinking that taking care of your grandchild will be a fun-filled vacation while he's stuck working? Does he hate his job and wish he could retire sooner and have some jealousy that it's an option for you and not for him? Lots of possibilities.

His biggest concern is my health insurance because I get it from my job.

My DH is already retired.

Have you priced out what an insurance plan would cost you as an individual?

[hisno1girl]

May 4, 2016 16:57:43 GMT -5 sparkythelawyer said:

I don't know that you have enough information here for any of us to really say go for it and quit. Here are my questions:

1. 3 years pays off your entire mortgage and frees up a substantial amount of your money per month. This is important, and he has a valid point.

We have money set aside to pay the entire mortgage. All of the payments come out of that account that's already funded. We don't contribute any money from my income to that account. Why don't we just pay it all off at once, you may ask? Well, I've asked DH that same question but he just doesn't want to do it.

2. What kind of savings do you have currently, and do you have enough squirreled way to handle another emergency or crisis? Do you have several months of living expenses tucked away just in case there's any sort of problems or hiccups? What happens if there's something that goes wrong with your house or somebody else has a new medical issue?

We have enough savings to cover all of our expenses for a minimum of 2 years. We don't have a lot of expenses and they aren't that much.

3. Who carries your medical insurance?

I get my insurance through my job. DH gets Medicare and a supplemental policy that we pay for. His biggest concern is health insurance for me, if I were to quit working.

4. Taking care of your grandchild full-time creates a totally different dynamic between you and your daughter. Will she be paying you to take care of the baby? How will you handle the fact that you will not be able to just be the fun grandma, that you have to adhere to how she wants to parent her child, even if it is not how you parented her?

She isn't going to pay me because I won't let her. I respect the boundaries and rules my children have regarding the grandchildren. I always have. I want to switch to part time work, say three days a week and then watch the baby the other two days.   Ideally, I'd like to do it full time, but I don't think that's going to happen which is why I would compromise with DH to work only part time.

5. It sounds like a fair amount of your household income is from your husband. What happens to your financial picture if your husband is no longer around? What is your retirement look like if you do not have his earnings?

If something happened to DH, finances wouldn't be an issue. We are totally set on that. I have a 401K and eventually, I'd have social security income, if it's still around, lol.

I have never been a fan of the I'm going to quit my job and stay home with the kids no matter what you think about it approach. And I realize that that is coloring my response to you here. I think that you need to sit down with your husband and make a plan that you both can live with that will allow you to transition into this kind of role.

[flex]

I admire you, His. Never in a million years would I want to give up a job to take of my kid's kids, but you be you.

One thing to consider: what if you DH takes a turn for the worst? Will you have time to take care of the grandbaby and him? And what kind of health insurance coverage would you have to help defray costs?

[bittybomb]

I think it's harder to find health insurance offered by an employer in a part-time position.  I think it's also really difficult to find a job you love.  I think, given everything, I would probably stay where I was at least until the house is paid off, and maybe even longer because of the insurance aspect.

But take that with a grain of salt - I sprinted back to work after each of my kids' births because I am just not cut out for it.

[hisno1girl]

May 4, 2016 17:48:45 GMT -5 jigsy said:

I'm having a hard time responding because your response to frkls valid question was so flippant. You say you "love, love, love" your job, yet act like its crazy to wonder if you'd enjoy watching the grandbaby more.

And you have had a lot of turmoil in your life recently, I can't blame your H for being a little hesitant about you quitting, especially when you have a plan in place to pay off your home, which presumably requires your income.

I have said my entire life that when my DD had a baby, my job would be full time grandma. DD would prefer to have me watch the baby, even part time, instead of putting her in daycare. 

We do not rely on my income for the mortgage. My income is only 20% of our HHI. It wouldn't make that much of a difference if I had 0 income. 

[dcannie]

i would at least keep working until your house is paid off. also, i think you need to be realistic about what your day will look like. it won't be all fun baby/grandma time; you're the caretaker, not fun grandma that gets to spoil the kid.

edited after reading your follow up. 

just from "knowing" you here and seeing how you talk about your other grandkids i worry about this set up for you. you are SO in love with them and you love spending that fun time with them. being the no fun caretaker that always has to follow the rules during the day may change your relationship w your daughter and bring about a different relationship w this grandchild. 

[hisno1girl]

May 4, 2016 17:56:35 GMT -5 sparkythelawyer said:

May 4, 2016 17:48:07 GMT -5 hisno1girl said:

His biggest concern is my health insurance because I get it from my job.

My DH is already retired.

Have you priced out what an insurance plan would cost you as an individual?

I'm looking into it.

[hisno1girl]

May 4, 2016 18:03:31 GMT -5 flex said:

I admire you, His. Never in a million years would I want to give up a job to take of my kid's kids, but you be you.

One thing to consider: what if you DH takes a turn for the worst? Will you have time to take care of the grandbaby and him? And what kind of health insurance coverage would you have to help defray costs?

Dude, you and almost everyone here knows what my grandchildren mean to me. I would do anything for them and it would be my dream to be able to help care for them.

As far as DH is concerned, if he were to get really sick, we'd have to reasses the situation. DD knows that.

[auntie]

20% could be the difference between a higher standard of living and just being OK. It could have real implications on retirement down the line if he was looking to pay off the mortgage and funnel extra into retirement or "fun" spending. He may not be willing to give that up so your DD can enjoy a higher standard of living by avoiding child care costs.

I can appreciate resentment on his part if he felt you had agreed to a 3 Year Plan and are reneging because your DD chose to have a baby right away. I wouldn't want my DH's kids dictating a timetable for my financial decisions as adults. This isn't the same as holding off to pay for braces or college- your DD is an adult.

I do think it's worth having a conversation with him about why.

I am older. I have a number of friends who are in a second marriage/LTR who have recently become grandmothers. There have been adjustments as the new husband/SO has to get used to a new version of his wife who is not as engaged in him as she was before. It's a changed dynamic and frankly, some of my friends have gotten a little boring blathering about their grandbabies and their kids' marriages.

He may not want to have the house invaded by a child 50 hours a week or be willing to pick up the slack around your house if you're keeping house for your DD.