International destination wedding w/ 4 month old?

[y4m]

SIL has apparently decided to move her wedding up from a hometown wedding in 2018 to a destination wedding in rural Ireland in May of 2017. Baby will be four months at this point--the wedding will be a Wednesday afternoon the week after I was planning to return from maternity leave.

I love flying and travel, but that sounds miserable to me--either taking the baby or flying my mom to the east coast to stay with her. Would I be crazy to say I'm skipping that? Or am I crazy to say that because it would be awesome?

Thanks for advice!

[dcn]

Honestly travel is pretty easy with a small baby. I wish we had travelled more when ds1 was small/before he was mobile.

But if you think it will be too stressful or can't get the time off work then yes totally acceptable to bow out and stay home!

[preppy]

We took DD to St Croix at 4 months and it worked out, it wasn't too bad, but it wasn't a huge time difference. I might be more hesitant if it was s big time difference. But either way, if you don't want to go I wouldn't feel pressured to. Its part of the deal with a destination wedding, not everyone will come and that's okay. My brother didn't come to my destination wedding cause they had a new baby, totally understood no hard feelings:)

[miamigirl]

At that age, traveling will be easy. I took S on a 9 hour flight by myself when she was 2 months and it was a breeze.

But if it makes you nervous, I think people will understand if you miss it.

[ECB]

I agree - travel at that age is easy.

BUT when people plan DWs in general, much less to remote locations, they take a big chance that people won't be able to come. If it doesn't work for you to go, don the feel bad.

[timorousbeastie]

As much as I would normally jump on the chance for a trip to Ireland, that would not have been a good trip in my situation. DD was going through the 4 month wakeful at that age. Plenty of babies aren't that affected by it, but it was baaaad for DD. She woke up 10-12 times a night, for pretty much the entire month. The idea of being in a hotel, in a different time zone, during all that sounds like complete misery to me.

The problem is you won't know how your baby is at that age until it happens. If you want to hope for the best that your baby will be a good travel at that age (and many are!), then go for it; it could be an amazing trip. But if the thought of it is stressing you out, plus with just having returned to work, then you aren't crazy for skipping.

[froggy76]

I forget- this is your first baby, right? I think those who are saying travel is easy with a 4-month-old are just thinking about how much harder it gets when they're toddlers. When my DD was 4 months old, nothing felt easy to me and I would have been pretty overwhelmed by an international trip with her. But if you really want to be there, I think you should bring her rather than leave her home. It won't be that bad and will give you an excuse to duck away whenever you want. I'd be concerned about taking time off the week after I get back from maternity leave, though. If you don't feel comfortable doing that, at least your H could go to the wedding.

[auntie]

4 months is an ideal time to travel with most infants.

I'd keep an open mind and revisit this after the baby comes. The trip may seem more appealing or ridiculous at that time.

[steamboat185]

We loved Ireland with our 10month old. People were super friendly and happy to see a baby it was much was than traveling in parts of the US. If you can get the bassinet seat on the flights you will have a ton of legroom and someplace to have the LO sleep during the flight.

[hbomdiggity]

Travel at that age is relatively easy and you are an experienced traveler. It will be different, but not necessarily awful.

If you plan on breastfeeding I think leaving her and pumping, storing milk in rural Ireland, and getting it back sounds absolutely miserable, yes.

I dont know how you'd swing the time off though, can you extend your leave?

[gt7301b]

My 4 month old is a great traveler and I would jump on the opportunity, but I love to travel and would rather travel with the baby than stay home.

[just]

Oct 15, 2016 9:34:13 GMT -5 hbomdiggity said:

 storing milk in rural Ireland,

All of your other points aside - which I 100% agree with - we have fridges, freezers, coolers, etc even in 'rural' Ireland. We're a first world country that has all the modern conveniences even outside the city. Unless the wedding is actually camping in a field, the rural Ireland part of the process will be the least stressful.

Again everything else about your point sounds miserable.

[Mrs.flang]

My first DD is only 2 months but I'm finding that I'm totally overwhelmed and paranoid about being out and about with regard to BFing in public and now, with napping. International travel would put me into a panic attack. But I can see how it could be easy for some. I'd probably suggest doing everything with refundable tickets just in case.

[Pilsy]

Travel with a baby that age/size is relatively easy, though I feel like a baby of any age requires a ton of stuff, so you're looking at hauling a lot with you and/or finding it in Ireland. And there's the 4-month-wakeful, which is a nightmare. On that note, maybe it's a great time to shake things up with a crazy time zone change!


Pumping is a pain but NBD when you're doing your own thing all day. Getting the milk home could be annoying, though.


How would it work with vacation time? Will your employer be happy to extend your leave? Does the possible lack of pay matter to you?


I probably would not have gone, because hindsight is 20/20, but at that time, I wouldn't have thought jetting overseas was "easy." Also, my employer was antsy for me to return and probably would not have prevented me from going, but they wouldn't' have supported it either. I'm a bit of a people pleaser and didn't want to rock the boat after being gone for 3 months, so I went back to work and kept my head down. But you know your situation, so maybe it's a choice you can make. Either way, you're good. Nobody will fault you for going, and if you do go, it'll be fine and fun.

