Annoyed, need to vent

[hilwithonelary]

I need to vent here so I don't take it out on DH.

We have plans to get out of our little town and drive to Oklahoma City today (about 2 hours each way). The past few times we've done that, it was a last minute decision that resulted in us getting there around 3 pm. We wanted to get there in a more timely manner today.

I got the diaper bags all prepped yesterday. I hopped in the shower as soon as DD was fed this morning. After I dried my hair, DH informed me that he's too tired to safely drive, and he needs to go back to sleep. I would offer to drive, but I feel uncomfortable driving his truck, which is what we take on long trips because it's more spacious and comfortable. Besides, I pump while we're on the road, and I don't think I could safely get set up for that.

I know DH suffers from insomnia, but I'm still annoyed that once again we're going to spend our day in the car with not much to show for it. He told me he was up 5 times last night. I know he can't help it. I'd rather he sleep now than have to pull over on the road, or worse, have an accident. Like I said, I need to get this out here so I don't take it out on DH.

[thegooser]

I'd take the less spacious vehicle, stop for a break to pump, and let him sleep in the car.

[lanyac]

Sept 8, 2012 9:38:49 GMT -5 thegooser said:

I'd take the less spacious vehicle, stop for a break to pump, and let him sleep in the car.

Yep. Also, you should be more comfortable driving both the cars in your household. What if there's an emergency or your other car breaks down?

Also, lol@ 2 hours being a long trip!

[hopecounts]

Why don't you drive the less spacious car and for the first hour letting him nap, then he can drive while you pump then switch back if he needs to.
It may not be ideal but at least you could get there earlier in the day.

[Deleted]

Is he getting treatment for his insomnia? If it is affecting him that much and he hasn't sought treatment, I would be annoyed too.

[hilwithonelary]

Everyone has good suggestions. I'll consider them if we run into this situation again. At this point, he's already been asleep for 45 minutes.

He has mentioned it to his doctor, but he's a pilot in the Air Force, which means his prescription treatment options are severely limited. He's been treated like a drug seeker every time he's asked for help. One time, they prescribed 5 ambien. A few months later, he asked for more, and was told no.

His strategy right now is to stay up super late so that he's beyond exhausted when he goes to bed. Not exactly the healthiest option. Last night, he went to bed at the relatively early 12:00. Today, he said he would have rather stayed up until 2 and slept 6 solid hours than been in bed for 8 while waking up every 1-2 hours.

[jayhawkbecca]

Sept 8, 2012 9:46:53 GMT -5 BirdGirl said:

Is he getting treatment for his insomnia? If it is affecting him that much and he hasn't sought treatment, I would be annoyed too.

ITA. I would have him see a Dr ASAP

[zacksbride]

I would think the daytime somnolence implications of insomnia would be HUGE for his job. He can't drive for 2 hours yet he's an air force pilot?!?!?!? Seems super unsafe to me

[lanyac]

Sept 8, 2012 10:36:51 GMT -5 zacksbride said:

I would think the daytime somnolence implications of insomnia would be HUGE for his job. He can't drive for 2 hours yet he's an air force pilot?!?!?!? Seems super unsafe to me

Right? As soon as I read this, I was like wtf?

[fortmyersbride]

Was it his primary care doc? Sounds like he could really benefit from seeing a sleep specialist.

[thegooser]

It is very dangerous for him to be flying planes with such insomnia, especially if he doesn't feel safe to drive! Holy hell.

He could die, wreck a plane, cost the government millions of dollars, create a huge news story... He needs to stop flying and get treatment, then resume flying. I'm completely serious.

[hilwithonelary]

Sept 8, 2012 10:37:58 GMT -5 lanyac said:

Sept 8, 2012 10:36:51 GMT -5 zacksbride said:

I would think the daytime somnolence implications of insomnia would be HUGE for his job. He can't drive for 2 hours yet he's an air force pilot?!?!?!? Seems super unsafe to me

Right? As soon as I read this, I was like wtf?

I know, right? That's why any time he's scheduled to fly, I try really hard to give him as much time as he needs to sleep. He flies at night a lot. When he does, he stays up really late the night before and stays in bed until 11 or 12. I just let him and don't complain.

[shopgirl07]

I totally understand your frustration. It's hard to have your plans changed when you're looking forward to something. I hope you can still salvage the day a bit.

[vanillacourage]

It seems counterintuitive to me for someone with insomnia to stay up really, really late. His body doesn't process "I'm tired and I should sleep now" signals so staying up until 2 or 3 is only going to make it worse the next day.

[ECB]

Sept 8, 2012 11:02:30 GMT -5 vanillacourage said:

It seems counterintuitive to me for someone with insomnia to stay up really, really late. His body doesn't process "I'm tired and I should sleep now" signals so staying up until 2 or 3 is only going to make it worse the next day.

This. Also, one of the things I learned when DS was a baby- put him to bed at the FIRST sign of being tired. Not when he was exhausted. And it seriously made a huge change - he fell asleep sooner and slept longer and more soundly.

So - i think your DH is doing more damage

[makemineadouble]

I used to have insomnia and all the articles and books I read said the same thing--go to bed and get up at the same time every night. It may not work right away, but over time if you stick to it, it should help.

