"I Want to Go to There": An Introduction

[lemonliz]

Happy Sunday, GBCNers! 

I come from TCF's (a.k.a. GBCB) IF community and I come bearing treats! 





I wanted to introduce myself and get some feedback from all of you about whether or not our IF communities (we have an IF board, a PAIF board, and a SAIF board, and we also have a lot of cross over with the loss communities) would be welcome over here. And if we are welcome, we certainly don't want to overwhelm you here or alienate anyone so we would love to get some advice about how you think we should proceed. 

In short, we're not really sure what is going on at TCF, but we don't want the IF groups to splinter. It would be great if you also had a community for the loss moms, too. We have a lot of posters who are both IF and loss moms. 

As for Me: I've been active on TB and TCF since 2013/2014. I am currently the moderator of the Infertility Board on TCF. It's a long story but MH and I have been married 11 years, NTNP for a very long time, and moved to an RE in 2014. I am a PhD Candidate/moonlighting Barista (there's a story about that). He does something with actuarial somethingoranother. We have the best pug in the whole world. I've had 2 laps, 2 IUIs, 8 IVF attempts, 4 cancellations, 4 retrievals, 5 embryos, 2 transfers and no pregnancies. Our diagnoses are, in a nutshell, MFI, endo, DOR, tubal, MTHFR, and abnormal endometrial function. We are currently working with a really, really good RE who has a new plan and for the first time I'm about to get insurance that covers IVF. In June I'll start my 9th IVF cycle and we will freeze-all and repeat as many times as we need to bank some embryos. Next year, after a long stint on Lupron, we will transfer again. 

My IF ladies are really wonderful. It's a very supportive community. We're kind of caught in the crossfire right now over at TCF. You are welcome to view our discussion about this over at: www.thencomesfamily.com/community/thread/143780/state-forum-mean

I don't know what I'd have done without the IF community these last few years. I think we have probably had a lot of crossover between TCF and GBCN. I'd say that we probably have about 20 regular posters on the actual infertility board and beyond that I can't speak for the PAIF, SAIF, and loss boards, but potentially some of them may come over and join, too! 

I completely understand if it's too overwhelming (to your regulars and to your infrastructure) to take on multiple members over here at this time. But I'm just opening up a line of communication between our two sites in the hopes that maybe our two small boards could be friends. 

Cheers! 


 

[King26]

Hey lady! Good to see you here. In the last several years I've posted between here and TCF and both IF communities have been amazing. I say bring on the members. The ladies here are wonderful and supportive and we could use some new memebers.

Ladies here....I've been on TCF with Lemon and the other IF ladies for the last two years and they are just amazing as everyone on this board.

[ilovecandy]

We are pretty open open and inclusive. We don't have as many tttc board subset we do have a grad board and we have I think a secondary infertility one that I'd pretty dead I believe.

Other than that we all just post whatever we need on this main board. We are all very supportive of one another.

Reading the thread I would caution two things it sounds like you guys like an active board with being able to recruit new members. We don't really recurit new members but we welcome all who find us. We also don't do any mean girl stuff on this board we lea.ve that for other boards here lol.

Eta: there are quite a few posters here on the main board that have had losses again we just post it all on the main board. I mean I guess if it becomes overwhelming we could open new sub boards but I personally prefer all posts on the main board for the most part it makes it easier to keep up with each other. The grad board is for our people who have gotten pregnant or adopted basically if they were able to start their family that is where they mostly post. Though a few pop in here time to time to check in on us and cheer us on if we are going through treatment etc. I also go novel there ocassionally to see how they are doing.

[lemonliz]

Thanks so much for the welcome! Hi King26!

No worries, we can abide by those rules!

I'll be back after brunch.

[Mushe]

LEMON! I haven't been posting anywhere lately, except trying to keep up on the world on the Current Events & Politics board here, but I'm so glad to see you here. I think it would be great to welcome that group here. GBCN does suffer a bit from the same problem of getting new blood that TCF does, but I suppose since it's been around longer, we get more of the randoms finding us from Google.

[thoseareradishes]

Welcome. We have a great community here. We don't typically do trigger warnings, we have a daily randoms thread that is for talk about treatment and/or general life stuff, and BFPs get their own thread. Grads post in randoms sometimes, and we don't usually hide our signatures. If you have a question, you're free to post it outside of randoms or check-ins (which we only do occasionally anyway).

I think it would be great if you guys wanted to migrate over here, but I hope that doesn't mean that we have to start making and following a lot of rules.

[loira]

I mostly post on the Grads board now, but wanted to say that this board is fantastic and very inclusive. They welcomed me even though my problem was staying, rather than getting, pregnant. I can't speak for other loss mums, but I love that this board has a diverse group of women with very different issues in TTC. Everyone supports one another. For those who've had a loss, there is still the occasional TTCAL check in on Getting Pregnant as well. We don't compare our grief. We support one another whether a loss was early, late or TFMR.

[konapoppy]

I agree with others - this is a welcoming and warm community. Welcome!

A few notes:

When posters get pregnant they move over to the grads board and try to limit posts on the main board to support/encouragement/advice as appropriate (i.e., not post about current pregnancies).

BFPs on both Getting Pregnant and TTTC are best left to separate threads so they can be avoided as necessary.

Right now Getting Pregnant has a good amount of posters who have been trying for over a year, so you are welcome to post over there as well. It tends to be slower than this board. There is a weekly "state of the uterus" post. MM Moms also has some posters dealing with Secondary Infertilty.

