1. This is one of those situations where the standards are different for parents and professionals, if I mom wants to invoke fantasy like the elf, Santa, leprechauns, fairies and monsters that is her right. It is not as appropriate for professionals to lie to children to keep them in line.
2. Approaching four is an age of greater cognition and imagination, a one off about monsters at a younger age might not have the impact it would with a more developmentally advanced young four.
3. I appreciate that this could be exacerbated by a kid whose baseline for anxiety is higher than peers. Unfortunately, IME, kids who are rule followers tend to be a little more anxious and fearful of things by nature. "Please don't go in the room." might work for your DS, but might sound like laying down the gauntlet to others. I had one of those kids who had to know what was in all those forbidden spaces- he could tell you want's in all the custodian's closet and admits to being on the roof of at least 2 of the schools he's attended.
4. How annoyed I'd be would depend on how badly the child reacted. Is this monster thing impacting his ability to function? Is he eating, sleeping and OK aside from the chatter about momsters? BTW, the talking could be his way of processing the concept. My godchild got so upset about thunder she couldn't eat if the sky clouded over and refused to good outside.
5. I'd be more upset about the painting while kids on on site.
Update: I spoke to Bob and I feel a lot better. He said he was sorry Ben was scared of monsters and thinks it was an improper way to handle the door situation. He agrees the door should have just been locked. He said the kids have been doing imaginative play between themselves lately with "I'm gonna get you" and throwing their hands up in the air like ghosts/monsters so maybe he's picking up on some of that from other sources as well. He's sorry for the breakdown in communication about the "good monsters" but he thought that was diffusing the situation.
Anyway, the whole thing is compounded by the fact that waitlist daycare and current daycare are merging and I know it will be good for our current center to implement some of the RIE concepts in waitlist daycare but I'm just not too happy about him going to the preschool at the current place. He only has a few weeks left in the toddler room and then it's off to preschool.
Ok I'm back. Bob sort of ignored me at pickup which made me feel less bad about talking to the assistant director.
We are on the waiting list for this great center which is just highlighting everything that I feel is lacking at our place. The new place talked about respecting children and how they even will ask baby's permission to change their diaper etc. It just struck me as everything I want for my kids - to be respected and have their feelings acknowledged. I'm just so repelled by the "because I said so" mentality when it comes to parenting (and if you knew my family you'd know why). This is also coming on the heels of his other teacher calling me in front of Ben to tell me he was being bad (which I wasn't even upset about until people here pointed out that it wasn't cool). I think I'm just fed up there.
Thanks all for weighing in.
No.
That's just strange. Asking permission for everything is not a good practice. There are rules and regulations in place for a reason.
Billy, I need to change your diaper because it is dirty and your butt will itch. Susie, you need a diaper change because it is smelly and we need to go outside.
If they say no, tough luck.
I understand teaching children about respect and letting them make certain decisions, however, @barefootbarista, is correct. There are certain things that are rules and there is not decision for the child. But hey, we all parent differently.
Post by dulcemariamar on Jun 1, 2016 10:56:24 GMT -5
Asking your kid for permission for everything (or for most things) sounds like a recipe for disaster. Why would you want the child to have that much control?
@notquiteblushing are you OK with it if they don't change your kid all day because he refused?
I like the philosophy of respecting children and teaching them body autonomy. They have to adhere to state daycare regulations (which is every two hours for pee and ASAP for poo) as well as common sense. I never said I wanted them to not change the diaper. I said I was impressed by their philosophy.
I'm a huge fan of body autonomy and body safety rules and it's a big thing in our house. And we do teach our girls that sometimes there are things that doctors have to do as long as a parent is there to make sure it's ok (so they don't just allow anyone to claim that they're a grown up and thus should be allowed to do whatever to their body), but I don't really understand how that will work with diaper changes.
I feel like none of you actually read the blog post. I don't operate a daycare. My kids aren't even in that daycare yet. If they get off the very popular wait list I will ask more questions.
