I'm asking because my brother is going through a divorce. His wife has been a SAHM for about 4 years, both kids are school aged, the youngest being in K. He is currently paying her alimony during the divorce process and she is also going for ongoing alimony. They've been seperated for a year and she still has not gotten a job.
With 4 kids, and the current job market, one has to wonder if getting a job is even going to pay the rent if she has to shell out for after school care for them. In that case, if she has no real education and has been out of the workforce for a long time, she might not qualify for a lot of jobs (or have hours she can't do with 4 children). It might actually be unfair economic consequence that requires alimony of some type. Honestly, it takes two parties to agree to SAHParenting, and one person always take a huge economic hit for it while the other rarely does. All of that has to be factored in, so I don't necessarily feel like she shouldn't get alimony.
And I say this as an ex-wife who never took alimony or touched his pension fund in spite of everything.
They only have two kids, sorry for that confusion. She has a college degree. She's only been out of the job market for 4 years. Between child support, alimony, and a few other ridiculous things that the court awarded her, she is receiving over $3K per month from my brother. She actually nets more income than he does. She is also going for equitable distrubtion and is currently living in their marital home while he pays a large portion of the mortgage. He lives at home with my parents. Oh, and he never agreed for her to be a SAHP. She was laid off and he's begged her for the last 4 years to get a job. Honestly, she makes more than me and doesn't even have a job. The way I see it, and please, correct me if I'm wrong, I may have my family-blinders on, but seriously, would you be even remotely motivated to get a job if someone is paying your mortgage and handing you $3k per month for doing nothing? I'm trying to figure out if I'm just bitter because this is my brother, or if she really, truly is the wench that I think she is.
No cheating, Starry. Was just her being a vindictive bitch and him not protecting himself enough. No judges, was their two, lawyers battling it out. But the alimony that should've never been allowed was held over his head to come to an agreement and forced a decision that day. It was never sposed to continue but did and was held over his head because of legal loopholes.
Its sweet Starry, that you see other sides but in this case the female is all wrong.
Well if this is truly the case, then he should have taken it to court in front of a judge. I highly doubt the judge would have awarded it given the circumstances. He didn't have to give her the alimony. He chose to.
That is true, but the cost of a trial is not an easy decision when he has to pay all the mutual debt and alimony. And then potentially couldve been made to pay her legal fees. My only point is that alimony (when both parties are equal and have no other obligations) is for vindictive lazy selfish women. How someone else feels entitled to anothers income/pension when they are a full grown capable adult is absolutely ridiculous.
Well if this is truly the case, then he should have taken it to court in front of a judge. I highly doubt the judge would have awarded it given the circumstances. He didn't have to give her the alimony. He chose to.
That is true, but the cost of a trial is not an easy decision when he has to pay all the mutual debt and alimony. And then potentially couldve been made to pay her legal fees. My only point is that alimony (when both parties are equal and have no other obligations) is for vindictive lazy selfish women. How someone else feels entitled to anothers income/pension when they are a full grown capable adult is absolutely ridiculous.
And this about sums up how I feel about my brothers STXW
Well, I received alimony from my XH for a year and fit (almost) all the criteria you listed.
However.
What you listed isn't the full story of my circumstances, not by a long shot. I have no doubt that my XH's girlfriend probably thought me a twat too, but she was being fed a biased load of bullshit. I think she's a foolish half-wit, so I guess we're even.
Im sure whatever is missing from my story is different than yours and would make your entitlement more than justified. From what I have seen of you here, you do not fit the mold of this of the selfish vindictive woman i described. In fact i know you're not.
That is true, but the cost of a trial is not an easy decision when he has to pay all the mutual debt and alimony. And then potentially couldve been made to pay her legal fees. My only point is that alimony (when both parties are equal and have no other obligations) is for vindictive lazy selfish women. How someone else feels entitled to anothers income/pension when they are a full grown capable adult is absolutely ridiculous.