My only other advice here is to read some of the threads on racism before actively posting - I think MM Moms, MM and maybe CEP have some conversations pinned. These boards have had a lot of conversations about how to actually be more inclusive the last year and a half (and simply "listening and learning" doesn't cut it). Unfortunately we have lost many of our WOC (women of color).

[loira]

May 21, 2017 13:36:27 GMT -5 konapoppy said:

I agree with others - this is a welcoming and warm community. Welcome!

A few notes:

When posters get pregnant they move over to the grads board and try to limit posts on the main board to support/encouragement/advice as appropriate (i.e., not post about current pregnancies).


My only other advice here is to read some of the threads on racism before actively posting - I think MM Moms, MM and maybe CEP have some conversations pinned. These boards have had a lot of conversations about how to actually be more inclusive the last year and a half (and simply "listening and learning" doesn't cut it). Unfortunately we have lost many of our WOC (women of color).

Not sure if things have changed, but there used to be some flexibility on very newly pregnant posters updating with betas. Or if anyone was worried they were miscarrying early, it was acceptable to voice that worry here. Lots of posters don't feel comfortable posting on the grads board right away. But yes, any other talk of pregnancy is kept to the grads board.

And definitely ditto reading up on what's happened on GBCN with racism and racist microagressions.

Forgot to say that there's no specific loss board, but HoneySpider, awick14, Konapoppy and a bunch of other posters have experienced loss, and we all regularly post if there's a thread on the topic. There are some women who have also experienced stillbirth and child loss who hang out on other boards but do post if they see a thread where someone is having a hard time.

[konapoppy]

loira - that's a good point There is flexibility!

[shauni27]

May 21, 2017 15:05:24 GMT -5 loira said:

May 21, 2017 13:36:27 GMT -5 konapoppy said:

I agree with others - this is a welcoming and warm community. Welcome!

A few notes:

When posters get pregnant they move over to the grads board and try to limit posts on the main board to support/encouragement/advice as appropriate (i.e., not post about current pregnancies).


My only other advice here is to read some of the threads on racism before actively posting - I think MM Moms, MM and maybe CEP have some conversations pinned. These boards have had a lot of conversations about how to actually be more inclusive the last year and a half (and simply "listening and learning" doesn't cut it). Unfortunately we have lost many of our WOC (women of color).

Not sure if things have changed, but there used to be some flexibility on very newly pregnant posters updating with betas. Or if anyone was worried they were miscarrying early, it was acceptable to voice that worry here. Lots of posters don't feel comfortable posting on the grads board right away. But yes, any other talk of pregnancy is kept to the grads board.

And definitely ditto reading up on what's happened on GBCN with racism and racist microagressions.

Forgot to say that there's no specific loss board, but HoneySpider , awick14 , Konapoppy and a bunch of other posters have experienced loss, and we all regularly post if there's a thread on the topic. There are some women who have also experienced stillbirth and child loss who hang out on other boards but do post if they see a thread where someone is having a hard time.

This is perfectly stated. Everything Loira said I ditto. There has been so much loss on these boards and it is nice to find a community of women who understand and relate, though there is not specifically a loss related board. 

Further, I remember posting here before the grad board not even realizing it was active. Someone tagged me and gently suggested I post there instead and I am so glad they did. I felt awful.

Lastly, if you are to come to this board, one of the best things you can do is check your privilege and do some research (not just on GBCN but in general) on racist microagressions. 

I am so fortunate for this board, it has helped me get through some incredibly tough years.

[lemonliz]

May 21, 2017 10:36:33 GMT -5 Mushe said:

LEMON! I haven't been posting anywhere lately, except trying to keep up on the world on the Current Events & Politics board here, but I'm so glad to see you here. I think it would be great to welcome that group here. GBCN does suffer a bit from the same problem of getting new blood that TCF does, but I suppose since it's been around longer, we get more of the randoms finding us from Google.

OMG MUSHE!!!! Sending you much love, lady! I've missed you. 

I'll keep you posted about any developments. I asked DOR and the Board what they want to do! 

[Mushe]

May 22, 2017 12:51:29 GMT -5 lemonliz said:

May 21, 2017 10:36:33 GMT -5 Mushe said:

LEMON! I haven't been posting anywhere lately, except trying to keep up on the world on the Current Events & Politics board here, but I'm so glad to see you here. I think it would be great to welcome that group here. GBCN does suffer a bit from the same problem of getting new blood that TCF does, but I suppose since it's been around longer, we get more of the randoms finding us from Google.

OMG MUSHE!!!! Sending you much love, lady! I've missed you. 

I'll keep you posted about any developments. I asked DOR and the Board what they want to do! 

Sounds good! It's totally selfish of me to want y'all to come here, so I don't need to join some new board to keep up with you and the ladies.

[Deleted]

I am all for more support and knowledge here. I have not been on much as I am not cycling, but we have certainly died down with many grads. While very happy about that development, it's very hard for those of us who remain to see the number dwindling.

[awick14]

I say welcome to new posters. As long as they are kind and play well with others. 😊

I second the other ladies about woman with losses posting here. I have had many losses (5) and I didn't have much (sometimes don't O) problems getting pregnant but I was welcome here with open arms. (Don't post here as often as we are not currently ttc, but I do check in when I see posts about losses and such)