Hold up now. I was called to the carpet by several ML'ers who pointed out what I said to spearmint as being cruel. My remark was flippant and off the cuff. I was being sarcastic, but it was inappropriate no matter what the intent or the tone was, and I PM'ed her an apology. I didn't receive a reply so I figured it was too little too late.
I know I'm not the only person here who has said hurtful things in the heat of the moment in the past, but I do own up to my careless words that can never be taken back.
You are saying you *flippantly* and *sarcastically* recommended that Spearmintleaf give up custody of her step kid? While she was here asking for support?
NEWP. Can't un-ring that bell, ma'am.
Why don't you go back to congratulating other posters on their flower arrangements and pretending like you should still be here.
I have also flippantly and sarcastically - and also quite belligerently I might add - said things that were hurtful and unhelpful in the moment. I got called out and flamed, I apologized in a PM, and as far as I know everything is alright.
But I'm sure you can dig into my post history and pull out something heinous and run me off the boards too. I'm sure I'm on somebody's spreadsheet.
I don't like this. I don't like that there is no forgiveness left here. I don't like that there are hatchets and landmines buried everywhere, just waiting to be stepped on and pulled up.
You are saying you *flippantly* and *sarcastically* recommended that Spearmintleaf give up custody of her step kid? While she was here asking for support?
NEWP. Can't un-ring that bell, ma'am.
Why don't you go back to congratulating other posters on their flower arrangements and pretending like you should still be here.
I have also flippantly and sarcastically - and also quite belligerently I might add - said things that were hurtful and unhelpful in the moment. I got called out and flamed, I apologized in a PM, and as far as I know everything is alright.
But I'm sure you can dig into my post history and pull out something heinous and run me off the boards too. I'm sure I'm on somebody's spreadsheet.
I don't like this. I don't like that there is no forgiveness left here. I don't like that there are hatchets and landmines buried everywhere, just waiting to be stepped on and pulled up.
I hate war I don't want it to happen here.
Spearmint doesn't have to accept flex's apology and it's really shitty of you to insinuate otherwise.
You are saying you *flippantly* and *sarcastically* recommended that Spearmintleaf give up custody of her step kid? While she was here asking for support?
NEWP. Can't un-ring that bell, ma'am.
Why don't you go back to congratulating other posters on their flower arrangements and pretending like you should still be here.
I have also flippantly and sarcastically - and also quite belligerently I might add - said things that were hurtful and unhelpful in the moment. I got called out and flamed, I apologized in a PM, and as far as I know everything is alright.
But I'm sure you can dig into my post history and pull out something heinous and run me off the boards too. I'm sure I'm on somebody's spreadsheet.
I don't like this. I don't like that there is no forgiveness left here. I don't like that there are hatchets and landmines buried everywhere, just waiting to be stepped on and pulled up.
I hate war I don't want it to happen here.
Listen. This doesn't exist in a vacuum. Flex has a history up to and including - just yesterday- approving a brand new IP to post on the boards under Smo's name.
While she's being called out for that, and for this by spearmintleaf, she's posting tra-la-la in other threads like none of this happened. Not okay.
spearmintleaf, I'm so sorry for what you have experienced here. I cannot imagine what you have felt reading the responses you must have received when you reached out to vent and maybe look for advice. When I have shared my pain in the past, I struggled because it seemed people would latch onto certain details and just not hear anything else I said (not just here, but also in real life - especially when it comes to my own mother).
I cannot go back to learn the history of what happened, and I think at this time that's not the point. I only wish you peace and happiness. I pray that your family is full of love and hope and joy.
This mod thing is funny to me. Randoms from other boards demanding that we demand that flex step down, like ML gave a fuck at all when we 'elected' these mods in the first place. They all just volunteered and we were like 'sure, whatever', then we had mods like Cjoy who were never even here and whose sole existence on ML was to just be really funny about being a total bitch to everyone but Toledo. We suck so hard at pretty much everything.
I have also flippantly and sarcastically - and also quite belligerently I might add - said things that were hurtful and unhelpful in the moment. I got called out and flamed, I apologized in a PM, and as far as I know everything is alright.
But I'm sure you can dig into my post history and pull out something heinous and run me off the boards too. I'm sure I'm on somebody's spreadsheet.
I don't like this. I don't like that there is no forgiveness left here. I don't like that there are hatchets and landmines buried everywhere, just waiting to be stepped on and pulled up.
I hate war I don't want it to happen here.
Spearmint doesn't have to accept flex's apology and it's really shitty of you to insinuate otherwise.
I don't think I insinuated anything - I was speaking to the crowd in this post. ... maybe I am projecting though Because I have tried to make several apologies in my personal life - and received radio silence in return. So I'm just waiting to step on the landmine when whichever family member is finally ready to let me have it for whatever they think is my fault.
This mod thing is funny to me. Randoms from other boards demanding that we demand that flex step down, like ML gave a fuck at all when we 'elected' these mods in the first place. They all just volunteered and we were like 'sure, whatever', then we had mods like Cjoy who were never even here and whose sole existence on ML was to just be really funny about being a total bitch to everyone but Toledo. We suck so hard at pretty much everything.
so true. Which is exactly why I'm the mod that this board deserves!
I need some reasons as to why my request hasn't been granted yet. I've been more than patient. It's been like three years now.
Spearmint doesn't have to accept flex's apology and it's really shitty of you to insinuate otherwise.
