Already Moms... shower question

[ax2]

My MIL has decided that instead of throwing me a baby shower before the baby arrives, that it works better for "everyone" if we do it in November. I'm due November 5th.

My questions are:

1. Assuming baby arrives on schedule, how badly will I want to kill myself rather than spend 3 hours at a shower in those first couple weeks? Those first couple weeks are pretty terrible, right?

2. Is it appropriate to tell her that if she can't do it before then we'll just see everyone at family Christmas (first week of Dec) and skip the 'shower' and they can meet baby then. Am I being a brat?

I don't intend to let everyone pass baby around at either event, in any case. But I'm just wondering if this is a battle worth fighting or should I let it go?

[cbwm1]

The first few weeks are HELL.

I'd say "thanks, but no thanks" and tell her you'll see everyone at Christmas.

[melodramatic26]

I would have hated to do a shower in those first couple of weeks.

and honestly, if you aren't planning on letting people hold the baby, you'll come off looking like the bad guy at your own shower. People will be expecting it.

[jerseygrl]

Hell no would I be up for a shower after the first few weeks.

[Deleted]

Hell no.

I don't think it's bratty to say no if it can't be done earlier.

[motzie]

Is she normally this thoughtless? I don't think you are being a brat at all. Tell her firmly, no thank you. If it can't happen well before your due date, then maybe it just shouldn't happen.

[Deleted]

I pretty much wanted to do nothing for the first 6 weeks.

[Deleted]

Hell to the no. Earlier or nothing.

If she insists could you maybe go to the shower alone? I mean, that will suck, but 2 hours away from baby is not unreasonable. You will probably fall asleep while opening the gifts though. And you will hate everyone and everything that is keeping you from sleeping.

Good luck.

[partiallysunny]

Yes, it's Hell and yes, it's appropriate to say "thanks, but no thanks".

[little kicks]

No way would I be up for a shower in those first couple weeks. They are hell.

[Deleted]

SHANK SHANK SHANK.

hell no. the only thing worse than trying to be serene and have a good time at your baby shower when you're a billion months pregnant, would be trying to do it when you're 1-3 weeks postpartum.

it's perfectly okay to decline in favor of a christmas intro.

[hbear]

"Thanks, but no thanks."

I didn't even like having visitors the first few weeks, they always seemed to arrive just as I was ready to take a much needed nap. Plus, I'm the planner type. I needed to know that I had what I needed/wanted before the baby arrived.

[tulip]

No way. Is your MIL nuts?!? Tell her no. Not happening.

[hopecounts]

We did a sip'n'see when DD was 6 weeks and I was barely up for it (had a c/s though) in between nursing every 2.5-3 hrs and being sleep deprived it was rough but doable.
I'd totally refuse to do anything earlier then that and your MIL is crazy.

[oleswenson]

Just tell her no. You will not be up for it. Plus, you are having your baby at the beginning of flu/RSV season depending on where you live. Even though you will not want people to hold your baby (I would not let them either), if they are in the same room and have been exposed to either illness, your baby could still get ill.

[ridethelightning]

Also, your baby doesn't get shots until 6-8 weeks, and I was told crowds were a no go until then.

[Deleted]

Sept 4, 2012 9:50:58 GMT -5 ridethelightning said:

Also, your baby doesn't get shots until 6-8 weeks, and I was told crowds were a no go until then.

oh yeah! i hadn't even remembered that. i wasn't cleared to take L any place indoors with lots of (germy) people until she was a month, and even then the pediatrican cautioned us about large crowds/enclosed spaces because L was a newborn during flu season, as will be your baby.

your mil, frankly, sounds like a giant asshole.

[ax2]

Sept 4, 2012 9:45:18 GMT -5 cville said:

SHANK SHANK SHANK.

OK, this was my first thought. Thanks all for confirming that I'm not overreacting.

[speckledfrog]

I wouldn't even answer my phone the first few weeks, it was too much effort.

[mamasaurus]

This would piss me off, a lot. You don't know how your birth will go, if you and baby will be ready to be social, etc less than a month from birth. At 3 weeks PP, my baby was cluster feeding, so if my shower had happened then, my boobs would have been out the whole time, and I wouldn't have been able to open my gifts because of having her in my arms.

If they can't move it to October (4 weeks is plenty of notice!) maybe ask about having a meet the baby party at a time that is better for you. Maybe a "little valentine" party in February? That is pretty late for getting gifts you want/need ASAP, but trust me, your kid will be out of newborn clothes crazy fast, and you'll be shopping for a high chair or booster and swooning at the price tags on some of them. People can also give you diapers in bigger sizes. They don't stop needing things, that's for sure!

[EmilieMadison]

Sept 4, 2012 9:30:10 GMT -5 cbwm1 said:

The first few weeks are HELL.

I'd say "thanks, but no thanks" and tell her you'll see everyone at Christmas.

:Y:

[broc]

I had about a week before all the ILs and etc came to visit to see the kid, and that was already really overwhelming. I can't imagine having like 20? 30+? people descending on me all at once, all determined to hold my kid and make small talk. barrrrf.

Also, ime midway through November, the holiday-related get-togethers commence so it's like herding cats trying to get something like a shower put together.

[dragonfly08]

With DD #1, no way would I have wanted to go to a shower any time in the first 6-8 weeks. I was in pain, still bleeding, and pretty sleep deprived. Never mind that I wouldn't have wanted to leave her but would never have brought her into a room full of people like that. I could have physically done it after #2, much easier delivery, but still...tired, cranky mommy and unvaxed, low immune system newborn don't mix well with parties.

It's not bratty or inappropriate AT ALL to say "thanks, but no thanks, we'll see everyone at the holidays."

[mamasaurus]

Do you plan to BF? If so, maybe you should start referring to a shower in November as a "Stare At My Milky Tits Party" and see if it occurs to her why having it then might be a bad idea.

[papie]

I would say no thanks. You can be up to 2 weeks late, what if you literally JUST had a baby?

[Deleted]

Don't do it.

[vajeana]

Nope. I'd shut that down NOW.

[livinitup]

If it's easier for her, then it's fine to do it in November. But it may be easier for you to not go.

And please ask her to tell everyone to include all receipts with the gifts. Since you'll already have most of what you need before the baby is born, it will be easier when DH returns all of the gifts.

[Deleted]

Looking back I would have been fine having a shower 3 weeks after I delivered. We were up and moving and doing normal things by day 4. But I was also almost 2 weeks late. Even if she planned it for the very end of the month if you are almost 2 weeks late you probably wouldn't want to do anything with that many family members for that amount of time. What happens if something goes wrong and you or LO is still in the hospital when the shower would have occurred. I would say do it either in October or wait until family Christmas to do it.

Also my pedi was fine with us taking E out as soon as we were fine with it. We had him in the grocery store at 4 days, going out to dinner at a busy restaurant at 6 and to a soccer match at 2 weeks.

[chickenlittle]

Add me to the no way in hell pile. I was completely worthless for anything other than survival for the first 6 weeks. I was also super anal about LO being passed around for the first couple months.