3 year old hitting

[CurlyQ284]

Any advice to make this stop?

The last few weeks DS has been hitting and kicking when he gets angry. We put him in timeout but he just screams up there, when he's done he will just do it all over again. It doesn't seem to have any effect. I've taken away toys, he just gets mad and kicks me for taking his toys.

The advice I'm reading is like "explain that it hurts and teach empathy". He doesn't hear anything when he's lashing out. He cannot process any information, so there's no explaining. I'm really at my wits end.

Tonight we were eating dinner and he said "I want chicken a la king" (that's his favorite) and I just started crying because I knew that the second I said we didn't have it he was going to flip the fuck out for the 10th time since daycare pickup.

[sunshineluv]

Is this really new behavior? I only ask because it may just be a very short phase. When DS was three he went through a phase of tantrums, nothing seemed to settle him, we ended up putting him in the guest bedroom to work it out. I was freaking out that it would go on for a long time, and it didn't. He quit after a week or two and that was it.

So... That's no advice at all... Just some hope.

Eta... Duh you said a few weeks. Hopefully he will stop soon. Kids are hard!

[CurlyQ284]

We are also supposed to travel to see DHs family for the fourth of July and he's worse when we travel. And I can't stay home, we are going to see DHs grandmother who is in poor health. I was hoping to find a magic solution so we can cut this out before then.

[thebreakfastclub]

I have a 3yo son too. Sometimes I take him to our steps to sit quietly. He needs to hug it out to calm down at times.

He spazzed last night because he wanted a banana and we didn't have any left. I dread evenings sometimes.

[Deleted]

We put DD in her room. Close the door. When she stops screaming and starts sobbing we go in hug her until she calms down. Then we explain we know she's frustrated/mad/upset but she can't hit, it hurts. She needs to tell us she's mad and needs a time out or tell us what she needs instead. But she can't hit.

The time between hitting seems to be slowing. Now it happens more if she's really tired or just having a really bad day (vs every day)

[CurlyQ284]

May 27, 2016 21:22:33 GMT -5 @randomcdn said:

We put DD in her room. Close the door. When she stops screaming and starts sobbing we go in hug her until she calms down. Then we explain we know she's frustrated/mad/upset but she can't hit, it hurts. She needs to tell us she's mad and needs a time out or tell us what she needs instead. But she can't hit.

The time between hitting seems to be slowing. Now it happens more if she's really tired or just having a really bad day (vs every day)

I've been doing 3 minute time outs to match his age, but I'll try waiting for him to calm down. Thanks!

[googled]

We do timeouts right away for hitting and tell him "When you're ready to stop hitting and kicking, you can be done." And we just let him sit there and cry it out until he eventually quiets down and says "I'm ready to stop kicking now." Then we give each other hugs and reiterate how we aren't mad anymore but we don't like it when he hits and that if he doesn't want to go in timeout he can't do that anymore.

We also make a point to say, "We have to stop [doing whatever fun thing we were just doing] because you're hitting." Just making it really, really clear that NOTHING good comes from hitting and kicking. I know you're already doing timeouts, but I would just keep at it and just be a broken record. B still hits and kicks sometimes but not even close to the amount he used to, and now we're at the point that most times when he starts that kind of behavior all we have to do is say, "Knock it off or it's timeout" and he stops.

[mrsukyankee]

Stuff like this will get worse before it gets better - he's trying to learn the rules of life, so he'll push it to see if you give in. Definitely DON'T try to explain anything while he's in the midst of his anger. Think about yourself, do you do well when someone tries to explain anything when you are upset? No - our brain can't handle emotion and rational thinking (and we're adults). Wait until he's a bit calmer and then let him know that everything stops when he acts out. When he's upset, he can use words but he also won't always get his way.

[dulcemariamar]

My 3YO started her hitting phase about 3-4 months ago. It is slowly getting better and I can see her thinking about things instead of hitting. When she starts to get upset, I usually take a step back and remind her that hand are not for hitting.

Prevention is important but a lot of times there is no way to avoid. If she hits then we take away something or an activity. If she continues to hit or is just in a meltdown mode then I send her to her room to calm down. I tell her to look at books or find something to do. It is not really a traditional timeout but it gets her to calm down so we can talk about using gentle hands and what we can do when we are feeling frustrated/angry.

[underwaterrhymes]

We do time outs when K hits and he has to apologize and tell us why he got time out, but something that really helps is switching things up a bit before it gets to that point.

For example, if he is losing his mind because he doesn't want to brush his teeth with H, H tags out and I tag in. Or vice versa.

The change of person usually calms him down and also helps keep the first parent calm.

[underwaterrhymes]

Also, we do time outs a bit differently.

He gets 30 seconds, but they're in H's or my arms.

If he hits again, it's another 30 seconds.

He very rarely hits anymore, so this method has worked well for us.

Now that I've said that, I'm going to jinx myself. LOL.

[cabbagecabbage]

My 3yo is almost 4 and hits when she really loses it, usually when we need to transition from her watching TV or something else she really loves. No mater how many countdowns and warnings we give, she will flip out when the TV goes off. When she's winding down we talk and I make it clear she cannot hit, it hurts me and makes me so sad. If it's over TV, I also take away TV privileges for the rest of the day because, honestly, TV and sugar are the only things she values enough to miss and I frame it as natural consequences, "oh, you hit so you can't have big girl TV time."

If she whines for TV the rest of the day, we talk about how she didn't act like a big girl but tomorrow will be better.

I try to talk to her about anger and frustration when she's not upset. I point out other kids getting mad (subtly and not so they know) or discuss her friends behavior later, more for setting expectations. She's always very enthusiastic when she isn't mad. Yes, she's going to always listen and never hit again! It's so frustrating.