WWYD!!!?

[silva]

I dread this time of year and now I'm getting desperate!

6 years ago, my mom gave me her ring with her wedding diamond and three birthstones. I have one photo of it.

I lost the ring. 

Because she gave it to me as a Xmas gift, my mom always asks about it around this time. Why aren't you wearing the ring?  Do you have it?
I don't wear a lot of jewelry period, the only thing I wear is my wedding ring. 

I can't face this lie again this year.

Guys, I just contacted a jewelry store asking about getting a quote to replicate the ring.  

She will be devastated to learn I lost it, especially since I've been lying to her for the last few years.

ugh. I feel like such an asshole.

[mooselovah]

Are you getting a new one made?

ok i'll admit, I would lie and say one of the stones fell out and you have it in getting fixed, but cause its xmas it is going to take a while.

[silva]

I was going to look at getting a new one made.

The stones were in terrible condition, I recall she said it cost her a few hundred dollars to get it cleaned and resized for me.

[W.T.Faulkner]

I always think it's so strange to ask people where the gift you gave them is/why aren't they using it, lol.

I think "I just don't wear a lot of jewelry, but that doesn't mean I don't love it" is a valid excuse here. It's not a lie.

[silva]

Dec 19, 2016 12:09:41 GMT -5 W.T.Faulkner said:

I always think it's so strange to ask people where the gift you gave them is/why aren't they using it, lol.

I think "I just don't wear a lot of jewelry, but that doesn't mean I don't love it" is a valid excuse here. It's not a lie.

agree. it drives me crazy.  

She also asks me about if we still use the video camera she got us right before DD was born 8 years ago...it's so outdated (still uses tapes). At least I still have that! Maybe I'll use it when we open Christmas gifts, but then again, it's a bitch to get the video off the tapes for digital use. 

[krystee]

Do you like the ring? If so, I would have it remade and probably say you lost the diamond but had a new stone put in.

If you don't like it, just be honest that you lost it (I would make it sound recent) and are so sad and feel terrible. But don't spend money to get it remade if you don't like it, unless she wants it for herself.

[silva]

I liked the ring because of the sentimental value. It wasn't my style and I don't wear a lot of jewelry in the first place.

[Deleted]

Dec 19, 2016 12:13:20 GMT -5 silva said:

Dec 19, 2016 12:09:41 GMT -5 W.T.Faulkner said:

I always think it's so strange to ask people where the gift you gave them is/why aren't they using it, lol.

I think "I just don't wear a lot of jewelry, but that doesn't mean I don't love it" is a valid excuse here. It's not a lie.

agree. it drives me crazy.  

She also asks me about if we still use the video camera she got us right before DD was born 8 years ago...it's so outdated (still uses tapes). At least I still have that! Maybe I'll use it when we open Christmas gifts, but then again, it's a bitch to get the video off the tapes for digital use. 

Dear God No!  Send it to electronics recycling.  That conversation makes me feel like I have hives.

[flex]

You need to be honest with her.

And don't have a new ring made unless you really really want to.

[chchchia]

Dec 19, 2016 12:29:34 GMT -5 flex said:

You need to be honest with her.

And don't have a new ring made unless you really really want to.

Why? Honesty is overrated.

Not being a smartass in any way but if it is going to hurt someone's feelings, why?

[Deleted]

Dec 19, 2016 12:29:34 GMT -5 flex said:

You need to be honest with her.

And don't have a new ring made unless you really really want to.

Team Flex.  Come clean, esp. if it wasn't your style.  

She gave it to you, and you misplaced it...forever, and you've been trying to hide it from her. 

Shit happens.  This is real life.  It's okay.  Tell her.  She'll get over it.  She'll love you all the same.  Life will go on.  It's a ring. 

[chchchia]

See I am a classic avoider and if I know it means something special to someone, I will totally stress myself and lie to them about it rather than feel like I hurt their feelings. I feel like if they felt like I was important enough to give it me, I should have valued it more and I hate for someone to think I didn't do that. So I lie.

[yourmother]

Is there any remote chance of finding it? Like do you think it's somewhere lost in your house? That's the only way I would continue the lie. Otherwise, I think I would come clean and be HUGELY apologetic. Like a PP said, she may be hurt and sad, but she'll love you the same. I don't think it will be worth the hassle of recreating a ring in hopes she will be tricked into believing it's the original. I mean, would she even fall for that?

[flex]

Dec 19, 2016 12:38:16 GMT -5 chchchia said:

See I am a classic avoider and if I know it means something special to someone, I will totally stress myself and lie to them about it rather than feel like I hurt their feelings. I feel like if they felt like I was important enough to give it me, I should have valued it more and I hate for someone to think I didn't do that. So I lie.

That's too  bad.  We're all as sick as our secrets.  I'd rather clear the air rather than carry all that shit around with me.

[chchchia]

Dec 19, 2016 12:52:17 GMT -5 flex said:

Dec 19, 2016 12:38:16 GMT -5 chchchia said:

See I am a classic avoider and if I know it means something special to someone, I will totally stress myself and lie to them about it rather than feel like I hurt their feelings. I feel like if they felt like I was important enough to give it me, I should have valued it more and I hate for someone to think I didn't do that. So I lie.

That's too  bad.  We're all as sick as our secrets.  I'd rather clear the air rather than carry all that shit around with me.

I know.  I cannot stand that about myself

[tellmesomethingood]

I would just be honest.

[lilac05]

I think you need to be honest.

If there's any hope of you finding it at some point, I'd say, "I can't find it right now" rather than "I lost it." It's less permanent and may be easier for your mom to hear, while still telling the truth.