I have a few friends who practice RIE. I find some of the infant stuff kind of eye-rolly (because DD would NEVER have consented to a diaper change as a baby), but much of it is pretty similar to the PD philosophy that is popular on this board.
I feel like none of you actually read the blog post. I don't operate a daycare. My kids aren't even in that daycare yet. If they get off the very popular wait list I will ask more questions.
Why do you feel like that? I read it.
i just don't feel like asking permission to change a diaper is a reasonable or sound thing to do, especially in a daycare setting.
it doesn't have to be unpleasant, you can explain why, talk and play while doing it, but I think it's sort of ridiculous to ask and wait for permission. Because that permission may not come and now you've got a pissed off toddler.
i don't like to ask questions when there aren't options. The diaper has to get changed.
Post by dulcemariamar on Jun 1, 2016 13:27:40 GMT -5
I kinda of think that these things are nice in theory but are unpractical especially in a daycare setting. I would want the worker to be pleasant during a diaper change but to make it a long dragged out event seems unrealistic when you have so many other babies that need to be taken care of.
I feel like none of you actually read the blog post. I don't operate a daycare. My kids aren't even in that daycare yet. If they get off the very popular wait list I will ask more questions.
I read the blog post but ypu explicitly said the daycare you were on the wait list for uses this philosophy and that impressed you. I don't see how that is practical in a daycare setting which duh I know you don't run.
Maybe no one ever asked if they could change your diaper. I don't know why you keep commenting on this post.
Why are you so angry at me in particular?
Many people have said similar things, not as kindly in this very thread and yet you've decided to be a singular bitch to me and @lolliegoespop.
There is no requirement for me or anyone on here to blow smoke up your ass.
I'm not angry. I just don't understand your motivation. Or you Jennyanydots or @barefootbarista. Nothing you guys say is going to make me not be impressed with the daycare I'm impressed with. So why are you making me defend it? I am tired of fighting this fight. It seems so ridiculous to me. If you want more information about the RIE philosophy then please go and google it.
I'm not angry. I just don't understand your motivation. Or you Jennyanydots or @barefootbarista . Nothing you guys say is going to make me not be impressed with the daycare I'm impressed with. So why are you making me defend it? I am tired of fighting this fight. It seems so ridiculous to me. If you want more information about the RIE philosophy then please go and google it.
Fall back.
early childhood major here.
I'm familiar.
So you think I shouldn't send my kids there? I'm interested in what you have to say but I'm off to pick them up. Home in an hour.
So you think I shouldn't send my kids there? I'm interested in what you have to say but I'm off to pick them up. Home in an hour.
I 100% don't care where you send them. Your choice.
My point was that in general, it's not a good idea to give choices if there isn't a choice. Per state regs and general hygiene the kids have to be changed. Making a practice of giving a choice when there isn't one is problematic. You've given the kid the OK to say no, but it has to happen.
i even offered up other ways to handle it-telling kid it's time for a diaper change, why it needs to be done, and look-all clean!
Thank you. I understand your POV. I look at it as giving limited choices - an idea I see offered on this board a lot. It's more like "do you want to walk up the steps to the changing table or should I pick you up?" "We are gonna change your diaper after you're done picking up the blocks, let me know when you're ready" type of choices. Not so much a choice but not a "because I said so" right now mentality. I shared up thread that, due to my family of origin and parenting style, I was impressed by the way the director explained her center. To have that torn apart and ridiculed is difficult for me to bear. I'm probably not explaining myself well because there is a 5 page thread ripping apart my statements. I didn't mean to be combative. @246baje
I'm also a fan of a lot of RIE principles. I think "asking permission to change a diaper" gives an incorrect picture of RIE diaper changing. RIE is very clear that there are things that are not optional (diaper changes included) that you handle in a respectful manner by sportscasting what you are doing to the baby. I don't ask permission, but I have noticed there are times when he wants me to engage in something for 30 sec or so before changing his diaper. That's fine with me and I do it. There are other times he cries and I sportscast to him what I'm doing.