Since he can't get sleeping pills, is there anything else he's doing? There is tons of advice out there regarding nutrition, how you set up your sleeping area, etc.

[M]

I use to have bad insomnia. I would be up until 4-5am before falling asleep whether if I slept 3 hours or 12 hours the night before. The only thing that has helped me is getting up really early every morning and no naps. I fall asleep at about the same time every night now and sleep through the night.

[lys]

Is he avoiding caffeine after dinner? Limiting TV and computer time in the evening? Getting a good cardio work out during the daytime hours? All of those will help.
No heavy eating after 7 pm as well.

[hilwithonelary]

DH is unable to go to bed at the same time every night due to his work schedule. One to two nights per week, he flies in the evening. He goes to work around 4-5 pm and gets home between 2-4 am. That's why he stays up late the night before-to be prepared to stay up late the next night.

I don't agree with the strategy on regular nights, but DH insists he gets more restful sleep when he does it.

We don't watch tv or read in bed. DH does drink too much caffeine late in the day. We've discussed that, but DH continues to do it. He says that if he lost some weight (about 30 pounds), he thinks he'd sleep better. However, he hasn't made progress with that. I can't make him do anything, and I don't want to nag him.

[hilwithonelary]

Sept 8, 2012 12:02:55 GMT -5 @88mangoes said:

You've mentioned you co sleep. Is your h sleeping in the same bed/room as dd?

He does. He sleeps on his side of the bed. When I bring DD into bed between 3 and 6, I move to the middle in between DH and DD. I don't think it bothers DH since she's not mobile yet, not directly next to him, and doesn't make noise once she's back asleep, which is usually less than 5 minutes.

[pitterwoo]

check out "blue light filtering glasses" for him. blue light in artificial light at night, tv, computer, blocks melatonin production. since it's not practical to sit in the dark all evening before bed, blue light glasses filter out that color. It can make a huge difference! Sleeping in a dark room is important too.

I agree with the other sleep hygiene comments too. I know insomniacs often don't think that any of these things make a difference for them, but consistency is key. He should probably try getting off caffeine altogether for a while too. Not that you can make him, I know you said you don't want to nag.

[LoveTrains]

Sept 8, 2012 9:41:30 GMT -5 lanyac said:

Sept 8, 2012 9:38:49 GMT -5 thegooser said:

I'd take the less spacious vehicle, stop for a break to pump, and let him sleep in the car.

Yep. Also, you should be more comfortable driving both the cars in your household. What if there's an emergency or your other car breaks down?

Also, lol@ 2 hours being a long trip!

Two hours IS a long trip. That is huge to me! I don't drive two hours unless i am spending the night.

[steph96]

What are you going to do in OKC? Unless it is something important, I would just skip the trip. I have a rule that I won't drive longer round trip than I will spend at whatever place. Unless you are from the panhandle, I'm sure you can probably do the same thing closer to home.

I vote that you go to OKC next weekend so you can go to the State Fair.

[moolarkey]

For many of us a two hour trip is like a 10 minute trip. Even 4 to 6 hours in a car doesn't seem like anything to me. Over 6 hours then I start to think of it as a long trip. It really scares me that someone is flying planes that can't sleep and can't drive 2 hours in a car. Also - you might want to consider not doing the co-sleeping thing. That may be affecting him and he doesn't even realize it.

I'm not being rude, I'm sincerely asking - what is the point of your co-sleeping?

[pugz]

I think he should see a sleep specialist

[clickerish]

I am a complete lurker, but...is he allowed to use melatonin? My spouse suffers insomnia but hates to take prescription medication, and that has really helped. It's also completely natural. I'm not sure if it's AF approved but it might help? You take it half an hour before bedtime but it doesn't have after effects and can be taken whenever your "bedtime" is that day.

[makemineadouble]

Any updates, OP? Did you go on your day trip? Did you talk to your husband?

[hilwithonelary]

We went to OKC. We got there around 1:30, so not too bad. We had a pretty good day. I used to agree that 2 hours was nothing for a day trip. We two kids in tow, the difficulty of traveling had increased significantly.

Melatonin is a no go.

Bed sharing is something we've fallen into. I've had a lot of trouble getting DD back to sleep in the middle of the night recently, and it seems like the only thing that helps. DH has had sleeping problems long before the past few weeks of bed sharing.

We talked on the drive about his problems, and we didn't get anywhere.

[WOT?*]

Sept 8, 2012 10:36:51 GMT -5 zacksbride said:

I would think the daytime somnolence implications of insomnia would be HUGE for his job. He can't drive for 2 hours yet he's an air force pilot?!?!?!? Seems super unsafe to me

My first thought, and second and third too.

(says the former wife of a Navy airedale and future MIL of a Navy pilot as well as the sister of someone who witnessed first-hand the crash of an aircraft which wasn't pretty. Thank goodness I'd gone home already and only got the news second-hand.)

[meltoine]

MH is an AF pilot too. They are given sleep meds all the time to help them avoid jet lag when they fly to Europe/ME/Asia. I would suggest he ask a different doctor because Ambien and the like are definitely not a blanket no-go just because he's a pilot.