And this about sums up how I feel about my brothers STXW
So sorry Sparkles. I know firsthand and secondhand how horribly angering and frustrating this can be. Family court is not fair and its a toss up how it will be when you go in front of a judge. I have seen women only have to turn in apps showing they tried to apply for work as all the proof they need to show they "tried" to get a job. They then continue to get the support from some half ass effort of filling out an app.
It is indefinite Sparkles or should she be looking for a job?
Right now she is receiving Alimony Pendente Lite (I think I spelled that right) which will stop once the divorce is finalized. She filed for divorce a year ago and has been getting this money for the last 9 months or so. She has now filed for ongoing alimony on an indefinite basis.
Well if this is truly the case, then he should have taken it to court in front of a judge. I highly doubt the judge would have awarded it given the circumstances. He didn't have to give her the alimony. He chose to.
That is true, but the cost of a trial is not an easy decision when he has to pay all the mutual debt and alimony. And then potentially couldve been made to pay her legal fees. My only point is that alimony (when both parties are equal and have no other obligations) is for vindictive lazy selfish women. How someone else feels entitled to anothers income/pension when they are a full grown capable adult is absolutely ridiculous.
I agree with MCC and other pp. He should have gone to court. I DOUBT (but I am no expert) that a judge would award him to pay ALL the mutual debt AND give her alimony in this case. So yea....sucks but there were other options besides him sucking it up and paying everything
No cheating, Starry. Was just her being a vindictive bitch and him not protecting himself enough. No judges, was their two, lawyers battling it out. But the alimony that should've never been allowed was held over his head to come to an agreement and forced a decision that day. It was never sposed to continue but did and was held over his head because of legal loopholes.
Its sweet Starry, that you see other sides but in this case the female is all wrong.
WOW! Overreact much? I am just saying that I DOUBT you know ALL the details of the divorce! I know even my close family members and BFF dont know ALL the dirty stuff my XH did to me. Just saying, yeah you probbaly know a lot from your friend, but he could be painting a slightly difference view of reality since he is jaded. i am JUST saying that is a possible explanation for why she got alimony. OR his lawyer F*cked up big time!
No cheating, Starry. Was just her being a vindictive bitch and him not protecting himself enough. No judges, was their two, lawyers battling it out. But the alimony that should've never been allowed was held over his head to come to an agreement and forced a decision that day. It was never sposed to continue but did and was held over his head because of legal loopholes.
Its sweet Starry, that you see other sides but in this case the female is all wrong.
WOW! Overreact much? I am just saying that I DOUBT you know ALL the details of the divorce! I know even my close family members and BFF dont know ALL the dirty stuff my XH did to me. Just saying, yeah you probbaly know a lot from your friend, but he could be painting a slightly difference view of reality since he is jaded. i am JUST saying that is a possible explanation for why she got alimony. OR his lawyer F*cked up big time!
I agree either he had a really shitty lawyer or she isn't ALL wrong.
Post by BlueBayou on Sept 12, 2012 18:01:45 GMT -5
II am not overreacting Starry. I do not know why there's a need to be calling it like that. In my message it clearly says he did not protect himself , nor did I claim to know everything. But what i do know was an injustice occurred and the family law system is antiquated. My simple point was that a couple who are on equal terms financially, property, and physically (with no kids) have no business needing support or retirement from the other. Since i helped do the financial aspect, i can speak intelligently on that matter and that is what makes her a selfish vindictive person. She couldnt let go and thats how she chose to use the system. Its bullshit and makes independent self -sufficient women look bad.
But what i do know was an injustice occurred and the family law system is antiquated.
As it didn't go before a judge, no injustice occurred nor did the actual family law system come into play. She fought harder than him. Sure what she did was selfish, but he easily let her get away with it. Honestly he or his lawyer are really the only people to blame here. I think that's what Starry is trying to say. You're making him out to be the victim, when it's really his own doing.
Post by BlueBayou on Sept 13, 2012 13:11:09 GMT -5
Thank you all for the feedback!! Much appreciated and glad to see the majority of you dont believe women of equal wage and retirement (and no kids) should NOT be entitled to someone elses.