I don't think I insinuated anything - I was speaking to the crowd in this post. ... maybe I am projecting though Because I have tried to make several apologies in my personal life - and received radio silence in return. So I'm just waiting to step on the landmine when whichever family member is finally ready to let me have it for whatever they think is my fault.
spearmintleaf , I'm so sorry for what you have experienced here. I cannot imagine what you have felt reading the responses you must have received when you reached out to vent and maybe look for advice. When I have shared my pain in the past, I struggled because it seemed people would latch onto certain details and just not hear anything else I said (not just here, but also in real life - especially when it comes to my own mother).
I cannot go back to learn the history of what happened, and I think at this time that's not the point. I only wish you peace and happiness. I pray that your family is full of love and hope and joy.
I believe you mean this, and I'm really not here to fight with you- but this might ring hollow to her as you just posted that you hate that there is "no forgiveness left here", insinuating that she should forgive Flex because the alternative is uncomfortable for you.
Spearmint doesn't have to accept flex's apology and it's really shitty of you to insinuate otherwise.
I don't think I insinuated anything - I was speaking to the crowd in this post. ... maybe I am projecting though Because I have tried to make several apologies in my personal life - and received radio silence in return. So I'm just waiting to step on the landmine when whichever family member is finally ready to let me have it for whatever they think is my fault.
Post by emoflamingo on Oct 7, 2016 13:21:03 GMT -5
No one has to accept an apology. This is why you have to think about what you say before it just falls out of your mouth. Life is too short to be stuck with people who can't think of how their words affect other people.
spearmintleaf , I'm so sorry for what you have experienced here. I cannot imagine what you have felt reading the responses you must have received when you reached out to vent and maybe look for advice. When I have shared my pain in the past, I struggled because it seemed people would latch onto certain details and just not hear anything else I said (not just here, but also in real life - especially when it comes to my own mother).
I cannot go back to learn the history of what happened, and I think at this time that's not the point. I only wish you peace and happiness. I pray that your family is full of love and hope and joy.
I believe you mean this, and I'm really not here to fight with you- but this might ring hollow to her as you just posted that you hate that there is "no forgiveness left here", insinuating that she should forgive Flex because the alternative is uncomfortable for you.
Again - my comment about "no forgiveness left here" was spoken to the crowd. The mob. My first post in this thread was about being uncomfortable with piling on flex. That's still where I'm at. Unfortunately, I've become emotional about it. So my rational faculties have been reduced.
spearmintleaf, if you thought I was speaking to you in that post regarding forgiveness, I apologize. I was not speaking to you. I was not trying to admonish or patronize or be passive aggressive or manipulate in any way at all. Your emotions are completely valid.
I don't think I insinuated anything - I was speaking to the crowd in this post. ... maybe I am projecting though Because I have tried to make several apologies in my personal life - and received radio silence in return. So I'm just waiting to step on the landmine when whichever family member is finally ready to let me have it for whatever they think is my fault.
And .... ? They're not wrong for doing that.
No. They're not... I'm not saying anyone is.
I apologize - my emotions have gotten the better of me. I realize I'm putting my foot in my mouth.
It's essbee, ha! Also I live in NOLA now. I do still occasionally post. Less now that S&B is dying. But I do read P&CE/H&G and lurk here at times. Mostly at times like this when I can't sleep.
Mofongo, are you saying we're Edith's group? Because no. As far as I know she hasn't spoken to any of us (and definitely not as a group) since she left here.
All I'm saying is that's where she used to post a good bit. I have no idea what happened after that. Welcome to Nola:)
Thanks! We absolutely love it here.
I think she did post on our board quite a bit now that you mention it, but she didn't make the jump with us.
No one has to accept an apology. This is why you have to think about what you say before it just falls out of your mouth. Life is too short to be stuck with people who can't think of how their words affect other people.
I am working on this with my four year old. I really hope she gets it long before she is a grown ass adult.
Post by deanlicker78 on Oct 7, 2016 13:46:20 GMT -5
I think we have been a bit too forgiving of bullshit here on ML. For a really long time.
I will say that there is a great difference in someone who is a repeat offender consistently in a majority of posts and someone who, in the midst of a bad day, says some real stupid shit. I feel like we've been more forgiving of the first example and harsher on the second around here. Which isn't right.
I think we have been a bit too forgiving of bullshit here on ML. For a really long time.
I will say that there is a great difference in someone who is a repeat offender consistently in a majority of posts and someone who, in the midst of a bad day, says some real stupid shit. I feel like we've been more forgiving of the first example and harsher on the second around here. Which isn't right.
It depends who you are. Not everyone is treated this way.
I recall the thread that keeps being referenced, but I don't remember it being an instantaneous pile on of someone asking for support.
I think people were reacting to verbal threats of violence against a child over inappropriate clothes. There was a general frustration/breaking point expressed, as well as protecting a job above all else. I'm sure that's where the pile-on of family therapy, family therapy, family therapy came from, as a way to open doors with communication. I was one who said FAMILY THERAPY, likely in all caps. I don't think all of these hateful posts happened in a vacuum. Should responses have taken into account that you were likely at a horrible place? Of course. Did that happen? No.
That is all to say - I'm so very glad your stepdaughter is thriving. From what you've shared, she's been through so much, and it's good to know that she's moving forward and your lives are collectively getting to their best possible place.
I am not defending flex's comments in any way. I think she made her bed, said a lot of inappropriate stuff, exercised poor judgment, and now she's going to have to lie in it.
Yes, I remember the same. It wasn't as cut and dry as it's being presented, there was appropriate concern.
I think every single person in that post recommended therapy. Had we known spearmint's background, I don't think that would have been the response.