I've lost the same ring for 2+ years at a time, TWICE! Once I found it in the back corner of my closet wedged between the carpet and the baseboard. I have NO clue how it got there, but I was happy to find it!

[jezebel]

I would definitely tell the truth. Shit happens.

[silva]

Dec 19, 2016 12:52:11 GMT -5 yourmother said:

Is there any remote chance of finding it? Like do you think it's somewhere lost in your house? That's the only way I would continue the lie. Otherwise, I think I would come clean and be HUGELY apologetic. Like a PP said, she may be hurt and sad, but she'll love you the same. I don't think it will be worth the hassle of recreating a ring in hopes she will be tricked into believing it's the original. I mean, would she even fall for that?

I recall the last time I had it, it was on my bathroom shelf that is over a garbage can. My DD often would pick stuff up from that shelf to look at it while I got ready in the morning.  I remember once, she dropped a few things on the floor and I had to fish out something in the trash...I thought I got everything that dropped.  Now I don't think that was the case. 

I can check two more places, but I'm 99% sure that is where I last left it.

[RexManningDay]

At this point, I'd tell her you lost it, but I wouldn't tell her you lost it years ago. Make it sound more recent. You get to the same basic truth without the blow-up of having lied to her all this time.

Not necessarily what you SHOULD do, but I'm pretty sure it's what I WOULD do.

[flex]

Dec 19, 2016 13:21:28 GMT -5 @angelicapickles said:

Strongly disagree with being honest. I think this is one of those times where telling the truth is only going to benefit you and allow you to not feel guilt. It will hurt your moms feelings and quite frankly, telling her will serve no purpose other than to get it off your chest.

I would agree with this if her mom hadn't been asking about it over the past few years.  If the OP had lost it and her mom never inquired about it, I wouldn't bring it up for the very reasons you listed.  But that's not the case.  

[kitkat1502]

How recently did you lose it, and is there a good possibility it's just misplaced in the house and not lost somewhere out of the house?

Oops just read where you answered that. :?

[my3boyz]

If you do end up getting it replaced I would get a cz instead of the diamond to drastically reduce the cost.

[silva]

oh and it's already starting.

Reason I posted in the first place was I had just gotten off the phone with my mom to ask her a question and she brought up the ring out of no where!

[berbles]

Stop causing yourself stress to spare someone else's momentary disappointment.

I do this too. It's codependent behavior. Don't put other people's feelings above your own. Tell your mom the truth, let her be disappointed, and then move the fuck on with your life.

[yourmother]

Dec 19, 2016 13:21:16 GMT -5 silva said:

Dec 19, 2016 12:52:11 GMT -5 yourmother said:

Is there any remote chance of finding it? Like do you think it's somewhere lost in your house? That's the only way I would continue the lie. Otherwise, I think I would come clean and be HUGELY apologetic. Like a PP said, she may be hurt and sad, but she'll love you the same. I don't think it will be worth the hassle of recreating a ring in hopes she will be tricked into believing it's the original. I mean, would she even fall for that?

I recall the last time I had it, it was on my bathroom shelf that is over a garbage can. My DD often would pick stuff up from that shelf to look at it while I got ready in the morning.  I remember once, she dropped a few things on the floor and I had to fish out something in the trash...I thought I got everything that dropped.  Now I don't think that was the case. 

I can check two more places, but I'm 99% sure that is where I last left it.

How do you think your mom would handle
a.  The truth
b. You wearing the replica and figuring out it's a replica

- Which is the worst outcome?  She being duped or you just being truthful to begin with?  Or is she blind as a bat and will easily believe the replica is the original?

Also, can you continue to blow her off for a few more years by saying it's at the jewelers being cleaned for whatever?  Is she going to demand to see it one day?

Honestly, I'm on Team Come Clean now.  I'm sorry this is causing so much anxiety for you!

[flex]

My mom gave me a ring after DH died. It was made from her wedding ring when she was married to my dad. She had the diamonds made into a different ring for herself.

Eventually she passed it on to me. If I had lost it, I would have been super upset. But I would have told my mom because I owe it to her to be honest with her always. She would have been disappointed but she loved me and would have let it go. Once you give a gift to a person, it's their responsibility as to whatever happens to me. Once given, it's gone from your possession.

[kitkat1502]

Come clean. It sucks, but you just gotta rip off the band-aid and get it over with.

If it's truly important to you, get a replica made.

[silva]

Dec 19, 2016 13:49:59 GMT -5 @licia said:

Really? You guys think if silva's mom is already checking up on the whereabouts of this ring that she's just going to take the fact that it's lost on the chin and move on? I may be wrong, but I'm getting vibes that this would then transfer to the yearly-check-in-to-make-you-feel-guilty-about-losing-the-ring.

DING DING DING!  

I still get comments from her about things I have done wrong when I was younger.  

[kitkat1502]

Dec 19, 2016 13:49:59 GMT -5 @licia said:

Really? You guys think if silva's mom is already checking up on the whereabouts of this ring that she's just going to take the fact that it's lost on the chin and move on? I may be wrong, but I'm getting vibes that this would then transfer to the yearly-check-in-to-make-you-feel-guilty-about-losing-the-ring.

I don't think at all that her coming clean means everyone will move on and never speak of the ring again. But, having to continue a lie year after year, potentially trying to pass off a replica as the original and risk getting caught in a web of lies is just too much.

I was also thinking if the ring isn't produced eventually she could be all "well if you're not going to wear it I want it back".