[Velar Fricative]

I don't think either decision is "wrong." And your work schedule may end up playing the biggest role in your decision anyway.

Here's one way to look at it - would you regret it more if you decided to stay home and ended up having an easygoing, decently-sleeping baby who you could have traveled easily with, or if you planned to go but ended up having a less easygoing baby who doesn't sleep well?

Knowing how my DD is as at 4 months old (easygoing but that was her worst period for sleep, and it was pretty bad), I would go. At least if I'm not sleeping, I might as well do it in an enjoyable and different place lol.

[JRo]

We went to a wedding 6 hours away (by car) when DS was 4 months old and it was miserable, lol. Obviously every baby is different so YMMV.

[hbomdiggity]

Oct 15, 2016 10:08:59 GMT -5 just said:

Oct 15, 2016 9:34:13 GMT -5 hbomdiggity said:

 storing milk in rural Ireland,

All of your other points aside - which I 100% agree with - we have fridges, freezers, coolers, etc even in 'rural' Ireland. We're a first world country that has all the modern conveniences even outside the city. Unless the wedding is actually camping in a field, the rural Ireland part of the process will be the least stressful.

Again everything else about your point sounds miserable.

Of course there are fridges in Ireland, but I just assume that the ability to get a fridge in your hotel room (that is large enough to store lots of milk) may be more difficult. It's enough of a pita here in the US, land of the Suite Americas.

Plus, Ireland/uk serves 'warm' beer so it does seem its not as refrigeration crazed as Americans ;-)

[y4m]

We went to Ireland when I was about 8w, so on one hand we were just there, but on the other...I didn't get to have a Guinness lots to think about--seems like the best thing to do is to decide in feb or march.

[smileyface]

I'd consider leaving the baby with your mom and going

Go back to work a week later, and go! If you live on the east coast, Ireland would be a good long weekend.

[moonpie]

My kid screamed non stop at that age, so I would definitely pass. She was really only happy if she was being walked around the house. My cousin actually got married in Ireland when DD was around the same age and I was glad we didn't go, but I'm still sad we skipped staying in a castle and missed drinking all the beer.

Any chance you can avoid making arrangements until the baby arrives? You may have a better idea how manageable it is by then.

[barefootcontessa]

The baby part will be easy. I went to Germany when my oldest two were 20 and 5 months. 20 month old was tough but baby was a breeze. Might be tough just getting back to work, though.

[teatimefor2]

I travelled a lot internationally and with DS1 when he was under 1, including at two/three and seven months. I would in a heartbeat as long you could get worked squared away.

[chickadee77]

We went to Canada (remote, not urban) when L was not quite 3 months. It was easier than I expected it to be. Now that she's two, I look back and say, "Do it! Traveling gets harder before it gets easier!" But at the time, it seemed daunting.

Being a destination wedding, I agree that if you can't go, you can't go, and don't worry overly much about it.

[longtimenopost]

Definitely baby dependent, but it shouldn't be that hard. We've done Europe trips every year and I agree with pps, the younger the better. Any way you could afford to fly your mom there?

[origami]

I think it's the timing with work that sucks the most because it's mid-week, and you will likely be very tired and busy. Baby might be sick from having just gotten the first taste of daycare germs, unless you are getting a nanny. I would wait on your ticket or check on trip insurance exclusions. Yes travel is easiER with an immobile baby than a toddler but it's not easy the week after you start working. That said, if you do go it will be nice to have a weekend at home to recover, instead of flying home and working the next day. 

[boiler717]

I don't think it would be awesome, but it's doable. The 4 month sleep regression and jet lag may be a horrible combination, or it may be NBD. I think it's a perfectly valid excuse to skip if you'd like to do so, though.

[broadsheet]

We took DD1 to Hawaii at 5 months (we live in the South) and we had a lovely time, but she slept like crap the whole time and that stressed me out a lot. She also had not transitioned to the crib at that point and we didn't bedshare, so finding a decent sleep arrangement sucked.

[Pilsy]

Oct 15, 2016 12:39:46 GMT -5 y4m said:

We went to Ireland when I was about 8w, so on one hand we were just there, but on the other...I didn't get to have a Guinness lots to think about--seems like the best thing to do is to decide in feb or march.

Keeping an open mind is just about the best thing you can do.  It's a good approach.  You really can't go wrong here!  

[sarahsas]

This is definitely the easiest age to travel with! I'd consider it.

[winecheery]

I just did this, sort of.

We went to a wedding in the remote Scottish countryside when DS was 4 months. With our 3 y/o DD too. We live in California.

I am an avid traveller and never, ever regret it, no matter what happens, because A) I do not live with regrets; it's useless to bemoan what has past, and B) I always learn something, and I value the experience regardless. I can always find one good thing about even a bad trip.

I don't really post much these days but this thread caught my eye, and you're welcome to PM me if you want to chat, since it's fresh in my mind. Tips on what to bring, coping with jet lag, how to take an infant passport photo, etc

Anyways, I say go for it, because you will find that more often then not, people are gracious and kind when you travel with children, and especially with tiny babies, they are even more forgiving. If you enjoyed traveling pre-kid, that absolutely shouldn't have to stop.